"So I slept on it" Ron said to Harry, pulling a shirt over his head "and I'm still pretty pissed off at Hermione."
"I know." Harry replied as he, too, got dressed.
"Then why'd you tell me to sleep on it last night?" Ron asked
"Because if you were still going to be mad at her in the morning then I figured you could tell me about it then instead of at 1AM when I could be sleeping instead."
"Oh." Ron said, thinking for a moment. "But aren't you mad at her, too?"
Harry's countenance took on a sudden seriousness "Ron, I'm not so much mad at Hermione as disappointed." Harry let that sink in for a moment before breaking into a huge grin. "But seriously, I see no benefit to me getting angry with her. I'm sure you, Fred, and George will give her enough of that. Now, don't get me wrong, a month of detention is pretty awful-"
"Oh, yeah, having to help Lockhart autograph his fan mail is so hard." Ron interrupted. "You know Fred, George, and I have to dust all the trophies with Filtch tomorrow."
"And you know that I would be more than happy to trade you if I could, but I can't. At least I only have to be with Lockhart for a day. Back to the matter at hand, though: you, Fred, and George will probably give Hermione the silent treatment or something for a few days and then get over it, and that's fine. I like to take my time, however. Hermione has a key weakness: a conscience. She actually does feel bad about what she did and that's exploitable." Harry explained as they made the descent into the common room.
"How's that?" Ron asked.
"I can't give away all my tricks, especially not in present company." Harry said gesturing with his head to where Hermione and Ginny had just exited the girl's staircase.
Seeing them, Ron quickened his pace toward the exit but Hermione's fierce powerwalk caught her up to them at the portrait.
"I just wanted to say that I understand why you're mad and me and that I'm SO sorry about what happened." Hermione said in a rush.
"Good, you should be." Harry said flatly.
"I was so afraid you guys were already mad at me for what I did that I did something worse, and I'm sorry." Hermione explained.
"I think that's called projecting, right? Because you have no qualms hurting your friends you assume that everyone else is the same. I can understand your concern." Harry said, coldly.
"You know we each got a straight month of detention? Even on weekends. And you can bet Snape is going to try schedule his shifts to keep Harry, Fred, and George from quidditch practice or games. You probably just lost the house cup for us." Ron said, fuming.
"Look, I said I was sorry, I messed up, but I can't fix any of that." Hermione said, as she pushed past them.
"Did you know she was crying all last night because she didn't know what they did to you prats? I have no idea why she cares what you guys think with how you're treating her." Ginny spat.
"She basically just lost the Quidditch cup for us and got us each a solid month of detention, you don't think we're allowed to be a little pissed off?" Ron asked.
"And Hermione feels horrible about all of those things. I know you guys can't understand because you only care about yourselves but it's killing Hermione that she made all that happen. You guys are supposed to be her best friends, you should act like it." Ginny finished, before running to catch up with Hermione.
"I don't understand girls." Ron said to no one in particular.
"Me neither." "Also me." Fred and George chimed in behind them.
"I do. I think we might want to take it easy with Hermione for a bit, I think she's learned her lesson, even if it did almost certainly cost us the House Cup." Harry said.
"And a month of detention, each." "Plus last night's detention got in the way of dinner and, I don't know if those sandwiches Snape brought were enough for you guys but I was still starving" Fred and George said.
With that on their mind they walked in silence the rest of the way to the Great Hall.
Once they entered, however, they were greated with high fives and pats on the back, even from students who weren't in Gryffindor. Now that news had spread that they really had pulled off the greatest house prank in recent history, the celebrity status of the Marauders had come back in force.
Unfortunately for Hermione the full details of the event coming out meant that everyone else in Gryffindor had also worked out that she might have lost them the cup, what with the points taken from the four Marauders (75 points each for the prank, less the 25 points they gave Hermione for 'doing the right thing') and the fact that they'd probably lose at Quidditch with both beaters and the only seeker missing most of the practices. All of this meant that she had trouble finding a seat at the Gryffindor table, although a few Slytherins offered her a spot at their table.
"They'll get over it" Ginny said trying to comfort Hermione.
"Yeah, I'm sure it'll all blow over next year." Hermione pouted.
"I think you're being way too over-dramatic with this. I'll talk with the boys and see if I can't... convince them to call the dogs off."
Ginny walked over to do just that but decided Hermione would not appreciate Ginny begging for mercy on her behalf while their entire house surrounded her. Besides, there were too many witnesses for her planned method of 'convincing' them, so she returned.
"I'll talk to them in the common room." Ginny said when she walked back.
As the admirer's started thin out the day's owls started to make their rounds. An owl Harry recognized as belonging to Sirius dropped a red envelope in front of him, followed immediately by a similar envelope dropped between Ron, Fred, and George, addressed to the three of them. Their envelope was already starting to smoke.
"You guys might want to go first, that looks ready to blow." Harry pointed out.
Ron carefully opened the envelope until the letter jumped out on it's own accord and started yelling with his mother's voice.
"Fred, George, and Ron! You should know better! Your father and I got Dumbledore's letter's by owl last night. Do you know how embarrassing it is to receive a letter from the headmaster about three of your children? And setting off explosives on a student and ruining a common room, I can't believe you three thought that was a good idea! You think howlers are really clever and funny, do you? Great for pranks? What do you think of this one? And don't even try to tell me that Harry Potter talked you into it this time, after this I'm starting to think you're just as bad as he is. Your father and I are considering having you come home for Christmas just so we can make you spend the break doing chores. I really hope you think long and hard about your future before you ever even think of doing something as idiotic as this again."
Ron, Fred, and George were all blushing red and the Great Hall was totally silent.
Harry broke the silence after a few seconds "Alright, me next!"
Harry opened the envelope to his howler and Sirius' laughter boomed throughout the hall. "Just got Dumbledore's letter about the stink bomb in Slytherin, I understand Snivelous was right next to it, too, that's great! I thought I'd send this in a howler since I'm told that you're very familiar with them. Honestly, Harry, I couldn't be prouder, you're truly your father's son. You and your friends do the Marauder name proud." Then, in a more quieter voice Sirius implored "By the way, for both our sakes you might not want to mention this to Remus."
As the letter stopped talking most of the children in the hall started laughing and conversations began again.
"That was bloody awesome!" Ron exclaimed.
"Right on, mate." "Sirius is awesome." Fred and George agreed.
"And it sounds like you guys might get to go home for Christmas, so that should be fun, right?" Harry said jokingly.
"Let's hope not, I don't think they ever made any of our brothers come home for Christmas as punishment." Ron said
"You know pretty much everyone else in the school would think going home for Christmas is a good thing." Harry pointed out.
"Well they don't have to degnome the garden." "Or dust the attic where the ghoul is." "Or-"
"OK, I get it" Harry said, interrupting Fred and George. "Plus if you guys went home for Christmas I'd go, too, and then you wouldn't be so lucky as to be graced with my presence over your holiday."
"You joke but it's almost true. Sometimes I feel like we need a Harry Potter around the house to handle mum, of course she'd probably have you doing chores all day if she ever heard you talk." Ron said.
"Yeah, I kind of get that vibe from her but it doesn't really matter, it's not like I'm dating you or something. If you guys want to hang out at the Dog House just tell your parents you're going to Neville's house or something."
"That's not a bad idea." Ron said.
"I really don't see why it's necessary, though. I mean, honestly, how many dark wizards do I need to defeat for her to realize I deserve a hero's welcome? I saved your life last year, too, I might add."
"She heard stories about what Sirius and your dad did here and didn't like them at all. Since you're just like them I suspect the fact that you're famous means nothing." Ron said.
"Man, I hate people that don't judge me by my looks alone."
"Me, too" Fred chimed in. "I don't know why, I'm better looking." George replied.
"Has anyone ever told you two that you look very similar? I mean the resemblance is uncanny." Harry asked.
"Yeah, someone told us that once." Fred replied.
"Well you two should look into it, you might be relatives or something. However, I've got to leave you now,gentlemen, as I have a date to schedule. I'll see you two at quidditch practice after breakfast, right?" He said to Fred and George.
"Yup." "See ya there." The twins replied.
"And good luck with Cho." Ron added.
"Thanks but luck's got nothing to do with it, though I think the Marauder's Map might." Harry said over his shoulder as he walked to the Ravenclaw table.
He sat right next to Cho.
"So, wanna go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?" He asked with his most charming smile.
"You aren't a third year, yet, though." She replied.
"Did you just reject me?" Harry asked.
"No." She said blushing. "I'd like very much to go out with you but Hogsmeade weekends are only for third years and above."
"So I'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks at noon, then?" Harry asked.
"But how-" Cho started to protest.
"Look, if you don't want to go out with me you can just say so, you don't have to try to find excuses."
"Fine, the Three Broomsticks at noon. I have no idea how you're going to get there, though, and I'm not going to be happy if you stand me up, Harry."
"Excellent. I'd love to stay and chat but then we'd have nothing to do tomorrow and I've got to get to the Quidditch pitch anyways. Just because you've got a date with me doesn't mean I intend to let you beat me, you know." He said, shooting Cho a grin before he left the hall.
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When everyone had finished changing into their gear for the morning's quidditch practice Oliver had them gather around to give them a pep talk.
"I feel like this is going to be the year we take back the quidditch cup, we just need to practice. We should have won the cup last year, we had the best team by far, but, owing to circumstances beyond our control..." he said, looking at Harry
"Whoa, sorry Oliver. Next time I save the world from a dark wizard I'll do my best to maintain consciousness. I wouldn't have bothered saving the world if I knew we would have lost the cup." Harry said in a tone thick with sarcasm that he had a feeling Oliver might still miss.
"All is forgiven, Harry. I'm glad to hear you'll remember the team before you go off and get yourself hurt again." Oliver said. The twins couldn't help chuckling to one another over their captain's one-track mind.
"So this year" Oliver continued "we'll just train even harder. I've got some new strategies here I've been working on over the summer..."
When Oliver had finished going over his strategies for what seemed to be hours the team finally headed to the pitch, only to be met with the sight of the Slytherin team approaching from the other side.
"What do you think you're doing here?" Oliver asked the opposing captain.
"Well I've got special permission from professor Snape for priority access to the pitch 'owing to the need to train the team's new seeker'" He said, quoting from the letter in his hand.
"I've had this booked since the first day back! And who's your new seeker?" Oliver asked, indignantly.
"Oh, don't worry, Professor Snape moved your time slot to 8PM tonight. And our new seeker is a surprise but I will tell you that he came with a set of Nimbus 2001's for the whole team." Flint, the Slytherin captain replied with a smirk as he brandished his new broom.
"8PM is when Fred, George, and I have detention tonight." Harry said as Fred and George both groaned.
"What a coincidence." Flint replied.
"Either that or Snape knows your team doesn't stand a chance unless he can keep half the Gryffindor team off the pitch." Harry replied dryly.
"You won't stand a chance even if you train every day from now until the game. Look at those brooms!" A blonde haired boy from behind the rest of the Slytherin team said, scoffing at Fred and George "What are those, Comet 150's? Have you guys considered just flapping your arms up and down, instead? It might work better." Malfoy finished, stepping out from behind his teammates.
"He's got a point." "Yeah. Say, Oliver, can you find us a talentless git to sell a spot on our team to?" "Obviously not one as hopeless as Malfoy but maybe someone who's just really really bad instead." Fred and George responded.
"Funny. You seem to forget what the best player on our team is capable of. I'm sure Hermione will manage to mess something else up for your team in a few days." Draco replied with a sneer directed somewhere over Harry's shoulder.
When Harry turned to look he saw that Hermione and Ron, who must have been in the stands, were coming onto the pitch to see what the commotion was about.
"What did you say?" Ron asked in a tone that Harry thought meant he hadn't missed a word Malfoy had said.
"I said that your mudblood is the best player on our team. If she keeps this up I'm sure she can get your whole team expelled before the 2nd game of the season." Draco replied.
Harry turned to look at Hermione who looked like she might be ready to cry again.
"Hey, Malfoy." Harry said, taking a step closer to the boy. "Fuck you."
Harry landed a strong right hook into Draco's jaw that sent him stumbling to the ground, then, with a deadpan expression, simply turned around and walked back to the castle while everyone just stared at him.
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Punching Malfoy and then calmly walking away was pretty badass, in fact Harry was pretty sure it would be the sort of legendary moment people remember for years to come. Harry figured that, because walking around school and punching more people was impractical, the next best thing to do would be to disappear for the rest of the day. Harry had no classes which made it easier to disappear; he simply stayed in the dorm. After finishing every piece of homework he'd been given since the first day he started to wonder if being awesome and mysterious was really worth it if it meant doing homework all day.
"One thing's for sure, the rumors about what I did while I disappeared had better be AWESOME. If not I'm going to have to seriously limit the number of epic moments I create this year. If I'm not careful all this homework and all these detentions might make me accidentally learn something." Harry thought to himself.
As 8PM drew near Harry began putting away his books so he could head to Lockhart's office.
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Detention with Lockhart was about as awkward as Harry thought it would be. Lockhart offered Harry more advice on how to be a celebrity, Harry pointed out the man's obvious incompetence, and then the two spent the next hours working on the fan mail in silence for the most part. Harry was ecstatic when he finally got to leave, even when Lockhart wasn't talking Harry just couldn't to be near the man. Once Lockhart had shut the door Harry donned the invisibility cloak that was in his bag just in case Snape might happen to bump in to him an give him detention for being out in the halls so late, because that's what Snape does.
About halfway back to the dorm Harry thought he heard whispering. 'Come. Come to me. Let me rip you. Let me tear you. Let me kill you.' It stopped Harry dead in his tracks. He quietly backed against the wall and check both end of the hall but saw no one. He stayed there for 5 minutes but for what felt like an eternity. Finally he decided he must have imagined it if none of the teachers had come running into the hall. Spending the day alone and doing probably makes your head start doing weird things, right? He thought. It's a wonder Hermione's not completely mental.
When Harry returned to the common room it was already empty, so he went straight up to bed and fell asleep.
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The next morning Ron started asking Harry questions before they even made it to the common room.
"Where'd you go yesterday?"
"I actually just spent most of the day right here."
"Well why'd you do that? Everyone was talking about you punching Malfoy and then no one could find you all day."
"I think you answered your own question. The only thing cooler than punching Malfoy is punching him and disappearing. You probably shouldn't tell people that, though, it's better to let them imagine I spent the rest of the day punching other people or wrestling trolls or whatever the rumors say I did."
"Gotcha. So how'd your detention go? You still went to that, right?"
"Yeah, it was pretty bad. Lockhart had the nerve to lecture me on how to be a proper celebrity, that guy's delusional."
"That's still better than cleaning trophies under Filtch's command." Ron said as they made their way toward the stairs to the common room.
"I'm not so sure about that but I've got a question for you: you and Hermione were at practice together, does that mean you're friends again?" Harry asked.
"Eh, kind of. I figured what you said about her beating herself up over it was probably true. Besides, we've got an essay due on Monday for potions and I probably couldn't do it without her. And you're still friends with her, aren't you?" Ron asked.
"I was never not friends with her. I just happen to know that this is exploitable, if I ever need Hermione to do something she normally wouldn't I just casually remind of that time she totally stabbed us in the back and the problem is solved." Harry answered.
"That's clever, but don't you think that's a little... evil?" Ron asked as they entered the common room.
"It's not like it's something I plan on doing every day, I have some self control, I promise to save it for an emergency." Harry answered.
Their mind quickly turned to other things when a bundle of bushy brown hair jumped up from a couch and started running towards Harry. Hermione grabbed Harry into a tight hug for several seconds, then let go and smacked him on the back of his head.
"Ow! Merlin, Hermione, I think you're sending a mixed message here." Harry said as a very tired-looking Ginny joined them.
"The hug is because I appreciate that you stood up for me and that we're friends again. And the slap was because I can't believe you thought punching Malfoy was the best way to accomplish that." Hermione answered.
"What makes you think that just because I risked expulsion to defend your honor makes us friends again?" Harry asked with a cheeky grin. This time it was Ginny who delivered the smack to the back of the head.
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A/N: Did you see I called a vacation a holiday and a field a pitch? I'm feeling so British. Now I just need to have a character mispronounce "aluminum" to complete the illusion...
That reminds me of a joke I thought of the other day:
How do you know that Harry Potter is fiction?
It's set in the UK yet both of Hermione's parents are dentists.
Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.
I should let you know that the next chapter will be Halloween. For real this time. I had a lot of fun with this but people keep bitching to jump the Harry/Ginny stuff which is mostly 3rd year. You guys are insufferable, really, because when I skipped year one I got people who wished I didn't. I just can't win with you guys.
And thanks to user Tanny Apple for proofreading this chapter for me.