Josh is back everybody. It may have taken a while for him to turn up, but worry not. He'll be gone much quicker. Can you tell I hate him?

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle of any of the characters.

Chapter 10 - Foot out the Door

After Kate's revelation about Natalie Rhodes, Martha was kind enough to tell even more embarassing tales about a younger Richard Castle. Luckily for him, no baby photos appeared as Lanie's request was interupted by a knock on the door. Alexis jumped to her feet, leaving the adults to laugh amongst themselves. Looking through the peephole, she saw a man she didn't recognize. He had a handsome face and messy, dark hair. He was wearing dark jeans and a black leather jacket. He must have got the wrong apartment. She opened the door and his head immediately jumped up to look at her, confused at seeing a teenage girl.

"Can I help you?"

"My name is Josh Davison, I'm looking for Kate. Someone at the hospital said she'd be here."

"Sure, I'll just be a second. Let me get my dad." She closed the door so it was open by a fraction and turned to find everyone looking at her, waiting to find out who had arrived. She looked at Castle, who saw the worried look in her eye and got up and walked over to her.

"Everything OK, Pumpkin? Who's at the door?"

Alexis looked at everyone sat at the table, puzzled by her sudden absence of her permanent smile. She looked back at her Dad and mouthed the word Josh. Castle looked back around and gave Lanie a thumbs down. They'd agreed to talk to Josh before letting him see Kate. Now was time to speak to him in a 'polite' manner. Everyone could only guess what was going on. Alexis went to sit back down gingerly and sat next to Kate and hugged her lightly.

"What's wrong, Lex?"

Alexis sighed.

"Josh is here to see you."

"Josh is my boyfriend, right?" Kate had remembered many things about him. He was a cardiac surgeon, they had met when Castle had disappeared to the Hamptons with Gina. They had some fun times together. She didn't know whether she was missing some memories or if Josh wasn't around much. She guessed the latter. He was a surgeon, he was obviously going to spend a lot of time in the OR and she could remember something about 'Doctors Without Borders'.

"I uh... Lanie came over a a few nights ago, when my Dad finally left the hospital. They spoke for an hour about helping you after you leave, but they also spoke about Josh. They agreed that when he turned up, they'd have a chat, but from what I heard, it sounded like it wasn't going to be a polite one either. I've seen my Dad angry before, but not like this. He was furious and Lanie wasn't any better. They said that as your best friend and your partner, they'd make sure Josh knew where he stood and if we leave them out there for much longer, I don't think the doctor will be standing for much longer."

Alexis was slow with her explanation, still with her head on Kate's shoulder. She failed to mention overhearing the part about her father's confession of love.

"I didn't mean to listen in, but they were getting louder and my iPod can only go up so high."

Kate gave a small smile. "You Castle's are a magnet for misintentional eavesdropping."

Alexis was puzzled, but didn't press any further. She knew her father was a nosy person, even if he had a kind heart. They were all alerted by a heavy thud on the door, causing Ryan and Esposito to get up and inspect it.

Lanie and Castle stepped outside the apartment to face the doctor. It was boyfriend vs. best friend and devoted partner. Josh looked startled as though he had just been ambushed, which wasn't far from what was actually happening.

"Where's Kate? Is she OK?"

"She's fine. My girl is doing real good, but you'd know that if you came to see her."

He started to defend himself. "I couldn't get a flight back so I decided to wait until the programme was over and come home as scheduled. It was only a week."

"Yeah and it took her a second to get shot, for the bullet to miss her heart by a few millimetres and guess who had to watch her bleed out on to the grass because you weren't there." Castle wasn't normally an angry person, and was more inclined to take the polite and quiet talk route, but this man ignited a fire of rage inside him It didn't help that he had to stand by and watch him take Kate home at night, the woman he loved. He stood back as he left her to deal with her mother's murder and every time, he had to let her cry on his shoulder. Not that he minded, he'd do anything for her.

"There's something you should know though. She woke up and her last memory was of last year. 12 months ago. She can't remember much about you which meant that we had to explain why her boyfriend wasn't there to hold her hand, even if she had no recollection of him. We had to explain why he wouldn't be coming home for another few days and why he couldn't have the decency to call her. Eventually she started to remember things about you, about how you were in a foreign country healing people, when she needed fixing too."

Josh was pretty taken aback by Lanie's outburst. He'd met her before and Kate had told them about their escapades when they were younger and wilder, but he hadn't realized just how much of a wildcat Lanie could be and she wasn't going to let him go without a fight.

Castle hadn't calmed down by any means, but his voice had gone quiter, stern as he faced Josh.

"We can't stop you seeing her if that's what she wants, but you should know that she needs someone who won't leave her when things get tough, when she gets shot or locked in a freezer. She's in need of someone to love her, not someone who goes bouncing off to other countries to show off his skills with his scalpel."

Woops. That hit a nerve.

Before Lanie and Castle saw it coming, Josh had Castle pinned up against the door, grasping his shirt tightly. The doctor was lightly taller than the writer was probably a little stronger seeing as he wasn't lacking in muscle, but Castle had the determination of a man hopelessly in love.

"And that's you, is it? Someone who loves her?"

Castle was no longer pressed against the door and advanced slightly towards Josh. They hadn't realised the apartment was now open and all the people inside could see exactly what they were talking about, Ryan and Esposito ready to break it up if needed.

"I'll be exactly who she needs me to be, whenever she wants it, always."

Their staring contest was broken by a frail voice. Kate was stood up, supported by Alexis and Jim, reeling over Castle's words.

"What the hell?"

"Katie, are you OK?" Josh pushed past Castle and ran over to her and hugged her tightly. Too tight.

"Ahh, Josh, that hurts. Shot, remember? And don't call me Katie. Only he calls me Katie." She pointed to her Dad whilst clutching her ribs. "I think we need to talk."

"You can use my bedroom for some privacy, if you want. It's only downstairs, so it's no trouble for you." He took her arm and lead her to the room and placed her gently on the bed so she was resting against the headboard.

He bent down and whispered to her, "Just shout if you need me, OK?"

She simply smiled, squeezed his arm and nodded. She watched him leave the room. She'd only seen the end of the arguement, but she had no doubt that it was Castle who ended up shoved against the door. She knew full well that Castle could easily provoke people, but when he did, it was for a good reason and his reason today had been to protect her, which was something he did often. She'd also heard his words. If he wasn't in the midst of a 'heated discussion' with her boyfriend, she would've thanked him and let him know he was appreciated, very much so. Once the door had closed, she felt the bed dip. She turned her head to see Josh sat at the foot of the bed on the other side from her.

"Do you remember me?"

She nodded slowly and he smiled.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner, but I love you Kate."

She looked down at her hand crossed in her lap. "No. You don't love me. If you loved me you would have been at the hospital as soon as possible. Hell, you wouldn't have gone in the first place, but come to the funeral with me instead. I needed you so many times, instead of crying on your shoulder, I was having my life saved by Castle. I can't remember the shooting, but I've heard numerous times that he tried to take the bullet for me, but he was too slow."

He sighed. "I would have jumped infront of you as well, babe."

"Would you? Would you really?"

She looked him in the eyes but he looked away. "I don't know. I would've saved you."

"Yeah, well. I don't need saving anymore, Josh. I need someone who I can be with without feeling the need to keep one foot..."

He'd upset her. They were in quarantine after being exposed to radiation and he'd been making it worse by talking about it over and over. She was sat on the bench, her head resting in her hands, as he made his way over to her and sat on the bench oppposite.

"I'm sorry. I'm a writer, I go to worse case scenario."

"Can we just talk about something else?"

"Yeah." She sighed loudly and he started to fish. "How's Josh?"

She opened her eyes wide in annoyance for a second before talking again. "He's fine. He's on his was to Haiti to do another 'Doctors Without Borders' mission." She was visably disappointed.

"How long?"

"I dont't know." She shrugged, looking deflated. He looked at her for a moment before she continued. She didn't know wy she was going to say what she was about to, but she needed to get it off her chest. "It's so funny, Castle, you know at first I loved that he was so busy, it's just... It gave me the opportunity to keep one foot out the door, just in case."

"But with one foot out the door... It's hard to know where you stand." He sounded like he had some kind of experience in the matter, but she carried on talking.

"And even if i did, what does it mean? He's out there, he's saving people, and I can't even compete with that." She bowed her head again, her voice getting shaky as she spoke.

"You can't. No. No one can."

"That's one of the things that attracted me to him the most. And that... passion, that... drive." She was fiddling with her gloves, looking at the floor still. "Why is it that the thing that attracts you to a person always ends up being that thing that just drives you crazy?"

He gave a quick smile, knowing exactly how she felt.

"I just wish that... I wish that I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him, and we could just dive in to it together."

"I-" He didn't get the chance to speak before the zip to the HAZMAT tent was opened.

"You're free to go."

"Uhh... We are?" Was it just her, or did he sound a little disappointed.

"What about the radiation." Beckett clicked back into the cop mode immediately. She'd been doing it easily for years.

"We found residual amounts of Cobalt 60 in the storage unit. Not enough to cause any health problems."

Beckett just smiled, stood up, and walking towards the door, leaving Castle shocked on the bench.

"...Out of the door."

Wow. That memory had been interesting. She'd opened her heart about her boyfriend to her partner when they though they were going to die from radiation posioning it seemed. She'd ask about that later.

"I don't need you, Josh. I don't want you."

"What? But you lost your memory, you just don't remember all the fun times between us. Give us more time, babe."

"Don't call me babe. I'm not your girlfriend. Not anymore."

"Please, Katie, we can work it out." He was pleading, begging her to stay with him and he was getting louder by the second.

She shouted for Castle as loud as she could. He musn't have been far as it only took him two or three seconds to come through the door and order Josh to get out. He put his hand on his shoulder to steer him out of the room the doctor moved away from him. "Don't touch me," he spat. "I'll get you arrested for assault."

"It'll be a hard job finding a cop who gives a rats ass about it, bro. Castle's one us now and we stick by our own." Esposito and Ryan had come through the door and started to steer Josh out of the apartment. She heard the door to the apartment close. It was a few minutes before Castle returned.

"Everyone's gone to give you a bit of time to rest. Said they'll be back tomorrow. You can stay in here for tonight. I'll sleep in the guest bedroom so you don't have to go upstairs and you won't have to go far for the bathroom."

She looked at him and nodded. He could see a faint line down her cheek where a tear had fallen. He reached out a wiped her cheek dry. He stood up to leave but she began talking.

"Castle. When you said that we almost died three times in two days... Will you tell me about it. I think I can remember something."

He sighed and came to sit next to her on the bed. She had moved so she was lying down, so he copied her actions. "I'm only going to tell you more about what you remembered. If there's a still a chance that you don't remember the other two times, I want you to take it. I was so scared those two days and I don't want you to have to live with the memories like I do. They give me nightmares, and every time we aren't so lucky." He voice had reduced to a whisper as he looked up at the ceiling with his eyes closed.

"When I was talking to Josh a memory returned to me. We were talking about him, but we were sat an two white benches in a white room which looked like a HAZMAT tent and a guy came in a told us we were fine."

He rolled over on to his side so he could look at her more directly. "That was the first time. It wasn't at all the worst one. The second was worst, and the third still runs through my mind from time to time. We joked about it afterwards, but nothing about it is funny when I think back." He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his face. "We went to a storage locker belonging to a victim to see what was in it. When we got there, there was a singular crate at the back if the room on it's own. When you opened it there were timers and explosives. All the makings of a bomb. Worse, a dirty bomb. You radiation detector started going off and hit the MAX level. I had no idea what was going on but you grabbed by arm, shut the locker and ran with me and called someone. We were quarantined in minutes. Lucky for us, it was just trace amounts of Cobalt."

"Did they find a bomb?"

He swallowed audibly. "Yeah, we did. But that's a story for another time." He looked over at her and watched as her eyelids started to droop until they closed completely. He gave a small smile, kissed her forehead and stood up to leave until her hand grabbed his shirt. He heard a whisper that sounded like "Stay."

And he did.