What Runs Deeper
a fanfiction by andrivette and psychoheidi
chapter five
"Risky Business"
When he re-entered the fortress the following morning, Hiei was weary from lack of sleep and frazzled from thinking too much. The moment he saw the behemoth coming toward him down the hall, he made an abrupt right turn into one of Mukuro's training rooms, thinking on a whim that it might be a decent place for him to take a quick nap.
He was surprised and disappointed to find it occupied by about a dozen demons in the midst of a training session, and the moment he heard Mukuro's voice above the sounds of combat, he was torn between wanting to stay with her and the sharp, irrational fear in his heart that advised him to stay away.
He was about to turn to leave when, all of a sudden, his senses tingled, and he stepped aside just in time to dodge the demon who had just thrown itself at him from behind.
The creature tumbled to the ground in front of him and, rather than ceasing its attack, caught its balance again and turned on him, charging again with a familiar feral glint in its eye.
Hiei disengaged it easily with a swift dodge and a blow to the back of the head, but that was not the end of it.
Before he knew it, the other men in the room were attacking in a similar fashion, seemingly oblivious to all else besides Hiei.
"Stop!" Mukuro suddenly shouted, and they obeyed her somewhat awkwardly.
Their eyes met and he saw hers widening, the corners of her lips twitching just barely.
"Now," she purred, "I'm going to show you what I mean when I tell you to fight!"
Mukuro leaped at him, and rather than move out of the way, Hiei allowed her to tackle him to the ground, the static charge of her raw energy making all the hair on his body stand on end.
He needed her to hit him now.
And she did hit him, her glowing fists slamming into his body until he had tired of it, his own hands heating with power as he threw her off.
Hiei was on his feet in an instant, licking the blood from his busted lip.
He tossed his cloak aside.
"Prepare yourself," he said. And then he ran at her.
She avoided him, tossing him a hit in return. But he wasn't willing to relent, and due to whatever blind luck he had he managed to break through her guard, knocking her away from him painfully, likely for them both.
She came at him then, and they alternated, attempting to take advantage of the other's weaknesses they both knew so well. As their sparring grew more heated, Hiei felt the fatigue setting in, the damage she had inflicted on him yesterday—left unhealed due to lack of sleep—seeping into his bones, weighting his muscles.
But he would not surrender.
She moved fast, and he moved with her, each connected blow not enough to stop their bloody dance as they darted across the floor.
This was the Mukuro that he knew best, the hard-hitting, quick-witted adversary who could handle anything. But last night—that tender, hungry thing that had so insistently pushed herself onto him was Mukuro as well. And somehow he had to wrap his mind around the idea that the mouth now twisted into an angry snarl was the same one that had so sweetly kissed his own and uttered words he had never expected or wanted to hear from anyone.
This had never been a problem before. But she had frightened him.
Hiei dodged a potentially crucial hit, but Mukuro's next blow sent him face-first into the floor.
It was quiet for a moment until finally Hiei gathered enough strength to stand. He probably wouldn't be able to land any more punches; he was too tired. But he would continue until she was satisfied.
She stood watching him from nearby, and he faced her.
"Is that all?" he asked, his breathing heavy. "Or do you want more?"
"Shut up!"
She walked toward him, snatching his shirt in her hand and consequently smearing his own blood on it. "Shut your mouth!" she screamed, and then she hurled him out of the room, where he slammed into a wall for the second time in the past two days.
Mukuro followed him into the hall, lifting his battered body from the ground and pressing it against the wall. "Is it funny to you?" she murmured. Then, more gently, "Do you think I need this?"
Her lips skirted his ear, her voice maliciously low in a way that delighted the very core of him.
Hiei was far from amused.
If this was not what either of them needed, then their time together would be rendered as pointless as everything else before it.
Dragging his bleeding lips over her cheek, he sighed onto her skin and whispered, in turn, in her own ear.
"If not this," he said, "then what is it that you need?"
Mukuro pulled away, her mouth just barely grazing his bloody lips, and then her tongue darted out to sweep over them.
She hummed, "Every bit of you."
Hiei could smell the want on her breath. The intensity of Mukuro's gaze was enough to silence each and every voice in his head. He stared unwaveringly into her eyes, running his tongue across his lips as he did, savoring the taste of her.
"Is that a proposition?" he asked, the quiet rumble of his voice sounding almost like a growl.
Mukuro's hands released his clothing and slid to his shoulders, up his neck, into his hair.
"It's much more than that," she replied.
Her lips claimed his hungrily, one of her legs lifting from the floor as she ground herself against him and moaned into his mouth. The sound reverberated all the way through his tired body, and Hiei could hardly control the stirring in his belly or the flush of arousal that heated his skin.
Mukuro had never exhibited such forwardness before, and she was moving so quickly now that he could do nothing else but bask in disbelief and wonderment at how easily she could make him feel so many different things with such intensity.
If she had been wanting this so badly, she had done an impressive job of hiding it from him.
As the pressure between their hips increased, Hiei groaned into her mouth, deepening the kiss and dragging his hands along the curve of her torso, his thumb grazing her breast.
Then, over Mukuro's shoulder, he caught sight of several of her men looking back at them through the doorway to the training room.
Breaking away from her kisses completely, he shouted, "What the hell do you want? Get out of my sight!" at the cluster of onlookers, but they frustratingly did not leave.
Mukuro had noticed them now as well, and she turned her head, growling at the group of men that stared at them.
Then she snatched Hiei's wrist and pulled him down the hall, stepping into the first empty room she found, and the moment they were both inside, she slammed the door behind them and pressed herself to him again.
They moved blindly, clumsily, through the room, clutching, touching, and kissing. With each passing second, Hiei become more and more engulfed by the sensations sparked by her as she wound him up further with her body.
Her hand ventured boldly inside his pants, and his fingers dug into her waist, excitement brimming at the thought of feeling her there.
Hiei's hands flew to his waistband, and it was then that he tumbled backward onto something soft yet firm—a bed, he realized—and Mukuro fell on top of him.
Awareness took over, and suddenly Hiei had stopped moving, frozen by the sickening fear and confusion that consumed him as he remembered what she had said to him the last time they had lain together.
A small, choked noise left Hiei's throat as he felt Mukuro begin to unclasp his belts, smothering him with kisses as she did.
Again, he sat up. Again, he pushed her off of him.
He couldn't enjoy being with her until this was resolved.
But he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know what to say.
He didn't even know what the fuck was the matter with him.
Hiei turned to her, her shoulders grasped firmly in his hands as he held her at arms' length. "Mukuro," he said, but did not know how to finish the thought, and so merely look at her imploringly.
Maybe she would understand. Maybe, somehow, she could make it better.
Mukuro only stared at him blankly for a moment.
"What!" she cried out.
Hiei almost flinched, and then internally berated himself for it.
She was glaring at him, and he felt ashamed because it seemed that he couldn't control his feelings for long enough to give her what she wanted. Now she was angry, and it pained him.
He was an idiot for letting this affect him. He didn't want to feel so vulnerable in the face of this uncertainty. And so his expression hardened into a scowl, its chill the product of a lifetime spent hiding his feelings.
"Nothing," Hiei said, releasing her.
Then he rose from the bed and left.
—.—
After an impassioned session of tree-hacking, Hiei had realized how he needed to deal with this.
No longer would he be a slave to something so petty as his emotions.
He was going to tackle this head-on.
He slept. He ate.
And the next day, an air of determination about him, Hiei stalked outside to where Mukuro's retarded slave-monkeys were beating each other's putty-filled skulls. It didn't take him long to find Mukuro and when he did, he immediately bolted toward her, tackling her to the ground and pinning her on her back.
"We're doing this," he informed her, hands roaming purposefully over her chest to emphasize the point. "And we're doing it now."
He then proceeded to ravage her mouth with his tongue, and when he broke the kiss—
"Fuck me," she breathed, low and desperate.
Hiei froze.
This was the third time in the past several days that Mukuro's words had thrown him for a loop. Only this time, he knew, the problem was not himself—it was her.
He jerked his hands away, as if burned.
Clouded with desire, her blue eye stared up at him, but the haze slowly faded to reveal confusion and irritation.
And Hiei concluded, then, that nothing about this was right or even marginally acceptable—her wanting this from him, so suddenly, so desperately when she never had before. So desperately that she would demand it from him in such a way. . . .
He could see the impatience and anger growing on her face, but more than anyone, she should have shown him empathy for his not being able to comply with her wishes.
Frighteningly, bafflingly, Mukuro had violated his subtle yet crucial expectations for her behavior, the foundation of his trust in her.
Stunned by this realization, Hiei stared down at her, suddenly disgusted to be so close to her but too confused to move. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded.
"Nothing is wrong with me," she snapped, "but there is something very wrong with you!"
She seemed furious with him—beyond furious.
Mukuro threw him off of her, pushing herself to her feet. "You've wasted more than enough of my time!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" he said, climbing to his feet as well. Never would he have expected this from her.
Hiei didn't understand.
"Explain yourself!" he ordered as she walked away from him. Surely there was some reason for her to behave this way.
But Mukuro reorganized her men, ignoring him completely.