Disclaimer: The story and characters of Death Note were created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
Rust
3. Steel
Misa Amane is eighteen years, four months, twenty-five days, and eight hours old when she sees her parents die, but her suffering seems to age her far beyond how long she has already lived. In the days afterward, she must strive to keep her spine upright, to conceal the sorrow in her eyes, to grace others with a carefully constructed smile. Perhaps Gelus and I are the only ones who see how she struggles, for there is no one left on Earth to love her.
What I have come to realize about Misa Amane is that she is strong. Surprisingly so, for such a young, physically frail creature. I would have expected bereavement and heartbreak to weigh on her soul so heavily that she would follow her mother and father into the darkness without a second thought. But so far, she has not shattered.
For months, the destroyer of Misa Amane's family still roams free. Any shinigami could have struck him down in the time it takes the human law officers to search for him. I see the set of Gelus's jaw and the trembling of his fingers and know that he is thinking the same thing—but I stop him with a look before he can reach for his Death Note.
"Why, Rem? Why shouldn't I kill that man?" Gelus's eye glints with suppressed anger. "What else am I good for?"
I stare down at his hunched form, wondering how much time he has left. "No. You must wait."
His question is one that I have asked myself many times. What is our existence good for? The reason that we kill is something we may have known once, but all we have now are rules, not reasons. Gelus's strange attachment to this human girl is causing him to forget our laws and our nature: shinigami never kill out of wrath, hatred, or spite. Only humans do that.
Much later, the authorities finally find the murderer, but of course they cannot take away his life. Not yet. Human justice must call this man innocent until someone presents enough physical evidence to claim otherwise.
At the trial, Misa wears her prettiest clothes and keeps her hair wound in elegant braids. She tries to remain serene and self-assured, but she is the only one to give testimony, and her voice shakes as she responds to the defense's cross-examination. The proceedings last for weeks as the humans all argue, trying to reveal the truth that is completely muddled to them. Two watchful gods of death are silent witnesses.
Even if Gelus and I were to descend to Earth and reveal ourselves to everyone in the courtroom, neither of us could force the arguers and liars to see the truth. Humans have always had a strange blindness for justice. Even if they were all granted the far-seeing eyes of a shinigami, they would never become wise.
On the final day, Misa's expression remains somber and her shoulders are set as the judge gives his verdict: not guilty. As she exits the courthouse for the last time, Misa blankly pushes away the reporters and curious bystanders who attempt to question her. She waits until she returns to her empty home before she allows herself to collapse, sinking to her bed and crying bitterly.
"I can't kill him... I can't," Misa whispers through her tears. I do not know whether she means that she is powerless to destroy her enemy, or that she believes it would be wrong.
Gelus's gaze never leaves her, but he does not touch his notebook. I can tell that he will continue to heed my warning: You must wait. Perhaps the wicked man who killed Misa's family deserves to die, but his life and death are too closely intertwined with Misa's now. Who knows what would happen to Gelus if he chose his prey based on his emotions for another human? I cannot allow him to risk intentionally extending the girl's lifespan.
But instead of waiting to die, each day Misa forces herself to cry for shorter and shorter lengths of time. She paints her pale cheeks and lips until they bear a semblance of healthy color, dresses in fine lace and silk, and searches for things to fill the emptiness in her heart. She is fated to die in three months, but still she shows no sign of breaking. Misa Amane is determined to live.