Disclaimer: Lalalalala not mine! Neither are my ridiculous references to 60's comedies. Hello, Dr. Strangelove.

A/N: Can you believe it? An update already. As you are RS shippers, I'm sure you have not read or attempted to follow my DG fics. But, if you had, you would know this is a magical, ridiculous feat. I think I have discovered where my shipping heart truly lies.

Sirius spotted Remus and turned to run.

"Padfoot! Get your giant arse back here!"

"S'not giant… voluptuous maybe, but giant? Absolutely not," Sirius couldn't help but take the bait. Vanity was his one true weakness. Okay, one of his many weaknesses, but certainly the easiest to get a reaction out of. "Look, Moony, I'm sorry, I don't know what happened in there, I just-"

"Sirius, calm down. I've done some thinking, and it's not your fault, really," Sirius looked at him bemusedly, "The way I figure, you've had this best mate, practically a brother, attached at your hip for years and years, yeah? Then, suddenly, he's not around as much. He has this lovely girl who, frankly, you cannot compete with as he's been in love with her as long as he's been your pseudo-brother. You're lonely and you're Sirius Black, therefore you have trouble expressing complex emotions, and next thing you know you're kissing your other best mate, who, let's face it, looks a bit girl-ish to begin with, to fill a Prongs-sized hole in your life. Stop apologizing and let's move on with our lives, okay?"

"Cor. Moony, you're a genius. I could kiss you," Sirius cringed. "Too soon for jokes."

Remus nodded in agreement, "Much too soon for jokes."

"You know what this means, don't you?" Sirius asked, his mood brightening.

"You should probably seek help?"

He ignored Remus' not-entirely-joking suggestion. "This is all Lily's fault," and with that, he strode purposely towards the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Sirius, that's not what I meant! Sirius!" Remus chased him into the common room, but he was too late. Once he reached the couch which Lily and James had been occupying, he saw Sirius point at her in what appeared to be mock fury, but there might have been some legitimate anger in there.

"You're breaking up the band, Yoko!" Job completed and outburst over with, he made his way up the stairs.

Lily turned to Remus. "Care to tell me what that," she gestured vaguely around the area Sirius had just been standing, "was about?"

"Not even sort of. Can we talk?"

"So, Sirius kissed you," Lily said, kicking a pebble into the lake.

"Sirius kissed me."

"Huh. And why, exactly, did he do that?" She asked, looking up at him. There was a look in her eyes that Remus couldn't quite put his finger on. It was unsettling.

"I told you, Lils. He's feeling abandoned by James and-"

"Yes, yes, you said," Lily cut him off. "But the thing is, Remus, despite all of your Freudian logic, you don't seem so convinced."

"What are you talking about?" the boy looked affronted. "Why would I lie?"

Lily sighed, "Not purposely. Just to make him feel better. But- oh bugger. This is rather complicated, isn't it?"

Remus grunted in response.

Lily continued, "Okay, let's look at this from a different angle. How did you feel?"

"When?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Remus. You're not very good at it."

"Fine," he mumbled, "I… um… well… I'm not sure? It was very…" a dreamy expression crossed over his face, but he quickly masked it, "It was a kiss; those tend to be nice, right? It was nice. It is perfectly natural and not at all weird for me to have liked it clearly obviously wouldn't you say? Yes quite I know it because I am Remus Lupin and I am logical and there is some logic in what I just said there and-"

"Remus, you're rambling. And blushing," as realization fully dawned on her, a grin broke out across her face. Her eyes sparkled in a way that James was known to write sonnets about. It was Lily's I-know-something-interesting-that-you-clearly-don't face. Remus was terrified. "So how long have you been in love with your best friend?"

Why did she have to do this? It was nearly 6 o'clock. Remus skipped lunch due to his previous excursion at the Astronomy Tower and he was hungry. He did not have the time to go soul searching- he was a growing almost-man-still-more-boy-forever-werewolf and missing dinner was not an option.

"The abridged version will have to do," Remus mumbled aloud to himself. He could soul search later. Right now he just needed to pull himself together enough to enjoy a meal with his friends and lead the slightly normal existence he managed to maintain. Until today of course, when it all fell to shite… but he would ponder that later when he felt he had the appropriate amount of spare time. Or never.

He lit a cigarette and began to pace, not even bothering taking in the beauty of the sunset. It was time to get down to business.

"Point A," he said aloud, ticking off one of his fingers, "You are straight. If you were not straight, you would be a gay werewolf, and no god is that cruel.

Point B: You are sensible. And as Sirius Black is both heterosexual and your best mate, having non-platonic feelings for him would be ridiculous. You are not ridiculous.

Point C: You had that girlfriend once. Chelsea. She was lovely. You liked her. Kissing was nice, heavy petting was nice, and sex was also nice. Stop saying nice. You remember her fondly. She had long black hair and grey eyes and… no she didn't. She had hazel eyes. Stop doing that. There is no one else in the world that fits that original description. Not a soul.

Point D: Love does not just suddenly appear the moment a certain conclusion-jumping, meddling redhead makes a bloody suggestion. You would have known if you loved him. Certainly.

Point E: You do not love Sirius Black. You do not love Sirius Black. You do not love Sirius Black.

Point F: Never say heavy petting again. Entirely unrelated, but really? When did you turn into an 80-year-old witch?"

Feeling adequately reassured, Remus made his way down to dinner. He vowed to stop talking to himself. But he'd vowed to quit smoking two years earlier. So there was that.

"Someone owl the Prophet- Moony is late for something!" Sirius cried dramatically.

Oh good. Dramatics at the dinner table. Finally, some normalcy, Remus thought. "I've been late for things," the other boy responded, crossing his arms. Sure, it was a rarity, but the media hardly needed to get involved. James snorted. "Besides, it's just dinner."

Sirius waved it off and returned to his meal. The four Marauders and Lily ate in content silence, Peter occasionally making frighteningly satisfied, nearly bedroom related noises. Lily kept giving Remus Looks. Remus pretended to not notice them.

"Oi! Ginger child over there!" Remus jumped at Sirius' outburst. The "ginger child" in question looked up, terrified. "Pour me a goblet of pumpkin juice and pass it over here, yeah?"

The First Year nodded repeatedly and did as he was told, hands shaking.

"How do you do that?" Peter asked in awe.

"I have a presence," Sirius said, shrugging.

"And a very large mouth," Lily added.

Sirius ignored her remark entirely. He seemed to have mastered the art of selective hearing. "They do adore me so. And they do anything I say. I should get a minion of my very own!"

"Oh no," all four moaned. This would not end well.

"Yeah, a minion would be nice," Sirius mused, "But they're so… twitchy. And they're never easy to train, not to mention the constant need to clean up after them."

"You do realize you're talking about a person, not a puppy, right?" James asked.

"Please, a puppy I could handle. You know, I actually think this may be a brilliant idea. After I housetrain it, of course. Prongs, mate, you should get one, too!"

After a stern look from Lily, James replied, "Might have to pass on that one, Padfoot."

"You are no fun at all," Sirius pouted and stood up, stretching his arms above him and revealing a bit of his stomach. Remus shivered and immediately convinced himself that he was just cold. Or perhaps coming down with the flu. Maybe he never shivered at all. Shivering? What's that?

Sirius loped out of the Great Hall without his friends- apparently he was finished eating. The First Year he had shouted at earlier was gone as well.

"You do realize he's going to acquire one anyway," Remus stated blandly, mashing his peas with his fork. He suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore. Peter snorted.

"Bugger," James swore. "Sirius! Come back here you mangy mutt! Bad dog!" He shouted after his best friend, who quickly disappeared behind the closing oak doors. James swore again, standing up abruptly, nearly losing his balance (his grace left him the minute his feet touched ground after he dismounted a broom), and following the taller boy in hot pursuit.

"Should we do something?" Peter squeaked.

"Leave them to it. Remus, care to join me in the Library?" Lily shot him another Look. Evidently she had noticed the shiver that may or may not have happened.

Remus let off a giant yawn. "You know, funnily enough, I'm exhausted. I think I really should just go to bed."

"Remus," Lily warned.

"Well, I'm off then! Ta!" And with that, he was gone.

"Did he just say 'ta'?" Peter asked.

"Appears so."

"Oh. That's a bit strange."

Lily simply "hmm"d in response. He'd talk to her when he was ready, she convinced herself. She would not meddle or pry.

Okay, she would definitely meddle and pry (she was not nearly in as much denial as Remus when it came to herself. Although she did word her least attractive personality trait as "curious," instead of "nosy pain in the arse"), but she would wait at least until tomorrow to weasel anything out of him.

"Moony! Moony!" Sirius shouted, barging into the dormitory, "Look at what I've found!"

Being dragged in tow was the First Year from dinner, looking nervous and twitching about. But, he was clearly proud to be at the service of the great Sirius Black. James, having apparently given up, was following helplessly, gasping for air.

Remus raised an eyebrow sardonically. "I hope you realize you will be the one in charge of feeding it and cleaning up after it. Your minion, your responsibility."

"Moony! I'm wounded! I'm a responsible bloke!" Remus snorted in response. "Really! What makes you think I would ever imagine forcing you to do all of these things for me?" he cried.

"Told you he wouldn't go for it," James said to Sirius in a mock whisper.

Remus couldn't help but smile. "Prongs, I'm going to leave it to you to take care of this…" he waved his arm about, "situation. I'm going to bed."

"It's 8 o'clock on a Saturday night, Moony," James pointed out.

"Yes. Right. Well, I'm tired anyway. It's been a very long Saturday."

"Please, Moony?" Remus hated it when Sirius pouted. He knew this was another fight he was about to lose. "It's my birthday next week. It's not every day your best mate becomes a man."

"You've been a man since Fourth Year with that brunette in Hufflepuff," Remus replied, smirking.

"Ah, yes. Fond memories. But you know what I mean. I, Sirius Black, the youngest and handsomest of all the Marauders, am finally turning 17. We have a party to plan!"

"And a prank!" James added enthusiastically.

"James? Pranking again? Does Lily know? Is she going to hex your bollocks off?" Remus asked.

James grinned. "She's helping."

"Okay, I'm up. This is something I have to see."

They had been at it for what felt like days. It was really more like an hour and a half, but Remus had had a very long day. He was not exaggerating entirely when he tried to kick James and Sirius out of the dormitory earlier- he was bloody tired.

At least the minion was gone. Lily had played the Head Girl card. Ginger Child was more frightened of her than he would ever be of the Marauders. Sirius pouted, but he would forget about it by the next morning.

"It should be red," James said.

"No, we always do red. It should be gold," Sirius argued.

"How about purple?" Peter threw in, which was not even slightly helpful to their predicament.

"Why in Merlin's name should it be purple?" Sirius retorted, looking far too angry for someone who was discussing the future colour of the Slytherins' skin-tones.

"I like purple," Peter replied, looking down.

"Well, you're an idiot."

"Sirius," Remus said warningly. His nerves were wearing quite thin.

"Red. We should just do it bloody red." James was not giving up.

"Why, so they can all look like they've forgotten sun blocking charms? Good plan, mate. Not at all fucking stupid." Sirius did not appear to be giving up either.

"Oh, you'd rather them sparkle?"

"Yes! Nothing is more humiliating and ridiculous than a person who sparkles."

James growled. Lily whispered in Remus' ear, "Don't you dare tell him this, but is it horrible that I think that's kind of sexy?"

Remus threw her a Sirius-esque wink and said, blatantly mocking his voice, "You should see me every full moon… um… baby?" Halfway through the statement he gave up on his Sirius imitation. He just could not pull off lewd and crude like the other boy.

"Oh, you've gone and ruined it," Lily sighed, still grinning.

THUMP. Lily and Remus turned back to where the other Marauders had just been arguing. Arguing apparently quickly transpired into physical violence. A table had been knocked over; Sirius had tackled James, who had resorted to pulling his hair. Peter was biting Sirius' ankle without shame.

"They've gone and ruined it, as well."

"The illusion can only last so long," Remus replied somberly. Depending on how heated the battle became, the boys always tried to fight dirty. "Dirty" to them appeared to mean "like teenaged witches" to the rest of the world.

"Men! No fighting in the War Room!" Remus shouted. He and Lily burst into laughter, while the three other boys immediately ceased their antics and looked on in confusion.

"It's a muggle thing," Lily explained, "You wouldn't really understand the reference."

They shrugged and civilly returned to their seats, brushing themselves off. Sirius pulled the table upright once again.

"Lily and I have decided that, as it is Sirius' birthday, he is allowed to choose the colour," Remus said. He used his no-nonsense voice, which didn't always work when he was a prefect, but the Marauders knew it was to be taken seriously. Or they just did it to humor him. Either way, it shut them up.

Sirius pumped his fist. James nodded woefully, but he knew when he was defeated. Lily was pranking and making what he believed to be major decisions- he was willing to compromise. Peter didn't catch on as quickly.

"But that's not fair! And why do you and Lily get to decide?"

"Because Sirius will eat you and I will let him. You can turn something purple later."

Peter nodded woefully as well. He rarely fought the other boys on anything, but he was tired and having trouble picking up on the importance of agreeing. Being threatened with bodily harm helped him on his way to accepting and mourning his defeat in silence. Besides, he knew he wouldn't be able to turn anything a different colour on his own. He needed his more talented allies.

"I would never eat Wormtail," Sirius said.

"Thanks, mate."

"He's far too fatty for my tastes."

Peter threw a quill at him and scowled, but couldn't help but join in the laughter with his friends.

"Remus and I have agreed on something else, as well," Lily announced. The boys looked at her thoughtfully, except for Remus who simply smirked in a way that would make any Slytherin glower with jealousy. They liked to think they held the rights to the smirk (excluding Sirius, which they would begrudgingly admit. He was just too damn good at it), but when Remus smirked his eyes still lit up, as if he were truly smiling. It was adorable- a sight to behold, and certain People Who Shall Not Be Named And Certainly Weren't Of The Male Persuasion And Definitely Not Sitting Across From Said Smirker found it to be incredibly sexy. This person who may or may not exist will never admit this. Probably.

Lily continued, showing her own (far less successful) smirk when she caught said admirer blatantly staring at the original smirker. (No one else at the table noticed this. Boys are so clueless, she thought to herself.) "Well, our thoughts were that, as this is Sirius' 17th birthday, we need more than simple skin mutations. The colour changing bit will be entertaining and all, I'm sure people will laugh, but it's not exactly original. Pretty tame, really. Nothing harmful or dangerous, but we definitely need mind blowing, hilarious, and unexpected. And we should make it affect the whole school." She sighed with faux disappointment, only egging them on, as was her intention. "I really believed you lot were better than this," she said, shaking her head, "and you call yourself Marauders."

James stared at her, mouth agape. He broke into a grin and turned to Sirius, whose face mirrored his honorary brother's. Things were about to get interesting.

A/N: Oh boy, there is mischief afoot. I'm excited. I am still in the process of working out the kinks in what the prank will actually be, but hopefully it will be excellent. Or at least passable. One of you will smile. If you have any requests, you may leave them, but it's not a necessity if you don't feel like it- I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Sirius is right. Sparkling? Really? I'd certainly be embarrassed.

Also, I'd like to give credit to Dr. Strangelove for the line about fighting in the War Room. It is a brilliant film, and I think you all should watch it, especially if you're into satirical, ridiculous, pretty dry comedy.

Thanks for stopping by, lovelies. I hope I did not disappoint, particularly because I am rather happy and having way too much fun.