Chapter 2: Do not touch my couch!

PADAWAN!

You're back! Yay, I missed you! … Yes, I know. I don't even know you for 24 hours and I already miss you! I think that means something, maybe we're soulmates or something?

… Oh?

You don't believe in soulmates?

WHY NOT? I guess you don't believe in anything? Like, erm, love at first sight? Or karma? Or SANTACLAUS?

Well that's stupid. 'Cause it's all real! Especially Santaclaus.

I always sat on his knee when I was younger. It was great. He really liked me, I could tell. He laughed at my jokes and promised I'd get a present if I was nice.

… What do you mean, he says that to everyone? That's not true, it can't be. YOU LIE.

Oh, you don't? And why would I believe you over Santa? He's jolly and has a red coat and a BEARD. Do you have a beard? Hah, didn't think so! So he's right and you're WRONG.

Must be hard to admit, eh? Being a know-it-all?

… I suddenly can't remember why I missed you. You're being annoying, just like the last time you were here. Yes, I know that was yesterday. I'm not STUPID.

So. I'll just fill you in on what happened this morning. I woke up on the couch, and-

Hmm? You thought that was a joke last night? When I told I'd get some sleep on the couch? Hah, well, you should know, I don't lie. Different from some other person I know that doesn't have a beard and pretends to know it all…

No. It's not Rose.

It's you! GAH, you're just as annoying as yesterday! Rose would never lie to me.

I'm her best friend.

She loves me.

In a friendly way, that is.

Oh, why are you silent now? No-one ever loved you? Hah, that's pathetic.

No, no, nooo! Don't be like that! Hey, don't cry. You're special too! Don't worry, I love you! Sure I do! You're my padawan, Padawan! I'll take care of you.

There. Now, take a deep breath, good. Not too deep. I said not too deep! Don't want you to go hyperventilate or something! Gheez!

Now. You want me to tell what happened? Oookay!

So.

I woke up on the couch in the common room this morning. That's nothing new.

But.

Big but there.

No. No butt.

Har, har, har. Not funny. Just but. One T.

There was something new this time.

There. Was. Someone. Beside. Me.

ON THE COUCH!

NEXT TO ME!

So I completely flipped, of course.

That's my form of Griffyndor courage.

Yes, I know, dear. I'm different. Nothing new.

I mean, imagine you were just lying a bit on your favorite couch in your favorite PJ's with stains and little holes and one big weird hole at the shoulder of your PJ's that make you wonder if you ever bit your PJ's in your sleep.

The fire is roaring beside you, and it's all nice and warm. You hear some midgets- I mean first years whisper about waking you up but you know they won't dare to do it because last time they even came close you threw your slippers at their heads- wha?

Why would I do that? Why wouldn't I do that? I mean, they started it! Trying to wake me up. Pfah. Only a few blessed human beings on this planet are permitted to do that. And that's a privilege you don't get easily.

And no.

You're not one of those people. Yet. Maybe, someday.

When you've earned it, my young padawan.

And no. I'm not going to tell you how you will earn it. You'll have to find out by yourself.

Aaaanyway.

So I was completely comfortable, and then, just like that, I felt a hot breath in my neck. I stiffened. Then I felt something heavy move on the pillows of the couch. My eyes snapped open. I heard something move behind me, and then…

I flipped.

I know, real smooth. No checking who it is before I grab for my slippers and throw them at the person or anything.

I know, Padawan. I regret it myself too, I openly confess that. I shouldn't have. But I did.

You know who it was? YOU KNOW WHO?

...

What?

No. Nooo, not Voldemort. He died long ago, don't you read any books?

If not, you can borrow some of mine.

Or Rose's. Seriously, that girl's got a LOT of books.

UNCOUNTABLE, I TELL YOU!

But anyway, I'lll tell you who was next to me, almost touching on one couch.

Scorpius. Malfoy.

I know what you're thinking.

… Oh, you think I don't?

Well, I do! Hah!

You want me to tell you what you're thinking? … Erm… Hehe… well, I ehm… ehhh…

Okay I don't know what you're thinking. It was a matter of speech.

Anyway.

You want to know what I was thinking when I found out?

First thing I thought was something like: !

Second: OH FROGGY ROYAL HIPPOGRYF! THAT GUY JUST STOLE MY SLIPPER!

Third: He looks kinda cute, with that red spot on his forehead. People should hit him more often, it really looks good on him!

-Hey, sue me! I'm still a girl, you know? Even though I'm taken, of course. The 'taker' just doesn't know it yet.

Fourth: FROG! NOW HE'S GOT MY OTHER SLIPPER TOO!

Poo. Life is soo unfair.

Fifth: Wha- Wait. He's a Slytherin.

What. The. Himmie. Is. He. Doing. In. The. Gryffindor. Common. Room. On. My. Couch. At. –Wait, what time is it?

… I know, right? That totally ruined my awesome speech.

But still.

What was he doing there? So that was what I politely discussed with him over a cup of tea and a couple of scones. With jam. Raspberry flavor. Yum.

Read: "MALFOY? WHAT THE HIMMIE ARE YOU DOING ON MY COUCH IN MY COMMON ROOM SO CLOSE TO ME AND STEALING MY SLIPPERS?"

I know. Charming.

He tried to get up, with my slippers *growl* still in his hands. It suited me that he actually did look a itzy-bitzy- scared.

A LOT. Hah. I told you. I can be pretty scary when I want to.

No.

I'm not wanting it right now, thank you very much.

"Well," he said, still sounding sleepy. "I uhm… kind of got kicked out of Al's dorm when I made his curtains fall down again."

I raised my eyebrows.

I know, don't even say it. You know what, I'll say it. Different.

Him, not me.

This time.

Insert wink.

"Aaaand?" I asked. That still didn't explain why he was on my couch, God hexit!

"Well…" he hesitated to say it. COWARD! No wonder he's a Slytherin.

Filthy little green downhillrolling fish-like-smelling seatsniffing serpents.

Oh no, don't get me wrong. I'm all in for House-unity. With Hufflepuffles and Ravenflaws.

Those smelly serpents can stay in their basement.

My bike they won't borrow. Hah. That's right.

Aaanyway. Let's go back to the conversation.

"That stupid painting of yours wouldn't let me out to go to my own common room, so-"

HIS common room. Like he owns the place. Gah.

"So I decided to sleep here. Then, in the middle of the night, you," he pointed his slimy smelly stinky finger at me.

I wish I could have bitten it off. That would've been real fun.

But soo disgusting too.

So I didn't do it. Maybe next time. I could put a cleaning charm on it first.

Hmmm. I'm a genius.

"you raced in and launched yourself on the couch I was sleeping on. But I was half asleep and didn't make a big deal of it. Like you do now."

I, making a big deal of it? WELL IT IS A BIG DEAL!

"Well it is a big deal!" I know. Original.

At this moment, the other students had descended their beds to see what kind of pleasant conversation was going on between me and mister Slimyface.

Now, usually, I don't mind being the one in the spotlight.

BUT!

And again, with one T! Write that down, Padawan.

Yeah. You'll need that later. Believe me.

So, this time, I didn't really enjoy it, you know why?

The love of my life was standing righ next to mister Slimyface and was laughing at me.

Laughing! At me! Bad future husband! Bad!

Anyway, as soon as I noticed who exactly I was facing, I had a dilemma. Be nice so James will see how completely adorable I am, or hit Malfoy in the face and show everyone exactly how dangerous it can be to touch my couch?

I know. Dilemma.

And I'm not really good at making choices, so you know what I did? I walked over to Malfoy, pulled my slippers from his hands, whacked him in the face (hard) with it while smiling at James.

Reactions: a confused look from James, some sort of yelp from Malfoy, applause from my bystanders and one wolf whistle.

Believe me, if I knew the whistling person, he wouldn't whistle right now. Believe me.

Anyway.

Then, I did the only thing that could make the situation less awkward.

I ran in ninja style for my dorm while yelling: "Wrhoeaaaaaaaaagh!"

I know. I am so charming.

When I came back in my dorm, I quickly got dressed, tried to fix my hair (in which I failed once again) and then hid my copy of the Monster book of Monsters in Rose's bed for kicking me out.

No. No spell-o-tape. It's not like her PJ's don't have any holes yet, right? One or two more, nah, she'll hardly notice it at all!

By the way, it's only fair, right?

Right.

You'd better agree with me, Padawan.

Or else.

And yes, that is a threat.

And no, I will not explain it.

You know, I'm kinda hungry right now. I could totally do with some waffles. Or a muffin. Or both.

Merlin. That would be amazing.

You know, I think muffins can solve every problem in the world.

Famine? Check.

War? Check.

Total depression? Check.

Angry Gryffindor boy knocking on the door of my dorm while yelling something about 'why I hit his best friend in the face with a slipper'? Che- wait, what?

Uhm…

I'll just get some muffins, okay? Just to be sure.

A/N: Yay, that's chapter twooo! To be honest, it took some more time to write it then I thought it would, but I hope you don't hate me for it. If you did, I'd cry. Really, I would. Ooh! Maybe, if I'd give you all a virtual muffin, would you stop hating me? :D I'll just try that.

*Puts down a plate of virtual muffins for everyone who hates me for some reason or just wants a muffin* Muffins solve EVERYTHING. Just try, you'll see I'm right. I always am. When it comes to muffins.

Anyway, I really hope you liked it, please let my know by pressing that pretty review button below!