Disclaimer: I own very few things. This includes a stocked refrigerator, a cereal bowl, and everything related to Harry Potter, i.e. the characters in this story.

A/N: Aha! Finally, an update! On the cusp of finals and everything. Aren't you all so very lucky. I'm not sure this is as funny as the other ones, but entertaining things happen, and it was a lot of fun to write, so there's that. I'm a terrible judge of my own writing, so I may be entirely off base on the hilarity aspect. Well, I'm sure you'll all let me know.

Sirius' birthday was on September 27th. A Friday that year, in which he would turn 17. He was younger than all of his classmates by a relatively significant amount, as, technically, he should be in his Sixth Year. Hogwarts did not let children skip years, nor did they accept students early; but the Blacks were not an easy clan to ignore. And Dumbledore, while not one to be bullied, was also a very wise man who knew when to pick his battles. There was a time, a place, and a situation to pick a fight with The Most Noble and Ancient House of Lunacy, and letting in a boy who was nearly the right age and clearly already had enough talent to keep up with and outshine many of his peers was, in the grand scheme of things, really not worth the unnecessary battle. So, with that, Sirius Black was the youngest student to be accepted into Hogwarts in nearly a century.

While this was interesting to the masses of Hogwarts for the first three weeks of school in Sirius's first year, his birthday quickly turned into something else. The 27th of September became a day of fear, only to be rivaled by April Fools Day and James Potter's birthday (which they weren't as worried about this year, as he was Head Boy and dating Lily Evans. They are wrong, but let's allow them to lull themselves into a false sense of security for now). Every year was different and borderline illegal; it also progressively got worse and worse. A few Slytherins had taken to staying in bed and not leaving until it was officially September 28th, but this activity was rendered pointless on the day Sirius turned 15 with The Great Blowing Up Of The Slytherin Common Room. (Really just two chairs, the odd end table, and all of the Fifth Years' bed sheets- but that wasn't nearly as impressive a title.)

This particular September the 28th was no different. But the Slytherins were not the only ones who should be worried.

5 o'clock in the morning, hushed whispers in the dark, three students who wouldn't even be seen in the light due to the cloak they were all trying to fit under. The early time and need for darkness was just a formality- it simply added to the dramatics of the operation.

"How do we know they'll all drink it?" a voice squeaked.

"That's why we'll put it in everything. Merlin, Wormtail, didn't you listen to Lily?" a deeper voice hissed.

"But what about the taste?" the previous voice asked again.

"I've had that taken care of," a third voice sighed. It was a good thing they let Sirius sleep in- he would have quickly lost his patience with their paranoid friend.

"All right, on the count of three," the second voice said firmly. He was clearly the authority in the group. "One, two-"

Two minutes until 8 o'clock. Remus glanced at his watch in a way that he believed to be inconspicuous. No such luck.

"Calm down, will you?" Sirius whispered in his ear. Remus jumped 37 meters in the air. Roughly. "That is not calming down."

Remus glanced at his watch again. One minute to. Now Sirius was looking at the watch as well, practically bouncing on his chair with excitement.

Precisely 8 o'clock. What appeared to be 50 dungbombs exploded at once; smoke filling the entire Great Hall. There wasn't the telltale stench of a dungbomb, which would be worrisome and suspicious, except that every single witch and wizard in the Hall was suddenly very, very, very thirsty, and nothing else mattered. Entire pitchers of pumpkin juice were being drained and immediately refilled, as were the teapots, regardless of temperature (cooling charms had been in place, anyway- Lily did say no one was to be hurt). As the smoke cleared, so ended the thirst. Frankly, the people in the Great Hall were less than impressed. A bunch of dungbombs filled with some sort of discomfort gas? No mayhem? No disfigurement? Surely, The Marauders were losing their touch.

Then, something happened; something far worse than the general amount of mayhem or disfigurement. People looked to their left, to their right, down at themselves. There were screams, laughter, shouts of outrage, and a few remained completely silent due to shock.

Every single person in the Great Hall was Sirius Black.

Sirius Black with pursed lips mid-scold was possibly the sixth strangest thing Remus had ever seen.

"So no one is going to tell me which one of you is Mr. Black?" the Sirius-shaped McGonagall snapped, large arms crossed.

Not a soul so much as opened their mouths. There were very few people in the classroom willing to take the proverbial bullet for the birthday boy, but no one was about to ruin the fun and evoke the wrath of The Marauders. Especially not on September 28th. That would just be suicide, of both the literal and social persuasion.

Professor McGonagall emitted the sort of exasperated sigh that could only sprout from six years of teaching James Potter and Sirius Black. "Fine, then. There will be repercussions when everyone is in their appropriate bodies- Mr. Black, Mr. Potter. Class dismissed."

The classroom shuffled out, mostly silent. "Goodbye, Minnie!" a voice rang out, the owner's hand waving in the air.

"Not so fast Mr. Black!"

Remus surveyed the scene before him, a tumbler of firewhiskey in his left hand. Between sips he would rock the glass back and forth, knocking the slowly melting ice cubes about.

It had been almost exactly the same as every party he had attended in Gryffindor Tower, regardless of the occasion announced on the poorly drawn banner. Peter was, predictably, passed out in front of the fire. The boy had the alcohol tolerance of a house elf and Remus really did feel sorry for him on such occasions, but that didn't make it any less funny when he woke up the next morning charmed blue, so he decided to leave him there for the time being.

Sirius was missing too many buttons on his white button-up, sleeved pushed up well above his elbows, and had definitely consumed too many drinks. Surrounded by giggling admirers, speaking a bit too loudly, but making them practically ooze with desire and awe regardless. The black haired boy must have felt his friend's eyes on him because he briefly looked away from his slowly growing group of fans to shoot Remus a grin and a wink. Remus rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile back. There was an oddly pleasant tugging feeling in his stomach and he decided it was a very very good time to pay attention to something else.

His eyes scanned the room until he spotted Lily and James on a chair in one of the darker corners, firmly attached at the mouth. That was possibly the only really different thing about this party. It was the first of their Seventh Year and the first that Lily and James were together. So, instead of getting pissed and harassing Lily, James was very sober (Lily's influence- there were only so many rules she was willing to break as A) the very esteemed Head Girl, and B) just generally being Lily Evans) and very happy to have his redhead in his arms. In public. Where people could see them. And he had a normal shaped nose and everything.

And Remus Lupin, as per usual, was off on his own, making sure no one injured himself or herself. His werewolf metabolism prevented him from getting drunk without a massive consumption of alcohol, which meant he couldn't get thoroughly pissed at these events without drawing attention to himself, which further meant that he was dubbed babysitter. Sure, he would go off and socialize, and he made sure to stay in clear view of everyone so as not to seem too standoffish, but he was a wallflower at heart and that was what he would ultimately remain.

He glanced back over to Sirius, who now had a blonde in his lap and a brunette on his arm and was looking quite pleased with himself. That pleasant tug in his stomach turned into a very unpleasant pain somewhere in his chest and he stood abruptly, placing his empty glass on a nearby table, and making his way over to Peter. He cast a quick scourgify at the sick near the chubby boy's head, deeming it good enough until the house elves got to it, and hoisted him onto his shoulder. Remus trudged up the stairs, not even bothering to take a final glance at the party, which was thankfully dying down a bit.

With Peter squared off and in his own bed, Remus finally relaxed and reveled in the almost-silence of the dormitory. He took a deep, calming breath- it was much cooler up there in comparison to the stifling, packed Common Room. He removed his shoes and socks, followed by his trousers, which were replaced by pajama pants. He unbuttoned then shrugged out of his shirt, shivering a bit in the immediate temperature change.

"Cold?" a voice whispered in his ear.

Remus jumped and spun around quickly. "Padfoot! Never do that again."

Sirius chuckled. "Sorry Moony, didn't mean to surprise you."

"Yes, you did."

"Touché," he replied, grinning. "I'm sorry you had to drag Peter's fat arse here on your own. I would've helped if I had noticed you sooner."

"Occupational hazard," Remus stated mildly, shrugging. He continued, with nearly hidden bitterness, "You seemed rather busy, anyway. I wouldn't have expected you to."

Sirius took a step forward. Remus could feel his hot, firewhiskey-tainted breath on his face and let it soak into his skin, despite his surprise again. Maybe he was nearly, almost, sort of drunk. Sirius purred, "Moony… are you jealous?"

Remus replied breathlessly, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Simply stating facts. That is a completely ludicrous accus- mmmf."

And Sirius was kissing him again. And it didn't matter that he tasted like alcohol and smelled even worse, Remus felt that warm feeling he'd been ignoring pooling in his stomach and he understood. Sirius gently pushed his tongue into Remus' mouth, who immediately gasped at the new connection. Sirius pulled back, and ran off yet again. Déjà vu. Except this time, Remus could hear him vomiting in the bathroom.

He slowly returned to his bed, drawing the curtains firmly shut, and lying back onto his pillow. There was no doubt in his mind that he was in love with his womanizing best friend- there was no running from it this time, and he'd have to tell Lily because she would help, despite his having to deal with her many I-told-you's. Oh, and Sirius was not likely to remember a damn thing in the morning- and if he did, Remus was fairly certain it would go on ignored and unmentioned.

"Well, bugger," Remus mumbled aloud, "Bugger and disaster."

A/N: Look at who's finally caught on! And we're all just so proud of our boy. Send me your thoughts, applause for Remus' leave of denial, fantasies about Sirius Black in a nearly open button up shirt, etc.