Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the below piece of fiction, Capcom does.

Warning: None

Authors Note: Wow you guys, thanks for all of the really positive reviews from the last chapter- I'm glad I was able to convey the emotions Chris was feeling at the time, it makes me know I've done my job as a writer. Thanks you guys! I'm happy you all agree that slash fanfiction tends to dismiss the confusion a lot of men probably go through during their realizations in regards to their sexuality. But I would just like to send a little message to Elysia as an explination as to why I wrote something (all ya'll can skip over this if you'd like). Firstly, you write VERY good English, so don't apologize for it or anything- you write it better than many native English speakers, and I totally appreciate the time you take to review my stories with such wonderful reviews. But the issue I wanted to try and 'defend' is about Chris' thoughts on Claire's reaction. I know it sounds irrational but my sister is a lesbian, and it took her mooonths of dating a wonderful young woman before she came out and told me- she said she was afraid and had no idea what I would say! And she knows very well my stance on homosexuality, and even knows what I write. So although she knew how I felt about the issue, she was still terrified of telling me. So that's where I was coming from when I wrote that- it's never as easy as you would think! But thanks so much for the awesome reviews- I hope one day you get an account so I can reply to them all with my gratitude!

Chapter 12

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann~

Lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, Chris found himself thinking… a lot.

After his rather embarrassing freak out and subsequent running away the previous night, Chris decided to stay home for the weekend and lie in bed with a four o'clock shadow accompanying him into his spiral into self-pity and fear.

Chris couldn't help but think about the kiss over and over again. How surprisingly soft Wesker's lips were, yet strong in their approach as he kissed Chris with little hesitancy and surprising skill. Chris liked how Wesker's tongue swept inside of his mouth, sliding across all of his little weak spots he wasn't even aware he had- as if Wesker was meant to be the only one to kiss him. It felt right to Chris, to kiss him and be pulled in close. But that was partly what scared him- lust-filled feelings shouldn't include an overwhelmingly 'fuzzy' feeling. And Chris had taken so much solace in the fact that it was only lust he was feeling towards Wesker; and to a certain extent it was still lust. He wanted Wesker sexually- he wanted him really bad. But after that kiss… well, Chris wanted more of those 'fuzzy' moments too.

And then there was the issue of being in a homosexual relationship with your boss in a country that wasn't entirely happy with the idea of two men coupling. To the American society of the day, a guy like Chris was supposed to be out thinking about settling down, finding a nice young woman with whom he could start a regular family with- one that his parents would be proud of if they were still alive to see him. Instead, he was thinking about entering a relationship with another man who he was supposed to have a professional relationship with. Professional was the key word in all of that.

Letting your Captain slide his tongue down your throat wasn't exactly professional by any stretch of the imagination.

And the word 'relationship' kept running circles around in Chris' head as he stared at the plain white ceiling. Was that what Wesker was looking for last night, or had he simply taken more alcohol in than Chris had first thought and was looking for a drunken one-night stand with no strings attached?

And if Wesker had only wanted a drunken one-night stand, was Chris okay with that? Would he have been content with sleeping with his superior once- would his body be content?

But one of the most prevalent thoughts in his head at that moment was…

"Is Wesker gay?" he mumbled to himself as he slowly sat up, scratching the back of his head while he sat in rumbled bed sheets.

**XX**

The public library- a place for all of the answers to life's questions, or at least that's what Chris hoped it would be.

He didn't know where to begin to untangle himself from the mess he had gotten himself into, but figured he would at least leave his apartment once that weekend to try and clear his head. Wandering downtown, Chris eventually found himself inside the downtown Racoon City library, a place that was almost empty on a Sunday afternoon.

Wandering the stacks of books, Chris read the spines of numerous cook books before he came into a clearing where a few computer systems were set up, letting those who did not have the money for a computer of their own sit and check their emails and geocities accounts.

Pausing his wandering, Chris looked around for a moment before snagging a free computer- one with the screen to the wall and not the main hallway. Pulling up an internet browser, Chris tapped his fingers on the keyboard for some time before he finally typed in a search term.

'Homosexuality and lifestyles'

Watching the search slowly load, Chris looked all around him, suspicious that someone was going to see what he was searching. This was a… delicate topic, and he didn't want anyone else knowing what he was going through- even if the only other guy at a computer was a homeless man who was no doubt seeking a warm place to hang out.

One of the first websites that popped up talked about homosexuality and the Bible, making Chris quickly click away- religion, the United States, and homosexuality all together did not make things any easier for him.

The second link was much more fruitful, and Chris found himself scrolling through a number of pages mostly detailing coming out stories. While not all of them had happy endings in regards to how family and friends took the news, many of them did and it eased Chris' worries a fraction.

If these guys could deal with it, he could too… right? Letting out a heavy sigh, Chris went to another website and looked at the side bar for any interesting articles.

'How to Come Out'
'Nature or Nurture'
'The Bible and You'
'HIV and AIDS'
'How to be Intimate with your Partner'

Stopping on the last link, Chris let the mouse icon hover over it. Glancing around a few times, Chris made sure no one was looking in his direction before he clicked the link, a blush already appearing on his cheeks.

There were subcategories under the link, with bold headings that made Chris feel like he was looking at his first Playboy magazine with his friends on the playground- the thought of anyone seeing it, even if there were no pictures, freaked Chris out.

But he just couldn't tear himself away.

The first one talked about anal sex, and Chris found himself scrolling through it quickly to get past it. He knew kind of how it worked, and he didn't really want to know more… well, not unless he got to try it with Wesker.

Damn it. Cringing, Chris pushed those thoughts aside and continued with his little adventure on the internet.

The next one was talking about mutual masturbation and blowjobs, piquing Chris' interest a little more than the other one. Reading a few lines here and there, Chris got the gist of it and figured it was like what you'd do with yourself… except he wasn't so sure about giving someone a blowjob. Sucking dick was pretty… gay.

Stopping at the 'Frot' section, not knowing what the term meant, Chris scrolled through the paragraph detailing the mechanics. He was quickly educated on what it was, and how it was relatively safe for those not wishing to transmit diseases. It was just rubbing your dick… against another guy's dick.

Letting out a small cough, Chris scrolled down faster and came into even crazier sexual territory before he clicked the back button multiple times.

So maybe looking at how to have sex with another guy wasn't the best idea if he wanted to calm himself down.

Now all he could think about was how he was pretty much going into virgin territory all over again- that if he did anything with Wesker (that was, if Wesker didn't kill him for what he did), he'd be an awkward virgin all over again- a faze Chris was thankful he had passed… but apparently he hadn't completely.

Closing the browser, Chris sat back in the chair and stared at the blue, practically empty desktop for a time, deep in thought.

It wasn't a complete bust- this searching thing. The coming out stories had eased some of Chris' fears. It wasn't like he was the only one who'd gone through this- there were plenty of men out there who had experienced much of the same thing and they were all okay.

That didn't mean Chris was going to suddenly tell everyone he was attracted to another guy, and it didn't mean he was gay… but that constricting feeling in his chest had begun to loosen a fraction, and Chris found himself able to breathe and think a little easier.

First, he had to confront Mindy- tell her what happened last night. He could deal with a lot of things, but he could not deal with being a cheater. So he had to tell her… and after that… well, he didn't know what he would do.

But Mindy was a good start. He'd tell her what happened, and then maybe see if they could move on?

But move on together or alone? That was still an unanswered question for Chris.

**XX**

Walking over to their usual café, Chris went over what he was going to tell Mindy again and again in his head. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he gave off an uninviting vibe as he trudged down the street, doing his best to ignore the splitting headache behind his eyes that had begun to develop.

Finally reaching his destination, Chris threw open the door to the café and immediately spotted Mindy sitting at one of the booths, hands interlocked on top of the tabletop as she looked outside, watching dead leaves blow around on the sidewalk.

"H-hey…" Chris said, sitting down across from her. Shrugging off his jacket, Chris gave Mindy a shaky smile which was returned with a larger, more confident smile from her.

"Hi! I was wondering when you would show up- I thought maybe you'd stood me up," she said, a playful attitude to her voice.

"Y-yeah, sorry, I was out and then I had to go home to shave and… stuff." Chris rubbed the palms of his hands on his lap a few times, trying to work out the stiffness in his shoulders and the numbness in his legs from the cold walk. Mindy seemed to notice the awkwardness about him, and tilted her head to the side, eyebrows furrowing.

"Chris… is something the matter?" she asked.

It was now or never- tell her what happened- tell her you cheated on her with another man… do it.

"Yeah… I… I have something to tell you. Uh… t-the other day… Friday night, actually… I… well—" He almost had it out when the waitress suddenly appeared, a clean sheet in her hand and a pencil in the other.

"What can I get for you two?" the waitress asked, oblivious to what she had just interrupted.

"Oh, uh, I'll just have a garden salad," Mindy said, being courteous despite the worry evident in her eyes.

The waitress nodded and looked at Chris expectantly. "I'll have… uh, the same- a garden salad, please."

Chris figured that if he ate anything too filling he'd throw it up right away. God, the nerves were really beginning to eat away at him.

After the waitress left, Chris glanced over at Mindy before looking back down at the table. "A-anyways… as I was saying… Friday night I… I kissed another person."

There was silence for a time, and Chris finally tore his gaze away from the table to look at Mindy. She had a slight frown on her face, and the worry on her features refused to go away.

"Another person?" she whispered, keeping her eyes locked with Chris'.

"Yes… with another man, actually," Chris mumbled, amazed that he had managed to admit it- for a second his tongue felt thick and heavy, stuck to the roof of his mouth. He thought he'd never be able to tell her- that he'd be a coward when he had never backed down from anything.

Watching numerous emotions flash across her eyes in a matter of seconds, Chris began to get even more worried. Would she make a scene? Would she start to cry or would she walk out? What was she thinking?

"It was your Captain, wasn't it?" she finally said, voice wavering slightly.

Chris didn't know how to respond for a second, completely caught off guard by her question. How did she know? Was he really that obvious, and if so, did other people know? A lump formed in Chris' throat, and he simply nodded.

"I thought… well I thought something was going on between you too," she said, sighing softly. She didn't look very angry or upset, just… sad. "I mean, you'd always talk about him and you'd get this… happy look about you- even if you were talking about something he did to make you angry. And, well… I just thought something was different after you began working with him."

"I'm sorry, Mindy," Chris found himself saying as Mindy looked away. She simply shrugged, a hand going to play with a few strands of her hair near her shoulder.

"I never really had any claim to you in the first place- we were just friends with benefits, weren't we?" she said after a time, finally looking back at Chris.

"Yeah, but… I still… I still feel bad about it," he said, fiddling with his napkin. He was going crazy right now- wondering what she was thinking exactly.

"Well you should… but I forgive you. I mean… well, I have never had a guy cheat on me with another man, but I imagine you're going to go through a lot more than I am because of this. You don't need me being all angry while you're wondering about your sexuality… right?" She smiled this time, and although Chris could still see the hurt in her eyes, he could also see the support there too.

"Thank you, Mindy. God, I don't deserve to know you," he said, reaching across the table to take her hand in his. Squeezing gently, Chris let out a much needed breath of air and returned the smile.

"Just don't worry yourself too much, alright? A-and if you need to talk, you can come to me, alright? I don't know a lot about… you know… this sort of stuff, but if you want to just talk I'll be here."

"Thank you so much…" Chris said, and he really meant it. At least he knew he had Mindy's support.

Suddenly, things seemed a lot less scary.

**XX**

After saying goodbye to Mindy later that evening, Chris was able to sleep better than he had the past few weeks, a huge weight having been lifted off of his chest. But the next day would prove to be another obstacle in Chris' trek back to sanity as he had to face Wesker.

He planned on trying to talk to Wesker to see if he could clear the fog that had built up over the weekend after his little freak out. But Wesker hadn't shown up in the morning like the rest of them, and as Brad and Barry went off to finish certain tasks they had to do, Chris found himself waiting for the blonde male.

He didn't know what he would say to Wesker- didn't really know what to tell him. If Wesker was so used to homosexual relationships, maybe he'd understand why Chris had left- that he had panicked and just needed time to breathe?

But the more Chris thought about that, the more he realized it wasn't a very probable situation. Wesker wasn't one to understand others' feelings too well- but that wouldn't stop Chris from telling him how he felt and that maybe… maybe if Wesker was willing, he'd like to try it again.

Without him running away, this time.

And so Chris was standing outside their office, fiddling with his new STARS issued combat knife. Slapping the case against his palm, he leant against the sign on the wall, trying to appear casual but failing as he almost dropped the encased knife on his foot. He had been waiting for Wesker for little more than ten minutes when he was rewarded with the sight of the slender man trudging down the hallway, a stack of folders under his arms.

Shouldering himself off of the wall, Chris took a deep breath and watched Wesker approach. "Hey, Captain, I was wondering—" Chris began as Wesker threw the door open to the office and strode in, an eyebrow rising as the only indication he even heard Chris.

"I don't have time to talk, Christopher," Wesker said, placing the folders down on his desk. "As you can see, we have an influx in cases and I don't have the time or the patience."

Following Wesker into the office, Chris closed the door and looked at the stack before back up at Wesker. "It won't take long, I just—"

"No, I said I don't have the time," Wesker growled out, moving out from behind his desk to head back to the door, glancing at his watch quickly.

"Can't you just—" Chris began yet again, but was cut off when Wesker pushed Chris against the wall and slammed his hand on the wall beside Chris' head. Pushing himself close, Wesker stayed centimeters away from touching Chris, his intoxicating scent surrounding him. Hot breath washed over Chris' face as he stared back at his Captain, refusing to be intimidated.

"Can't you just what, Chris? Can't you just explain why you ran away like a confused teenager? Can't you just explain why you acted so rudely and childish? Can't you just explain your feelings and emotions?" Wesker hissed out, a mocking tone added to the end piece of his outburst.

Chris swallowed his anger and raised his chin slightly, trying to not let the proximity affect him. "I just wanted to explain to you why I ran off, but if you're going to be such a bastard about it I guess it doesn't matter."

"You don't need to explain why," Wesker said, his jaw clenched tight. "You're confused about your sexuality and decided that you'd rather run away from your issues than face them."

Sliding his hand off of the wall, Wesker moved away from Chris and went to the door, ripping it open with more force than necessary. "I don't have time to play your teenage love games, so I suggest you figure things out before you drag me into it."

"Fuck you," Chris whispered as Wesker left the room, door slamming shut behind him. Clenching and unclenching his fists, Chris took a few steadying breaths before pushing himself off of the wall.

Later- he could try and confront the man again later. He wasn't one to back down from a fight.

**XX**

It was near the end of the day, and Barry, Brad, and Chris were all back in the office, finishing up the day's work when Wesker walked back into the office after being gone for the remainder of the day. Chris had been busy stewing in his own anger while going over what he was going to tell Wesker numerous times in his head, a certain amount of desperation mounting inside him.

He had to get his feelings out to Wesker. Had to tell him that he wanted-

"I know this is short notice, and I realize I should have told you all earlier, but as we continue to face more and more situations that begin to overwhelm us, I began to feel that we needed more help," Wesker started, snapping Chris out of his musings to look up at him. "With more funding given to our unit, we were able to hire some more able bodies to join the team. And so, I would like to introduce to you all the newest member of the STARS Alpha team."

Stepping into the room, a petite brunette woman walked into the office and stopped beside Wesker, a hesitant smile gracing her lips.

"Hi, nice to meet you all- I'm Jill Valentine."

Jill Valentine has entered the building! Maybe some of you were wondering when she would show up- well here she is! Excited? Also, do you all remember geocities- I just heard yahoo shut the servers down last year! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and the next one should be posted soon! Things are going to get even more interesting! Also, once again thank you for all of the reviews/watches/favorites- you're all so amazing!