Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the below piece of fiction, Capcom does.

Warning: Nothing

Authors Note: Okay, good news and bad news! First! Everyone should go read 'Lacuna' by Lastglances. It's an awesome story and everyone should go and check it out, because it seriously deserves attention. Also, it's WeskerxChris. Secondly! I need to go on another hiatus. I know you guys don't want to hear this, but it needs to happen. I'm having some health issues that have come up, and it could be pretty serious. Not life threatening or anything, but I need to get rid of my stress levels while I work things out. So yes, another hiatus. Hopefully I'll only miss about two updates- so 20 days. It should not be longer than that. Just know that I AM NOT ABANDONING THE STORY. I just need to work things out health wise, so please respect that.

Chapter 37- Farewell

Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. ~Jean Paul Richter~

"You're not leaving because... you know, of what happened, right?"

Oh God, please don't be upset.

"No, I have work to do—you know that better than anyone else."

Of course... Yes, work. He always has work.

"Oh... Well, I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes, you should get some sleep before you arrive at the office. We're going to have a long night."

Sleep... Yeah, sleep would be good. The mission is coming up. Bravo team is leaving in a few hours...

"You should too—you look beat."

"I appreciate your concern, Chris, but I will be fine. Enjoy having the day off."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay? Hang out for a bit?"

Please say yes, please say yes, please say—

"No, I really have things to attend to. Take care, dear heart."

Fuck.

Shutting the door after a final kiss, Chris let Wesker leave his apartment without telling him what he had just discovered, despite desperately wanting to. When Wesker had finished his shower and had dressed, Chris had repeated the word 'love' over and over again in his head, his lower back and elbows aching as he continued to stare out the window, mind wandering off as it occasionally did.

He was in love with Wesker.

He was head over heels in love with Albert Wesker.

He was in love—plain and simple.

It felt good. It felt right. It felt... amazing and wonderful and... and scary. Dear God, he was in love with Wesker. What did this mean, exactly? Was he going to tell Wesker how he felt? Would Wesker accept the confession and even have one himself? Or would he laugh in his face and brush it off like it was nothing special? He wanted to think it through first. Wanted to cradle and nurture the feeling for a time—he had time, right?

Bouncing his knee in the bathroom, Chris sat on the edge of the tub and let the water flow into the basin, filling it all the way up. He felt on edge, antsy and high strung. When he had been inside Wesker he felt whole; complete and safe. But as soon as it was finished, as soon as he had opened the window and that moment of clarity had come, it disappeared, leaving him questioning and nervous.

The feelings went far beyond simple apprehension towards his newfound feelings for Wesker, as well. While those were enough to make his knee bounce, there was another feeling of unease surrounding him, making his mouth dry and his tongue thick in the back of his throat. Today had started good, but as soon as Wesker left he began to have reservations about... something.

Watching the water rush out of the tap at an alarming speed, Chris dipped his fingers in to feel the hot water caress the digits, making his skin pink. Trying to push past the emotions that were threatening to throw him off his game, he went back to simpler thoughts.

He was in love with Wesker.

**XX**

Chris ended up soaking in the tub for quite some time, letting himself indulge in something he rarely ever did. He blamed his love of baths on his mother. She had always taken a long evening bath when he was a child, and he remembered how she would always come out smelling of roses and the pages of a book she had been reading. When he grew older he was put in charge of helping bathe Claire, and more often than not he was in the tub with her, dumping the small bucket of water over her head as their father tried to tame them—the majority of the water ended up out of the tub and on him and the floor after all was said and done.

Baths had a good connection to them, and yet he rarely took them. But today was an exception. Watching the soap bubbles collect at the top of the water, Chris tried to forget about all of the tension he was feeling in his shoulders and the unneeded stress, and simply let go—he hadn't relaxed like this in weeks. Closing his eyes, he rested his head back against the harsh edge of the tub, not caring that it dug in a little. Making his mind go blank, he simply floated, the warm water sliding against his skin while the drip of the tap into the bathtub resounded around the room, helping him stay in a calm, relaxing mood. Letting out a soft sigh, Chris didn't think about anything, not even Wesker. It was his time... His time and no one—

The sudden ring of the phone pushed Chris out of his Zen-like state, and he felt as if he had been dumped into a bucket of ice cold water, heart jumping in his chest. Sitting up quickly, the water slapped against the side of the tub and a few drops threatening to fall over the edge and onto the bathmat. Growling as the ringing continued, he decided he had spent enough time soaking anyways and got out of the bathtub, pulling the plug as he did so. Stepping out, he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist before hurrying to the phone. Grabbing it on the last ring,

Chris brought it to his ear, only to hear a pre-recorded message about how he had won a vacation from a draw he hadn't even entered.

Pulling it away from his ear, Chris eyed the white receiver before placing it back in its cradle, once again pissed off. For a moment he began to understand what it must feel like to be a woman on her period. Last night he was angry, upset, in pain, and frightened. In the morning he became happy, in love, and completely content, only to feel sudden reservations and fear once again as reality sank in.

Then the bath came, putting him back in the game. He had been ready to serve as back-up for the mission. But this stupid missed call threw him off again, making him storm around his apartment, gathering his clothes, brushing his teeth, and shaving all at the same time. He needed to get out of this place or he'd start to go crazy with his own thoughts. Entering the bedroom, he noticed that the bed was still messy from their coupling; a large stain was in the middle of the sheets from their previous activities. For some reason it bothered him more than usual.

Ripping them off of the bed, he stuffed the white sheets into the laundry hamper and moved to change the covers on the pillows before pausing. Taking the pillow Wesker had used last night, he brought it up to his nose and took in a short breath, smelling Wesker's cologne and musk on the fabric, mixed with the slightest scent of Chris' shampoo. Fiddling with the corner of the pillow, Chris looked at the laundry hamper, back at the bed, then back at the laundry hamper. His sheets didn't have to match his pillows, he decided before tossing the pillow back on top of the mattress.

Pulling his socks on, Chris sat on the edge of the mattress and once again thought of Wesker's face as he climaxed. God, he was gorgeous... sensual... handsome. Maybe Wesker would come over tonight after the mission was done and Bravo team returned. Maybe they could sleep, and then have a proper morning together. Chris would even buy him breakfast and they could start from scratch—rebuild the pieces that had crumbled on the day he'd broken it off with Wesker.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Chris was sick of maybes. No, tonight he was going to tell Wesker—tell him he was in love with him. Screw nurturing and holding onto the feeling. He had been in love with Wesker for months but refused to admit it. Now was the time to tell him.

But what if Wesker didn't feel the same way...?

In the back of his mind, Chris told himself that he didn't care if Wesker felt it or not, that what mattered was letting Wesker know his own personal feelings. If he knew, then they could re-build a proper relationship. That was, if Wesker wanted to. But at the front of his mind and in his heart, Chris had a feeling that Wesker didn't or wouldn't return those feelings. Wesker was dedicated to his work and to himself—no one else really mattered. Although at times he felt a little more tenderness and sensitivity from Wesker, he had never really felt love.

Wesker desired him and that he enjoyed having him around... But he never felt like he was needed like Chris needed him. It hurt, to realize that.

But he still loved Wesker... He loved him quite a bit. He knew he was a fool but he had to tell Wesker, despite knowing he probably didn't feel the same way. He was going to tell him soon—he had to. Standing up, Chris gave his ruffled up bed one more look before leaving his apartment, still desperate to get out and do something.

**XX**

He ended up going into work anyways, despite not needing to be in until seven when Bravo team would need help gearing up. The RPD was still tense, but knowing that STARS was going in to investigate the murders seemed to soothe a lot of people's nerves. While the occasional glare was sent here and there, unnecessary verbal disagreements were had, and a few fights had broken out, things were calming down. It felt as if everything was going back to normal, slowly but surely. Chris had begun to feel a little better about going into work, even though the last few weeks had been hell on account of Wesker. But now that Wesker was back in his life and the mission might be coming to a close soon, he didn't feel like an anvil was constantly above him, waiting to drop upon his head as soon as he stepped into the building.

No, now he felt like the anvil was only sometimes over his head threatening to drop at a moment's notice. It was an improvement.

Going to the STARS office, Chris wasn't surprised to see no one in, all of them having taken the day off that had been offered to them. Wesker had been unusually kind in letting them take the day off, but he realized why. Bravo team was going in at night, and there was no telling how long they'd be there for. If Wesker's indications were correct, everyone would be up until the early morning and he couldn't have any of his men suffer from sleep deprivation while on the job.

Walking over to his desk, Chris sat down and opened the bottom drawer, the wood squeaking against the sides of the desk as he did so. Pushing past papers, a few sticks of gum, a packet of cigarettes, and a pen that had a naked chick on it, Chris managed to find his little green journal, and tossed it up on his desk before grabbing one of the sticks of gum. Shutting the drawer, he unwrapped the gum from its foil cover and stuffed it in his mouth before opening his journal, running his hands along the sheets that had been filled. Feeling his own writing under his fingertips, Chris didn't have to re-read it all to realize how depressing he had been on the pages. He felt a little ashamed and pitiful reading through a few passages and seeing how emotionally unstable he had been thanks to Wesker.

Deciding to make a new entry that was less depressing and more uplifting, Chris began to scribble the date on a new sheet of paper, a blank canvas.

July 23rd, 1998...

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

Snapping his attention up from his journal when he heard a familiar voice, Chris smiled at Richard while he strode into the office, the new girl trailing behind... Rebecca was her name, right?

"Nothing, what about you?" he asked, casually shutting his book.

"I was bored and decided to come over. Rebecca was already here practicing in the shooting range when I came down," Richard explained, smiling as the two of them came to stand close to Chris.

Chris eyed Rebecca's arms for a second, wondering if she'd even be able to shoot a basic 9mm handgun before shrugging. "Couldn't just sit at home either, hey?"

"Too much excitement to look forward to tonight." Shrugging, Richard grabbed Jill's chair and pulled it to the side so he could sit down while Rebecca continued to stand awkwardly to the side, her small fingers playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Why don't you sit down, too?" Chris said to her, causing her to smile slightly. "Barry's desk is free—just don't look through the top drawer. I suspect he left a sandwich in there by accident and hasn't opened it in fear of what might creep out."

"Right, sir," she said, going to sit down in the chair. She looked ridiculously small in it.

"So what do you think of Kevin?" Richard asked.

"Huh? Oh, Kevin, the new pilot, right? I guess he's all right, I haven't spoken to him much," Chris said, pushing his journal under a few sheets of paper. Rebecca seemed to notice, but didn't say anything as Richard remained oblivious.

"I still find it strange that we have so many pilots for the helicopters. It's thrown me off a little."

"Really?" Chris asked, finding he shared similar feelings, despite not being part of Bravo team. Ever since Joseph joined, things felt too shaken up, but it wasn't anything desperately strange.

Pursing his lips, Richard looked at the clock before speaking. "I don't know... I just have a weird feeling about tonight. I guess I'm just getting excited. How are you feeling, Rebecca?"

"Good," she squeaked out, almost too quickly. She blushed a little at the end and once again went to play with the hem of her shirt. "Nervous, too."

"Don't be, you'll be fine. You're a good shot and it's not likely you'll need to use your gun. You're the medic so patch me up if I need it, all right?"

Smiling, Rebecca nodded and went to look at Chris before turning her attention back to Richard. "Y-yeah, I will."

Rebecca was too jumpy, Chris decided. And too small. And too young.

He still had no idea what Wesker had been thinking when he hired her—she looked like a liability.

"So, Chris... I heard you're the best shot of the group," Rebecca said, obviously trying to make conversation with him.

"Tell Forest that and he'd kill you," Chris joked, smiling a little. In the back of his mind all he could think about was his feelings for Wesker and how damn nervous he was to tell him, but tried to prevent his mind from wandering around too much. Although Chris' lack of conversation must have put Rebecca out, because she sat back a little and once again went to fiddle with her shirt, taking Chris' quiet for a lack of manners.

He was just about to say something else to make up for his silence, but Jill walked into the room and all thoughts about easing the tension with Rebecca were gone.

"What is it with the Captain and pie?" Jill said as she entered the office, civilian clothing on.

Richard made a curious sound, and turned around in his chair, waiting for some elaboration of her statement. "I was just in the break room and opened one of the fridges in there to see a little container with a piece of lemon meringue pie in it, and a sticky note was stuck to the top. On it, it said 'Wesker's—Don't Touch. I Mean It.'"

Richard let out a mirthful laugh, and Chris couldn't help but smile himself.

"God, I love him," Chris whispered under his breath, shaking his head. Returning his attention to the real world, he saw Rebecca give him a strange look he couldn't read, before Richard spoke, snapping them both out of whatever had occurred between them.

"Hey, feel like a game of cards?"

Furrowing his brow, Chris waited until Rebecca changed her expression before nodding slowly, her gaze avoiding his own once again. "Sure, a game of cards sounds like a good idea."

Rebecca was a strange one, that was for sure.

**XX**

Chris wasn't too terribly surprised to see more and more STARS members show up throughout the afternoon. They simply kept the card games going until they had to pile three sets of decks together so everyone could play a game of Go Fish. It all got terribly complicated, and by the end of it, Chris was actually happy to see Wesker and Enrico show up to break up the mini-party. After cleaning up the office and setting things straight, most of Alpha team stayed in the office to set up the communications desk, but Chris found himself going down with Wesker to the gun locker room, joining Bravo team as they geared up.

"You better not tell me ridiculous jokes over the radio," Forest said as he checked his grenade launcher over, a weapon Chris found totally impractical for the situation.

"They don't let me near the system anymore. Not after what I said over the radio during that Bringingham and Co. case we had a while back." Chris had, at some point, snatched the radio from Richard when Forest dared him to, and told Wesker through his headset that he liked his ass in those combat pants of his. Chris, of course, did like how his ass looked in those pants, but he made it sound like a joke to hide his true feelings.

Wesker, to say the least, was not impressed. He was yelled at in front of everyone and banned from using the radio system. Later on, behind closed doors, he was also 'punished' in another way. He couldn't sit properly for a week after that little adventure.

Pausing, Forest placed the launcher on his lap and stared off, a small smile on his lips. "Ah, yes, that time... I remember it fondly." Winking, Forest slapped Chris' chest gently with his hand before standing up, resting the gun over his shoulder.

"Are you all prepared?" Wesker asked, stopping the idle chatter that was going on in the room.

Everyone replied with confidence, and Chris couldn't help but get excited even though he wasn't going out there. It was time Bravo team had their moment to shine, and seeing them getting ready in such a professional manner made him realize they were just as good as Alpha team—maybe better. After all, they were always considered the second group—the backup or the less experienced ones, and yet they never complained. And most of the time they got the job done without a hitch, something Alpha team would be proud of as well if not for their own slip-ups over the months. Chris still thought of the day Wesker was shot.

"Good," Wesker replied, throwing the door of the locker room open, indicating it was go time. Heading up to the roof with Bravo team, Chris paused on the second floor and decided to head back to the office before the helicopter took off. Despite being a pilot, the sound of the turbines on the helicopter gave Chris a headache more often than not.

"I'll see you later, all right?" he said, nudging Forest's arm as they parted ways.

"Yeah, and remember: no radio for you," he said, winking before passing, his grenade launcher catching the light for a second, giving his wink and grin an entirely cartoony appearance.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, waving Forest off before opening the door to one of the main hallways. Nodding to Edward, Chris wished him luck and smiled at Richard before leaving the already too cramped hallway.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Chris shrugged off the tingling feeling in his spine and the palms of his hands, and walked to the STARS office, glancing out one of the windows as he passed to see how dark it already was.

Opening the door to the office, Chris flopped down on his chair and propped his feet up on the desk, his back to Barry and Joseph as they fiddled with the recording devices.

"Did you see them off all right?" Barry asked, voice a little distant as he plugged headphones into what he hoped was the headphone jack.

"Yup," Chris simply replied.

**XX**

"Couldn't sit still for too long either, huh?"

Chris could see Wesker's back stiffen slightly, his relaxed posture taking on an air of tension as he continued to stare out across the city, his hands resting on the ledge of the RPD's roof.

"No... The office is too crowded with all of you in it," Wesker replied, his voice soft compared to the sound of the street below. Moving to stand beside him, Chris nodded, his short fingernails digging into the palm of his hand as he tried to ease his nerves. Bravo team had been gone for about fifteen minutes when he began to grow antsy sitting in the office. Joseph and Barry were covering the first part of the communication shift, and the rest of Alpha team was left sitting around, trying to feel useful but failing.

Wesker had spent about three minutes in the office, casually sitting in his chair before he got up without a word and headed out. Chris tried not to let Wesker's abrupt exit excite him too much, but his nerves got the better of him. If he could catch Wesker alone now, maybe he could tell him right away. Tell him he loved him and get it out of the way.

Because try as he might, he just could not focus on anything but Wesker...

"How did you know I would be here?" Wesker asked after a time just as Chris' throat became dry.

"Just figured it's quiet up here now that the helicopters aren't being worked on," Chris mumbled, resting his hip against the small wall so he could see Wesker on one side, and the spot where they shared their second kiss if he turned ever so slightly on the other.

Wesker simply hummed, his stance never changing as he continued to look out across the city. He seemed like his usual stoic self, but after sharing that moment with him that morning, Chris couldn't help but see him as a different man—a new man. They both had changed, and Chris could see it on Wesker. He hoped Wesker could see the changes he had brought to Chris as well.

"So... did you maybe want to come over tonight, after the mission? I was thinking in the morning we could talk and—" Chris began, trying not to sound like a fool. Only Wesker cut him off before he could say anything more, his voice sharp.

"Chris, stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop trying to make things all right between us. You've been treading around me all day because of this morning like I'm a delicate piece of china. I'm already terribly sick of it."

"O-oh..." Frowning, Chris turned away from Wesker slightly, wondering what the hell to say. Wesker beat him to the punch, though.

"I knew what I was doing this morning, and I do not regret it, so stop troubling yourself over it. If I know anything about you, I know how you worry yourself sick over situations you can't control. So I am telling you now, I am fine." The entire time Wesker said this, he never once looked at Chris, his expression that of a statue as he continued to stare out at the city, the lights reflecting off of his sunglasses.

Well, at least he pretty much told Chris to stop worrying. That was a start... A good start. Chris could stop worrying and... No, no, he couldn't. He still hadn't told him what he really needed to tell him.

Thumping his fist gently on the cement wall a couple of times, Chris felt the rough stone jump against his skin, and he followed it up by flattening his hand, sliding it against the wall until it was close to Wesker's own. Moving to stare out at the city with Wesker, he took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind.

If he told him now—tonight on this day—then he would be ready to move on. Whether that be with or without Wesker. He was ready.

"Wesker... I have something to tell you," he began, voice strong despite his knees threatening to give in on him. "And I don't want you to say anything, because I just need to say it."

Taking a deep breath, Chris felt Wesker shift beside him, but didn't turn to look at him. Taking another breath, he began to feel his resolve breaking, the thoughts of how Wesker would never—could never—love him back surfacing to the forefront. He couldn't get the words to come out... He just couldn't do it.

"Christopher?"

Wesker's voice snapped him out of his daze, his body suddenly moving as Wesker touched his shoulder. "What is it you wanted to say?"

Turning to look at Wesker, Chris opened and closed his mouth a few times as his mind screamed at him to say it was nothing, that he was just trying to fill the silence. But Wesker didn't seem to want to wait for an explanation, and instead moved to kiss him slowly, his thin lips gently pressing against Chris' own.

Trying to stop himself from shaking, Chris reached out to cup Wesker's jaw, pressing back. Parting his mouth, Chris felt Wesker's lips catch his bottom lip in a soft kiss, before a gentle nibble was applied, making him open his mouth further.

Pressing himself close, Chris closed his mind off from everything, and simply eased into the familiar and yet still exciting motion of kissing Wesker... Kissing the man he loved. It didn't last for too long, but it was enough to ease Chris' fears and make him do something rash. Breaking the kiss, Chris let out a soft puff of air, his lips tingling as he stared into the black frames he'd become so accustomed to.

"I'm in love with you."

There. He had said it. The ball was in Wesker's court, and Chris told himself he was ready for whatever he had to throw at him. He could feel his body stiffen, the softness on his features disappearing quickly—and Chris held on believing he was going to be okay even though Wesker was pulling away, his thin fingers sliding off of his arms with that graceful ease they always possessed.

"I don't expect you to feel the same way, Wesker... I never did. But I wanted you to know this—tell you how I felt so that maybe we could—maybe we could move on or grow apart. Either way, I think I needed to tell you," he said, explaining himself even though he didn't think he needed to.

Wesker continued to stay silent, his attention once again returning to the city skyline. Maybe he needed time to think? Maybe he needed to be alone for a bit... think things through like Chris did this morning. Tapping his fingers against his thigh, Chris watched Wesker for a moment longer before biting his bottom lip. "I'm going... I'm going to go back down to the office. I'll... I'll let you be," he said, moving away from Wesker. Heading towards the door, he spared Wesker one last look and noticed he had turned completely to stare out at the city, his back to him.

Sighing softly, he opened the door and went back to the office, his footsteps heavy in his head. He wanted to sleep, to just collapse and not wake up for a few years. Taking in a shaky breath, he continued to convince himself that Wesker just needed time to think and contemplate, and that his silence was not a bad sign, but simply a sign that would take a little longer for Chris to comprehend himself.

Opening the door to the STARS office, he closed it softly, staring at his shoes for a time before composing himself enough to look up at his fellow teammates. He was worried they might see the sudden apprehension and sadness in his features, but was surprised to see worried looks on all of their faces.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked, moving forward.

Barry seemed hesitant to answer before he replied, voice low. "We've lost contact with Bravo team."

I know this is a terrible time to go on a hiatus, but... well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. But hopefully you'll all sit tight and wait it out, and the next chapter will be worth it! And I want to thank you guys for all of the support you've given me- I really, really appreciate it. Also, your reaction to the latest chapter was awesome, but to those of you who were hesitant about bottom!Wesker please keep in mind Wesker has a reason for everything he does... BUT I LOVE YOU ALL! Have a good few weeks!