After resting the night the party set out for the dungeon. Hunter's called it a "bonus dungeon", a classification they give to areas they consider a true mystery. It wasn't exactly lethal true, but there was also the problem that nobody had figured it out yet, and it didn't seem to belong to any ancient culture known. Thus nobody knew what kind of or how much treasure could possibly lie in its final chambers.
"Waste of time, or biggest mother lode of the decade? Will you live like a king? Or will you be driven insane by the secrets hidden within?" Was the general tagline for these things. Always a good amount of takers, but few of them ever did solve them. The ones that did, however, usually ended up quite wealthy and lived very well. That is, if they were moderately good at investing and had but a modicum of restraint in the usage of funds acquired (I.e. didn't throw a "cocain party" every day they could manage). Not many hunters fit the aforementioned profile (no points for guessing how fast they'd run through a "fat sack" of Drachma). Still, solving a bonus dungeon usually enabled a few years of truly conspicuous consumption without a need to work. Hence the large number of people who always attempted them.
This party, of course, was not interested in such things. They were out to 'save the world' as it were, the most hackneyed of clichés in storytelling. However, the thought of getting wealthier in the process didn't bother them in the slightest (I dare anyone to find a person who would be, just saying).
The weather was especially bad though, they were walking through a Hothian blizzard. It forced everyone save Inari to down their Maximum Strength Cold resist potions just to keep moving in spite of the fact they had dressed appropriately for this climate.
"This isn't good, I can barely see in front of me." Said Alex.
"Everyone hold hands!" Yelled Koine. They all formed a chain with her at the lead. She was essentially trying to drag all of them towards the anomaly her artifact detected.
"I assume Vajra is the contractor correct?"
Alex was talking about her new headgear/artifact. Imagine a set of headphones tilted forward so that the plastic arch was in front of your eyes. Only it was like you were supposed to put them on that way, and the arch completely covered the area around your eyes (even your eyebrows, unless you raised them). It was textured all over with hexagons, and it would occasionally shine various colors from left to right then back again, or outward in a diamond-esque pattern and then back again, or just random hexagons shining, could never tell what the next 'wave' would bring. From Koine's perspective it was not unlike looking through the visor of a certain fictional sci-fi heroine that's famous for slaughtering an energy draining species. She didn't know that of course, but hey, it's not my job to help her realize that the pactio spirits tend to like whatever people think is "cool" and cough up artifacts that shamelessly enable/rip off those concepts at every possible opportunity. Seriously, if Scott knew about them he'd compare them favorably to 'pattern spiders'.
"Nope, got this in a shop long before I met him."
"What's it called?"
"Translated, it is called The Eye of Ipos."
"What's it do?"
"Im not entirely sure. It seems to just grant several vision modes as well as give me relevant data about something if I scan it. The data is very through, as if I had studied it in the past and were looking over my notes in the future. However…"
"Now now dear, let's not bore him with techno babble." Interrupted Vajra.
"So if it has several vision modes, wouldn't it enable you to pierce illusions and other effects?"
"Yes actually, but it can't defend against compulsion or memory altering effects even if the scanner tells me it's coming and it hits me anyway. Only an Anti-mage or one like yourself is able to do so. Fun fact anomaly, an anti-mage is still vulnerable to illusions that catch them flat-footed. It's one of the best counters to them really, especially if combined with firearms. This is why you, in some instances, surpass even the anti-mage. Illusions just don't work on you period."
"Yet in the ultimate analysis they can lead relatively normal lives. Whilst I, who inspires instinctual hatred by my very presence, am doomed to be an outcast. (Damnit, that came out all emo, Scott'd ream my ass if he were here.)"
"Why the hell are you complaining you dumbass?" Said a very pissed off Inari, "You should be on you knees praising God for that ability! I mean seriously, that power, along with alllll the alienation and grief it's brought you, is the reason you've become who you are. Yeah, it's 99 percent responsible for the fact that damn near everyone you ever met hated you. That's rough, I understand that. However, if it wasn't for that you would've never became a badass criminal, learned about magic's existence, studied your ass off because you just couldn't accept that as the answer to all the weird shit going on around you, met your son as a result of the criminal activity your outcast status drew you towards, met Niven, met us, became a pretty good magic knight slash mystic marksman, are instrumental in our plans to destroy the throne, and as a result will probably end up saving the grand majority of your species from regressing back to the fucking stone age! So, rather than becoming yet another boring, uninteresting, worthless salary man who spends all day tossing his boss's salad in the vain hope of one day becoming CEO of some random evil zaibatzu, you've become someone important and just maybe a bit respectable. So for Christ's sake you little bitch, show some gratitude!" Finished Inari. After a monologue of that size you'd think she'd have to catch her breath… but you'd be wrong.
"(And there's the reaming) I know, sorry." Said Alex.
"Don't be such a doormat Alex! You can fight back can't you?" Said Paula.
"She's right. I should be thankful. Still, the baggage exists master. I grew up with everyone, even my parents, hating my very existence. You can't know what that is like."
She sent a pressure wave his way, a malicious look on her face as she sheathed her sword. "I'm sorry, did I just hear you being a little bitch again?"
He cut through this attack reflexively as well.
"What kind of master attacks their student like that?" She unleashed more kanka enhanced iaido out yet more times, and he cut through them all the same.
"One that won't take that kind of shit from her pupils!" She yelled.
"This is getting us nowhere, stop attacking."
"Why should I!" She lunged at him and attacked him directly, their blades locking as a result.
"Because I'm asking nicely, please stop attacking me." Her aura flared up, he struggled to keep her at bay.
"Do you surrender?" She smiled. She was close to breaking his guard and they both knew it.
"Of course not. I just want us to conserve strength in case we run into an enemy." He retorted despite his obvious disadvantage.
"Good," She relented, "Glad to see you've been paying attention."
"Yes yes, I know they don't get much more tsuntsun than this my friend," Paula whispered to Alex a few moments later (once she was absolutely sure Mikoto was out of any beings reasonable earshot in this shitiest of weather), "But stick it out Cipher. When girls like that get dere, ohhohohohooooo…"
"I already told you, I don't think of her like that." He responded.
"Sure. Right. I believe you." She said sarcastically.
"I really don't." He lies, LIES! Both to Paula and himself, but oh so perfectly.
"I can see it!" Said Tsuruda as the horizon-scan mode revealed an opening in the mountain.
"How far?" yelled Vajra.
"Not very! Just follow me, we won't even have to climb!" She responded.
"This blizzards getting worse by the minute! It's grand magic I'm sure of it!" Yelled Itsuki as he tried to get his voice to carry over the howling winds.
"Cipher, suppress your ability for a moment!" Bellowed Koine, he barely heard her.
"Alright." He closed his eyes and forced his area of effect down to near nothing. No small feat.
Everyone but him nodded. She handed each of them a few pills.
"What are these!" Yelled Cipher in his usual emotionless tone, the howl of the storm making communication nearly impossible through conventional means.
"You know how you need to get drunk to get rid of those headaches! These pills mimic that effect without any of the other symptoms! Keeping everyone at top performance even if something is breaking out the good stuff!" Responded a proud mad scientist, "Now, if you would be so kind as to expand your aura so that we're all covered…"
"As you wish." They all popped the pills. They felt weird for a moment, then felt fine. As they entered the cave they felt a slight tingling within their skulls, but nothing major or debilitating. Everyone that is, save Sneck and Vajra. Those two fell to their knees, gripping their heads and screaming in agony.
"Ahhhahahahaha!" Laughed Koine villianously, "And THAT is for getting me shitfaced on the sly you bastards!" It'-HO-HOOOP!" Cried Vajra as he convulsed on the ground. Sneck had naturally produced a gallon jug of whiskey and was chugging it down at maximum speed. She ripped the bottle from his hands and took a swig.
"Gah! This is the cheapest shit on the market! Here ya go you idiots, enjoy." She tossed them both a pill. This time they weren't placebos. They downed them greedily, a few moments later they were on their feet.
"I thought you loved me!" Yelled Vajra, a look of genuine hurt on his face.
"I do, but if I don't discipline you who will? Besides, I haven't done anything to you I haven't done to myself." She said matter of factly.
"You let Ffion nail her with her best mindfuck while under your effect!" Asked a shocked Sunny, restraining the desire to strangle Alex to death. Though that scene did appear above his head in thought.
"Yes. She said it was in the interest of science. I told her it'd hurt enough to justify suicide but she didn't believe me."
"Koine, are you serious?" He inquired.
"I needed to know if the effects were universal. Betting the farm on just four results is for undergrads though. Scientists of my caliber need a more sizable and varied test group. Would get 20 or 30 people from each species in on this, but given how hush hush this all is I'll take what I can get." Answered Tsuruda.
"Do you ever stop experimenting?" Sunny said in an annoyed tone.
"Me? Stop? Blasphemy!"
" *sigh* Why did I fall for you in the first place?"
"No idea. Still, I know why I fell for you."
"Cuz you can't figure me out?" He asked.
"Exactly! And the fact that you seem to have me down so well only compounds my infatuation for some reason! No matter how much I study you I can never nail you down yet you read me like a goddamned book! Oooooh!" She raised her fist in front of her with veins popping up in crosses on her forhead, yet she was obviously blushing. In that moment she was the incarnation of contradiction.
"Heh, you're friggin' nuts Koine." He said as he held her clasped her fist, the others silently agreeing. Coincidentally, that eliminated the veins of anger, leaving only a luminescent blush.
As this was going on Alex had started exploring the room. He saw three archways leading to other chambers. He tried the one straight ahead, only to have a stone slab slam down right in front of his face. Naturally, this got everyone's attention.
"Damn they trying to kill us!" Said Sneck
"(Oh hell, this is right out of one of Scott's games)" Thought Alex, secretly hoping it really was. Because he'd pretty much been forced to memorize this kind of thing. Given the way the world truly is, that otaku trait may have been the greatest "perk" Scott purchased at his own creation, but I'm getting ahead of myself…
"I don't have time for this." Said Koine as a large Gauss cannon materialized in her hands in a cool sci-fi way.
Vajra wrapped his hands around hers and anchored himself,"You ready my dear?" He asked.
"Fire!" Tsuruda yelled enthusiastically as Cipher dived for his life. A blinding flash emanated from the barrel, followed by a deafening boom. The slab didn't make it. Disintegrated by the power of science.
"Who needs keys when you got MAC's?" Asked Koine.
"I love it when you get destructive." Whispered Sunnynight into her ear.
"I know." They kissed.
"Hey you almost killed me." Said Alex with smoke rising from his head, a noticeable chunk of his hair now missing.
"Go farther Sunny! Gope her tits and…!" Yelled Paula.
"Silence/Can it you pervert!" Said Itsuki/ Mikoto as they interrupted her by sandwiching her face between their fists, knocking her out cold.
"Thank you." The lover's responded. Too bad they were sent into a wall by Inari's pressure waves right after say ing that.
"What was that for!" They responded simultaneously.
"You just gave my student a ballistic haircut! Alex, don't you want to repay them?"
He summoned a heavy weapon that Koine had ironically built and designed herself. It was big, bulky, and had three tri-barreled Gatling guns on it, "Not really," he would have said sarcastically, "but if you do insist…"
He forced a smile onto his face. He was attempting to make it scary, but as he has little experience with that expression it just ended up looking genuinely happy (which may be creepier, but oh well).
"We're sorry, we're soooooo sorry!" said Vajra, bowing down to Alex over and over again.
"She's not." He adjusted his aim so only Tsuruda would eat lead. Rubber actually, but she didn't need to know that right?
"Your reaction times are at the limits of human capability. Inari's been doing an excellent job training you."
"Say it or I open fire."
"Go ahead."
*Click*…nothing happened.
"You rigged it to ensure it won't fire on you directly, paranoid aren't we. However…" He reached for his big sword.
"Stop it all of you!" Yelled Emiya.
"If you say so kid. Let's keep going everyone. Oh, and Koine," He got within arms reach of her and touched her forehead with an extended middle finger, "I'll get you later."
"I'd love to see you try anomaly." Her evil eyes met a blank expression which ought to have matched her own. Either way, one could practically see lightning flowing between them.
"Now come on people, grudges won't get us closer to the throne. Where to Alex?" Asked Vajra.
"Wherever I feel like sadly. Damn ruins prevent a more rational allocation of resources."
"Ahahahahaha! Just now, you sounded exactly like Koine ." He gave him a very gay look. Obviously he was joking, but still…
"I'm nothing like her." He responded.
"Oh yeah you are. You two are damn near opposite sex clones. Though I bet you're not quite as uptight as her inside. Seriously dude, poker. You'll be rich!" He smiled and gave a thumbs up.
"I know. How do you think I continued to live in comfort after I ditched the underworld?"
"Like Mikoto said, gotta love what you are."
"I guess I do in the end. Still, regrets and possibilities will always linger."
"That is the curse of those bearing a high intelligence score," He said shrugging his shoulders with a conciliatory tone, "We see the unseen cost, we know more than anyone what could have been. Me, Koine, Niven, you, we all bear that burden."
"What about us?" Everyone save the kid asked.
"You too of course. What, think I'm dumb enough to call any of you stupid?"
"What, was that?" The unmentioned unanimously said in deathly calm. They were practically fuming darkness and evil intent.
"Ok, I didn't mean to that." He had talked himself into a corner.
Fun fact, Sunny never had much of a barrier between what he was thinking and what he was saying.
They advanced on him slowly, intending to bestow great violence unto this now pretentious bastard.
"Stop!" Itsuki yelled.
"Why?" Those implied not to be highly intelligent responded with vitriol.
"We're friends aren't we? Can't we tolerate small things like trivial opinions of one another?"
"He just called us stupid!" They pouted most vigorously.
"So? Prove him wrong and make him eat his words." He said eyes closed with a smile. So friggin' adorable.
"Pfff. Damned idealist can't comprehend how hard it is to think straight in the heat of battle." Thought Mikoto.
"Pry thinks keeping all the fetishes and terabytes of porn in my head straight is as simple as missionary." Though Paula.
"You try keeping up with modern undercover pig MO's, bacon boy magecraft, underground network rankings and black market pricing structures. See how it works out for ya ya pretentious goody goody." Though Jason.
Just like that, the hate and tension filling the air dissipated and all resumed their exploration of the ruins. Itsuki had managed to diffuse the situation. It was a skill Niven realized he had shortly after he recruited him years ago in that torched village. Emiya was, tragically, the sole survivor. So much needless death, destruction, and sadness should have traumatized him for life, yet he was able to see the good even in this most terrible of scenarios. It was as if he had not a hint of darkness or hate in his soul. A most creepy trait to all who comprehend what that actually means.
So they continued to explore the ruins, blasting away any obstruction dumb enough to get in their way. They would have made swift progress... if Tsuruda didn't have the compulsive need to scan and take samples of every little thing she came across. She even collected the bugs for crying out loud! Always mumbling, "more samples, more experiments, more data…" as if it was a mantra her life depended on. So after what seemed like an eternity, it looked like they were nearing the end of the dungeon when…
"!" The walls shook, the ground trembled, and the party was shaken.
"What was that?" Alex inquired immediately.
"A dragon." Mikoto responded nonchalantly.
"A dragon. A dragon?" the repeat should have ended with '!' but Alex never tried to hide his condition from these people. Besides, acting like he felt was always a draining task, even more so lately for some reason.
"Very old, very powerful, and very large by the sound of it. Pity they aren't totally sentient like my kind. Like smart monkeys really."
"So this is going to suck very hard isn't it."
"Maybe not, we got a good team here, we can take it."
"They die if you behead them right?" Asked Vajra.
"Everything dies if you behead it," Inari said in an annoyed tone, "Why?"
"Koine? Didn't you want a selling point on that new weapon you just got done building?"
"Yes. Yes I did. It may have massive mystical power, centuries of experience, and fire breath on it's side, buu~uut…" She got on all fours. In an instant her arms and legs elongated, her hands and feet turned into paws and claws, her face and eyes transformed into one befitting a cat, and her entire body was covered in black fur. Oh, and two very large cannon-looking things appeared and strapped themselves to her back.
"I have the math!" She screamed confidently.
"Charge!" Yelled a drunken Sneck and Paula in unison. The party obeyed.