CHAPTER THIRTEEN – We Can Look Forward to Eventually

AN: This follows the last chapter, it's past midnight.

oOo

BPOV

I raced inside the building. Tonight was different.

Tonight I didn't feel content or assured or comforted. The crowd was still yelling and rampant outside the building's doors and tonight I pushed those doors open with my own two hands.

I stole a glance at Charlie's desk, his chair still vacant. I momentarily panicked when I realized how long he'd been gone but I soon came back into present.

I knew what I had to do.

The thought of him caused my chest to tighten. The back of my throat was now dry from the deep, heaving breaths I took, each one even more painful than the previous.

I marched towards the elevator, thankful that I it stopped and arrived almost immediately after the button lit up. I leaned against the wall, the cold of the wood pushing through my jacket and into my bones. My body was rigid. I was exhausted and it was freezing cold.

But I knew that I wasn't going to wait anymore.

Two days. It'd been two days since I saw Edward last.

I'd replayed the conversation over and over again in my mind and I could not find a reason why he was so angry with me. I told him the truth. Sure he had the right to be upset, but not to avoid me for two days straight, letting me fight my battles alone.

I brows furrowed together as my mind scattered memories of the book. I remembered his little, doctor-scribbles all over the page and I wondered again of his motives for giving me that book.

Did he want me to find the quotes?

The elevator was still static in the first floor and my hand reached out to my floor number.

My finger hovered.

And it moved, scooting over to the number 21 before I could change my mind.

The button lit up and the elevator moved.

I took off my sunglasses and perched them folded inside my jacket pocket. My feet shuffled together on the mucky carpeting in anticipation.

I reminded myself that I was done running and avoiding. I looked at the buttons on the far wall and I had to repeat in my mind how I had nothing else to lose.

If Edward was still going to avoid me yet again, and if I was going to continue on with my life, pretending that I didn't know him… I was moving home.

The elevator doors opened and before I knew it, a wooden door was in view.

I took a step forward, my forehead pressing against the peephole.

You have nothing to lose.

I pulled my head back from the closed door and lifted my knuckles up to meet the wood.

oOo

EPOV

A cluster of knocks at my front door echoed in my apartment. I woke up disoriented and achy, pulling my body off the couch. I glanced around my dark kitchen I lifted my left arm. I clearly made out the time from the little arrows.

1 AM.

I mumbled a fluster of curses as I swung my legs over the couch, getting up slowly.

My mind jumped to Alice and all the reasons she could be knocking on the door. I momentarily fixated on the possibility that she was hurt. Alice knew about my shift change though, she wouldn't wake me at this hour for no reason. I made my way in the dark as the sounds of pattering feet following my short walk to my door. I looked down at myself, realizing that I was in nothing but my shirt and boxers.

I couldn't care enough though. Alice wanted to wake me at an inhuman hour; she deserved to see my bare legs. I had a baseball bat leaning against the frame of my door, ready for me to whack the crap out of a robber.

Or something like that.

I stepped back a little to open the door but the back of my feet hit the small puppy.

"Just get back to bed, Claire." I mumbled.

Little pattering footsteps descended down my hall and into silence.

I cracked the door open then, an arm slung over my eyes.

"Fuck, Alice. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

I took the palm of my hand off my eyes and my pupils momentarily squinted and adjusted to the bright hallway lights.

"Bella?"

oOo

BPOV

I listened to the small mutters and mumbles pouring through the doors, Edward's voice gaining clarity as he neared the door.

Grumble grumble. I heard him speak to someone then.

"Just get back to bed, Claire." Grumble.

I released a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and turned around on my heels.

This was not going to turn out great.

I was going to see a half naked Edward, a leggy blonde, almost entirely naked, standing behind him, peering over his shoulder.

Shudder.

But I promised myself that I was done with running and I was going to face this, no matter how awkward it might get.

I turned back to face the door when I heard it open. I could see his face, half covered by the darkness of his apartment. His face turned from a bothered one and softened as he realized it was me.

I exhaled again, blinking away the tears that had started to form in my eyes.

"Bella?"

He said nothing after that.

"You know what? Never mind, Edward. I'll go."

I chewed on my bottom lip as my eyes closed, my feet ready to take me back to the elevator.

"Don't… Don't leave, Bella."

I paused in my movements, still frozen.

"Please. I can see you're not okay."

Of course he could.

I turned around. "I can't, Edward. I'm sorry I… disturbed you."

His expression turned into one of curiosity.

"Disturbed me?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I can see you're…" my eyes flitted towards his apartment, still completely dark inside. "Busy."

I licked my lips, ready to leave again.

"Busy? I was asleep."

I lifted my eyebrows and dropped them again, still refusing to make eye contact with him.

"Yeah, yeah…" I nodded, sucking a deep breath before continuing. "With… Claire."

I looked up at him this time, awaiting his response.

Surprisingly, the corners of his lips turned up into a small smile, adorning his haggard face.

"Claire?" His eyebrow were up, his expression then was one I knew well.

I nodded.

"Claire is my dog."

I opened my mouth to speak.

"You got a dog?"

It was his turn to nod.

At least I was correct about one thing. It was awkward.

"Oh."

We stood awkwardly in silence for a moment. My breathing was still heavy and my eyes filled with tears again.

This was stupid.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Just go back to sleep. I'll go."

His hand caught my elbow as I was turning around.

My body shuddered and quaked and everything I'd been holding in broke free.

My shoulders shook and his strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me close against him.

I'd never felt this weak. Not ever. Never this vulnerable and broken and fragile.

He hushed and whispered sweet nothings into my hair. His arms were strong and safe and gentle around me.

At some point, he lifted me in his arms, my body cradled against his own and he pulled me inside the darkness of his apartment.

oOo

EPOV

I watched as the bruise formed on her cheek, darkening in shades of purple.

My jaw and fists clenched.

I hadn't heard her story yet and I wasn't going to comment on the gnarly bruise.

I doubted this was a coffee table or a kitchen cabinet incident.

My heart swelled at the thought that she went to see me and then deflated again completely when I realized how badly I'd treated her the last time I saw her.

I was going to stay here and I was going to make her better. In any way I could possibly muster.

I held her as she cried into my shirt, her lips mumbling small apologies.

I didn't know why she was apologizing at all.

I should've been the one apologizing to her, so I did what I could.

I waited for her breathing to even out, for her sobbing and shaking to stop. It scared me half to death that this woman whom I just met a month ago, a healthy, happy young woman…

It scared me how much she'd broken down in front of me in the short time that I've known her.

I remembered again how confident and sure and positive she always looked but she was never like that when it was just us.

I thought of that day we'd spent in that coffee shop and I vowed there and then that I would do anything I possibly could to get that girl back. The girl who was smiling and laughing and carefree and honest and bright.

Even if it meant that I had to leave her or that I had to be honest… I was going to do anything.

Her breathing evened out and kept running my fingers through her soft hair. It was something my mother used to do when I was little and it always soothed me.

Her hushed voice broke the silence that'd started to envelop us.

"I don't work for Ben anymore."

I stayed quiet, letting her know that I was listening. When she didn't, I spoke a little, urging her to continue.

"What happened?"

She took a deep breath and her shoulder moved against my chest when she did.

"I quit and he hit me. I left."

I held my breath deep in my stomach and my hand dropped from her hair to her cheek.

I had my hands on her knees now, ready to push her off me.

Her eyes looked back at me in fear.

I scared her.

I was such a monster.

"I'm just grabbing you some ice, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded and I got up and walked to my fridge, pulling out ice cubes and wrapping them in a small towel. I clicked the lights back off on my way back, figuring that Bella and I needed the rest anyways.

When I walked back, I saw that she'd taken off her boots, her feet crossed in front of her. I gave her the cold bundle and she grabbed it from me but I kept my hand on hers as the towel pressed against her cheek.

I sat back down close to her, my hand still on hers, pressing gently at her cheek.

"It's okay, Bella."

She looked up at me, her eyes puffy and red. "Is it?"

"It's going to be." I lifted her knees and placed them over my legs. "We'll be okay."

Our stories could wait.

There would be time in the world for that. But now she needed me just as much as I needed her.

Her head laid down on my chest and I leaned back into the couch.

"I care about you."

She nodded.

"Did you know that?"

She shook her head.

"Now I do." Her voice was still hushed.

I nodded. "Good."

We held each other for a while longer, staying in our own little bubble.

"Edward?"

"Hm?" I started running my fingers through her hair again.

"What is it about the dark that make us whisper?"

It was still Bella.

I chuckled. "I don't know, love."

"Edward?"

I chuckled quietly again. "Yes, love?"

"Why do you call me that?"

I pressed my cheek against her hair.

"I don't know."

She hummed quietly, an affirmation that she'd heard me.

"Anymore questions, Bella?"

"Much more."

I waited for her to continue with her questions. We were still whispering to each other, it was nice.

"Why were you so angry?"

oOo

BPOV

We were silent after that; quiet breathing sounds were the only thing we could hear.

"I guess… I don't know how I can explain this."

"Try."

I needed to hear this.

"I guess… When you were honest with me, I… I took it as a sign that I had to be honest with you too and I'd never had to tell my story to anyone before."

That was reasonable. I waited for him to continue, letting him tell everything in his own pace.

"Everyone I've kept close, or at least, kept me close, had always known the story… People who'd deal with my shit…" He shook his head, chuckling lowly. "I'd never had to tell it before."

"Do you think you'll ever be able to tell me?" I felt bold now, confident enough to ask him what I wanted to know.

The hard planes of his chest moved as he breathed.

"Eventually, I'm sure I will."

I kept quiet.

"It's not a happy story, Bella."

"I know. But you will tell me though, right?"

"Eventually?"

"Eventually."

He stayed silent for a moment. But when he spoke, he was sure.

"For you, Bella, anything."

I nodded, that was enough for now.

oOo

AN:

It's late, I know… I know. Classes are back in motion… Oh the life of a student…

I hope that chapter was worth it. Wrote the last ¾ of it in one sitting.

A few things: mixed responses from the last chapter but a few people told me how they hated Bella and Edward… ME TOO. I knew when I started writing this story that I didn't want my characters to turn into Mary Sue's. They were going to be stupid and broken and retarded and aggravating at times. They were going to screw up over and over again, and again.

After this chapter, things are going to pick up quickly. The happy and fluffy scenes you've been waiting for will happen very soon. I have 5 (?) more chapters planned in my outline plus an epilogue.

About updates, I am writing as fast as I possibly can and I try to post everything as soon as I get things written, so teasers might stop from now on. I still don't have a beta or a pre-reader either so my apologies…

RosAlice22 – ignore that last review. I still heart you.

We are nearing 150 reviews. Once we hit 200, I will shit brix (no promises about that either though)

Follow me on twitter to see when I'm writing (or not writing). letmyheartwin and lemonschlemon

I'll see all of you in chapter 14! Leave me a review :D

-Michelle