"…Many comments. Many, many comments. Oh so many that I could make, and none of them are particularly witty or worthwhile. I do have to say that this one's been a long time coming, though.

"I warn you now, this chapter contains some rather explicit and gratuitous writing that could possibly borderline on the M rating. I assure you, I am not kidding in this matter. If you find yourself easily disturbed or even aroused—yes, aroused—please skip this chapter. This is your last warning.

"…Still here, huh? Well, I suppose this is the time for the next part. The idea for this chapter comes from something written by fellow writer Maannga. Maannga writes an interesting Ocarina of Time parody and mentioned that in the OoT manga, Ruto could talk to Morpha. Reminded of LittleBlueNayru's insane pairings, my mind quickly formulated a bizarre and unusual plan for this chapter. It had to be done and I will likely regret it.

"So, of course, I don't own any of this. And so, without any more delay…Let it…Begin."

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"Heellloooooooo? Anybody home? Liiiinkyyyy? Are you done defending my honor by beating up that slimy monnnnnster?" Ruto's screeches rent the door open, allowing her to enter. Inside, she found a bland room with a depression in the middle. That hole had four large pillars arranged in a square and bearing the event that someone fell into the pit. Most striking, though, was the bright blue water filling the hollow, which exuded a strange presence.

That is, until Ruto noticed the two figures in the back corner, kissing passionately in the nude.

One figure had brown hair that curled up at the shoulders and was clearly a girl. The other was a middle-aged man who seemed like he'd be devoted to anything he put his mind to. On his head was a cylindrical red hat with a black bill and a white tab that read "Mail." As the Zora watched, the two figures moved into an act that Ruto could only describe as horrible beyond words.

Ruto drew a breath to scream at the indecent couple—but found that she was incapable of taking in the air. It reeked with the foul stenches of death and, for some reason, consummation. However, there was a third smell, one that overrode all other senses. The Zora princess couldn't describe it, but it made her long for physical contact.

Whirling around the room, her sense of fish smell found the source:

The blue water. Without hesitation, Ruto jumped in. Rather than give to her form, though, the water cushioned her like a bed. From its sky-colored depths came a crimson orb. The orb seemed to speak to Ruto's soul, telling her what she needed. "Take me now, you sexy monster!"

And take her it did. It started slowly at first, applying pressure to the foreskin. As Ruto moaned in pleasure, Morpha pushed deeper, piercing the covering and pushing further in. Eventually, the tentacle began to pulsate, pleasuring Ruto even further and then further still as it picked up speed. The monster seemed pleased itself, happily pushing further in and applying more pressure.

The process continued for another ten minutes. Finally, Ruto gave a shout of ecstasy, opening her mouth and releasing a room-shaking screech. The shout soon turned to one of excrutiating pain, however, as Morpha's tentacle pushed up through her esophagus and connected back into the water.

One by one, Ruto's organs began to stream out of her body in a grim parade. Heart, lungs, stomach, and spleen; nothing was safe from the ripping force of Morpha's tentacle slime. Amid screams of former joy came horrible amounts of blood. Before long, the princess' body was an empty husk of scales.

Satisfied with its work, Morpha allowed the corpse into its depths to be disintegrated.

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"So," Link inquired, turning away from the one-way wall, "how'd you do it?"

The scientist from Lake Hylia shrugged. "I didn't. Some bottle was left outside by door with instructions. Apparently it's an aphrodisiac."

"Hey! How does it work?" asked Navi. Yes, it was written in a simple manner. Because people hate her, too.

The old man shrugged again. "I couldn't tell you. Say, who's that young man?"

Whipping around, Link and Navi witnessed a young man with pale skin and raven hair swept back like a fireball enter the room. His light tunic was open down to his stomach, and he wore an odd rope knit as a belt. Attached to the belt was a sheathed sword. His voice was smooth, but held obvious scorn. "What is this place…?"

Link, Navi, and the researcher watched in horror as a tentacle snuck up behind the teen…

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"…I warned you. For that matter, I warned me. I warned us all. And none of us listened. But I did it! I wrote it all! Damn me all to…Well, no need to get personal, right? But really, I don't think I'm doing something like this again any time soon.

"Ciao chow, all, and remember that pheromones are dangerous."