Chapter 21: Go Team Bella
A/N: Sorry for not posting last week!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer I am not. I'm just playing with these kids for fun.
Bella tried not to giggle as Edward growled at the various pieces of wood strewn around him.
It was a lazy weekend in early September and things were slowly getting better between them. There were still times when Edward's moods swung almost as crazily as hers did, but he was learning. Sometimes, though, it was very hard to remember what they weren't to each other. Bella often wondered if he felt it anymore: the pull that still existed between them.
More than once she had quietly lamented to herself. Most people lost their first loves. She sincerely doubted that they had to spend so much time with them though.
As her heart throbbed with an all too familiar ache, Bella tried to look away from where Edward sat, cross legged on the floor, assembling the crib he'd bought for her. Instead, she rocked in the same rocking chair that had once occupied the corner of her room in Forks, her eyes trained on the soothing green color she'd decided on for the nursery.
"I don't understand it," Edward mumbled. "I bought the same damn crib for my place, and it came together just fine." He tilted his head, ruefully running his hands through his hair. "Of course, it was Rose who put it together," he admitted.
At his casual mention of her daughter's second nursery, Bella's heart beat a painful tattoo against her chest. Frustration made her blood feel thick and hot in her body, and she hated that she was still in love with Edward. She hated it not only because the pain she felt when he was around was physical, but because it seemed as if she was being punished. Her unplanned pregnancy hadn't been the result of her irresponsibility, but she seemed to be suffering the ill effects anyway. To go along with her aching heart, she would always have to share her daughter.
"Hey, Bella," Edward called, trying to get her attention.
Bella closed her eyes tight, breathing in slowly before she turned to him with a forced smile. "What?"
He wasn't looking at her but was holding up a bag filled with colorful objects. "I thought we decided on the black and white mobile."
Bella bristled as her throat tightened. "I liked that one better."
"But aren't the black and white ones supposed to stimulate the baby's mind or some such thing?"
Her blood went from hot to straight out boiling in the space of a heartbeat. "What are you trying to say?"
Edward looked up, his eyebrows arching skyward. "I'm not-"
Somewhere in the back of Bella's mind, she knew that she was overreacting. That didn't stop her though. It was lucky that she was in the rocking chair as she was able to stand a lot easier that she would have had she been in a normal chair. "You think I don't care about the baby's mind? I guess it'll be my fault if she's not a genius when she gets to school.
"Well, I'm sick and fucking tired of everything being my fault. I made one mistake, Edward, one, unless you count the fact that I let you in my pants at all. You think you can't trust me? I lied once. You lied to me every god damned time you touched me knowing I never would have touched you if I knew what you were really thinking." With that, she pivoted and stormed away from Edward and his gape-mouthed expression, wishing like hell that she wasn't waddling as much as she knew she was.
She went to her room feeling like it almost wasn't far enough. She lay down, and after a few minutes her vision cleared and logic returned. She breathed in and out until the only emotion that remained was a dull irritation. Another outburst she had to apologize for.
No, fuck that. She hadn't said anything that wasn't the truth, regardless of if she'd been provoked or not. She was done apologizing, and if was looking for one he could go jump off a cliff.
Bella started slightly when she felt a hand on her hair and the bed dip slightly behind her. She hadn't even heard Edward come in, but he was there, and he was ... touching her. For a moment she flew, but then she ached when she realized it wouldn't last. Her mind and her heart were at war with each other over whether she should still want this tender touch.
"I was beginning to wonder where you were," Edward murmured softly, sounding a lot more light hearted than she'd expected.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, too tired to try and decode the meaning behind his words.
"The somewhat infuriating woman who never let me get away with anything," he clarified, still sounding more amused than anything else. "I haven't seen her in a while."
Bella rolled over carefully and looked him straight in the eyes. He was serious. His eyes were soft, but there was nothing but truth reflected there. She sat up awkwardly, pushing herself back to sit against the headboard. Edward remained where he was on the edge of the bed.
"I've been trying to be agreeable for the baby's sake," she explained. "Sometimes it's hard, though." That was an understatement. Bella had never been the biddable type. She didn't hold her tongue well in any situation.
Edward studied her, pursing his lips before he spoke carefully. "I don't think we'd be doing her any favors by not arguing." He smiled, a reserved smile, but definitely there. "You are a strong, passionate woman, Bella. I want her to grow up exactly like that - so alive. Never taking anyone's bullshit. Arguments are a part of life. I think maybe we could work on the way we argue." He tapped her chin, his smile broadening and Bella's heart stuttered. "Remember? Without lashing out."
How could she help but grin back at him.
Then his face grew serious again. "You know I wasn't trying to imply anything with the mobile, right?"
With a small sigh, Bella nodded.
"But I know you meant what you said," Edward continued.
She thought carefully, rolling words around as she decided how to phrase her answer. "I did, but it's not precisely a fair statement. You lied by omission; I was willfully ignorant. It was both of our actions that got us all tangled up, not just yours."
"Anger isn't about what's fair," Edward said, giving her a knowing look. Bella's lip twitched, knowing he was acknowledging that his anger at her hadn't always been fair. "Let it out, Bella. I know I deserve it."
Bella looked at him, biting her lip as every acidic thought she'd held back came to the surface all at once.
"I hate that you insisted on being a part of this pregnancy when you knew that I didn't want you there, and you didn't love the baby. I hate that you confuse me so much. I used to know exactly what I wanted, and now I'm so mixed up about ... everything. I hate that instead of being honest with me, you spilled your guts to my best friend the night before you got on a plane to be thousands of miles away. I hate, I hate that it took something so drastic for you to realize that you wanted a baby when everything was just... so destroyed already. I hate the idea of you taking my baby away from me, and I hate... I hate..."
"You hate me," Edward finished for her, his eyes drawn with pain.
Bella closed her eyes, her shoulders slumping as her anger dwindled. "No, I don't hate you."
"Ever think you should?" he asked, one eyebrow raised as he shifted, sitting beside her.
She turned her head slightly to look at him. "Did you ever hate me?"
He stroked her cheek once. "No, I've never hated you." He took a deep breath. "It's taken me a while to work through it, but I understand what you did." Bella looked up, her eyes widening slightly as she gauged the seriousness on his face. "I wish you hadn't done it, but at the same time... there was so much I could have done different." He tapped her chin again, his look intense. "I'm so sorry."
His words had an instant affect; Bella could feel the pressure around her heart loosen, not all the way, but enough that she felt like she could breathe a little easier for the first time in many weeks. Her lips turned up before she could help it. "Thank you," she whispered.
He sighed, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow. "Don't thank me yet. I have something to confess to you. For what it's worth, I realize that you never tried to make excuses for your actions. You took responsibility - and that's way more than I've done."
"You think?" Bella said wryly.
He smiled tightly. "I'm not oblivious to my part in … everything. You deserve to know, I did lie to you once, to get out of looking at things for the baby. I should have been there. I should have… done a lot of things I didn't do."
Bella blinked, remembering Jacob saying almost those exact words. Her stomach twisted a little, remembering how she'd defended Edward. It wasn't such a large revelation considering what they'd been through, but it still didn't feel good.
"But I am here now," Edward continued. "And I'm not going anywhere. And…" he trailed off, swallowing audibly before he turned to her. "Bella, I don't know if it means anything now, but nothing else I said or did was a lie."
For long minutes, they sat in silence, both looking down at their hands as they grappled with their own thoughts. It wasn't as uncomfortable a silence as it could have been. In fact, the atmosphere was less awkward than it had been since they'd begun trying to figure out their partnership. Inwardly Bella struggled, trying to reframe and redefine her own desires with her responsibilities.
On the one hand, Edward and Bella had found their stride as parents as much as they could before the baby was born. They'd talked logically about what they needed – cribs, car seats and the like – and how they would handle raising their daughter together. Edward had agreed that the baby should be with Bella primarily for at least the duration of Bella's maternity leave, but he had every intention of being a constant presence. Bella had agreed that she would be cooperative and had even given Edward a spare key to her house, trusting that he would understand the difference between being around for his daughter and invading her privacy. When Bella went back to work – though her capacity as a writer wouldn't have the same long studio hours that a production assistant had – they would reassess how they handled things based on what was best for the baby. They were finally on the same page when it came to their child.
Where they stood personally was another matter altogether. Their interactions, since Bella had confronted him at his parents house, had been a confusing mixture of uncomfortable, defensive, lighthearted and teasing all at once. Sometimes they fell back into their old patterns – talking as easily as ever – before Bella would feel like there should be something more acrimonious between them. They were exes, after all. But were they really exes if they'd never tried to define themselves before?
Bella's head ached along with her heart as she remembered her father's words about the impossibility of their personal relationship being separate from the fact they were parents. For all their stumbling – together and apart – they still hadn't managed to fuse their responsibilities and love for their child with the part of themselves that still belonged to each other. But at least they were putting their daughter first.
Bella was drawn out of her thoughts when Edward put his hand on her.
Edward had discovered, several days before, that if he tapped the side of Bella's tummy, the baby would tap back. She seemed oddly attuned to her father. Usually, it made Bella smile because Edward would get the goofiest grin on his face as he played with his daughter.
Today, though, her nerves were entirely too raw. It was too much to have him so close, touching her so tenderly... making her heart warm and expand. It was painful when she still had to face that they weren't a couple, eagerly awaiting the birth of their first child. Despite all her planning, she'd ended up with a broken relationship anyway.
The seventh time Edward tap, tapped on her belly and the baby tap, tapped back, Bella snapped. "Oh, my God, are you kidding me with this? Both of you knock it off!" She glared at Edward. He was pressing his lips into a thin line, obviously trying not to laugh at the furious expression on her face.
Inexplicably, his eyes got uncertain. Bella knew Edward well enough to see he was grappling with something. Then his eyes got a sort of determination in them, and he sat up straight, then leaned down until his lips were level with her belly. "Be good to your mommy, kid. We'll play really soon, I promise," he murmured.
Then he got up, saying something about finishing the crib, leaving Bella confused, then bitter. She knew better than to think other break-ups were easy. Still, it didn't strike her as particularly fair that she had to witness this completely adorable Edward when she wanted to hold on to some semblance of her anger. Anger made it easier to bear what she'd lost.
How the hell was she supposed to get over him if she could never be rid of him?
~0~
"Soooo, who you waitin' for, little brother?" Emmett asked in an irritatingly sing song voice.
Edward and Emmett were manning the grill. Technically, Edward was supposed to be working alone but his brother had decided he needed help. There were about twenty children and even more adults milling around the backyard. Katrina and Irina were on cloud 9. They ran around with matching princess crowns, absolutely loving the attention they were getting. This was the first year they'd had such a huge party for their birthday. Their previous three had been family only affairs.
"None-ya," Edward snarked at his brother. He rolled his eyes. They both knew who he was looking for. He had been upfront with his family about the fact that he wanted Bella at the twins' birthday party. There were so many reasons, but most of all he wanted to get past the awkwardness that was bound to crop up. Bella hadn't been with everyone in the family all at once since before the accident. He wanted to reestablish that connection - so she would feel comfortable as part of the family again.
Emmett chuckled, and Edward realized his eyes had strayed toward the people coming out the back door again. "You know, I've really missed her... and not just because she always gave me energy packs on Mafia Wars."
Again, Edward said nothing, concentrating instead on poking the hot dogs and burgers on the grill.
"Hey," Emmett elbowed his brother gently. "I know you didn't ask but, life's too short for regrets. You're going to miss out on all the good things if you're too busy dwelling on mistakes - yours or hers. You're both good people."
"I know," Edward said, his voice subdued.
It happened disturbingly often that Edward wished he could be more like his brother. Emmett's anger could be entirely fierce, but it was fleeting. If it were him in Edward's shoes, a wall somewhere would have suffered a violent beat down, but when Bella explained her side of things, that would have been the end of it. His anger would have been spent - extinguished like fire deprived of oxygen, with no smoldering ruins left to rekindle the flames.
But Edward wasn't Emmett. His world was a million shades of gray. Even now, he was conflicted. In his heart of hearts, he wanted it all. He wanted to grasp the second chance he'd longed for in those dark hours when he thought his daughter was gone. He wanted back the physical relationship and the good partnership he'd had with Bella to coincide with his new-found, complete love and adoration for his daughter.
Between that vision of having his own happy, unbroken family and where he was standing right then was the mountain of uncertainty he had. Whether or not he wanted to be over it, there was still a nagging distrust that occasionally trickled into his thoughts, making him question himself. His logical head knew that he could trust Bella, but his illogical heart sometimes thought that she would disappear in the middle of the night, taking his daughter away from him forever.
That feeling was slowly dwindling, and he knew that it would one day be gone for good. But even without those wayward fears twisting and tangling his thoughts and emotions, there was still the uncertainty of where they stood personally.
What if she didn't miss him?
What if what had passed between them was irrevocably broken?
What if she'd returned to her original assessment of relationships? Heaven knew that Bella was a strong woman; she wasn't going to run back into his arms just for the sake of not having to be alone.
Was it idiotic to even want to repair their relationship? They were on the cusp of parenthood, and Edward's head was swimming with questions and worries about how to be a dad. There was so much to think about, and his own stupidity had cut the amount of preparation time he had overwhelmingly short. What kind of moron would try to add a new relationship to his already overloaded plate.
But, as much as he hated to admit, Emmett was right. Life was too short for regrets, and it certainly wasn't going to wait for him to get all his ducks in a row.
Back in the house there was a gift, safely hidden in his room. It was custom made and very meaningful to him. He wondered how Bella would react – if she would understand the meaning behind his gift.
Just then, he heard the clamor of the twins calling Bella's name. His eyes flew to the back door. Bella stood between Peter and Jasper, looking slightly wary. Her guarded expression melted into an enthusiastic smile when she saw the twins. She stooped, bending over her belly to put her arms around them,
Emmett got to the group before Edward did and wasted no time in sweeping Bella right off her feet. "Emmett! Be careful! Do the words delicate condition mean nothing to you!" Edward chastised worriedly.
"Sorry, I got excited," Emmett apologized, setting Bella down carefully. He hugged her with a little less zeal. "Long time no see, Bella."
"Hey, Emmett," Bella greeted, almost shyly. Her face turned serious. "Listen-"
"No," Emmett interrupted. "If anything resembling an apology is about to come out of your mouth, I don't want to hear it." He put his finger in her face, staring at her with mock threat in his eyes. When she growled and then nodded her acceptance, he dropped his finger, becoming all smiles again. "Good. Glad we're past that." He turned slightly in Edward's direction to wink, as if to say, 'see how easy that was?'. "Now, my girls have something for you. Don't you girls."
"Ohhh! Yes!" Irina cried, bouncing in place.
"I'll get it!" Katrina said, scurrying into the house.
"No, me!" Irina protested, running after her sister.
While the girls were gone, greetings went around. Emmett shook hands with Jasper and Peter, saying it had been a long time since he'd seen them. Edward took the opening to come up beside Bella. He smiled at her warmly. "I'm really glad you came," he said quietly, just for her.
Her answering smile was small, and she folded her hands around herself, above her protruding belly. "It's a little weird, you know? Not just being here after… everything, but the whole growing family thing. I haven't been to a child's birthday party since I was a child. I'm an only kid. Both my parents were only children. These gatherings – with so many kids, and so much family around – it's still weird to me."
"Is weird bad?" he asked. It struck him, again, at how much Bella's entire life plan had changed in just a few months. She had planned on raising her daughter with one set of grandparents and a handful of amazing, loyal friends. Now there were aunts, uncles, cousins and then some to contend with.
"It's not bad," Bella answered. "It's different. I didn't miss it because I never had it, but I'm really glad that she will." She rubbed her belly absentmindedly. Then she shrugged slightly, looking at him. "I have no idea if the twins will like what I got them."
Edward stared at her openly for a few more seconds than was absolutely polite. He found reasons, every once in a while, to touch her. He petted her hair to soothe her when she'd gotten upset about the mobile. He offered his hand to help her up. He tapped her shoulder instead of calling her name to get her attention. But right then, he wanted to touch her for no reason at all.
Once the thought was in his mind it was almost impossible to stop. He raised his hand, his fingers stopping just before he reached her cheek. She was looking at him, and though he paused long enough to give her a chance to turn away, she didn't move. With the gentlest of touches he brushed her cheek with the pads of two fingers, almost sighing when he felt her soft skin against his.
Then two bouncing little girls were in front of them, reminding Edward that they weren't alone. As Katrina and Irina showed Bella the tiara that they'd made their mother get for her – it matched theirs, of course – Edward was fighting a blush of his own at the look on Jasper and Peter's faces. Obviously, they'd seen. Peter looked mildly amused. Jasper's amusement was tinged with more than a little concern.
"B'la, it's your birthday too," Katrina was whining, pouting as Bella tried to get out of being a pretty birthday princess.
"But this is your party," Bella countered.
"We'll share!"
The twins made good on their promise. After they roped Bella into wearing her princess tiara, they also made Esme put a candle in Bella's cupcake. Happy birthday was sung to Katrina, Irina and a blushing Bella.
Edward was finally able to wrestle Bella away from the festivities, telling his little nieces that the baby had to take a nap and since it was still inside Bella's belly, she had to take a nap with it. The girls were sympathetic, and each kissed the baby before scampering back to their friends.
"God, a nap actually sounds phenomenal right now," Bella admitted, sinking into the couch as much as she could. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, but she was still smiling when she looked up at him.
"You can lie down in my room if you want," Edward offered. "Or I could take you home… but before you decide, I have something for you."
That caught her attention, and Bella tilted her head, furrowing her eyebrows. "You didn't have to get me anything," she began.
"I don't have to do anything I don't want to do," Edward said, hiding his nervousness behind a teasing voice. "Besides, you got me a great gift."
"I really didn't," Bella argued.
"Regardless. You don't have to wear it, but I hope you'll accept it." He placed a long, slim box on the convenient ridge of her belly.
Again her eyes darted to him, and Edward wondered for the millionth time if this was a good idea. Bella wasn't a jewelry kind of girl after all. Looking skeptical, Bella picked the box up and tore off the simple wrapping. She let out a soft gasp as she pulled out the contents of the box.
It was a necklace. From a simple, silver chain, there hung a slim, rectangular, white-gold pendant. Etched into the top of the pendant was a shamrock. Set into the bottom of the rectangle were two small, wedge-shaped gems: a sapphire, Bella's birthstone, and a topaz, his daughter's birthstone.
"I got one for me too, see," he said, knowing he was babbling slightly. He held out his hand, showing the new ring that sat there. Also white-gold and rectangular, it was not as delicately cut. The gemstones were even smaller, and sat in slit that was carved into the ring. Instead of only two, there were three. He had his own birthstone, light amethyst instead of the usual pearl, along with his daughter's and Bella's.
He could see Bella's eyes were stuck on the small gems of his ring, her mouth hanging open slightly.
Someone clearing her throat distracted both of them, and Edward looked up to find his twin watching them.
Rosalie had been well behaved throughout the day. She hadn't directly interacted with Bella, but nor had she ignored her. The women had many things to say to each other, but Rosalie had insisted that a party was not the right place for it. So what she was doing there, watching them, Edward had no idea.
"Excuse us, please," Rosalie said sweetly. In the next second she'd grabbed Edward by his ear and started dragging him away.
"Ow! What the-" Mindful of the abundance of small children in the house, Edward censored himself. "What are you doing?" he swatted at his sister's arm, severely irritated. They were a far enough distance down the hallway that Bella couldn't hear them, but Edward could still see her staring after them curiously.
"You are confusing the hell out of that girl," Rosalie accused. "Did you see the look on her face?"
Edward stared, wide-eyed. "What?"
"You haven't told her how you feel, have you? That you're still in love with her." She held up her hand, stopping his argument. "Don't lie to me. You know you can't lie to me. Have you not learned yet that you need to be able to communicate with her if you expect to have a relationship with her? You can't just jump to the part where you give her meaningful gifts."
"What is going on with you? Do you actually want me to be with her now?" Edward asked, incredulous.
"I don't want to see you with her. You know that. I think you can do much better. But that's really beside the point," Rosalie said, huffing once with frustration. "In your situation, it would take jack-shit nothing for this to all blow up in your face, and then what happens? You'll be fighting over custody for the next 18 years."
Edward gaped at his sister. "You say I'm confusing? Well it must be hereditary because you are confusing the ever loving crap out of me, Rosalie. Weren't you the one who was telling me to get a lawyer from the very first day?"
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Yes, but as previously discussed, I was an idiot. I had my head extraordinarily far up my ass." She poked him in the chest. "The point, Edward, is that you need to be honest with her. About everything you want and everything you expect. I can't believe you haven't learned this lesson with all that's gone down."
Edward growled and ran his hand over his eyes, trying to find his patience. Usually he knew exactly what was going through his twin's head. Today he couldn't make heads or tails of the point of her words.
Rosalie sighed and tried again. "Look, Edward, despite how you're acting, I know you're not an idiot. You know as well as I do that starting a relationship with so much baggage and so many complications is a recipe for failure."
He laughed then, the sound somewhat raw. "That's what I told you about Alice."
Rosalie nodded. "You're just as stubborn, if not more so, than I am, twin. Whatever I think about Bella, I know it's not going to stop you from pursuing what you want." She nodded in resignation. "And I promise, I'll try to ... like her. I most certainly won't make things any harder for you than they already are. But you have to cut this not talking crap, Edward. Say what you want, and what you mean. Now. Not later."
Again Edward rubbed his eyes, and then he chuffed lightly. "You're right."
"Tell me something I don't know," Rosalie joked.
"But if you're really looking to make things easier on me, you need to talk to Bella too."
Rosalie's smile faltered. She scowled. "You're right," she said tightly, reluctantly. Then she rolled her eyes, gesturing down the hallway. "I will if you will."
When they got back to the living room, Edward was surprised to find Bella standing, her arms crossed and her face fairly livid. No sooner had they stepped in the room than Bella walked up to them, her eyes on Rosalie.
"Look, I don't know what your problem is now, but I'm done. I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry, and I don't know any other way to make you believe about the stupid tape. And I don't know how to make you hate me less, and I'm just done," Bella said, emphasizing her words by waving her hands in a cutting gesture. "I'm not going anywhere, so just deal with it!"
For a full 10 seconds there was nothing but silence as Rose glared, wide-eyed, at Bella. She scoffed once, looked at her brother, and then turned away, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she went, her heels click, click, clicking on the wood floor until they heard the slam of the outside door.
Bella sighed and sat down heavily on the couch, her shoulders sagging as she put her hands over her eyes.
Clearing his throat softly, Edward tried very hard to keep the smile off his face. "So... she was actually just about to apologize to you."
Bella's head snapped up. "What?"
Edward's shoulders shook in silent laughter. "She wanted to ... try to apologize to you for how she's behaved in the past." Finally, looking at the way Bella's mouth shaped a horrified 'o', Edward couldn't help but burst out laughing. He laughed until his sides ached.
"Oh, shut up, Edward! This isn't funny," Bella cried, both her palms on her forehead.
That only made Edward laugh harder. He sat down hard on the floor, wheezing through his loud guffaws. He was sincerely trying to calm down, but after all the tension of the last couple of months of his life, it just felt too good to laugh. His heart felt even lighter when, seeing as no amount of yelling at him to shut up could stop him, Bella's own laughter joined his. Soon they were both holding their sides.
Then Bella gasped. "Oh, shhh," she began, but quickly corrected herself, "hhhooot." She folder her arms low across her stomach.
Edward quirked an eyebrow. "Shhhhooot?" he teased.
Bella wrinkled her nose, her cheeks flaming a distinct shade of red. "Um. I need to... be right back." She stood carefully, self consciously, but paused to look at him with a thoughtful expression before she left. "By the way... I'm cursing around our kid. Not like.. a lot... but I think the concept of bad words is ridiculous."
"Uuhhh, actually, I'm okay with that. A well placed swear word is actually a talent in my humble opinion," Edward said sincerely.
Bella's smile was larger than he'd seen it in months, and genuine. "Be right back," she repeated softly, and then was making her way to the nearest bathroom.
Edward spent the minutes Bella was gone trying to find the right words. Nothing sounded good. He reflected that no woman had ever made him feel this entirely out of control and nervous. It was like he was back in high school and his entire world hinged on whether or not this particular girl liked him.
"So," Bella said when she returned, sitting beside him. "The shamrock... it's like the ones on that wristband you wear."
"It's my family's crest. It means umm... eternal." He felt ridiculously bashful as he spoke.
"The baby will connect us forever," she agreed.
"Among other things."
"What other things?" Bella asked, her voice a little shaky.
Now or never, Cullen. "No matter what you decide, I'd really like if you kept the necklace. Like I said, you don't have to wear it, but it is yours," he prefaced. Bella looked at him, waiting for him to continue. Edward took a deep breath.
"Look, Bella, I know that we went about everything the wrong way. But what I felt... what I feel for you... it hasn't changed." Tentatively, he took one of her hands, squeezing it in both of his. "I love you, Bella. I know it's probably horrible timing," he said with a shaky laugh. "But that doesn't make it any less true, and I promised I would be up front with you about everything.
"So here it is. Understanding that we will always put the baby first, I want a relationship with you. Out in the open, for all of our friends and family to know. I want it all with you, or at least, I want to try."
He took a deep breath, well aware that he was, again, babbling. When had honesty and plain language ever been so difficult for him?
"Please say something," he begged when Bella didn't immediately speak. The ball was in her court and his heart in her hands.
A/n: Thanks so much to lovemerob. I've been waiting to put the tap, tap bit into the story for AGES. Such a cute image. Thank you, thank you, thank you to jadedandboring. You should read her collab story Fickle Hearts by bahshit.
I don't usually rec stuff but this fic isn't getting nearly enough attention. Then again, I'm an angst hoor. If you've ever seen P.S. I Love you, you'll get the idea of Letters From Heaven by twitina. It's gorgeous. And angsty.
Just so everyone is aware, there are three more chapters and an epilogue left.
So - I want more Aliens stories. Foot sticking out of your tummy? Undulating skin? Let me have it. OH, and come join us in the forums. I'd love to hear from you!