Chapter 22: Not No

A/N: Sooo... for those of you who received my teaser picture or text - THAT will happen next chapter. Blame Edward and Bella. They changed the plan on me. Again. Rawr.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer I am not. I'm just playing with these kids for fun.

Edward watched, his heart skipping one, two beats as Bella gaped at him. She opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again, and closed it. Then her eyes narrowed and she shoved him lightly on the chest.

"You… you… you." She stopped, swallowed hard, and then started again with an absolute torrent of words. "Do you understand that my emotions are all over the map right now? I cry for nothing. Nothing. And then I'm so beyond irritated I can't even stand my own skin. And then I'm so deliriously happy for no g'damn reason that I could have my own damn kids' show with those freaks who never stop smiling." She took a huge breath while Edward blinked at her in confusion. "And that's without you messing around with my feelings." She poked him in the chest as she spoke.

"I mean, first you're all doubting Thomas about me, as if I'm some horrible person who lied to you over and over again when that's not what happened, and you know it. Then you're all of a sudden all about this being a father thing. And I want to think it's great. I really do. I love that you want to be part of this pregnancy now. But… do you have any idea how it feels when you talk about my baby having two cribs, and two rooms, and two of everything? I don't want to think about being without her, Edward. I don't want to think about custody arrangements of a baby who isn't even here yet. And I'm so mad that we have to…" she cut off, taking in big gulps of air. She was tearing up and obviously irritated at that fact because she swiped at her eyes viciously.

When she opened her eyes again they were pleading and torn. "And then sometimes you look at me like you want to kiss me again. And I want to kiss you so bad. Or touch you. Or… or… I still feel the same way I did before. I fell in love with you even though it wasn't what I wanted. And I still… but everything is so… Ugh!" she cried, completely frustrated and flustered.

She flew toward him. Edward's automatic reaction was to flinch away, as if he expected her to hit him, but instead, she grabbed his shirt in both of her fists and pulled him toward her. Her lips were hard and needy on his, her hands twisting the fabric of his shirt as she kissed him. Edward heard his surprised gasp get trapped between their lips, but then he was kissing her back, confused but willing. His hands cupped her face, thumbs stroking her cheeks as they kissed for a handful of moments.

Then, as suddenly as she'd attacked him, Bella shoved Edward back. She got to her feet, surprisingly agile in spite of her condition. "I can't… I shouldn't…" she shook her head, covering her eyes as tears overwhelmed her, and spun on her heel, walking away from him as quickly as she could.

Entirely dumbfounded and clueless as to what was going on, Edward at first could only stare at her retreating figure. He shook his head, hard, trying to get a hold on reality. His mind scrambled, trying to understand what had just happened. He didn't know if he understood anything except that Bella had kissed him.

She'd kissed him.

Edward got up, about to run after here, when someone grabbed him by the back of his shirt, pulling him backward onto the couch again. He looked up, finding that the living room was more crowded than it had been the last time he looked. Bella's diatribe had been rather loud, and it had drawn his father – the one who had pulled him back – his mother, Jasper and Alice. "Let her go, son," Carlisle said quietly.

Jasper did not look pleased. "She was crying. What did you do now?" he demanded.

"In Edward's defense," Alice interjected before Edward could speak, "she is pregnant. I know everything and nothing makes me cry, so we have no idea if that little fit was Edward-induced."

"Umm," Edward said, running his hand through his hair nervously. "I think that was my fault. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. I really have no idea what the hell just happened…"

Jasper huffed once and then hightailed it in the direction Bella had gone.

With a groan, Edward slumped back on the couch, his hand over his eyes. "Dammit," he muttered under his breath. He felt more than saw his parents sit on either side of him. "She hates me."

"That wasn't hate, you dillhole," Alice said playfully. She was trying to make him laugh. It worked. Edward's lips quirked upward at the word but only slightly. "I distinctly heard the L word in there somewhere."

Edward had to think but then he realized Bella said that she fell in love with him. And she had kissed him. Hope began to worm its way into the dead weight of his heart.

"I wish I could help you with this one, Edward, but alas, I've never done anything stupid in my relationship with your mother," Carlisle said, patting Edward helpfully on the back.

Edward snorted. Esme down right cracked up. "Carlisle, you wore out the couch in our first apartment."

"Oh, right," Carlisle responded, smacking his forehead. "Now I remember. Give her a little time, son. Even if it didn't come out right this time, you can try again. Life isn't about knowing what to do in every situation you find yourself in. You just do the best with what you're given, and try to learn from your mistakes." He smiled slightly.

"What, you're not going to bust out the Jedi Master crap again? Try not? Do or do not?" Edward laughed. Feeling significantly better, he straightened up and gave a small laugh. "I always thought that if I did have a serious relationship, I'd be able to avoid the drama," he mused tiredly.

"Life is drama, sweetheart," Esme said. She reached over his head to caress Carlisle's streaked-gray blond hair. "You want to know why so many people wade through so much drama, as you put it?" She smiled at her son. "Because sometimes, it's worth it. You just have to decide if that's the case for you and Bella."

Before Edward had time to dwell on the question of whether or not Bella would think they were worth the drama, Irina came wandering into the room. She said nothing, just ambled over to Edward and lifted her arms, staring up at him with droopy eyes.

"Hey, birthday girl. Are you tired?" Edward asked, pulling her up his body.

"No," Irina mumbled, her head on his shoulder and her long eyelashes fluttering against his neck.

Edward chuckled. "I'm going to take her to my room to lay down," he said to his parents and Alice. He stood and headed toward the stairs.

"Not tired," Irina argued, sounding grumpy, but the words were more of a rumble than anything else. She was already becoming dead weight in his arms. By the time he reached his room, the little girl was dead to the world. He laid her down, carefully plucking the tiara out of her rumpled-from-playing hair and stroked her soft skin.

For minutes he just stared at his niece, taking the time to find the hints of his brother in her cherubic face. The dimples were pure Emmett, as was the curl of her hair. Irina and Katrina had also inherited Esme's lips.

Looking down at the child, Edward tried to imagine what his own baby would look like.

He was so looking forward to meeting his daughter.

Even if he could never have Bella, their daughter would be worth everything he'd found and lost.

~0~

Edward received a text message from Bella shortly after she fled the Cullen house. She said that she'd heard his words, she just needed a little distance. He gave her the remainder of the weekend, but that Tuesday - Bella's actual birthday - he went to see her.

"It's a bad time right now," she excused, not looking him in the eyes. "My dad will be here soon. We're going out."

"Please don't shut me out," Edward said softly, keeping his hand on the door so she couldn't close it.

Bella slumped a little, leaning against the door. She bit her lip, hesitating.

"Your dad coming to spirit you away puts a time limit on how long I can be here," he said teasingly. It earned him a small smile. "I swear it won't take long, okay? Just let me say what I should have said the first time."

She finally looked up at him and nodded, stepping back into the house and letting the door open wide to let him in. They were both silent, settling on opposite ends of the couch.

"Listen, Bella, suffice to say that not a lot about our... relationship is familiar territory, you know?" Edward began.

Bella snorted. "Because I planned any of this?"

One side of Edward's mouth quirked up. "You're right. It's a crappy excuse."

"No it isn't," she said, smiling softly back. She breathed in, her eyes inexplicably shy as she met his. "If anything, it was brave of you. The delivery could have been smoother," she teased, "but you said what you were thinking... and that makes one of us."

He tilted his head at her. "What are you saying?"

"Edward, even when everything blew up in our faces, my feelings for you didn't change." She looked down at her hands, playing with her fingers. She laughed wryly. "That's part of the problem."

"That's a problem?" Edward asked, navigating what felt like the most important conversation of his life in choppy waters with zero visibility.

She breathed deeply, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye and laughing again. "See? This is a problem." She gestured to hear tear stained cheeks. "You have no idea what this feels like. I've always known who I am and what I want. Since I got pregnant, nothing is my own. Not my body, or my emotions," another humorless laugh, "not even my baby is just mine. Everything is pretty much the opposite of what I wanted or even what I thought I wanted." She frowned again, wringing her hands fitfully. "Everything is very ... overwhelming."

Edward was silent for very long minute, worrying his lip between his teeth as he thought. Then he moved, kneeling before her so he could look up at her.

"I'm not even going to try and say that I know how you feel about ... sharing the baby with me. I'm not trying to take your daughter away. I'm a man who wants to be a father to his daughter. Not every other weekend...but as long as I live. It doesn't feel good to me either..." he struggled for words, "knowing that it's... very possible that I'll spend days, and weeks, and holidays away from her." He frowned because despite all its faults, his family had always been together. Imagining being around his siblings, with their families intact when his was not, was just painful.

He hesitantly reached forward, putting his hands over hers. "I'm sorry I was so conflicted. I was trying to do the right thing. But Bella, even now, I don't really know what the right thing was or is. I'm trying. I'm really trying."

She flipped her hands, threading their fingers together. "I know you are." She sniffled, but her smile as she looked down at him was gentle. "Guess they were right - about there not being a map through this life."

Edward grinned genuinely. "That would be too helpful." His fingers stroked along her wrist. "And... probably a little boring."

"I think I could deal with just a little more boredom some of the time," Bella said dryly, scrunching her nose slightly. She released one of his hands so she could cup his cheek. "I don't have any definitive answers for you. I wish I did. But I'm not saying no to us. Not yet."

Considering this, Edward nodded slowly, and turned his face slightly so he could kiss her palm. "Not no is good. For now."

For long moments they only stared at each other, and Edward thought to himself that even if nothing else made sense, this made sense - being with her. They could figure everything else out-

A sharp rap on the door made both of them jump. Edward furrowed his eyebrows, a thought occurring to him. "Bella...how much does your dad know about me?"

Bella winced. "Not... everything. But enough to be dangerous?"

Another rap from the door.

"How dangerous?"

"Uh... let's just be glad he doesn't carry a gun anymore."

Edward didn't know if she was joking. Either way, it was time to face the music. He stood, helping Bella to her feet. "After you," he said, gesturing her forward.

The last time Edward had met the father of a woman he was involved with, he'd been 17 and taking his first girlfriend to the prom. As much as he'd tried, that man had not intimidated him.

Charlie Swan, and the I-have-put-men-away-for-life glare he leveled on Edward, was... intimidating.

Still, Edward tried not to show that he was unbelievably terrified. He doubted he would have felt more nervous if he'd had to face Charlie having accidentally knocked up his daughter at 17 rather than 27. And it wasn't even his fault!

He offered Charlie his hand. "Mr. Swan, I'm sorry we've never met before. I'm Edward Cullen."

Charlie looked him up and down before finally taking his hand in an overly firm grip. "I'm not going to say it's good to meet you yet because I don't know if I'm supposed to like you."

"Dad," Bella said warningly.

Letting go of Edward's hand, Charlie took his daughter under one arm, hugging her close. "Happy birthday, baby." He looked back to Edward. "All right, it looks like I'm supposed to try to like you. For now."

Edward blinked sporadically. "Uh - thanks?" Shaking his head slightly, he reached over to squeeze Bella's hand briefly. "Happy birthday." His eyes flicked to Charlie for a moment before he put his hand on Bella's belly, tapping goodbye to the baby. He grinned when the baby tapped back. Then, nodding at Bella and her father, Edward headed back to his car.

~0~

Charlie was staring at his daughter. Bella had finally explained everything that had been going on since her fall. She'd never explained why she refused to call Edward, or what had led to her bout of depression. "Jeez, Bella," he said finally. "I honestly don't know if I should be telling you to give him a chance or telling you to stay the hell away from him."

"Who is Bella staying away from?" Jacob and Lizzie walked up to their table. Jacob leaned down to kiss Bella's cheek. "Happy birthday," he said, dropping a gift bag in front of her.

Lizzie hugged her. "Happy birthday. Ignore my obnoxious boyfriend. He still hasn't learned how to mind his own damn business."

"I met Edward," Charlie announced.

Jacob's eyes narrowed slightly, flitting to Bella before studiously flipping through his menu. "Really?" he asked with forced nonchalance.

"Hey! This is supposed to be a party! Why does everyone look so serious?" Peter's voice interrupted the tension. He hugged Bella, kissing her forehead. He moved to his seat, letting Jasper take his place at the birthday girl's side.

"Everything okay, sweetheart?" Jasper whispered in her ear.

Bella clung to Jasper briefly. "Your guess is as good as mine at this point," she whispered back.

She sat back, waiting for Jasper to find his seat beside Peter before she spoke to all of her friends and her father. "Look, all you guys need to be worried about is if Edward is going to be a good father. He's going to be a great father. It hasn't always been easy for me to admit that, but it's true.

"I know that my plan, even in the beginning, wasn't the easiest or most conventional. My plan didn't work, and I can't tell you what's going on between Edward and me, because I honestly don't know how to define us yet. But whatever happens, you supported me and my decisions at the beginning of this, and I'm asking you to do that now." She looked at Jacob in particular, her eyes hardening ever so slightly. "I do expect you to give Edward a chance personally. No matter what happens between us, he's my daughter's father. As long as you're stuck with me, and with her, you're stuck with him. Get it?"

Jacob looked somewhat amused. "You're not going to get an argument from me, Bells. I've learned my lesson." He pretended to shiver. "Your doghouse is chilly."

Bella cracked a smile. She turned to her father, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"Don't look at me, kid. I just met the man today. I'm not going to swear to like the bastard before I've really had a chance to get to know him," Charlie said flatly.

"You have a point," Bella admitted. "I'll talk to Edward," she promised.

Charlie nodded. "Good. Now, let's party. Anything any of you want, it's on me."

"All right!" Peter perked up. "Bella, don't worry. I'll drink your fair share of the booze as well as my own." He thumped his chest as a sign of solidarity.

"Happy birthday to me," Bella said dryly, grinning at her friends.

A/N: Many thanks to TwiglightMundi for beta assistance. She is a goddess of epicness and we all should heap our praise.

I would appreciate it if you put in a positive thought in the direction of jadedandboring. Do like Peter Pan says and think happy thoughts in her general direction. Thanks.

Since my lovely characters decided to take my plans and SMISH them to bits, I may or may not have one more chapter than I expected. We'll see how it goes. But this chapter was short. The next chapter will be long… so it's possible that we'll stay on target. /shrugs. Idk. Seriously… these kids do not do anything I tell them to, so it's really up to them.

Since people keep asking and I always forget to clarify, Baby Girl Cullen and Baby Boy Hale are both due on November 2nd.

Thanks so much for sharing all your stories. I'm LOVING them. Level with me. Late pregnancy seems like one of the most uncomfortable things ON THE PLANET. Is it? Anyway. Remember the forum is there to discuss. I do answer any questions or … uh diatribes? That people put forth there.