Far From Home: An Outtake From The Sharpest Lives

Author: lvtwilight09

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Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine, and neither is the song Far From Home. I do however own this storyline, so yay for me.

Author's Note: Thanks to my beta ImaTwitard for prereading. Inspiration for this outtake came from the song Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. I highly suggest listening to it either before reading or while you are reading this…it definitely describes how Edward feels. This outtake covers what happened seven months after Edward left Bella when he decided to go back to Forks. I'd also like to thank you all for donating to help the people of Japan. Link to the banner is up on my profile, and on my blog.

***EPOV***

Seven months…I never knew that time could move so slowly. Considering I'm a vampire, that's saying a lot. Seven months ago I ran away from the one person I would do anything for. Ironically enough, that's why I left…to protect her. Bella deserved so much more than what I could offer her, and she needed to be kept safe, something that was impossible with her being around a monster like me.

After Bella's birthday, and the whole debacle in the woods where I lied through my teeth about not wanting to be with her, the family moved north to stay here in Alaska with the Denali's for a while. At first, I truly tried to interact with everyone, to be a part of the family, but it just became too hard. Nothing mattered anymore, the one thing that did matter I had walked away from.

Now everyone has stopped trying with me, they've realized there's no point, and leave me alone except to remind me to hunt every once in a while. The calendar on the wall is taunting me as I stare at today's date. I don't understand how so much time has passed by when the pain feels like everything just happened yesterday. Everywhere I look it's as though Bella is haunting me and I can't deal with the reminders anymore. I need to do something to make the pain stop, but the only thing that I know that can do that is Bella.

Unsure of what to do anymore, I make my way downstairs to where Carlisle's study is. Before I can even knock I hear "Come in Edward" from the other side of the door. Pushing the door open, I make my way in and take a seat in the chair that is across from where Carlisle is sitting behind his desk, his face buried in some medical journal.

"How did you know it was me?" I ask.

"Edward, it wasn't hard. Even your footsteps sound depressed. I'm worried about you son. I know you said you left because you wanted what was best for Bella, but the toll it's taking on you isn't healthy. Maybe…well, maybe you should think about going back to Forks."

"Carlisle, I know I've been…difficult to be around these past few months, and I'm sorry for making you all have to deal with it. I just never thought it would hurt so badly to be away from her. I've always known I needed her, but I never realized how much. Everything reminds me of her, and that's what makes it so much worse. With all the reminders I feel like I can't try to let myself heal. I don't know what to do anymore. I think you're right though…I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to handle staying away. Maybe if we go back I'll be able to find a way to make it work…if she'll have me back."

Carlisle smiles what seems to be his first real smile in ages when I agree with him about going back to Forks. It kills me to know that I was probably the reason he hasn't really smiled in so long, but knowing now that I'm going back…going to try to get Bella back, I feel the start of a grin spreading across my face as well. It's been so long since I've smiled; it almost feels foreign to me.

"Ok then, I'll let the rest of the family know we're going back to Forks. We'll plan to leave tomorrow night, that way we can be in Forks for the weekend so that you can have the time you'll need to talk to Bella" Carlisle tells me.

"Thank you…for everything Carlisle."

Carlisle just nods at me and says nothing more, so I make my way out of his study and back to my room to start packing. I can tell the exact moment Carlisle tells everyone else because aside from their thoughts, Alice's excited squeal has probably now alerted half of Alaska that something is going on. My worry about everyone's reactions to my decision to return to Forks is quickly forgotten as I hear their thoughts, all of them understanding, and relieved that I'm finally not sulking any more.

If I had thought time was moving slowly before, than it has come to an absolute standstill now. Finally everyone is packed and we've all loaded up in our cars and are on our way. Even though I know I normally drive fast, I can't help but speed even more now that I know I'm going back to my Bella. Carlisle has already called me several times to remind me to slow down. After what seems like an eternity, we are finally seeing the familiar sign that says 'Welcome to Forks'.

As soon as we're at our old house, I'm ready to turn around and head straight over to Bella's to talk to her, but Alice stops me.

"What the hell Alice? I need to go talk to Bella. It's the whole reason why we came back, now let me go!" I demand.

"Edward! Stop and think for a minute. Even if you got into the house to talk to Bella, how happy do you think Charlie will be to see you? It'll be better if I go over and see her first. You can come, hide on the side of the house or something so you can hear, but let me go in first to try to smooth things over. Charlie always liked me, and I can always use the excuse that I came back to visit friends for the weekend."

In my rush to just get back here, it dawns on me that I never thought about Charlie and how I'd deal with him. I'm sure he's going to be overprotective to say the least once he finds up I'm around and trying to see Bella. I mean, I don't know exactly how everything was after I left, but from her reaction when I told her goodbye and the look on her face as I left her…I'd wager a guess things weren't all that chipper around the Swan house.

"Ok Alice, we'll do this your way" I tell my sister, hoping that this works.

After agreeing to Alice's plan, Alice and I, along with Jasper hop into Carlisle's Mercedes and head over to Bella's house. We ended up deciding that it would be a good idea to have Jasper with us in case things got out of hand, Jasper could step in to try to keep things under control. As much as I wished we were driving my Volvo, I had to agree with Carlisle when he suggested the Mercedes because it had the darkest windows. They would allow me and Jasper to just wait in the car, instead of lurking around the outside of the house like creepy stalkers. The last thing we needed was for Charlie to get a report of burglars or something outside of his own home.

We pull up in front of Charlie's house, and my heart sinks. Bella's truck is nowhere in sight. I had hoped she would have been home, even if I wasn't going to be talking to her, I was looking forward to at least being able to hear her voice again. Hopefully Charlie will let Alice know where Bella is and we can go find her there…maybe it's a good thing she isn't home, talking to her away from Charlie is definitely a more appealing option.

I watch nervously as Alice approaches the front door and rings the bell. The man who answers the door is definitely Bella's dad, but looks nothing like the Charlie that I remembered. Charlie looks…well just horrible. His hair is too long and in need of a washing, he hasn't shaved in weeks, and his signature mustache is now blending into the scraggly beard that has taken residence on his face. His eyes are bloodshot, and both have dark circles under them…it looks like he stopped sleeping right around the same time he stopped shaving. The best way to describe the way Charlie looks I guess would be to say that he looks the way I've felt the entire time I've been away from Bella.

Neither Charlie or Alice say anything for a moment, each of them in shock – Charlie to see Alice on his front porch, and Alice to see Charlie in the state he is currently in. After a brief, yet awkward stare down between the two, Alice finally breaks the silence.

"Hi Charlie…I umm…was wondering if Bella was around? I came back to Forks for a few days to visit, and thought maybe she'd want to hang out."

I'm not quite sure what Alice said or did to set Charlie off, but his thoughts start going a mile a minute and I can't make sense of them, and Jasper can't get a hold on his emotions because there all over the place. It's when Charlie finally composes himself enough to respond to Alice that we finally get some answers.

"Is this your idea of some sick joke Alice? Coming here and asking me about Bella? I don't know where she is...Bella left two months ago. She took her stuff and ran. No one in town saw her or where she was going and no one's heard from her since…it's like she's vanished off the face of the earth. I…I have to go get ready for work." Charlie's voice breaks as he struggles to keep from crying as he talks. As soon as he's done speaking, he doesn't even wait for Alice to reply, he just shuts the door in her face.

Alice says nothing as she gets back into the car and drives back home. None of us really have anything to say, even though I know we are all thinking about the same thing. When we get back to the house, I can hear everyone wondering what we're doing back so soon. Unable to bear having to tell everyone what happened, I go straight to my old room and leave the explanations to Alice and Jasper.

This wasn't how today was supposed to go, and now the one thing I was relying on to help stop the pain I'm in is gone. I have no clue where Bella went or why she left, and to ask the people in this town is pointless. Rumors and gossip are what they live for so the chance of getting the truth out of anyone is slim to none. Frustrated, I start pacing my room like a caged animal as I try to think of what to do.

I want to find Bella but I just don't know where to begin so I decide to call in reinforcements. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I dial Jenks' number and explain the situation as best I can to him, telling him that Bella is family member who's gone missing. He agrees to get some people to look into things and I remind him that cost isn't an option and to spare no expense.

As soon as I hang up with him I allow the frustration that is building inside of me to take over, enjoying the feeling of something else besides pain for a while. I walk over to my cd player that I had left behind when we moved away and press play, hoping that whatever cd is inside will help to calm me down.

As the music starts to pour out of the speakers, I'm brought to my knees by the song I'm hearing – Clair de Lune – the song I danced with Bella to here in this very room. I can't handle the memory or the feelings that come with it, and rip the cd player from the wall and throw it away from me, managing to shatter my room's glass wall in the process.

Everyone comes running upstairs at the sound of the glass shattering, and by the time they make it to my room, all they see is me on the floor sobbing in the middle of all the destruction I've managed to cause, the shattered glass reflective of just how much my life has fallen apart. As I look at the members of my family, I don't need my ability to read minds to know that they're feeling sorry for me or that they're aware that Bella is gone…it's already written on their faces.

My thoughts are confirmed when Esme doesn't even complain about me breaking the window or damaging the wall from ripping out the cd player. "I'll call the contractor to come tomorrow and fix everything. I'm just going to get a broom to clean up this broken glass" is all she has to say before leaving the room.

The rest of the family just stands there, unsure of what to say. Finally Carlisle breaks the silence.

"Son, we'll find her. I promise we will. I know how much she means to you, and I promise to do everything in my power to make sure we figure out what happened."

"I have to find her Carlisle. It was a mistake for me to leave, and I can't handle being away from her anymore. I don't know what I'll do if we don't find her…" I trail off not knowing what else to say and really needing to be alone right now. Everything that's happened today is just too much and I can't handle being around everyone.

I manage to get myself off the floor and walk over to my desk. I grab a pen and one of the blank journals that I always kept around before turning and jumping through the broken window. As soon as my feet hit the ground below I start to run with no particular destination in mind, just my need to get away guiding me. Eventually I slow down and when I finally stop, the irony of the location feels like a slap in the face.

Even in my attempts to get away from everything, I manage to bring myself to the location that started all of this pain to begin with…the spot in the forest where I left Bella. As much as I would love to try to fool myself and make my brain think it's just some other part of the woods, I know it isn't. I remember choosing this spot because it should have been easy enough for Bella to find her way back to her house after I had left her. I can still see her house from where I'm standing, the house where she should be but isn't.

I feel myself sink down to the forest floor as the reality of Bella being gone really hits me. I had felt lonely at times, being in a house full of mated vampires before having met Bella, but now – knowing that I had found my mate, and that I had let her slip away – now I knew the true meaning of alone.

Needing to find a way to channel everything I'm feeling without destroying anything else, I open up my journal and stare at the blank page before me. There is so much I wanted to say to Bella, but for now it seems as though the only way I'll get to say anything is to write it all out, but I haven't a clue where I should begin. Deciding not to overthink it, I just pick up the pen and let it move across the page without thinking of what I'm writing…

Bella,

It's been seven months since I left you, and every day without you is getting harder to bear. I write to and of you often in my journals; it's the only way I seem to be able to deal with the time that has passed with us being apart. I was so wrong to leave you Bella. I thought it was the right choice, but I can clearly see that it wasn't. All I wanted was to protect you, and maybe it makes me a selfish creature, but I don't think I can continue on without you – even if my staying away would be the best thing for you – because the truth is that I need you far too much.

We came back to Forks today to look for you, only to find you gone, and it's as though my words to you from seven months ago – that you would never see me again – have come back to haunt me. Being back here and not having you with me is almost torture. I'm reminded of you everywhere I look; the memories are like shadows following me as a reminder of my mistakes.

In the many years of my existence I have been so many places and seen so many things, the stories of which I had hoped to be able to tell you one day, but now all of my plans that I had for us feel like a million shattered dreams.

As much as Carlisle and the others are my family, you are my home Bella, and you always will be. But you're gone now and I don't know where to go from here…I just can't seem to find my way home. I know I have always talked about how I believe that I don't have a soul...but I know you do, you're such a good person Bella, there's no doubt that you have a good soul. But knowing how pure your soul is Bella, and knowing the truth of what a monster I am…I can't help but feel as though your heaven is trying everything to break me down and keep me away from you.

No matter what happens though Bella, no matter what obstacles get in my way, I promise you I won't give up on you, on us, because I know now how much I need you in my life and can only hope you still want me in yours.

Come back to me Bella, please. If nothing else good ever happens to me for the remainder of my existence, let the last good thing be your return to me.

Eternally Yours,

Edward

As I finish writing and close my journal, I look around and see that darkness has settled in for the night. I'm not sure how long I've sat here and I don't really care, but I'm positive that everyone is probably worried about my abrupt departure earlier. Deciding I should probably head back to the house, I stand up, brush the dirt off my clothes and take one last look at Bella's house. Realizing that this is as close as I will be able to get to her for now, I whisper "Look after my heart Bella, I've left it with you" hoping that wherever Bella is, she'll still hear me.

I run back to the house, and along the way I realize that there is nothing holding me here in Forks other than memories, which hurt too much to be around. We should probably head back to Alaska and develop a plan to find Bella. As I reach the house and walk in the door, ready to tell everyone what I'd like to do, I silently wish that wherever Bella is, she's happy, safe, and that soon we'll find our way back to each other.

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the outtake. Go on and click that little button to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.