Chapter Two: Since You've Been Gone
"Have you seen the news?" Sookie waved me into the living room the next morning.
"What's going on?" I asked, sitting down on the arm of the couch as I ran a hand through my hair to untangle the knots. I hadn't bothered to get dressed yet, still wearing the pyjamas that hadn't had much use lately. But Sookie had nearly tied me down to the bed last night. And while it had been a painful and torturous night of nightmares, I did feel a bit refreshed this morning, having at least 8 hours of sleep unlike the usual 3 or 4 I was lucky to get.
"There was a bombing in Mississippi!" Sookie nodded at the TV.
"What?" I frowned, staring down at the blonde in shock before resting my gaze on the TV. Sure enough there were images of a mansion completely on fire, though there was hardly any structure left to it. "When did this happen?"
"Just last night supposedly." Sookie explained. "They think it's related to the one in New Orleans."
"Well it would make sense. Sophie-Anne did own Mississippi after Russell met the true death." I nodded. "So is this just an attack on her?"
"If that was the case, then why bomb Mississippi? That's Russell's old house, by the way. I could remember that place even burned down." She shuddered as she remembered when she had been taken by Russell who was more than just a little intrigued by her. But then again, he seemed to have a fetish for rare supernatural beings. He had sent a Demon turned vampire after me in an attempt to procure his very own Phoenix. Of course that hadn't worked out, considering I managed to kill the Demon with the nifty dagger that had been sent down from the Phoenix utopia I found myself continuously being sent to. "If they killed the Queen in the New Orleans bombing, then what was the point of this?"
"Maybe she hadn't been killed then." I pointed out.
"You honestly believe that Godric and the Queen both survived?" Sookie raised an eyebrow.
"It's possible." I shrugged. "Or maybe Sophie-Anne wasn't there at all."
"But Godric went there because she had ordered it."
"Did she? How do we know that? Maybe it was just all some sort of trap. Or maybe they knew of a threat and sent Sophie-Anne away without anyone knowing." I began sprouting out ideas. Anything was possible. This didn't seem like any old random attack. This had been planned out by someone. Why, I wasn't sure, but I knew I would need to if I was going to get anywhere in finding Godric. "Godric did sound weird on the phone when I talked with him that night."
"Did he say anything about a threat?" Sookie wondered.
"Not directly, but he kept saying that should anything happen, I should go to Pam or Isabel. I knew at the time that something wasn't right, I just never expected that to happen." I sighed as I remembered the last conversation I had with Godric. I wondered if that would be the last conversation we ever would have. I was grateful I had told him I loved him. He meant a great deal to me. We had gone through so much together. I desperately hoped he was alright. I couldn't even imagine trying to live life without him permanently. "I knew something was wrong Sookie, I should have done something."
"There was nothing you could have done. The bombing happened so suddenly." Sookie grasped my hand.
"What if it didn't though? What if Godric was trying to hint at it without actually saying it." I tried to rack my brain for anything that I could have done differently, something I could have done to try and help Godric. I couldn't help but feel a wave of guilt sweep over me. I knew something was wrong and yet I did nothing. Maybe things would have been different if I had done something. What, I wasn't sure, but there had to of been something I could have done.
"Don't beat yourself up over it, Ellie." she shook her head. "There was nothing you could have done. You were here and he was all the way in New Orleans."
"But maybe if..."
"Don't. You'll make yourself sick going over and over everything. There was nothing you could have done, and Godric certainly wouldn't have wanted you to do anything. He cared more about your safety than anything."
I sighed and nodded, looking down at my lap. The guilt was still there but she was right. Godric would have hated if I had tried to play hero yet again. I had done so so many times, and they had never turned out well. He cared more about my well being than I did half of the time. Even if there had been something I could have done, Godric would have ensured that I wouldn't know of it.
"So do you think that maybe the Queen wasn't in New Orleans and that's why whoever bombed there decided to try Mississippi?" Sookie wondered.
"Maybe." I nodded, looking back up and watching as the reporter on TV explained what had happened. No bodies had been found, but that didn't surprise me. Dead vampires didn't leave actual bodies behind. "It would make sense, wouldn't it? If Sophie-Anne wasn't in New Orleans, you would assume she would be in Mississippi."
"I wonder if they killed her then." Sookie frowned as we sat there silently watching the broadcast before Sookie shook her head and turned the TV off. "I guess we'll never know, huh?"
"Not until we find Godric, then he can tell us what in the world is going on."
"Well you look like you're in a hurry." I raised an eyebrow as I stepped out of Sookie's car that night in the parking lot of Fangtasia. Sookie was working tonight with Sam, and while I had promised both of them I wouldn't venture to Fangtasia alone tonight, I just couldn't hold to that. I couldn't just sit in that house alone, looking at all the defeat I had found. At least if I was here, trying to find some sort of lead, then I would be kept busy. And I wouldn't be forced to think the inevitable that perhaps Godric was dead.
However, the moment I had arrived to Fangtasia, I had noticed Pam hurrying out the front door, looking as if she was about to zip off. Before she could though, I jumped out of the car and stopped her, wanting to know why she was running off.
"I don't have time for this." Pam snapped, her blue eyes narrowed as they fell on me.
"Where are you going?" I questioned.
"None of your business."
"Does this have something to do with Godric? Because then I think it is my business." I crossed my arms stubbornly. Three years ago I never would have spoken back to a vampire, too scared to do so. But I knew better now. I knew that if one vampire took a step over the line I could use my nifty powers to defend myself. I had spent far too much of the past few years around vampires. I knew how they worked. I knew that if I continued to push, I might just get something out of Pam, who currently looked like she wanted to rip my head off. But I knew she wouldn't. While Eric may have left, and may never love me again, I was certain that he wouldn't approve of another vampire mauling me.
Pam growled lowly, and I knew she wasn't in any mood to deal with me tonight. Well that was just too bad, because I didn't give a rat's ass. I wanted to know what was up with her. She looked frazzled, like she was on some sort of mission. And if I had to guess, I would bet it had something to do with either Godric or Eric.
"Well?"
"You're playing with fire, little girl." Pam stepped, her fangs extended in an attempt to intimidate me.
"I'm not afraid of you Pam." I shook my head. "And I'm not going to let you leave without telling me what's going on."
I knew she was about to race off so I didn't hesitate as I concentrated on the spot Pam stood before a smirk grew on my face. She tried desperately to move, but I knew it was impossible. I knew my powers well enough to know I was strong. I could battle the strongest vampire in the world and still receive the same results.
"Tell me what's going on, Pam."
She really looked like she wanted to attack me, but we both knew she couldn't. After a few minutes of constant struggling against the invisible bonds holding her to the spot, she finally stopped, her eyes darkening as she glared at me.
"I'm going to Eric."
My mouth dropped open. "You're going to Eric? You know where he is?"
"Of course I do." She rolled her eyes. "I know Eric better than you ever will."
"Where is he then?" I demanded to know. I couldn't believe Pam knew where he was. She could have gone to him a month ago after we received no word from him. Didn't she think he would want to know that his maker had gone missing? And why hadn't she told me? I wasn't sure what I would have done with that piece of information, but maybe I could have gone to where he was and persuade him to come home months ago.
"Do you really think I'm going to tell you that?" She looked amused by even the thought of the idea that she would tell me the whereabouts of her maker.
"What am I even going to do about it? Fly off to where he is? He wouldn't want to see me. I just want to know where he is, so I know he's not dead." I tried to reason with her, only half lying. I wouldn't exactly go to him now. Maybe one day so Sookie and I really could kick his ass though.
Pam stared at me for the longest time, as if trying to gauge if I was telling the truth or not. I kept my emotions masked, a blank expression crossing my face. After a moment, she shook her head and swore in the ancient language Eric had taught Pam long ago.
"Sweden. He's in Sweden." I think she surprised herself by telling me.
"Sweden?" I frowned. "Why did he go to Sweden?"
"He grew up there, in his human years." She looked at me as if I was an idiot. Which I suppose I partly was. Eric was a Viking after all, that should have narrowed down his potential home countries. "He returns there whenever he needs to...cool off I think you humans call it."
"Oh." I nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say.
"You better not be planning anything." Her eyes narrowed again in suspicion. "Eric will have my head if he finds out I told you."
"My lips are sealed." Again, I found myself lying. "So why are you going there? Did Eric call you?"
"No." She answered simply, not going into any detail.
"So you're just randomly going to Sweden, to see Eric, for no real reason?" I raised an eyebrow. "That seems unlikely. Especially since it's been a month since Godric disappeared."
"Died." She corrected harshly. "He died."
"No." My voice was low. "No he disappeared. He didn't die."
"You're living in a fantasy world." She shook her head in disbelief. "Godric is gone."
"You're right, he is gone. And I'm going to find him." there was determination in my eyes. "He's not dead. I don't believe that."
"You're a fool."
"You all thought I was dead." I reminded her. "But I wasn't."
"Godric isn't you. When we die, we're gone for good, do you understand that?" She hissed.
"No. No he's not dead." I shook my head.
"Believe what you want, but you'll have to face reality one day." Her anger had returned. "Now let me go."
"What will you do when you see him?" I asked.
"I've answered enough of your questions tonight." She clenched her fists at her sides, as if she was willing my head to just pop right off.
"Not enough." I pursed my lips together. "Why are you going there now?"
"I'm trying to bring him home, you annoying little human!" She snarled.
I was taken back by her confession. When she realized what she had said, her eyes grew wide and her fangs retracted.
"You're...You're trying to bring him back?" I could only whisper.
She didn't confirm or deny it, and instead only stood there, waiting for me to release her. After a moment, knowing I wouldn't get anything else out of her tonight, I waved my hand and she was able to move. She looked at me for a long moment before shaking her head and hurrying off. I was left alone in the parking lot, looking at the spot she had only just been occupying, with shock written on my face. Pam was going to try and bring Eric back. After two months, there was a possibility that Eric could finally come home.
And I was surprised at how unsure I felt about that.
Pam stood on the porch of the small farm house in Sweden, a home Eric had brought her to after he had turned her over a century ago. It had been modernized since then, brought into the 21st century with the black out windows and electricity and plumbing that actually worked. She detested this house however, and the entire countryside it sat upon. She was used to the life of the city. Even when she resided in England as a human, she couldn't take a step out of the city. She would rather shop than gaze at the sights. But Eric had lived for so long without the tall sky scrapers, the cities that captivated so many. He had been alive during a much different time than even she had been. She knew that Eric would rather find himself here, away from any possible human for miles, to be by himself without any other distraction of the human world. It was why she knew Eric would have come here. She had no proof. She had no facts that she would find him here. But she was taking a gamble, using the knowledge she had gained over the century of knowing Eric.
But as she knocked countless of times, called out to her maker both silently and loud enough to echo in the distance, she began to doubt she knew Eric at all. She could feel a light pull at her bond with him. He had been here, that was for sure. She could smell his scent all over this porch, with it growing thicker inside of the house. But as she strained to search for him through their bond, she was unable to find him. She wasn't able to feel the pull, to be able to pinpoint his exact location. Maybe he had gone into town, she reasoned. He would need to feed eventually, and Eric couldn't resist drinking human blood and having a good fuck. But the longer she stayed there, sitting patiently on the porch waiting for her maker to return, her doubt only grew stronger. What if he wasn't here? What if she had been mistaken? If he wasn't here, in Sweden, then where in the world could Eric be? He refused to take her calls. She had lied to Ellie; she did know other numbers to calls. She knew her maker needed space so she allowed him that by not telling Ellie of any possible way to get a hold of him. But not even she was able to reach him. He wouldn't pick up, he wouldn't return her calls. She knew Eric was still alive, she hadn't felt anything in their bond to tell her any differently.
But then where the hell was he?
"Where are you Eric? I'm here in Sweden and you're nowhere to be found. I know you've been here, I can smell you."
"You're taking this too far Eric, tell me where you are, it's important."
"Eric, please. I'm asking this as your child. We need to talk."
Eric Northman sighed as he listened to message after message from his child, begging him to call her, to let her know where he was. But he couldn't. He couldn't let a single soul know where he was. She had been right, he had been in Sweden, and had been since he had left Louisiana. He was able to think clearly away from the hassle of the world. He could remember simpler times, when this drama was not a part of his life. But now he had a missing maker, who could potentially be dead, and a Phoenix he was battling his own feelings for.
He had known about the bombing. He had associates in New Orleans, both day walkers and vampires that kept him up to date with the doings of the Queen, to assure that he's always one step ahead of Sophie-Anne. He hadn't expected, however, to receive a phone call, informing him that the palace had been completely destroyed, that a suicide vampire bomber had killed everyone inside. He had been even more shocked when he found out through Pam that Godric had been in New Orleans, summoned by the Queen herself. He had tried searching for his bond with his maker, praying to a god he didn't believe to exist that Godric was still alive. He hadn't felt the pain he had been expecting. He hadn't felt the agony, the loss of his own kin. But he had never lost a maker or a child, he didn't know what to expect. He had been told that it was excruciating, that the pain was unbearable. But how was he to know for sure? He had never experienced it; perhaps it would be different for him. So he sought out the strong bond he had always shared with the 2000 year old vampire, but he hadn't been able to find a single trace, to locate his maker at all.
He was scared. He would never admit so out loud. He would rip apart the fool who accused him of such. But he was. He feared that his maker was gone, that he had died in that bombing. No bodies had been found, not a single trace of any survivors. But his maker was strong. Godric was smart enough not to let himself be put in that situation. He would have escaped, found a way to survive. Eric was sure of it. He couldn't believe Godric was dead, that the bond he couldn't find was because of Godric's true death. Godric had shut off their bond before, when he hadn't wanted to be found at the Fellowship. Perhaps this was the same. Perhaps Godric didn't want to be found.
But why? Eric couldn't understand it.
It was why he had fled Sweden, however. He couldn't have just sat back and waited for Godric to pop up somewhere. He had to search his maker out. He had to find him, to understand what was going on. Did he have to protect himself? Did he need to make others believe he was dead? Why, Eric wasn't sure, but Godric would always put others before himself. If this was a way to protect him, or even Ellie, then Eric was sure Godric would. Godric was a fool at times, allowing for himself to care about humans.
Though he had done the exact thing he had vowed he would never do; he fell in love with a human. But she wasn't exactly human, was she? No, she was a magnificent Phoenix that he could spend the rest of eternity with. But there would always be the threat that she would be taken away from him. That she wouldn't love him, that she would just walk away. He couldn't allow himself be faced with that pain, not again. Twice now he had watched her slip out of his life. Twice now he had thought Ellie to be dead. Miracles had happened, miracles that brought her back to him. But she had still been taken away. He had still experienced the agonizing realization that she was gone. He had always promised to never feel the pathetic emotions of a human. He never wanted to become weak, to find himself at the mercy of feelings. But he had felt that weakness. He had allowed himself that weakness without even realizing it. And he couldn't let that be. He needed to stop it, to put an end to it all.
He was Eric Northman, a thousand year old Viking.
He was not weak, and he refused to let a living soul believe that.
Even if it meant leaving behind the only woman he had found himself loving.
He had tried not to think about her. He had tried desperately to erase her from his memory, to cease the dreams he would find himself haunted by. But not once since he had left two months ago had he been able to stop thinking about her. He hadn't expected this. He had thought once he left, once he said goodbye and left her behind, that he wouldn't feel like this. He hadn't expected the loss, the ache in the heart that hadn't beaten in over a thousand years. He hadn't expected any of this. The pain, the agony, the desire to find her, to hold her in his arms, to kiss her sweet lips, to ravish her in every possible way. It was almost too overwhelming for Eric to take. Too many occasions he had found himself ready to forget his idiotic charades and just return to her. He had dialled her number too many times for him to count, only to hang up before the first ring went through. He was acting like a pathetic teenage boy instead of the vampire he was. He wasn't supposed to love, to desire a human. He wasn't supposed to want her, every single part of her. He had thought once he left her, once he shoved that pain out of his life that he would be fine, that he could get on with the rest of his life.
But that hadn't been the case.
That had been the furthest from the truth.
He still loved her. That hadn't changed, and Eric wondered if it ever would.
"She's been looking for him, Eric. Ellie hasn't stopped looking for him. She won't believe that Godric could be...You would know, Eric. Is he? Is Godric still alive? Please Eric. I don't ask you for much. But call me. Let me know where you are."
Eric shook his head as he listened to Pam's final message before slipping the phone into his pocket. He raised his gaze to stare up at the mansion he had run to the moment his plane had landed. This was where he was going to find clues, to find the lead he was desperate for in the search of his maker. It was why he had come all the way to Jackson Mississippi, only hours away from his precious Phoenix.