Chapter Eighteen: The House That Built Me

"This is hell!" I moaned as I rested my cheek against the cold tiled floor of the bathroom. "Why did you let me get drunk!"

"Have you ever met drunk you?" Sookie chuckled as she walked into the room, kneeling down beside me with a bottle of water in one hand and a bottle of aspirin in the other. "Here, this will help with the headache."

"I think I'm dying." I groaned. "I think I'm literally dying."

"Sorry hun, you can't actually die, remember." Sookie reminded me.

"Worst. Best friend. Ever." I stuck my tongue out at her, lifting my head just slightly off of the floor before moaning and letting it crash back down, the coolness of the tile giving my burning forehead some sort of relief.

"Have you thrown up lately?" Sookie wondered as she shook out two tablets and uncapped the water bottle. "Here."

I mumbled incoherently as I somehow managed to push myself up onto my elbows just long enough to chuck back the drunks I desperately hoped would stop my pounding forehead and washed it all down with some water. I groaned in relief at the cool liquid before I found myself back down on the floor, curling up into a ball

"Not lately." I shook my head. "But seriously, I honestly think I'm dying."

"You're not." She patted my shoulder. "Well at least I don't think you'll be drinking for awhile. A long long long while."

"Alcohol is evil! It's the devil!"

"Yeah yeah, you keep saying that." She snickered as she stood and began shuffling out of the room.

"Don't leave me here to die along!" I moaned. "Come back!"

"One minute, your phone is vibrating." Sookie called as she escaped into the next room.

I listened closely, wondering who was calling at this time of night, or well morning. Last time I had checked the time, the sun was just about to rise.

"She's fine...yes, I'm pretty sure she's fine...she has a major headache, but she's fine...seriously Godric...okay...okay okay, I'll bring the phone to her."

I groaned when I heard Godric's name. I should have known he would have called. He would have felt my happiness, would have felt me getting a little too intoxicated, and then he could probably feel the hell I was going through in punishment right now. Maybe this was karma. Maybe this was the world punishing me for leaving Louisiana when there was very nearly a war going on.

Oh screw you karma.

"It's Godric." Sookie settled down on the bathroom floor, crossing her legs as she handed the phone out to me.

"I'm not here." I mumbled.

"I'm pretty sure he can hear you."

"Ugh." I reached my hand out blindly, my eyes closing as my headache only grew worse. Come on drugs, do your thing!

"Oh let me just put him on speaker." She was full out laughing now at my pathetic attempt to grab the phone, pressing a button before placing it down beside my head on the ground. "She's right here, Godric."

"Elizabeth." Godric didn't sound very pleased at all. He was using his 'trying to be calm but really I'm beyond pissed' voice. I didn't really like that voice at all.

"Don't Elizabeth me." I curled my arms around my churning stomach, hoping the vomit would stay down. "Karma is punishing me enough as it is."

"I cannot believe you just took off to Dallas unprotected." He began lecturing me. He probably knew my head was pounding and every word he spoke sounded like fireworks going off inside of my head. "I cannot believe how irresponsible you were tonight. Do you not realize the risks? Do you not realize that there are people looking for you?"

"I know, I know. But don't I deserve one fun night?"

"You could have had that here." He scolded me. "And getting drunk? Honestly, Elizabeth, this isn't like you at all."

"I'm damaged, Godric. Eric damaged me. I'm just repairing myself."

"With alcohol?"

"Yes." I answered childishly. "Could you hold off on the lecture until I'm not hung over?"

"No, we are going to do this right now."

I rolled onto my back as I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could just block out his voice. Eventually I must have, my body relaxing to the point that my joints were feeling like jelly and I began drifting off into an odd dream state. I was only jostled back into reality when Sookie shook my shoulder, my attention being drawn back to the vampire speaking through the phone.

"Have you listened to a word I've said, Elizabeth?"

"No dad, I wasn't listening." I answered truthfully.

"Elizabeth..."

"You can yell at me all you want to tomorrow...later today...but I need to go now. Buh bye."

"Elizabeth, don't you dare hang up on..."

I threw my hand out and I was pleased when Godric's voice was suddenly cut off by my victorious attempt to end the conversation.

"Oh Godric is going to be extremely pissed off at you when we get back." Sookie mused with a chuckle.

"I'll just add him to the list of vampire's who don't like me."

"That seems like a long list." Sookie snorted.

"I know right. There's ones that want to kill me, ones that break my heart, and now there's one that's pissed off at me. Yay me." I opened my eyes, only to roll them sarcastically.

"It was worth it. Minus this whole part." Sookie admitted. "I had fun tonight. And it was nice hanging out with Quinn."

"It was, wasn't it?" I asked in a dreamy tone. Though I wasn't sure why I was sounding like that. It wasn't like I liked Quinn or anything. I mean that would just be impossible. I barely even knew the tall, hot, amazingly kind shifter.

"Oh you so like him."

"I do not!"

I didn't, right?

"One sec!" I shouted as softly as I could, not wanting to wake Sookie up. She had stayed up all night to make sure I didn't drown in my own vomit, and had only fallen asleep not too long after Godric had called. Hours later, I had been able to peel myself off of the bathroom floor and was just about to crash down on my bed when someone began knocking on the door. My stomach didn't feel as terrible as it had earlier, and the aspirin had cured my headache for the time being, so I happily wandered over the door to answer it, hoping for some form of entertainment. As tired as I found myself to be, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink.

"Morning." Quinn greeted as I pulled open the door. He held out a coffee and I greedily took it, shooting the man a grateful smile. "I thought you might be in need of a pick me up."

"You were right." I nodded, sipping the steaming liquid in content. "Thanks, you really didn't have to bring me coffee."

"It's no problem." Quinn shrugged his large shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than a few hours ago."

"You look fairly put together for someone having a hangover." His gaze swept over my body, and I blushed. I was only wearing a loose pair of sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt. My hair was fine though, I had made sure to check that before opening the door.

"Don't you have work to do?" I questioned, remembering the original reason he had come to Dallas in the first place.

"Not until later in the afternoon. I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk, get some fresh air and all." He suggested. "Sookie is more than welcome to join us."

"She crashed a few hours ago. But I'm definitely feeling the need for fresh air. Give me a few minutes to get changed?"

"You mean you don't want to go out looking like that? Because I think you look gorgeous babe." He winked down at me, working his charm even this early in the day.

"I think I'd rather not look like a crazy homeless person." I rolled my eyes. "Give me like ten minutes."

"I'll be here waiting." He nodded, his smile wide on his lips. "Take as long as you need. Not that you need long, you're already stunning, Phoenix."

My cheeks felt like they were about to melt off as I waved at the man and closed the door. I sipped the coffee one last time before setting it down on a table and hurrying off to change. I tripped more than once, sometimes over my own feet, and other times over the clothes I had thrown all around the room trying to decide on what to wear. I brought one too many outfits for our short trip to Dallas, and I was glad I had or else I would have had nothing to wear. I didn't want to look too nice, because that would mean I was trying hard to look nice, to impress him. And I wasn't. I didn't like Quinn, not like that. But I didn't want to look like a slob either, right? So I had to look presentable, and somewhat nice. Right?

Well that was my excuse anyways.

With a minute to spare, I pulled my long locks up into a messy ponytail while sliding on my black jacket over my simple outfit of a button up plaid shirt kept open with a white camisole underneath and a worn pair of jeans. It was nice without being over the top. Because I wasn't trying to be over the top. Only someone who liked Quinn would care how they looked. I didn't. Honestly, I didn't.

"Stop that." I scolded myself before shaking my head, hoping to rid myself of my thoughts as I did so. Once I was ready, I pulled open the hotel room door again, coffee in hand as I slipped out and joined Quinn in the hallway.

"All set?" He asked, his gaze once again roaming over my body. It wasn't in any horrible leering kind of way though. I liked when he was looking at me. I shouldn't have, but I did. It was in such a different way than Eric would always look at me. I knew that the Viking was always thinking about sex when he looked at me, but with Quinn, I could tell he was more of a gentleman than that. If he wasn't, he would have taken advantage of me last night while I was completely drunk and out of my mind. But he didn't. He was sweet and went along with my drunken antics. If anything, the guy deserved a medal for putting up with me. From what I could remember, which wasn't the entire evening, but from the snippets I remembered, I was pretty much insane. So the fact that he was here, that meant something to me.

I mean, I didn't manage to scare him off.

Score one for me.

Not that I cared though.

Not at all.

"Ready." I grinned up at him. "And sorry about anything I said or did last night. I was extremely..."

"Drunk? Yeah I noticed." He chuckled as we began a slow pace to the elevator. "Don't worry; you didn't embarrass yourself too much."

"Oh well that's good then." I rolled my eyes. "What exactly did I say anyways?"

"Something about Sookie being different, you being damaged, and me being pretty." He snickered, shooting me an amused glance. "It was all very amusing, I have to say."

"Oh shut up!" I nudged him, absolutely mortified.

"It wasn't all that bad, Ellie. I mean, you didn't end up in my bed, did you?" He winked. "Not that I wasn't wishing for it..."

"You're terrible." I slapped his arm as we slipped into the elevator once it arrived. "I'm not that kind of girl."

"Right, scary and damaged girls don't jump into bed with strange men."

"Well technically you're not strange." I pointed out.

"Right, so I was totally on the market last night." his smile widened. "I should have tried harder."

"As I said, you're terrible." I shook my head, but found myself laughing. I couldn't remember when I actually laughed around Eric. I know I shouldn't have been thinking about the vampire, or comparing him to a man I had no intention of liking, but I just couldn't help it. I remember being happy for those few days before everything happened with the witches in the warehouse, but I honestly couldn't think of a time that I actually laughed around Eric, when I was happy, when I was having fun. And fun that didn't involve great mind blowing sex. If nothing else, Eric and I always had that.

But I wanted more than that. I wanted more than great sex. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to have a partner, a relationship. I wanted to wake up next to the man I could spend the rest of my life with and know that they would be there every single day. And sadly, that wasn't Eric. I wished so damn much that it was, but it just wasn't. And I don't think he ever will be.

"I may not be a telepath, but I can tell you're thinking about him." Quinn nudged me gently, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I gazed down at the ground. "I...I'm not sure if I can talk about it. I tell everyone I'm okay, that I'm getting to that point where I can be happy. But..."

"But there's a part of you that just wants to find a hole, curl up and never leave." Quinn finished for me with a nod of his head. "I get it. We've all been there. And it'll get better. I know that your situation with Northman is different than any normal relationship, but eventually it'll get better."

"I hope so." I sighed, my hands grasping tightly around my Styrofoam coffee cup. "I really really hope so."

Neither of us spoke as the doors slid open and we stepped out into the lobby. It was fairly busy for only being mid morning, and Quinn and I quickly slipped out into the cool Dallas morning. I pulled my jacket tightly around me as we strolled down the street, our coffees in hand. It felt nice to be back here in Dallas. I had spent a good portion of my life here with my brother, growing up and becoming the person that I was today. Despite the incredibly horrible times in my life, Dallas held a lot of good memories, memories that I wanted to clutch onto for the rest of my life. It hadn't even been that long ago, but I already felt as if my brother's memory was slipping away, being pushed to the side due to the extreme situations I've been thrust into lately. And I hated that. Matt was everything to me. He wasn't just my brother, he had been my best friend, and in a way, he acted as a father. He was the closest thing I had to a parent, and I knew that put a lot of pressure on him, and he didn't deserve to take on that sort of responsibility so young, but he had done so without a fight. And I would forever love him for that.

"Thinking about you know who again?" Quinn asked, gazing down at me as we crossed the street and continued our walk. I wasn't sure if Quinn knew where he was going at all, but I knew this city like the back of my hand. And I knew we were heading in the exact direction of the small neighbourhood I had lived in. At first I was a bit hesitant to continue in that direction, but after a moment, I decided that I needed to. There was a house that I needed to see again, a lifetime of memories that I had to remember. If I was going to make a fresh start, then I was going to need my brother's help with that. And he may not be here, but that house still held every single memory. I'm not sure how much it would help, but maybe it would in just the tiniest way.

"Actually no." I shook my head. "I was thinking about my brother."

"You have a brother?"

I nearly forgot that Quinn didn't know just how damaged I really was.

"I lied when I said Eric damaged me. I mean he did, but not completely." I admitted with a sigh. "I was damaged beyond repair before I even met him."

"As I said last night, you don't look all that damaged." He mused with a warm smile.

"Oh you have no idea." I gazed down at the sidewalk, kicking at the loose pebbles. "I'm damaged in so many different ways. I'm practically unsalvageable."

"That I don't believe." He stopped, tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear. "Everyone gets damaged once in awhile. But it's never impossible to pick the pieces back up."

"You don't know my life story." I pointed out, sneaking a peek up at the tall man.

"Tell me about." He urged. "I don't mean to pry, I'm just curious as to why the most beautiful and intriguing woman I've ever met believes she's damaged beyond repair."

My cheeks must have been bright red by that point, and I was just grateful that it was so chilly out that Quinn never would have noticed.

"It's not a fun story to hear." I warned him. "And I am not liable for any depression that may result after hearing about my life."

"I promise I won't jump off any bridges any time soon." He tried to lighten the mood with a joke, and surprisingly my shoulders did end up relaxing, the tension leaving my body. I hadn't planned on telling Quinn my life story, hell, it wasn't exactly a story I wanted to tell. But it was different with Quinn. I felt myself wanting to open up to him, like I wanted to just tell him anything. I knew he would listen, and I knew he wouldn't make any inappropriate comments like a certain blonde Viking would have. Quinn was someone Matt would have liked. He had a good head on his shoulders, he was a gentleman, and without hardly even know me, he was being kinder than Eric had ever been. And I liked that. I didn't want to. I wanted to find all the flaws that Quinn might have, but I just couldn't find a single one.

Maybe he was too tall?

No, I liked tall men, that was obvious.

His lack of hair?

No, for some reason, it just suited Quinn nicely.

Maybe it was the eyes. They were these dark pits, and in some lights, even looked purple.

No, that was pretty fantastic and unique.

The fact that he could turn into a tiger?

I mean, I did date a vampire, so I couldn't be picky.

So essentially, there was just nothing wrong with this man.

"Are you getting distracted by my good looks again?" Quinn smirked down at me.

I blushed an even deeper shade of red. Oh he had absolutely no idea.

I didn't like him. I didn't like Quinn. I loved Eric.

Who didn't happen to love me in return. Or at least not enough to stick around.

"You're getting sad again." He pointed out, taking me by the elbow and guiding me to a low brick wall around a small park near the edge of the downtown core. "Want to tell me about it?"

"No, let's just stick with my life story. I wouldn't want you to decide against not wanting to jump off a bridge." I tried to shake the thoughts of Eric away. I didn't want to think about him, not when I was trying to get a fresh start. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is usually a good start." He took my empty cup of coffee out of my hands and set it down beside him, turning all of his attention on me. It felt nice to have this gorgeous man interested in what I had to say. I wasn't sure if Eric ever really cared about what came out of my mouth. I was doing it again. I needed to stop comparing Quinn to Eric and Eric to Quinn. Eric wasn't a part of my life any longer, I needed to remember that.

"I was five when my parents died in a car crash." I gazed down into my lap as I began fingering the hem of my jacket. "I don't really remember anything. I just remember my brother telling me that mom and dad had gone up to heaven and were angels."

"I'm sorry." He murmured. "I'm sorry for your loss."

I swallowed back the rising lump in my throat. "It's funny because I was the only survivor. I barely even had a scratch. When I think about it now, I wonder if it was because I was technically the Phoenix. Because how else would I have survived with only a single scar. It's not possible, not when they both ended up dying."

"The world works in mysterious ways." He mused, reaching a hand over and clasping mine.

"My brother raised me. He was only eighteen at the time and he had to leave school to act as a parent to me. I wonder what his life would have been life if he hadn't. Maybe it would have been better for him." I sighed. "He hated when I talked like that. He always said that he didn't want anyone else raising me, that it wasn't a job to him, that he wanted to do it and not just out of obligation. He was my best friend. He was everything to me."

"Was?" Quinn squeezed my hand, the tears forming in my eyes.

"He died awhile back. He was sick for a few weeks leading up to it, and he had to go to the hospital. I don't even know why anymore. It just all seems like a blur." I had to close my eyes as my body began to shake. But it wasn't because of the wind as it whipped my hair into my face. Instead, the memories were flashing before me and I could feel the stabbing pain in my heart. I remember seeing him for that short amount of time in the In-Between. Part of me wonders if it would have been easier if I hadn't seen him. But another part of me was glad. Because I never got to say goodbye, and that's all I really wanted. I just wanted that chance, to be able to tell him that I loved him, that I would miss him. And I was given that chance. It was small, and it had been all just a ploy to try and get me to choose death over life. Hell, it could have just been a hallucination. But in my heart, I felt like I was able to say goodbye, that I was able to finally let go of the spirit I had let haunt me for so many years.

"I was working here in Dallas, only a few years after he died, when I first met Godric." A single tear escaped down my cheek, Quinn quickly brushing it away before I even had the chance. "I was attacked when I was leaving work; I'm not even sure why I had been targeted. But I had been. I was nearly killed that night when Godric came along and saved me. He brought me back to his house, he healed me, and he started piecing me back together."

"He sounds like a good friend."

"He's the best." I sent him a small smile, my eyes opening as I looked into those dark purple eyes that held such warmth in them. "Things were good for awhile. Great actually. I thought I had been fixed."

"So what happened?"

"Eric Northman happened." I sighed, shaking my head. "Godric was worried about me and sent me off with Eric while he was away. Of course, neither of us realized that he was just going to hand himself over to the fellowship. I wonder now if he wanted us to spend time together, to fall for one another so after he was gone, we would find happiness again in each other."

"But he didn't die."

"No, he didn't. I stopped him. After nearly dying a couple handful of times, Eric rescuing me every single damn time." I ran a hand through my hair. "He was really good at that, swooping in and saving the day."

"He doesn't seem like the type." Quinn shrugged honestly.

"He doesn't, does he?" I agreed. And it was true; Eric wasn't the type to just put everything on hold and save a damsel in distress. But he had. He had done it every single time I had been in trouble, even after he had supposedly left. "I guess in his own way he loves me."

"He does." Quinn nodded.

"How do you know? You saw him for like a split second when he left." I pointed out.

"He had that crazed jealous look in his eye." Quinn grinned. "I'm used to it."

"Oh, so you hang around damaged women all the time then?"

"You're my favourite though." He replied cheekily.

I rolled my eyes, nearly forgetting what we had even been talking about in the first place. But once it came flooding back, my near smile quickly crashed back down into a frown and I hopped off of the wall and to my feet.

"Let's walk?" I looked up at him.

He nodded and slid to his feet much more graciously than I could ever manage. He offered me his arm as he tossed our empty coffee cups into the garbage. I gladly accepted as we began walking, taking a turn here and there. Neither of us spoke for a bit, just enjoying our slow paced walk. There wasn't too much activity, not like in the hotel. It was a slow Sunday morning. Most families were in church, or were just starting the day off like they should, late and lazy. Or there were those like myself that had partied just a little too hard last night.

Yeah, never again.

"We went back to Louisiana afterwards, and I thought everything was going to be okay for awhile." I continued my story.

"But it wasn't, was it?" he guessed.

"Eric went back to his old ways and I...well I was confused. Suddenly I had people after me and...well I was a very very bad best friend." I chewed on my bottom lip as I remembered what had occurred over two years ago.

"I doubt that."

"Godric and I...well we almost slept together. I don't think I ever felt that way towards Godric; I was just lonely and wanted Eric to just care for me like I did for him. Godric was the next best thing. Which wasn't fair to him." I snuck a glance up at Quinn, hoping he wouldn't judge me. But he didn't seem to. He was just nodding along, letting me continue without interruption. "But none of that really mattered because all of our lives became threatened and what I was, well it became a little bit of an issue."

"Russell Edgington was interested in you. I heard that through the rumour mill." Quinn nodded. "And he met the true death."

"Did you know I could keep a vampire protected in the sunlight?"

"No I didn't. That's extraordinary." He looked surprised. "What other tricks do you have up that very beautiful sleeve of yours?"

"I can cure death. Though technically I would die as well, but I did let Sophie-Anne feel her own heart beat for a few seconds."

"Really?" Quinn stopped dead, his eyes widening.

"Yeah, I guess being a Phoenix isn't completely horrible." I nodded.

"You're very magnificent." He mused before we began walking again.

As I looked up and noticed where we were, I nearly stopped back dead in my tracks. Quinn wouldn't have realized, but I had led him straight onto my old street without even realizing it. I wanted to come here, to see my old home once again. I just never realize how second nature it still was. I could have been blindfolded and I still would have managed walking here from anywhere in Dallas. This truly was my home.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." I assured him. "Oh I lost my memory too. I told Eric I loved him and then I left. I managed to get into a car crash, imagine that, and I ended up losing my memory. That was a very long two years of my life."

"I couldn't even imagine." Quinn shook his head. "That must have been hard."

"Told you I was damaged." I nudged him. "It was hard. It was insanely hard. But then one day, Godric popped up, and everything started changing. Of course, I really did end up sleeping with him that time..."

"You have a kinky fetish for vampires huh?" He winked down at me. "Guess I have no shot then?"

"I wouldn't say that..." I winked right back at him.

"So how did you get from sleeping with Godric to loving Northman?"

"Witches. Those damn witches cursed me. Eric admitted that he loved me, and we were happy. For a little bit anyways. And then I died, well I didn't really die, but I was confused and stuck and I think that's what broke us in the end." I stared down at the ground. "I suppose it was my fault that this all happened. I was selfish and put him through pain..."

"That doesn't warrant him hurting you." Quinn pulled me to a stop, clasping a finger under my chin and forcing my gaze upwards. "Such a beautiful and extraordinary woman like yourself does not deserve the pain he caused you. I saw it in your eyes the night we first met. And I'm happy that it's no longer there, not completely."

"See, I am damaged. Completely damaged. Sometimes I think I'll never be repaired again." I admitted softly, the tears returning to my eyes. "I'm going to cry in front of a friggin gorgeous were-tiger, that's how damaged I am."

"I don't mind." He smiled warmly as he raised both of his hands, his thumbs brushing the tears off of my cheeks as they appeared. "So I'm gorgeous huh?"

I snorted unattractively. "Only you would say that."

"Hey, it put a smile on your face. I like that smile of yours."

I was surprised to find that I was indeed smiling, and just after one little comment by this man. It was so odd how Quinn had made such an impact on my life in such a short period of time. I had spent such a long time hardly able to trust anyone, and then this shifter popped up into my life, and that all seemed to change.

"So, I don't want to alarm you, but I have no idea where we are." Quinn stated, glancing around us.

"Don't worry, I do." I turned my head to the left, my old home only two houses away.

"You used to live here, right." Quinn nodded. "We'll just pretend that I didn't almost get us lost then."

"Right, we need to protect your manhood." I chuckled, my smile growing as I slipped my hand into his and began tugging him down the sidewalk. "Come on, I want to show you something."

The moment the house came into view, my heart began to swell. The tears returned to my eyes, but it wasn't out of sadness as I stopped before the small two story house I had called home so long ago. Instead, it was pure happiness, relief even. Anytime I had ever had a problem, no matter how small or big, I had been able to run home and right through that bright red door that I had insisted Matt on painting for me, and everything would just be alright. Nothing else in the world mattered. Matt just made everything seem better. And being here, it felt like my heart was beginning to heal. Maybe that was why I had chosen Dallas. Maybe a part of me needed to come here, to this very spot, so I could truly start my new beginning. I needed to revisit the path, to remember where I had come from, before I could move forward.

"I used to live here." I voiced, my voice wavering with emotion. "This is – was – my home."

Quinn didn't say anything. He just squeezed my hand, standing directly beside me. We must have looked so odd together, just standing there on the sidewalk. I was so short and small compared to Quinn, this large monster, though he was anything but a monster. I found that I liked him standing beside me though. I wasn't sure if Sookie was right, if I was beginning to like him, or if he had just wormed his way into my life as a friend. But no matter what, I was grateful to have him in my life.

Quinn seemed to be my saving grace.