"And this," Sirius said, for the fifth time, "is the kitchen...oh wait, no it's not."

Everyone groaned, for the fifth time.

"It's the boiler room," Sirius added inconsequentially.

"Honestly, Sirius, you're useless," Hermione said in annoyance. "Follow me." And she strode off, everyone following her.

Two minutes later, they were inside the rather dusty kitchens.

"Um," Sirius said. "Well, I'm not really sure if there actually is anything in here, but, well..." he trailed off. "Basically, I'm not sure that there's any food worth eating in here."

Everyone groaned loudly. For the sixth time.

"How about," Rosmary began, "we just find the old food, assuming there is any, and one of you Transfigure it into something that can be eaten?"

Remus looked rather impressed. "That's a good idea," he said.

Bella nodded. "Now all we have to do is find some old food to Transfigure."

Hermione looked rather annoyed that she hadn't thought of it first.

They all set off around the kitchen to find any type of food, anywhere.

"Wait," said Kathy suddenly, "why don't we just look in that fridge behind Snape?"

"But there could be germs!" Rosmary exclaimed.

"What's a fridge?" Ron asked.

"She's a germophobe," Sammy explained.

"It's this cool box thing that runs on electricity and keeps food cold," Mary Sue explained.

"Oh, eckeltricity?" said George. "Dad told me about that..."

"E-lec-tri-ci-ty," Hermione enunciated.

"Can we just open the fridge already?" Kathy said in annoyance. Without waiting for objections, she yanked open the fridge door to find—

"A dead rat," Sirius said slowly. "Somehow I really don't want to eat that."

"I'm sure Snape will," Kathy said, a rather evil glint in her eye.

"No," Mary Sue told her. "Stop picking on Snape—" Kathy rolled her eyes "—we'll just go across the street to Nofrills and buy some food. Only we need money for them first. And they should change their clothes—"

"Why?" Malfoy demanded.

"Because you can't go around dressed in robes, you're supposed to be Muggles."

Malfoy choked on nothing. "M-muggles? I have to pretend be a Muggle?"

Kathy was laughing.

"Yes, you have to pretend be a Muggle. It won't kill you."

Sirius, grinning broadly, waved his wand at Snape, whose clothing instantly transformed into a navy blue suit with a white shirt and a yellow tie. Snape jumped, looked down at himself, and choked.

"Absolutely not." He waved his own wand, and the suit became black.

Sirius waved his wand again, and the suit changed back.

This went on for a few minutes, until the twins took the opportunity to turn both Snape's and Sirius' clothing bright, neon pink.

Hermione squeaked. "You're not of age yet, you can't do magic outside of school—"

"Calm down, Hermione, I don't think there's even a Ministry of Magic here. Besides, we'd only get a warning. It's not a big deal."

"Besides," the other twin put in, "if we do get a warning, then that will help us by letting us know that there is a Ministry here."

Hermione looked rather impressed with their logic.

Two hours later, they staggered back into the house, laden with five bags each.

"I don't see why we need this much food," Ron complained. "It's heavy!"

"Ron, be serious, you're going to eat half of it," Hermione reprimanded.

"She's right, mate," Harry put in. "You do like eating food."

Mary Sue dropped her bags and collapsed against the counter. "Never again," she said, and the other Muggles nodded agreement. "I am never going shopping for food with wizards again."

The girls, Hermione included, nodded their agreement again.

"What's wrong with wizards?" Sirius asked.

"You're clueless," Rosmary informed him. The other girls nodded agreement once more.

"Anyways," Sammy said, "we still have to cook this."

"You wizards had better get out of the kitchen," Mary Sue told them.

Half the wizards immediately protested.

"Why do you get to stay in here?"

"Why are you only sending us out?"

"What did we do?"

"Why can't we stay?"

"Because you dolts don't know how to cook," Kathy snapped. "Now get out!"

Grumbling, all the wizards trailed out of the kitchen, Ron looking longingly back at the bags full of food.

Hermione stayed, looking awkward. "Erm...should I leave?"

"Dunno. Can you cook?"

"A little..."

"You can stay, then."

Hermione nodded, and moved to join the other girls at the counter. "So, what are we cooking?"

"Meatloaf," Kathy said. "And noodles with a nice creamy tomato sauce and garlic bread. A nice crispy apple salad, and a roasted vegetable salad."

"Vegetarian," Mary Sue muttered.

"So you won't eat the meatloaf," Kathy told her, and Mary Sue nodded.

"Ok," Rosmary said. "Let's start cooking!"