Title: Bickering & Ingrown Toenails

Rating: PG

Genre: Humor

Summary: Tony is not having the greatest morning. Short One-shot.

Characters: Tony, McGee, Ziva, & Gibbs

Senior Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo sat at his desk looking for something. He could have sworn he had left his toenail clippers on his desk the day before. This was really not turning out to be his day. First he had taken a case with Gibbs and the director. The case turned out to be and all-nighter and he barely got any sleep.

Part of the reason of not sleeping was because of the case. The other part was that DiNozzo's apartment upstairs neighbor decided to have a party. He had not gotten to shave the night before so he was a little scruffy around his cheeks. If he had a razor he would have shaved in the men's bathroom but he had been so sleepy while getting up in the morning that he totally forgot.

The reason why he was looking for his toenail clippers was because he had also woken up with an ingrown toenail. He had known it was becoming more and more infected but he thought it would just go away like they always had. But when he woke up it was just constant searing pain. He was reminded about it every time he walked. He knew he needed to go to the doctor but with the busy week he's had, Tony had decided to wait until he had time. That was starting to become a problem. And now he couldn't find the one thing he needed to relieve some of the pressure form his aching toe.

Special Agent Ziva David noticed that Tony was distressed. She didn't know why but after watching and secretly laughing at him for a couple of minutes she decided to ask him what his problem was. Ziva asked, jokingly, "What is wrong Tony? You look like you are in quite a problem."

Tony corrected, rather sternly, "Its situation, Ziva. I look like I am in quite a situation."

Ziva, confused, said, "It is the same thing."

Tony sighed in defeat, ignoring her and apparently giving up. He asked Ziva, "Have you seen my toenail clippers?"

Ziva answered, even more confused, "No, why?"

Tony answered bluntly, "Because I need them to make my ingrown toenail feel better."

Ziva was utterly appalled at his answer. She was even more disgusted when he lifted his feet up to show her his ingrown toenail and Ziva had to agree, he needed to clip his toenails. Ziva yelled, "Ugh! That is so nasty Tony! Why did you not just do that at your house or someplace else where I can not see you? I would shoot you right now if Gibbs would not get so angry at me!"

(Team Leader) Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs came around the corner and said as if he had been included in the whole conversation, "I will let you if Tony doesn't get his feet down off his desk and act like this is a workplace and not a spa."

Ziva smiled when Tony grumbled cuss words under his breath and put his foot down slowly but angrily. Gibbs asked, "What was that DiNozzo?"

Tony faked being happy and said, "Nothing Boss. Just saying if I hadn't pulled an all-nighter last night with you and Director Vance, I might have been able to take care of the is bad boy at home."

Gibbs smirked, "Is that so, DiNozzo? Well then why did you agree when I asked you?"

Tony grimaced and said, "I don't remember agreeing to do an all-nighter with you guys, boss. I agreed to work a case with you guys. There's a difference. And-"

Gibbs's phone rang and he picked it up. The phone shut Tony up. Tony figured it was no use to go on.

He finished putting on his shoes and socks when Special Agent Timothy McGee came out of the elevator and stopped in front of the bull pin. He suddenly put his hand to his nose and asked in a disgusted tone, "Aw! What is that horrible smell?"

Ziva pointed at Tony and said, "Tony was just about to take care of his ingrown foot."

McGee looked at Ziva and then at Tony confused and concerned and stated, "I hope she means ingrown toenail…."

Tony grimaced as he felt his toe agonize and said, "Yes. She means toenail."

McGee for once did not banter with Tony about his toe. Those hurt like a bitch. McGee just walked to his desk, got an air freshener can off his side-desk, and sprayed it over Tony's desk. Tony snorted and said, "McGee! Can't you get vanilla scented instead of that cinnamon crap?"

McGee said, "It was on sale and it smells better than your feet!"

Tony said, "Since when do you care if some things are on sale? You bought a new 1,000$ jacket this month!"

McGee said, "Just get over it Tony. God, sometimes, no, 93% of the time you act like a child."

Tony said, "Well at least I don't spend 6 hours online playing a fantasy game with fake people!"

McGee said, "I've told you Tony once and I'll say it again. They are real people and just so you know I've cut down!"

Tony, not giving up, said, "Yeah? Like how much? A minute?"

McGee and Tony went back and forth and Ziva was really amused with the fight that went on.

After 5 minutes of non-stop bickering between the two, Gibbs yelled, "Hey!"

They both looked up at him and stopped. Gibbs said, "As far as I know, you both have serious problems to deal with, but not during working hours. And especially not when I'm around."

McGee said, "Tony started it."

Tony said back, "Oh now who's being the kid!"

McGee said, "I don't know. You're the expert on how to be a kid!"

Gibbs shook his head and yelled, "STOP IT RIGHT NOW! BOTH OF YOU! YOU BOTH ARE ACTING LIKE KIDS!"

Ziva was enjoying this so much that she couldn't help but giggle. Gibbs turned to her and asked, "Do you think something's funny, David?"

Ziva abruptly stopped laughing and shook her head and said, "No Gibbs, not at all."

After the whole bullpen was silent Gibbs said, "Gear up! There's a shot petty officer in a back alley of a night club." Tony started getting up and said, "Not you, Tony. You're going down to Ducky to see of he can give you anything for that toe."

Tony smiled and said, "That's very nice of you, boss. Thank you."

Gibbs smiled in return but said, "Don't get too comfortable Tony. I'm just doing this because I don't need that toe of yours make you complain the whole way there."

Tony frowned at Gibbs as McGee and Ziva went with Gibbs to the elevator. He sighed and got up and miraculously made it to the Autopsy room without dying.