Chapter Thirty Eight: Love Your Love The Most

"No." Was the first word out of Eric's mouth after I had explained to him the process of resurrecting Kyra.

"No?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Absolutely not, I forbid it." Eric shook his head as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, his expression hardening.

"This isn't your choice, Eric." I pointed out, sitting upright as well. "This is my sacrifice; hence, it's my decision."

"Did you honestly think I would let you do this, Ellie?"

"I knew you wouldn't like it, but I'm going to do it anyways." I shrugged.

"No." His eyes narrowed. "I will not allow it."

"Eric, it's my..."

"No, it's not your decision to make." Eric snapped almost harshly. "This is no longer just about you or just about me. This is about us. And I'm telling you no."

"Well then if it's about us, you can't make the decision by yourself then." I sighed heavily, rubbing the side of my head as a headache started to form. This was not exactly how I had planned to end this night. I had just wanted to curl up beside the man I love and fall asleep in his arms. I should have just kept my mouth shut and waited until tomorrow to tell him about this. But I had wanted to get his opinion, stupidly, before I brought this to Godric. Because I had a feeling what Godric's reaction was going to be, and I wanted to know that I would have someone there backing me up. But I should have known that Eric wouldn't have been that person. And I did understand why. He didn't want me to put myself through this pain, and I felt touched that he was trying to think not for himself, but for us as a whole.

But this just wasn't about us. It didn't affect us as a couple. It's not like I would die. I would simply lose a part of my soul. And it sounded terrible. The act of ripping a soul apart, it was horrible. But I had more than enough to spare, or at least that's how the Reaper put it. So why couldn't I do this? I could put myself through a little bit of pain for this. It wasn't ideal, but I was willing to make this sacrifice.

I just wish Eric understood that.

"I'm not letting you put yourself through that." Eric shook his head in refusal. "I won't. I cannot...I cannot feel that pain again."

"What pain?" I questioned with.

Eric sighed as he gazed down at his lap. I rolled my eyes as I crawled in between his legs and cupped his cheeks, forcing his gaze to meet mine.

"What pain?" I asked him again, caressing his cheek with my thumb in a soothing manner. "What pain, Eric?"

"I felt...I felt that stake going through your chest." He closed his eyes, his face contorting in pain as if he was feeling it right now.

"What? But how?" My eyes grew wide in surprise. "Our bond is broken."

"The same witch that had cast the bonding spell on you, he cast another on me while he was breaking the first spell." Eric explained.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" I looked over every inch of his body to ensure that he was fine. "Are you..."

"Physically I'm fine." Eric opened his eyes, the haunted look in those orbs just tearing my heart apart. "He wanted to ensure that I felt whatever pain you did before you died, to cause me to feel the same pain he did as he watched you kill his sister."

"Oh my..." I shook my head in shock, gobsmacked that Eric had been cursed without any of us knowing. "So you...you felt that? You felt the stake?"

"I did. And I cannot feel that again, Ellie." His eyes were rimmed with tears. "I cannot lose you for a third time. I cannot feel your last moments of pain. I just can't do it. So I won't let you do this. I will tie you down, lock you away if I must. But I won't let you do this."

"Eric, I..."

"No, Ellie. I won't let you." He growled lowly, pushing my hands away. "It's my fault you were taken. If I had only stayed with you, if I had realized that it had been a trap, the maybe you never would have..."

"It was my fate, Eric. It was going to happen one way or another." I pointed out. "And it wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I was the idiot. I never should have broken our bond, and I never should have gone into the woods with Quinn. It was a stupid idea and...Oh fuck, where's Quinn?"

Eric growled again. "Do not speak that shifter's name to me."

"Where is he? Is he okay? What happened to him?" My eyes began growing wider as I remembered watching the Weres attack him. "Is he alive?"

"We don't know, and I honestly don't care." Eric pulled me away so he could climb off of the bed. "How can you ask me about him?"

"He's my friend, I care about it."

"And I care about you. I won't let you do this, Ellie." He clenched his hands at his sides, his eyes flashing in anger. "I refuse to let you do something so stupid again. No, you will not resurrect her."

"I know the risks, and I know the pain I'll be in. but it will be worth it once she's back." I stood and tried to reach out to him.

He only stepped back away from me however. "How do you think Godric will feel when he finds out your going to resurrect his dead girlfriend, huh? He told you he didn't want to think of this. He didn't want to be disappointed, to get his hopes up."

"But this is a foolproof plan." I shrugged.

"It's anything but foolproof, not when your involved." He snapped. "Use your head for just once, Ellie."

"I am using my head, and it's telling me to do this." I crossed my arms over my chest, beginning to grow frustrated with him. "Eric, just try and see it from my point of view."

"It's not happening, Ellie. Just accept that and move on."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Damnit, Ellie!" He growled so lowly, I jumped in fear, only for Eric to grab onto my arms and shove me right against the wall. I whimpered at the immediate contact with the wall. "I said no."

"And you can't tell me what to do!" I tried to shove him away from me. "This is my decision and I'm going to do it."

"No." His hold on my arms tightened. "I said no and that's final."

"Oh just stop being a world class jerk already." I didn't even think twice before using my powers to throw him across the room. He growled as he returned to his feet in only seconds, looking ready to pounce on me. "I'm doing this Eric, and there's not a whole lot you can do to stop me."

"I won't let you put yourself through this pain, this agony. What if something went wrong? What if you lost your soul, what if you died?" He slowly began towards me, moving around the bed before stopping only a foot away. "What then, Ellie? I can't do this. I can't lose you. Don't you realize that this doesn't just affect you? I love you, and I want you to be happy. But I would rather you alive and not in pain. So no, you will not do this."

"Here's the thing; we're a couple, yes. Your right, this is a decision we both have to make. So you get one vote and I get one vote. And since it's my soul that has to be ripped apart, I get another vote. Seeing as that makes two against one, it looks like I win." I planted my hands on my hips, not backing down. This was one argument that I wasn't going to let Eric win. I just couldn't. This was too big to let slip from my grasps. I needed to do this, even if it meant going behind Eric's back. "This is happening whether you want it to or not."

"Stop acting like some immature little child." Eric hissed. "Think about someone except yourself for once!"

"I am thinking about someone other than myself!" I threw my arms up in frustration. "If I was only thinking about myself, I wouldn't be doing this. This is insane and crazy, and hell, it's going to be brutal. But I'm doing this for Godric and Kyra. I know what it's like to not be with the one that I love, and it's horrible. So screw you Eric, I will do this one way or another."

Eric looked like he was just going to attack, and I stood my ground, ready for a fight if it came to that. I didn't want to hurt Eric, and I knew he was only angry with me because he cared. But this was not something I was going to back down on. We were going to have many fights in our future, and some of them I would just let slide. But not this one, not something this big.

I was surprised when Eric just twisted around and stormed towards the bedroom door, tearing it open and stomping out.

"Eric? Where are you going?" I followed after him until he twisted back around to face me in the doorway.

"I'm finding somewhere else to sleep." He growled down at me. "Stay here."

And then he was gone.

I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I heard another door in the house slam shut before what sounded like something heavy hitting the wall. And then everything just fell silent. That's when the tears began slipping down my cheeks. That's when I crawled back into the bed that Eric and I were supposed to be sharing and just broke down, wondering why in the world I had to love someone like Eric Northman.

I slept the entire day away, my body and mind too exhausted. When I woke, the blackout window coverings were now gone, and I was met with the starry night sky as I rolled over onto my side and glanced out the window. I sighed as I remembered everything that had happened the previous night, my body shuddering at the terrifying memories. And then I remembered discussing the whole resurrecting situation with Eric, and that turned into more of an argument than anything. Instead of falling asleep in the arms of the man that I loved, like I had hoped, I had curled up alone, crying myself to sleep.

"I really hate my life sometimes." I muttered to myself as I slowly pushed myself off of Eric's bed and wandered over to the window. I leaned against the window sill, just gazing out over the grassy fields surrounding the house. It looked beautiful outside, with only the natural glow of the stars and the moon lighting up the property. I wondered why Eric had never told me about this house. I had only known about the home in Shreveport, the modern home that we had stayed in for so long. I wondered, if Eric and I ever managed to stay together, though it felt impossible some nights, if we would return to Shreveport, or if we would remain here. Or maybe we could just take off and create a future together. I didn't exactly want to leave behind all of those that I loved, but some days it just seemed easier to do so, to just forget about everything that had happened and start fresh.

But something told me it would never be that easy.

I dressed in the clothes Sookie had packed for me last night before Eric and I had left before leaving the room. I wasn't sure where Eric was, if he was still in the house or not, and I almost felt like an intruder in his house. It wasn't like Shreveport. I didn't know this house well, and I felt like a mere guest. The house in Shreveport, I considered it to be my home, or at least I had once upon a time ago. Now I wasn't so sure if it would ever be my home again. Maybe Eric and I were just not meant to be together. We fought all the time, over the silliest things. Maybe this was just the universe's way of telling us that we weren't soul mates after all.

Except, I knew that wasn't true. I was just feeling sorry for myself, and I felt like I deserved to do that a little bit after everything I've been put through. I was still exhausted, both physically and mentally, and I just wanted to return to Eric's room and sleep the entire night away. But I couldn't. Because I wanted to find Eric and have a civil conversation with him. Maybe if we could just talk this out, then everything would be fine.

As I wandered down onto the first floor of the house, I heard rustling coming from down the hallway. I frowned, hoping it wasn't some intruder, though I wasn't sure who could possibly know where Eric and I were. I proceeded with caution however, until I reached the doorway of the lit kitchen and I peeked into the room. I sighed in relief when I only found Eric standing in the large and beautifully remodelled kitchen that he would never fully use. What surprised me however, were the bags of groceries that were lying on every surface in the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" I questioned the vampire as I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen, gazing around at all the groceries. "You do remember that you don't eat human food, right?"

"Obviously." He hissed at me, the vampire still grumpy as he slammed a cupboard door shut and making me jump.

"So then what are you doing?"

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing." He grumbled.

"It looks like someone rolled out of the wrong side of the bed again." I crossed my arms over my chest.

Eric narrowed his eyes at me but didn't respond. Instead, he continued to unpack the groceries laid out. I watched in amazement as he cursed left and right before finally, all the bags were emptied, only a single bottle of true blood being left out as he warmed it quickly and chugged it down. Once he had tossed the bottle into a recycling bin, which I had to stifle a laugh over, he turned back towards me. This time however, his expression had softened and he looked like he had gotten over whatever had caused him to be in a bad mood in the first place.

"I was trying to...apologize." he muttered, leaning against the counter.

"Usually you just get the girl flowers." I snickered, drawing closer to the Viking.

"You needed food if you were going to stay here." He defended, his mood returning in a flash. "If you don't want them then you can damn well..."

"Hey, calm down Eric." I held my hand out to stop him. "I'm just surprised that you, Mr. Big bad vampire, when to a grocery store to shop for human food for me. You hate the smell of human food, you've told me that a dozen times."

"So?" he crossed his arms moodily.

"So...thank you. It must have taken a lot of effort for you to do that."

"Whatever." He looked away. "I couldn't trust that Pam or Sookie wouldn't have gotten followed."

"I understand that. Again, thank you." I stepped closer to him, stopping only a foot away. "So, you did this to apologize, huh? Does this mean I'm right?"

"No."

"Well then this is a horrible apology then." I rolled my eyes.

"I...I'm apologizing for my...behaviour." his voice was strained as he spoke, and I knew just how hard it was for him to apologize. That was just not something Eric Northman ever did. "But I still think that I'm right."

"Of course you do." I nodded, closing the gap between us. "And I still want to do this."

A growl emitted from the back of Eric's throat, and I had to place both of my hands on his chest in an attempt to calm him down.

"I know it's dangerous, Eric. I know there's risks. I'm not stupid. I know it seems like I'm being an idiot, but I know exactly what I'm doing. It's not a perfect plan, and sure, there are flaws. But if something ever happened to you, and there was a chance to bring you back, then I hoped to god that someone would do it."

"This isn't your responsibility." Eric sighed, his arms dropping to his sides.

"Partially, it is. Only my soul can resurrect her, Eric. I'm the only one in the world who can do this. So it is my responsibility."

"But the pain." Eric shuddered at the mere thought of putting me through another ounce of pain. "I can't...I can't watch you go through that, Ellie. You're not the only one affected by this. You may be the one in agony, in pain, but I'll be the one sitting on the sidelines watching."

"I know." I could understand his side of things. If Eric ever did a thing like this, well I would be just as stubborn as he was being right now. You never wanted to watch the one you love willingly put themselves in pain. It was torture to see, and I understood that if I did this, it would affect him just as much as it would affect me.

"I healed those wounds of yours, Ellie." Eric's large cold hand came to rest over where my chest had once been ripped open. My eyes closed as his hand remained there, certain that he could feel my heart skipping a few beats. It was like my heart always knew when Eric was close, when he was the one touching me. It reacted so differently around him than anyone else. My heart truly did belong to him, in every sense of the word. "My blood is now inside of you. We may not have the same bond that we once did, but we're connected again. If you go through with this, you won't be the only one able to feel this pain. I'll feel everything that you will. And I'm not sure I can take feeling that agony of yours again and know that there isn't anything I can do to stop it. That's torture to me, my love, and I...I just cannot go through that again."

My heart broke to see the red present in the corners of his eyes. I leaned against him, my arms wrapping around Eric's torso as tightly as they possible could. The feeling of my body pressed against his, it was just spectacular. I couldn't imagine it being the same with any other man. I couldn't remember sleeping with Quinn, but I was pretty certain it hadn't lived up to a mere embrace between Eric and me.

"I'm sorry for putting you through that last night." I whispered, knowing he could hear me perfectly. "I never meant to put you through any pain. I'm sorry."

"Don't" Eric's arms wrapping around my form, pulling me even tighter against him. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have..."

"It wasn't your fault, Eric. Not at all." I shook my head.

"Then why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so damn guilty all the time?"

"You're feeling more human, Eric, and that's what we human feel. A lot of the time we feel guilty, even for things we couldn't have changed." I gazed up into those beautiful blue eyes of his. "I know if I do this, this will hurt both you and me, and I don't want that. But...this will bring Kyra back, Eric. This will bring back Godric's love. If it was the other way around, if it were me that was dead, what would you do?"

"I would do everything in my power to bring you back to me." he sighed and held me against him. "This is just too dangerous, Ellie. What if something went wrong?"

"Well then I give you permission to kill anyone you'd like." I tried to make light of the situation. "We'll make sure it goes right, I promise. I wouldn't do this if I thought it was too risky. There might be risks, and this might be even more painful than last night, but I'd rather try and fail then to not even attempt this at all. This is more than just resurrecting some random person, Eric. This is Kyra. She's a part of me. She's Godric's love. It's worth the pain and suffering."

Eric didn't respond at first, his hand stroking my hair slowly. It was so comforting that I found myself wanting to just drift off to sleep right there in the middle of his kitchen. But when his arms were around me, I always felt the safest. It didn't matter where we might be. It could have been in the middle of a battle. But as long as I was in his arms, I felt safe, I felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me. And that's what I loved about Eric. He may be a jerk, he may be a world class asshole, and hell, we might fight more than we make love. But he was the only person in the world who could comfort me when I was scared. He was the only person in the world who could put a smile on my face when all I felt like doing was cry. Godric was able to do a whole lot, and I loved him for everything he's done for me. But Eric was the one, he was everything to me. So despite the fighting, the bickering, and the odd times I wanted to just slap him repeatedly, I would never stop loving him.

"If I forgave you, would you let me do this?" I tried to bargain with him. "I mean, that's what you want, you want me to forgive you. We could compromise."

"I want you to forgive me because you feel like it's right, like you want to be with me. I don't want you to forgive me because you want something out of it." Eric's hand stopped on my shoulder as he slowly drew me back so he could cup my cheek. "I want nothing more than to just be with you, for you to forgive me, but I don't want it to be a lie, or for it to be some bargaining chip. I want it to be real between us, lover."

That was the most honest and beautiful thing Eric had ever said to me and it brought tears to my eyes that I couldn't hold back. He had never sounded this sincere before in his life, and it just showed the love that he had for me. This had never been the man or the vampire that Eric had wanted to become. But he wasn't fighting it any longer. He was embracing this other side of him, and he was doing it because of me. And that made me feel like the happiest girl in the world.

"What's wrong?" he frowned at the sight of my tears. "What did I say?"

"All the right things, Eric. You just said all the right things." I stood on the tips of my toes to capture Eric's lips with mine. I felt the heat enter my body the moment our lips touched, and it took all the will power in the world to pull away from Eric. I truly did just want to rip his clothes off and have mind blowing sex with him, just as I told him last night. But now was not the time. "I want to do this, Eric. I know you don't understand, and I know you just don't want me to get hurt and I understand that. But I need to do this."

"Ellie..."

"I will do this, Eric. One way or another, I will. And I want nothing more than to have you there beside me when I do. Because you're my person, Eric. You're it, you're the one. If I'm going to put myself through hell, then I want you there. I need you to support me on this, even if you don't really want me to do it."

He stared down at me for the longest time without uttering a word or a single sound. I was worried at first that we would find ourselves in another argument, one ending like it had last night. But after a moment, and a very long pause from Eric, he finally sighed and held me to him almost a bit too tightly.

"Only on one condition."

"And what would that be?" I tried to hide my excitement.

"This will be done after Victor and Bill are killed."

"What?" I tried to pull away from him, but he only held me captive in his arms. Though I honestly wasn't struggling all that hard. "Why?"

"You want to do this, fine. You're right, one way or another you'll find a way to do this so I really can't stop you. But if you get to decide if you do this or not, then I get to decide when. Because we are a couple, my love, and I do have a say in this."

I should have been angry, but I found myself smiling instead. We were a couple. I liked the sound of that.

"We can't focus on anything else right now. We need to concentrate on killing Victor and Bill, on taking back our home. If you do this, it will leave you weakened and it will give them a perfect opportunity to attack. And I can't let that happen. So you will wait until this is all over and done with. Only then will I give you my permission."

"Your permission, huh." I chuckled.

"Yes, my permission." He stated sternly. "Do we have ourselves a deal?'

While I hated the idea of waiting, I knew Eric was right. I had a good couple hundred years before I would no longer be able to resurrect Kyra. There was no immediate rush, not yet anyways. Right now, however, there was a rush to kill Victor and Bill, before they could harm any more of us. And that we couldn't let happen. I couldn't even imagine Victor doing what he had done to me to any of those that I loved. It horrified me. So once and for all, we needed to kill those two bastards, we needed to get them out of the way so we could all finally live happily ever after.

And that's honestly all I that really wanted.

"We have ourselves a deal." I nodded, peeling myself away from the vampire so I could gaze up at him.

"Good." He stared down at me smugly. "Should we seal this deal with mind blowing sex then?"

"In your dreams, Eric Northman." I snorted, unable to help the laughs that emitted from my lips.

"Always, my beautiful Phoenix, always."

"He hasn't said anything in twenty minutes." I whispered to Eric after I had explained everything I had learned last night from the Reaper to Godric. I knew he would take this harder than Eric even did. Because this directly affected him. Not only was his close friend sacrificing herself, but it would be to resurrect the woman he loved that he had lost 1400 years ago. It wasn't exactly an easy thing for him to hear.

And obviously it wasn't as he had just been standing there, in Eric's living room, not uttering a single word. I was starting to become worried, and even began to move off the couch to go to him. But Eric pulled me back down, assuring me that Godric just needed time to process this. I understood it was a lot to process, but at the same time, it was all really simple. It was possible to resurrect Kyra and I had figured out how. Yeah sure, it was a bit messy, and I had to offer a part of my soul in order to bring her back to life, but I was completely willing to do so. There wasn't a whole lot for Godric to think over.

"No."

"Okay, you and your progeny need a new vocabulary." I rolled my eyes, Eric snickering beside me. "As I told Eric, I'm doing this whether you want me to or not."

"No." Godric's eyes refocused on me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Well why not then?" I humoured him by asking.

"It's too dangerous. There are too many risks." Godric shook his head. "I will not allow you to go through such pain for something we're not even sure about."

"I am sure about it though. It's all really simple..."

"No it's not." He snapped suddenly, his eyes darkening. "It's not simple at all, Elizabeth."

"Yes it is." I pushed Eric's arm away and stood before Godric. "We need that book that the Queen hid somewhere, but the reaper said you know of its location. So perfect. We know a witch, so check that off the list. The missing part of Kyra's soul? Oh yeah, right here." I pointed to my chest. "We're all good to go, Godric. I just want you on board before this happens."

"I said no. And that's final."

"Really, you and Eric are too much alike." I sighed. "I said I want you on board, I didn't say I needed your approval. This will happen with or without you Godric."

Godric's fangs extended with a single click and I jumped back in surprise.

"Godric?" I asked hesitantly.

"You understand nothing." He hissed. "This will not happen, do you understand me, Elizabeth?"

"No, I don't understand you at all." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm going to..."

"No you won't." He stepped forward, and I felt the need to take another step away from him. Eric had stood behind me, looking like he would interfere if need be. "You will not do this. You will not even speak of this again."

"You can't tell me what to do..."

"Stop acting like an idiotic little girl!" he growled.

"Godric..." Eric spoke from behind me. "I think you should just let her explain..."

Godric just ignored Eric however. "Time and time again, you put yourself in these idiotic situations that weren't even necessary in the first place. And every single time, Eric or I have to put our own lives on the line to save you."

I winced at his harsh words, but that didn't stop him from continuing at all.

"I'm tired of doing this, Elizabeth. I'm tired of trying to get it through that thick head of yours. You need to stop with these stupid childish games, before you get us all killed."

"Master." Eric stepped between Godric and I. "I think that was uncalled for."

"Stand down, Eric." Godric glared up at him.

Eric sighed before bowing his head and stepping to the side. Godric closed the gap between us, and for the second time in my life, I found myself fearing my own best friend. But this wasn't like the last time. He hadn't been himself when he had attacked me. It had been out of blood lust. But this, this was entirely him. This was the Godric I knew and Loved, intimidating me to the point that part of me just wanted to cower away and burst out crying. And I almost did.

"Kyra is gone. I've come to accept that and I will only ask once for you to accept that as well. This will not occur. And should I find out that you've gone behind my back to do this...I will never forgive you, Elizabeth." My heart was racing as his accent turned thick as his voice lowered and lowered until I had to strain to hear what he was saying. "Stop acting like a stupid little human child, before it gets you killed. And one day, I won't be here to save you. So do not do this, Elizabeth, or I won't be able to stop myself like I am doing now."

My eyes grew wide as suddenly, Godric vanished from the house all together.

"Did he...did he just threaten me?" my bottom lip began to tremble as I stared up at Eric through teary eyes.

"He's just hurt, Ellie." Eric tried to reassure me. "He didn't mean it. He just...he doesn't want to get his hopes up. He doesn't want to be disappointed. If this didn't work, then it would destroy him all over again and he just doesn't want to go through that pain and loss again."

"But..."

"Perhaps you should reconsider." Eric suggested, wrapping his arms around me. "It would be a wiser choice."

"No." I shook my head. "No, I'm going to damn well do this."

"Ellie, you heard Godric." Eric frowned.

"He can threaten me all he wants, but I'm going to do this. I'm going to resurrect Kyra, and then he can get down on his hand and knees and beg for my forgiveness." My hands clenched in determination. "I'm going to do it, Eric. I'm going to resurrect Kyra, with or without his approval."