Disclaimer: Yes I do not own Twilight! Are you happy now? Get off my ass, I'm thirsty and you're on the menu! Affectionately, Bella and nails233 too.

Thanks Busymommy, Halloweenlover, and Dazzleglo whose hard work has kept me sane during my recent stress!

The Last Thing I Ever Wanted

Chapter 4

Bella's POV

"GRRRR! You promised!" I snarled at Jasper for the third time in two minutes.

"Bella, I'm trying. You need to calm down," he sighed, evidently he's as frustrated as I was.

"Bella, why don't you come with me? I think I might know a place where you can find more of his scent." Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door.

"I'm not thirsty!" She released a deep breath.

"We're not going hunting?" I was confused.

The only time I'd been allowed to leave the house was when we were going hunting. If we weren't going hunting, then where was she leading me? I could feel my frustration rising as we made our way to the garage. It wasn't until she released my hand and opened the door to a silver Volvo did I understand.

Gulping in the scent that was wafting out, I couldn't stop my feet from moving into the car. His scent was old, but pristinely preserved in the leather seat. I curled into a ball and rubbed my cheek against it. Shutting the door, I locked myself in.

I've craved to smell him for the last month since I woke up in this new life, but I can't remember him. All I could remember from anyone was their scents. Alice showed me the pictures she'd taken over the two years I was with Edward; still I can't find them locked in my mind. It's infuriating and costly, since I would tend to shatter whatever furniture was nearby.

For the next month I only left the car when they came to force me to hunt. As soon as I returned, I immediately went back into the car.

The following month, I realized I couldn't stay locked in the car forever as his smell was starting to mix with mine. So I've tried, unsuccessfully, to go out and search for him. Every time I tried, they've been there to stop me.

Alice and Jasper had been with me every second, and that was pissing me off even more. The passion coursing through my veins in itself drove me crazy. I craved to be touched as much as I craved blood. They refused to fulfill those needs. Nowadays, when they try to kiss me, I refuse them.

Today should have meant something; it did to everyone, but me. If I didn't remember my fiancé, how was I supposed to remember what should have been my wedding day?

Last week, Alice tried to re-spark my memory by showing me the dress she had made for me. Nothing happened, yet again. It was so frustrating, I wanted to remember. I felt like the memories were there, but just out of my reach.

The wolf boy had been by several times in the hopes of gaining my attentions. His scent had me seeing red every time he moved too close. From time to time, he would bring a friend, making the house smell even worse.

~0~0~

Finally, I snapped, "What the hell! Why do we have to wait? I want him now!" I snarled, exposing my razor sharp teeth and snapping at the air.

"Bella, love, relax. Just a few more months…" Growling and snapping, I clarified my ever growing lack of patience.

"Because, Alice, that's what you said three months ago! You have no idea how hard it is not to remember! I need him. Now!" I screeched, whipping and smashing the bay window with the chair I'd been standing next to. Oops, my bad.

That was nothing new for me. Esme needed to replace walls and furniture on a daily basis. I didn't care, I needed his scent. Esme tried to explain it to me, but I didn't fully comprehend it until this moment. I finally understood why Edward had told the family, and apparently me, that he found my scent addicting to him. I was a strung out junkie and his scent had faded so much for it to soothe me anymore. I had gone far too long without any soothing that if I had to rip through them so be it, I wasn't waiting any longer.

Playing coy, he reached out with his hand, "Bella…" Emmett must have thought I was stupid to fall for his trick.

"Lay that meat hook on me, and you'll go through the door next!"

"Fine." My head snapped to my left to see Carlisle entering the room.

Crouching, I readied to pounce. "You're messing with me!"

"No, Bella, you're right. Edward needs to come home. Esme and I miss our son just as much as you miss his scent. We'll need to avoid heavy areas of population. I'll ask the Denali's to meet up with us, and help keep you from any humans that might stray your way."

My mind raced at the thought of leaving, "When?" I growled.

"Now, right after I make the call and confirm they're free to join us." We all froze and listened in as he called.

"Tanya, it's Carlisle, we're ready to search out Edward."

"We'll meet you at the last place Alice and Jasper called me about where Edward's trail went cold." I snarled at her purring tone and use of his name.

"We'll leave now." He nodded to us to get ready.

Amazingly, we did leave five minutes later. Jasper and Emmett took the lead, while Rose and Alice flanked me, leaving Esme and Carlisle to follow us. It was our usual formation for hunting, with one major difference, I wasn't looking for food. The scent I needed remained out there somewhere, and I would find it no matter how long it took.

"Alice, are you seeing anything?" Jasper called from the front when we entered Canada.

"No, still just white," she huffed, her patience also worn paper thin.

Just then, I caught a sight out of the corner of my eye. "Alice, is he surrounded by white? Or is that what he's seeing?"

"Could be both. Wherever he is, Edward has decided to stay," she answered never slowing the pace at which we were running.

"I think I know what the vision is." Everyone came to a sudden halt.

"Do tell, darlin'," Jasper reached up and stroked my cheek.

"Snow. I think he's in the snow." I bent down, picking up a handful from the ground at my feet.

"Well, to be surrounded by that much snow at this time of year, he'd have to…" Carlisle's golden eyes danced with excitement.

"Son of a bitch! Sorry, Esme, not you." Esme just shook her head at Emmett.

"Antarctica. Okay, this makes it easier. The Denali's will be meeting up with us in a few minutes. Let's go." Carlisle shot off with new sense of determination and a happier expression dancing across his angelic features.

Right on schedule, we arrived at the destination just before five vampires I'd never met before. I couldn't contain my instant need to fight them off. Snarling and grinding my teeth, I warned them.

"Carlisle, do you need a leash for this one?" Tanya laughed.

"Listen up, wicked witch of the west, if you don't back the hell off, I will tear that head off by your blond ponytail," my snarls ripped from my chest.

"Well, aren't you a feisty little newborn. I'm not sure Edward will like the new you. After all, he wanted a human for a mate, not a vampire. If he wanted a vampire, he could've had me." She smirked.

"Tanya, mind your tongue. Bella was always and still is Edward's choice. Human or vampire, she's unequivocally his. You should know better than anyone. Once we give ourselves over to our inner animalistic ways, it's unstoppable, he'll claim her." Carlisle seethed at her and squeezed my shoulder, relaxing me from my crouched position.

Alice had shown me pictures and told me about the tramps from the north. Granted they were family, but Tanya wanted my fiancé. The fact that I didn't remember him didn't matter.

"Maybe not. He's had plenty of chances to take her and yet he hasn't. He left her to die instead of trying to save her. I think he might be rethinking his mating with her."

"Enough! Let's find Edward and let him choose his path." Jasper couldn't look at me as he said it.

We had talked about his fears of Edward coming home and not wanting him again. It weighed heavily on his mind. None of us knew what would happen once he returned.

Splitting up, we spread out to cover as much territory as we could and pushed on. Soon the terrain transformed into a winter wonderland. White stretched as far as we could see. I stopped and centered myself. Reaching deep into my senses, I let every one of them overload. I felt the slightest of tickles in my nose. It was just enough to give me a direction.

Alice and Jasper veered toward me when they saw I was hunting. "She can smell him!"

"Alice, are you sure? I don't smell him." Jasper shook his head.

"Yes. Follow it, Bella. You can do this, only you can do this. If he smells us or hears our thoughts, he'll run."

I pushed harder; I wanted to make sure I reached him before the wicked witch-bitch. With each light footstep across the packed snow the tingle grew. When they pulled back, I knew they'd started to catch his scent too. The venom was pumping through my veins at an anxious pace. With one shift of the wind, it hit me full blast, he was very close. Scanning the serene landscape, I saw it, a tattered gray sleeve sticking out of a snow mound.

As much as I wanted to charge up, I walked slowly instead. My stomach knotted when Tanya's words ran through my mind. Walking up, I kneeled at the arm and brushed the snow off. The fingers jerked at my touch. Taking them in mine, I held them and waited to see what he would do next. Nothing.

Keeping his hand in mine, I started brushing away more of the snow, revealing more of his shirt. I sighed when I reached his messy bronze mane. I remembered it from the pictures.

"Edward, you need to come home now," I sighed into his ear.

He scared the shit out of me when he leapt up growling at me. For a moment, I thought he was going to assault me, but then the blackness of his eyes dragged my attention to his hunger. I realized he hadn't eaten in months. His eyes were adorned by black circles and pitch black irises. He failed to recognize me. Had I changed that much in the transformation?

"You need to eat, come with me." Grabbing his hand again, I led him toward a den of grizzlies I'd caught the scent of on the way.

Cautiously, he allowed me to lead him on. Every time I'd peek up at him he wore a distant expression. Had he too, lost all the memories we'd built?

His head snapped forward and he slipped from my grasp. His instincts had kicked in and taken over. I knew better than to follow him. It would've been a fight for the meal, and I didn't want that. It was his meal. Sitting down in the snow, I waited while he went in and slaughtered the beasts. They tried to fight him off; their growling and snarling let me know that. In two minutes the four heartbeats ceased and it was over.

He was covered in blood when he finally exited the cave's mouth. He looked incredibly sexy, virile. All I could think about was licking the remains from his lips, and well, the rest of his body. He looked more delectable in person.

"Bella? How? Carlisle!" he raked his bloody hands through his hair exasperated, "He shouldn't have," he murmured causing my aggravation to rise.

They were wrong; he didn't want me after all. Unable to control myself, I hissed and snarled at him. He froze and raised his hands.

"Bella, I won't stop you from killing me, I deserve it. After what you saw, I knew I'd never be able to correct our relationship. You'll always hate me, I know that," he dropped to his knees in front of me, "take me. I can't live without you in my life," he howled.

Pacing around his surrendered form in circles, I tried to decipher what he was saying. He wanted me to take him, but in the killing sort of way. Well that didn't match what I wanted. He said I should because I saw him and Jasper, however, I didn't remember it. Finally, he said he couldn't live without me, but he also said Carlisle shouldn't have. He said I'd hate him, however, I didn't. I desired to be closer to him. I wasn't sure how to show him that I wanted him.

Dropping to my knees in front of him, I wrapped myself around him. My nostrils flared as I drank in his unadulterated scent that I needed above everything else. My mind flooded with flashes, but nothing was clear enough to hold onto. A tiny slide show of tender touches played out. He didn't move when I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck. I purred as his scent rubbed onto my marble flesh.

"Bella," he groaned and turned his cheek into mine. When he sniffed the air around me, I knew what he smelled. My arousal had wafted his way. "I don't understand," he sneered.

I decided to help him out a little. The shredding of the front of his jeans provided the proper incite. He instantly hardened under my gaze. "It's beautiful," I sighed, feeling like I was attractive to him, then he had to go and ruin it.

"We can't, I can't." He dropped his head, refusing to look at me.

"Fuck you, Edward. You don't want me, fine, Alice and Jasper do. I was better off when I didn't know anything about you. To think I was stupid enough to believe them." Like a two year old throwing a tantrum, I shoved him on his back and left him lying there in the snow.

"What? What do you mean?" He jumped up snarling and growling.

"You heard me. I wish they'd never told me about you! At least they love and want me. You can have your precious Tanya," I lashed out, my feelings utterly crushed.

I'll be the first to admit, when he tackled me to the ground, it reignited my desire to have him, even if it was just once before he bedded the bitch. From the way he pressed his cock against my back, he was momentarily attracted to me again.

"You need me to prove that you're the one I want forever? The one I always wanted to be with me? And Jasper?" I purred, pushing back into him. "Did you think of me when you fucked them?"

Flipping me over, he tore my leggings off. "I was supposed to be your first, and you mine," he hissed in my ear.

"You fucked Jasper!" I snipped.

"No, I never did. This has always been marked for you first." To prove his point, he nudged himself between my knees. "He fucked me. Yes, I love him, but I love you more. It's no different from you and Jake."

Shaking my head, I retorted, "I don't remember Jake. I've spent the last three months only remembering your scent." I breathed it deeply into my lungs, savoring it.

"You don't remember anyone? What about your father?" he gasped.

"Just your smell." Against my wishes, my hips jerked up to greet him.

"Just me? And, you still want me?" His eyes blackened again and filled with a desire I'd never seen before.

"Yes," I whimpered, locked in his glare.

He snarled, locking our lips together. His flavor coated my lips. I moaned, licking it off. The tip of my tongue lapped at the blood on his lips. He opened up to me. It was just what I needed. His tongue slipped into my mouth and dominated it. From what I've been told, that was a first for us.

Alice and Jasper never kissed me with the urgency that Edward seemed to need. Theirs were always soft and tantalizing. Edward's kisses owned my soul. I entwined my fingers into his hair, tugging, whining for more.

A moan slipped past my lips when he ripped my shirt open, exposing me to his ogling eyes. "Mine forever, even when we share, you belong to me." Without a word, he slammed into my depths.

"Fuck!" I screeched from the pain.

He froze, adjusting to being inside me. Thank God for that. The burning hurt more than I expected. Grabbing my hips, he shifted a few times before sliding back then pushing forward. My walls adjusted to his size by the fourth thrust. The venom started flowing to lubricate him and the burning faded away.

"You're mine…so tight…um…so good. Next time you fuck Jasper, I'll be there, but you'll still be mine. Say it!" He pumped harder.

"Yes, I belong to you," I groaned.

It wasn't his fault that the inner beast took over. It was in his nature to dominate me at the risk of another wanting to invade his territory, just as it was in my nature to let him take me. We were both beyond forming coherent speech. Guttural groans, snarling demands, and possessive snarls were the only sounds to leave our lips when they weren't preoccupied by shoving our tongues deeply into each other mouths.

A new coiling formed in my stomach, tightening further with each of his possessive grunts. I tugged harder on his hair, pulling his face into my neck. Starting under my ear, he licked and sucked his way down to my heaving chest. Each of my pants pushed my breasts into his face. When he latched on I mewled. I shivered when he drew the pebbled nipple into his mouth and lavished it with attention.

My hips no longer need direction from me as they automatically sought out to meet his. Deep within my soul, I wanted him to own me, the way all the Cullen men owned their wives. Even though I'd started to love Jasper and Alice in a sexual way, Edward's scent bound me to him. His needs would always come first.

"That's right. You know I own you, don't you?" His face contorted in a mixture of pleasure and desperation.

"Yes, but I own you, too," I moaned.

Leaning back, he flipped my legs over his shoulders, pounding harder than before. His hands gripped my hips and continued their assault on my tender womanhood. I was on the edge needing one more thing to push me into the first climax of my life. It didn't come until he slammed in, freezing as his venom shot inside me.

"Now, you know why I couldn't have you as a human! I would have broken you!" His hips continued to beat against mine.

Without warning, I thrashed and shuddered when his venom triggered the massive explosion in my depths. That's what I needed, his venom coating my walls and claiming them as his.

"I should've been your first," he moaned, falling against me.

"You were," I hummed, drinking in his scent while his warming semen spread through me further.

He regained his calmer side, but my words hit home, "Bella! You…never…? I'm so sorry! I thought…Jasper?"

Instantly, it dawned on me, "They saved me for you," I whimpered, stroking his cheek with my fingertips.

"I never wanted your first time to be a claiming. I wanted to make love to you first."

"There's plenty of time for that when we get home. You may have claimed me, but we need to figure out how this whole me, you, Jasper, and Alice thing is going to work."

Rolling over, he snuggled me into his side. "I always hoped you would, with time, accept Jasper. Alice wanted to be with us, I knew that. It scared me that you wouldn't want us. I love you, I won't lose you ever again, even if I have to give him up, I would for you."

"I love them, too. They have kept me sane throughout with my not knowing anything, trying to invoke my memories with photos and stories. I always knew I needed and loved you, even though I couldn't find the memories, I knew I belonged with you. I love you, too."

"Alice and Jasper are coming. They have clothes for us."

Suddenly the switch flipped again, and he hovered over me, growling out his warning toward the incoming visitors.

"Edward, stand down. I have no intention of claiming her as my own. You know we do that only once in our lives, and I've claimed Alice. We'll work it out, but for now, get dressed before Tanya arrives and Bella has to kill her for wanting to take you." Jasper was right; I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

Cautiously, he brought us both to our feet while still keeping me hidden behind him. Not waiting for me, he shoved my clothes on first, then his own, and not a moment too soon. The rest of the family started converging upon us.

"Son, welcome back. I know you're not happy, but I couldn't lose you both. I had to save her which meant you in the process." Edward just nodded securing me around the waist, flush against his body.

"Edward, my dear, you look terrible. I've missed you. Let's head home and find you a good hot meal." Esme smiled, reaching out to hug both of us. I could feel the love emanating off her which was interestingly comforting.

A/N sorry for the delay, I had a bad case of the writing blues. Anyways, it took a while to get through them. With my first published book out of the way, Mocked by Destiny was released last month at The Writers Coffee Shop Publishing House website. I am now working on Mocked by Faith. So don't hate me for taking a needed break, it will hopefully not happen again. Please leave some love in the box, reviews are a wonderful thing.