Chapter Forty Two: Little Too Much

"Thanks again for letting me stay here tonight." I flashed Sam a grateful smile.

"Anything to keep you safe." He squeezed my shoulder. "Are you sure you don't mind staying on the couch?"

"Course not." I assured him.

"Well there's a pillow and some blankets." He nodded at the coffee table. "I'll be getting back up in a few hours to slip out to open up Merlotte's, so don't mind me."

"You do what you need to. Sorry for waking you and Sook up."

"We're just glad you're alright. You've had quite the night." He pulled me in for a short hug. I greatly appreciated the gesture and hugged the man tightly before pulling away.

"You are an amazing friend Sam Merlotte. You're going to make an even better husband."

"Speaking of which." Sam nodded to the closed trailer door. "Eric is still out there."

"Is he?" I raised an eyebrow, stepping away from the shifter and gazing out the window of the trailer. Sure enough, Eric was leaning against the small porch railing, his eyes darting around like a hawk. "It's going to be dawn soon, he needs to go."

"I'm going to head back to bed. Lock up when your finish." He shot me a knowing look, patting me on the shoulder before slipping back into the bedroom Sookie was sleeping soundlessly in. She had woken up in a frenzy when I had knocked on the door not even half an hour ago. After a quick summary of the night, I had sent her back to bed, seeing the exhaustion in her eyes. We were all exhausted these days.

I sighed as I glanced at the couch, just wanting to curl up and fall asleep. But I was worried that Eric would stay out there for too long and end up getting himself hurt. Or worse.

"You should be going, Eric." I opened the door, slipping out of the trailer and came to stand beside Eric. "It's almost dawn."

"I know." He answered simply, his gaze sweeping across the employee parking lot and the tree line before falling to meet my worried stare. "I just...I needed to ensure that you would be safe."

"I will be, I promise you." I wrapped my arms around the vampire. He sighed, wrapping his own around me a bit too tightly. But I didn't mind. I would rather sleep in Eric's arms, to always feel this safe. But right now, we needed to be smart. He needed to go find shelter and I needed to try and clear the clutter of thoughts from my head. Only a good long rest would do that. And I think I deserved it. "I love you, you know that right?"

"Do you really forgive me?" he asked in a soft voice, a voice that he generally reserved for only me.

"What?" I gazed up at him in confusion.

"I was aware of all that was going on around me when she possessed me." Eric explained, a frown settling on his face. "When I – when the witch – came to the house, you threw yourself at me and repeatedly said that you forgave me."

I had nearly forgotten that I had said that. So much had happened over the last few hours that I had forgotten a lot of things.

"You want to know if I meant what I said." I nodded in understanding, pulling myself out of his arms. Eric didn't object as I moved to the stairs of the porch leading to the gravel parking lot and sat down. He was beside me in a flash, and I didn't even flinch as he suddenly appeared on the steps beside me. I didn't look at him at first, not sure how to answer. I did forgive him; there was no question about that. I shouldn't have of course; no sane human being would forgive someone for what Eric has done to me. But I wasn't exactly sane, and I was most definitely not human. Maybe it was just because of the war around us, or maybe it was just a conscious decision. But I did forgive him, I forgave him completely.

"Ellie?" he spoke low, though his voice was no longer soft. He was waiting for an answer, hopefully one that he would like.

"The sun is going to rise soon, Eric. You need to go wherever you're going to go to ground." I sighed, brushing the hair out of my face as I risked a glance up at the vampire. If I forgave him, then why was it so hard to just tell him that I did, and for a second time?

"Ellie, I want an answer." Eric Northman wasn't a patient man, and he certainly wasn't a patient vampire.

"Eric..."

"We could all die, Ellie. We could die at any time. I just want to know. Do you forgive me?"

I sighed as I stared up into those striking blue eyes of his. "Yes, I do."

"Why were you so determined to keep that from me then?" he questioned.

"Honestly? I don't even know." I shrugged. "Maybe I was just trying to milk it."

"I...I don't understand." a look of confusion swept over his face. There weren't many times that Eric didn't understand something. He had been around for a thousand years, and he had kept up to date with the latest technology and modern advances. But even some slang words and sayings were too new for even him to fully comprehend. It just made me realize that I was in love with a vampire, a being that wasn't dead, yet not alive either. But that little fact didn't seem to bother me. Because it didn't matter if Eric had a heart beat or not, he was still the man I loved, and forever would be.

"I liked having you profess your love to me." I admitted to the vampire. "I liked having you bend over backwards to assure me that you were here for the right reasons and not just because Louisiana was under attack."

"I'm here only for you." Eric pointed out.

"And I know that now." I nodded. "But I guess part of me was just selfish and wanted to feel showered with love."

Eric looked at me for a long time. I wasn't sure what was going on in that head of his. I was never able to read him, not like he was able to read me. Not even with our deeper bond had I been able to guess what Eric was thinking. He was over a thousand years old; he had perfected keeping his thoughts and emotions at bay. It was only on those rare occurrences that Eric allowed those masks to fall.

"And you want this?"

"To be showered with love? To feel like you care? Yes, I do." There was no point in denying it. The longer I dragged this conversation on, the longer Eric would stay around. And he really needed to go to ground. The sky was beginning to lighten up, the pure black abyss turning a dark navy blue. If Eric stayed much longer, he wouldn't make it in time. "Eric..."

"I have time." he leaned forward, his hand rising to cup my cheek, holding me in place. I couldn't even breathe as his lips brushed against mine just enough for my entire body to shudder in desire. I could have allowed him to take me for a second time tonight right then and there. But then Eric would likely burst into flames, and that was something I certainly didn't want. "I will forever shower you with my love, my sweet, beautiful Phoenix."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I believed him, it was hard not to after all that he had done for me. He had proved that he loved me; I didn't have to doubt that any longer. Maybe I was just acting selfish, wanting Eric to act out of character to treat me like a princess, like a man was supposed to treat the woman he loved. Eric wasn't exactly a human man, and he wasn't exactly a vampire who welcomed emotions. Hell, he had run off because of it.

"I love you Ellie, that will never change. I made a mistake, one that I will never forgive myself for. It will forever haunt me to know that I hurt you in that way. You will never know how truly sorry I am that I caused you any ounce of pain." the backs of his cold fingers caressed my cheek, our gaze not breaking. "I will make up for lost time. I may not be perfect; you cannot expect me to be. But I will try. I will be all that you desire, that I can promise you."

"I know, Eric." I offered the vampire a small smile. I kissed his lips sweetly. Eric tried to deepen the kiss, but I wouldn't allow it. Because I didn't want this kiss to feel like it may be our last. I wanted this to be a kiss I wouldn't remember in the future because I wouldn't have to. We would kiss for the next thousand years of our lives, that I was determined to make happen. We weren't going to say goodbye, I just couldn't do that again. We would be fine.

We had to be.

"Please go, I don't want you to turn into a pile of ash and I don't think I have the strength to conceal you from the sun." I rested my hands on his chest. "I'll see you tonight, I promise."

"Please don't pull any stupid stunts, my love."

"I promise." I assured him, pecking him on the cheek. "Now go, before I worry too much."

"I love you." he cradled my head in his hands for a moment before his sighed and stood. I watched silently as he stepped off of the wooden steps and to the gravel parking lot. He stood there for a moment, with his back to me, before he glanced over his shoulder at me. "Perhaps next time, we won't be interrupted."

A blush rose on my cheek as he winked and took off into the night sky. I shook my head with a light chuckle flowing from my lips. I remained outside for a few more minutes, watching as the night sky slowly began to turn into morning. After a moment, I stood and entered the trailer, locking the door behind me.

I hoped I would be able to keep my promise to Eric.

But knowing me, who knew what would happen before nightfall.

I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I was lying in a bed, or that I was in a room that should no longer exist that alerted me to the fact that I was dreaming. Either way, after a few quick blinks, finding myself back in my old bedroom in the Dallas house that had been destroyed in the Fellowship of the Sun bombing, certainly caused for some confusion. I couldn't remember ever dreaming of the Dallas house, not after we had left Dallas for good. Sure, there were the odd sexual dream with Eric that had occurred here, but as I glanced down at myself, lifting up the covers, I found that I was completely dressed.

"Well this is weird." I tossed back the sheets and threw my legs over the side of the bed.

This felt different than a regular old dream however. There didn't seem to be a predetermined path or events that should be taking place. There should have been some reason, some other magical force telling me what to do or say. But I had complete control of my body. Maybe it was still just a dream; I hadn't exactly slept well in the last few months. But I held my doubts as I left the bedroom and stepped out into the familiar hallway.

It felt odd to be back in this house. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, everything exactly how it was before it had been destroyed by those damn bastards. I had grown so much as a person inside of this house, and I found that a part of me missed it.

Or maybe I just missed being the naive innocent girl who had Godric to take care of her without countless of bad guys jumping out and attacking to the death.

"Why am I dreaming this?" I muttered to myself, finding myself at the top of the grand staircase leading to the first floor.

I descended down the stairs, remembering the countless of times I had done so, meeting Godric at the bottom for some reason or other. But Godric wasn't at the bottom this time, and as I strained, I couldn't really hear much of anything. There was no one else around. I was perfectly alone.

I wasn't sure if that should be the cause of any worry or not.

I turned down the hallway to the right of the staircase once I landed on the first floor. I knew my way around this house like the back of my hand. I could have been blindfolded and I still could have manoeuvred through here without any injury. I didn't attempt it though, too curious as to why I was dreaming this. I continued down the hallway until I entered the living room, many of Godric's get-togethers, the parties Godric disliked more than vampire politics, taking place in that very room. I looked around, expecting something to tell me why I was here, why I was having this dream. But I was still alone, nothing out of the ordinary. I kicked at the coffee table in frustration, just wanting to figure out what was going on or at least wake up. This was a useless dream.

"What did that coffee table ever do to you, Phoenix?"

I let out a very unlady like yelp in surprise as I spun around so fast, I got whiplash. My mouth fell open in shock when I found the Reaper standing before me, wearing his customary suit and annoying smirk.

"What the fuck, am I dead?" My eyes grew wide, feeling every part of my body as if I would find sort of explanation. "What happened? Did I get attacked in the trailer? Are Sam and Sookie alright? Did I just have a heart attack or something?"

"Oh you're not dead." the reaper rolled his eyes, strolling towards me. "You're not dead at all."

"Then why the fuck are you here and scaring the crap out of me!" I slapped at his chest as he stopped before me. "I mean really!"

"Yes, really." his smirk widened as he towered over me. "And I thought it would be fun."

"Fun? You thought it would be fun to scare the hell out of me? What is wrong with you?" I poked his chest this time, and continued to do so until he slapped my hand away.

The reaper didn't answer me; he just stared down at me with that stupid smirk of his that I wanted to slap off. And I was about to when an even more surprising voice stopped me.

"Oh please, don't let me stop you, hit him as much as you'd like." Kyra came stepping into the room, a glare settled on the face that was nearly identical to mine. "What are you doing here, Reaper? I told you distinctly to go away."

"Hey, I helped you didn't I?" The reaper shot Kyra a smirk over his shoulder before he sat on the couch, lounging on the white piece of furniture as if he owned the place, as if this was his dream and not mine.

"You nagged me, you didn't help." She came to stand beside me, glaring daggers at the reaper. "I told you that I was going to talk to her myself. Can't you take no for an answer?"

"No, Red, you know how difficult I like to me."

"Oh I could just kill you!" Kyra threw her hands up into the air. "You're impossible!"

"I'm already dead, Red." The reaper winked before turning his attention on me. I was still blown away, utterly confused at what was going on. Why were both the Reaper and Kyra here? Was this a dream, or was this...I don't even know what this could be.

"It's your dream." The reaper explained, that smirk still plastered across his face.

"You're in my dream?" I questioned, looking at Kyra for answers.

"I wanted to talk to you and I wasn't able to pull you into my world." Kyra nodded. "I tried to but..."

"But the head honcho isn't exactly a fan of yours right now." the reaper snickered.

"Can you just shut up for one minute?" I snapped at him.

"Touchy touchy." he snorted but grew silent. He still looked smug, and I thought my other half was going to attempt and rip his face off. But Kyra was able to pull herself together, at least enough to turn towards me, pretending that the reaper wasn't even there in the first place. It was probably easier that way. He was like a child, if you paid him attention, he would only continue to be annoying. If we ignored him, eventually he would go away and leave us both alone.

"What's going on, Kyra?" I asked her.

"We need to talk."

"I got that much." I nodded. "But why? What's going on?"

Kyra sighed as she pulled me down onto the couch opposite of the reaper. I barely gave the man a second glance as she clasped her hands around mine. I didn't like the look on her face. She was worried, and worst of all, she looked scared. But what could she possibly be scared of? She was dead; she wasn't even alive, well not technically. She shouldn't be worried. The dead should never be worried. That was what the living should be doing, worrying.

"Kyra, you're scaring me, what's going on?" my heart began racing.

She squeezed my hands before beginning. "I watched what happened, when you...when you killed that witch."

"You saw that?" My eyes grew even wider.

"I felt it more than anything." She shuddered. "Our soul is one and the same, I can feel more than I possibly should, but I do. I felt the witch probing your soul, clawing at it. And I felt it when you killed her."

"I...I didn't know what I was doing." I whispered, the fear from earlier returning. How could I have done something that I didn't even understand? How could I have that much power inside of me? It was impossible.

"It's not impossible." the reaper piped up.

"Not now." Kyra shot him another glare. "Just keep quiet."

The reaper just shrugged as he stood and began to roam around the room silently.

"He is right though, it's not impossible to generate that much power."

"It's not?" my shoulders slumped forward in relief.

"It's also not very common." Kyra sent me a look of sympathy. "It's not very common at all. I don't think any other Phoenix has..."

She trailed off, but I knew what she was getting at. No other Phoenix had ever harnessed this amount of power before. It wasn't common, it shouldn't have even happened. So why did it? Why had I been able to kill that witch when I was barely even conscious at that point?

"I don't understand, Kyra? Is something wrong with me?" I asked in a frightened whisper.

"Nothing." Kyra shook her hand, squeezing my hands again in assurance. "Nothing is wrong with you, Ellie. You just seem to be very powerful, more powerful than any of the other Phoenixes."

"But...but how is that possible?"

"It shouldn't be. Even we have limits, Ellie. And I suspect you still do. But every once in awhile, miracles do happen, and one is born with powers that not even we can comprehend."

"So essentially I'm one big freak." I could feel tears forming in my eyes. If Kyra thought it was impossible, that it shouldn't be happening at all, then I knew it couldn't have been good.

"Not at all, Ellie. You are not a freak." she lifted a hand up, cupping my cheek and I felt a rush of warmth and calm shoot through me. I knew it was her doing. We were one in the same in so many ways, and ever since the reaper had explained to me how her soul and mine were now intertwined, it made so much more sense.

"But then how did I do it? How is it possible that I killed her? How?"

"I suspect that you were able to call on the powers of other Phoenixes. I never said it hasn't been done before, just that it's not very common at all." she assured me, something about the way she was caressing my cheek and speaking that sent a sliver of relief through me.

"I don't understand."

"It's incredibly hard to do." Kyra explained. "It's nearly impossible. But there are times, when a Phoenix is desperate, when they aren't even fully aware of what they are doing, and it occurs. Perhaps it was why..."

"What?" I frowned, studying her face. "Perhaps it was why what?"

"Something had shifted in the air in my world, not too long ago. Time travels different there than in your world. But maybe...maybe that was the cause of it." she nodded in certainty. "It must have been. We all felt it. We all felt something. It had to have been you tapping into what little powers we still possess."

"So I...I was able to tap into the powers of deceased Phoenixes?" my face drained of blood. "I don't think that's any better than me being a freak."

"It only happened once before. I've heard the stories of it. It's generally unacceptable, and is punishable by our law."

"What?" I jumped off the couch, my heart racing so fast I thought it was going to leap out of my chest. "You – we – have laws?"

"Yes." Kyra nodded slowly as she came to stand before me. "They're prehistoric and unnecessary of course. The Elders, they think that things should be how they see it. But you and I know the world isn't black and white. There's more to it than just right and wrong. But the Elders, they..."

"They're a dangerous bunch." the reaper waltzed back over and took his place on the couch once again.

This time I paid him some attention, wanting to know what he meant.

"What I mean, dear Phoenix, is that the Elder Phoenixes, the first three ever in existence, they are all bad news, especially for the two of you." he pointed between Kyra and I.

"What does that mean?" I glanced between Kyra and the reaper.

"It means that Phoenixes are generally forbidden from mating with vampires. They are your natural enemies after all." the reaper informed, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't see what the big deal is, but the Elders are ancient folks, they are set in their ways."

"What do you mean forbidden?" I asked Kyra this time, knowing only she could answer me.

"We're not supposed to associate with them." Kyra sighed, bowing her head, her flow of red hair cascading over her shoulders. "I learned many things from my mentor when I was in transition. She had come to me like I came to you."

"Why didn't you exactly tell me?" I wondered.

"Because I had already fallen in love with Godric by the time I transitioned." Kyra shrugged, lifting her gaze up to meet mine. "And I saw no need in some silly old rule. Godric was kind, he loved me, and our love shouldn't have been punished just because I was the daughter of the son, and he was cursed to the shadows. It wasn't right. And I wasn't about to let you believe any different. You were in love with Eric when we first met, I had foreseen it happening and I was proud that you had broken the laws just as I had."

"I just didn't know about these laws." I slowly sat back on the couch across from the reaper, trying to process everything. "So what happens when I die, do I get thrown into a cell and punished or something just because I fell in love with Eric and refuse to leave him because of what he is?"

"Oh no, you'll be punished far worse for tapping into power that didn't belong to you." the reaper flashed me the widest smirk. "That's far more punishable than going at it like wild animals with a vampire lover."

"Not helping." Kyra snapped at the reaper before returning beside me on the couch.

"So I did a bad no no when I tapped into these powers then? But I...I didn't even know what was going on. And believe me; I don't want it to happen again." I shook my head, holding my hands up in defence. "That was too much power. I don't want it."

"Bet you got a rush from it though." the reaper egged me on.

"No, I didn't. I felt terrified."

"After you fucked the vampire though."

"I swear, I'm going to kill you." I growled, about to jump to my feet.

Kyra caught my arm however, keeping me rooted on the couch.

"This isn't the time right now. We have a limited amount of time to talk to her, reaper, so stop egging her on. She's terrified and angry enough as it is. You don't need to add fuel to the fire." Kyra scolded him like a parent would scold a child. That almost brought a smile to my face. Almost.

"You're no fun at all." the reaper rolled his eyes as he returned to his feet. "If I wanted my balls chopped off, I would have stuck around death."

"Well why don't you run back there with your tail between your legs." Kyra narrowed her eyes. "You didn't even have to come here."

"Someone had to warn her of the Elders."

"Didn't you see her after she died? Couldn't you have told her then?" Kyra questioned.

"Oh we had our hands full with other discussions, didn't we, Phoenix." the reaper winked at me, and only then did I remember the fact that the woman beside me could be as real as I was once again. All I had to do was resurrect her. Simple enough right? Just needed a witch, a few little spells. And oh yeah, a part of my soul ripped out.

Kyra sent me a look of confusion, but I wouldn't meet her stare. I hadn't thought of what I would ever say if I saw her between now and the possible resurrection. Did she even want to be resurrected? I hadn't even thought of that. What if she wanted to remain in the realm of Phoenixes? What if she was happier there? But I wasn't sure I could believe that. Because she loved Godric as much as I loved Eric. And I knew that if there was any way for me to be with him again, I would make sure it happened in a heartbeat.

"Well I'm going to run along, you two have lots to chat about." the reaper waved his fingers at us before beginning towards the door.

"Wait, what did you mean I had to be warned about the Elders?" I called to him, pulling him to a halt.

"Ah, thought you wouldn't have caught that." he turned back around, his hands slipping into the pockets of his dark grey slacks.

"Well?" I demanded, my arms crossing over my chest. "Talk."

"So demanding. She really is like you, Red." he snickered, shaking his head and taking a step closer.

"Just tell her already." Kyra sighed.

"Fine fine, take all the fun out of it." the smirk was wiped from his face, and I grew worried. The reaper only looked serious when something was wrong. I didn't like that face at all. "Did you ever wonder why Death suddenly was interested in you?"

"What do you mean?" my eyebrows furrowed.

"When he first came to you, after you had died the first time, he honestly was going to let you leave once you had decided what you desired. He couldn't have cared less about you."

"But...he tried to persuade me to choose death." I pointed out in confusion.

"Only after a little...bird, told him otherwise." he laughed at his own inside joke.

"Stop playing around and just tell me."

"You've angered a lot of people, little Phoenix. You angered them long before you went and tapped into their power supply." the reaper took a seat on the edge of the couch, leaning forward with his hands clasped before him. "They never approved that Red here had offered her soul to a vampire. They never approved that she had died because she had tried to save a vampire. And because of that, the Phoenix gene was ripped from her soul and was lost for 1400 years."

"I don't understand." I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to know more.

"There was no Phoenix for 1400 years because of Red. And then you came along, becoming the next Phoenix, unnaturally as they would say. You were the direct result of Kyra's offences. Naturally, they disliked you."

"But...when the witches had cursed me, the Phoenixes helped me." I glanced at Kyra as I said this.

"The Elders weren't made aware of what we had planned to do until afterwards." Kyra admitted.

"Oh."

"Imagine, just how much angrier the Elders had become after they found out their only possible Phoenix to continue the line was dealing with vampires, much like Red had." the Reaper went on to explain.

"So because Kyra had been with a vampire, and had died trying to save him. And because I became a Phoenix from that occurring, I was pretty much doomed to begin with." I tried to understand what I was being told.

"Throw in the vampire lovers, and you're pretty much the most hated Phoenix of all time by your own kind. Well, the Elders anyways. But they had a lot of pull upstairs." the reaper nodded.

"What does this have to do with Death though?" I began fidgeting in my lap. It was my nervous habit, and I couldn't help but feel nervous from the looks I was being given. "What?"

"Ellie..." Kyra reached out to me. "One of the elders, Lilith, she's a real bitch, believe me. She was hoping that if your soul was stripped, then a new Phoenix would be created, one that could be controlled better."

It only took me a moment to understand. My eyes grew wide as my mouth gaped open. "This elder, Lilith, she went to Death. She told Death to persuade me to choose death so my soul would be sent back down to earth to find a new Phoenix. She wanted Death to torture me for the rest of eternity."

"That last part was all Death's idea." the reaper corrected with a shrug. "But essentially, yes."

"Oh my god." I wasn't sure what else to say. What was there to possible say when i just found out that the Phoenixes of the past, at least these elders, had it in for me and wouldn't care what they had to do to see me dead and gone. It shook me up. It wasn't like I had purposely chosen to fall in love with a vampire. And I sure as well didn't try and tap into those powers. If I had it my way, I would be an ordinary girl in Texas still. But I wasn't, and I could never return to that life.

And for some reason, I was being punished for it.

Unfair, or what?

"What bitches?" I muttered.

"My testaments exactly." Kyra shook her head. "You needed to be aware of this though, Ellie. Because if something were to happen to the reaper here, and you ever found yourself in the In-Between, there may not be a way back. The Elders, they'll go to extremes to ensure that you are no longer a Phoenix. And while they cannot hurt you in your world, they can once you cross over into the In-Between. So please, be careful. I know you have this war ahead of you, and I know you wish to kill Victor, but please do so carefully. You may not have another chance."

To find out that I may not be as immortal as I first thought, that was the big kicker. That felt like someone had just punched me in the gut. How was I supposed to kill Victor and his lackeys now that I knew I wasn't invincible? Because I knew Kyra and the reaper were right. If I found myself in the In-Between, and the Phoenixes had their way, I may not be leaving.

Ever.

A/N: So, there are some real bitchy Phoenixes! poor Ellie, she never asked for any of this, and now she's being punished because of it. stupid elder Phoenixes! So the big showdown with Victor, that should be happening in the chapter after the next, so prepare yourself for some craziness! it's going to be amazing, believe me!

Oh, so my mother got me into reading this Anita Blake series...and seriously fans of true blood, you will all LOVE it! it seriously is true blood (show version and book version) just a bit different, and dare I say, even crazier! actually, it seems right up my alley. and it's given me some amazing ideas, so i would totally recommend checking them out. the series is huge, it's like 20 books long. if you're a fan of Eric, you'll be swooning over Jean-Claude...the dude is an arrogant french vampire EXACTLY like Eric (minus the tall, hot sexiness that is our favorite former viking...but no one can possibly match his greatness lol)