Chapter Forty Three: Running Around In My Dreams
I sat watching Kyra and the reaper bicker over something or other, wondering how long this dream would last. It felt like it was going on for an eternity, but I knew my own dreams well enough to know that it might just be a few minutes in reality. Either way, I wasn't sure if I wanted to wake up from this dream anytime soon.
It had been a lot to take in, to know that these Elder Phoenixes had it out for me. My own kind detested me to the point that they would be willing to let Death torture me for all of eternity just as long as they could have another Phoenix to curse and control as their puppet. I had once felt safe and comforted whenever I found myself in the realm of Phoenixes. But now I hoped I would never find myself there again. What would happen once I died? I wasn't planning on it happening any time soon, but one day, in the very very distant future, it was going to happen. Would they lock me up in some cell and torture me themselves? Or would they just send me along to Death as punishment? It was frightening to think about. I should feel safe with my own kind, in my own safe haven. But even now, in my own dream, I felt terrified that they would just pop up and try to rip out my soul.
I shuddered at the thought as I tried to focus on something else. At least I had discovered that it hadn't entirely been my own power that had killed the witch. Somehow I had tapped into the powers of the past Phoenixes, harnessing enough to kill the witch in a way that I never thought possible. I wasn't sure how I had suddenly just called on the powers of my ancestors. I couldn't remember doing anything that would trigger doing so. But maybe it was simpler than that. Maybe I was more connected to the Phoenixes of the past than I first thought. We were technically all connected by either blood or souls. This Phoenix gene, it had been passed down from one Phoenix to another. I may not have been born from a Phoenix, but I had Kyra's soul inside of me, I had the Phoenix gene flowing through my veins. I wasn't sure I would ever understand how I had tapped into those powers, but I had.
And I wasn't completely insane.
I had been so scared that I was just some ticking time bomb. That I had some nuclear reactor inside of me that could erupt at any time. And maybe that was still true in a way, because it couldn't have been easy to call on those powers, as it was nearly impossible. So maybe I was far more powerful than I could have imagined.
That should have still scared me. That should have caused me fear, to know that there was still this power inside of me that I couldn't understand, that I didn't' know how to control. But for some reason, I wasn't. I wasn't frightened at all.
Because this, this was the answer I had been searching for.
I knew I couldn't kill Victor and all of his men at once, I knew that when Victor had first arrived in Louisiana or else I would have ended this a long time ago. The power that I could generate, that I could control, it wasn't practiced enough to do something so drastic. But it had been proven that when in a time of need, I could do remarkable things, and not just with my own power.
It would be dangerous, and it would be classified under the incredibly stupid category. But this could fix everything. If I could repeat what I had done with that witch, if I could somehow tap into that source of power again, maybe just maybe I would be able to harness enough strength and power to end this once and for all. I knew I wouldn't make many fans upstairs with those Phoenix elders, but they already despised me. They were already going to any lengths to rid me of my existence. I was already being punished for who I had fallen in love with, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. I may as well just dig myself a deeper hole and save all of our asses while I was doing so. This may not be a perfect answer, and it could still be messy, but this, this could be the answers to all of our problems.
"How can I do it again?" I interrupted the bickering taking place before me.
"What?" Kyra turned towards me with an eyebrow raised. "How can you do what again?"
"Oh no, don't even think about it, Phoenix." the reaper shook his head, knowing exactly what I had planned. "I'd rather not see your face in the In-Between again."
"What?" Kyra looked between us frantically. "What? Someone tell me what..."
"She wants to do it again." the reaper crossed his arms and glared darkly down at me. "She wants to tap into the powers of the past Phoenixes."
Kyra twisted towards me, her green eyes shining with surprise. "Why?"
"That's a good question, especially since you were frightened of that power two minutes ago." the reaper pointed out.
"I don't think this is a good idea." Kyra shook her head as she came to sit beside me on the couch. "This isn't a good idea at all, Ellie. Don't even think about it."
"Why not?" I questioned the two. "Why not?"
"Why would you want to do something like that?" confusion was set on her face. "The reaper is right, you were scared, Ellie. You thought something was wrong with you. Why would you..."
"If I can harness enough power, I'll be able to kill them all." I shrugged as if it were no big deal. Which was a complete lie, because this was a big deal. This was a very big deal. But I had made my mind up. Because I couldn't die, that's exactly what Kyra and the reaper had told me. If I died and made an appearance in the In-Between, I might as well say farewell to ever returning home. And if I used my own powers, there was no guarantee that I would be able to kill Victor and his ghouls. If I couldn't do that, then they were going to kill everyone I loved, and torture me while they're at it. But if I can tap into these powers, even just for a few minutes, then maybe I can destroy them all without harming myself. It wasn't a foolproof plan, but when have my plans ever been foolproof? It was the best I could come up with. After the power I had used last night, I had felt weakened, yes. But after some vampire blood, Eric's blood, I felt fine enough to have mind blowing sex. I wouldn't die, I wouldn't end up in the In-Between, and I certainly would have to deal with those Elders.
For now anyways.
"You are a stupid little girl." the reaper shook his head.
I raised my gaze to meet his. "I'm just being smart. I won't die if I use those powers. I won't be annoying you by popping up in the In-Between, and I won't have to deal with the elders. I'll be perfectly fine."
"Do you have any idea what you're saying?" Kyra looked horrified as I turned back towards her.
"It's the perfect plan, Kyra. It's the only plan that I can come up with. Because if Victor doesn't die, then everyone, including Eric and Godric, will die. And then I'll be right behind them and I won' be able to come back and try and kill Victor again. So yes, I do know what I'm saying. It's incredibly stupid and dangerous, but it's the only answer that I have."
"We have limitations, Ellie." Kyra grasped onto my hands. "Our powers have limitations and you have limitations. You can't push yourself like this, or the powers. What if..."
"What if it doesn't work? Well then I wouldn't have lost very much. I'll be back to where I started. But what if they do work, Kyra? What if it all turns out alright?" I squeezed her hands. "I know the risks, but what else am I going to do?"
"Have your vampire lovers take care of them." the reaper shrugged as if we were talking about why the sky was blue. "Simple as that."
"Victor may be younger, but he has resources, resources that we don't have. Eric and Godric have already faced death more times than I can count. I won't let that happen, Kyra. You of all people have to understand that. I will not let them die. I won't. If something goes wrong and I have to sacrifice myself to save them, then I will do exactly that." I stared Kyra dead in the eye. "I love Eric. I love him. I won't let him die. And I won't let Godric die either. I need to do this. I need to take this risk. Because if I don't, then we're all going to die and I refuse to let that happen. I want my happy ending damnit."
The reaper scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. I ignored him for the time being, just hoping that Kyra could understand, that she could help me do this. Because I had absolutely no idea how in the world I had tapped into that power source and I desperately needed her help here.
"I understand." Kyra sighed after a moment, shocking the reaper.
"What? You understand? Oh you've got to be kidding me!" the reaper threw his arms up into the arm. "I'm done. It's your funeral Phoenix. I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon."
Kyra and I turned and watched as the Reaper stormed from the room, vanishing completely before he was even out the living room door.
"I understand, I do." Kyra stood, beginning to pace before me. "But this is...this is incredibly dangerous, Ellie."
"I know that." I nodded. "I understand the risks. But I need to do this. I'm not thinking about myself right now. I'm just thinking about the others. I need Eric to live, and the only way I can ensure that is to do this. It might not work, or it may work a little too well, I can't really say. But this is something I'm willing to do, to save those that I love."
"I know." Kyra rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I understand that, I do. If I were in your shoes, I would probably do the same thing. I'm just...I'm not sure if I can help you, Ellie."
"What do you mean?" I frowned, standing on my feet as I faced her. We were the same height, our gazes completely level.
"You're stronger than even I was after centuries." Kyra tried to explain. "I...I didn't even think this was possible. But then you prove the impossible and...and as much as I wish I could help you, I really do. But I don't think I'll be able to."
My face fell, but I couldn't blame Kyra. She couldn't help me if she didn't understand what I had done in the first place to tap into that power. Everyone had thought it was impossible, just a story. And now here I was, proving everyone wrong.
Well it certainly wouldn't be the first time.
"Okay." I nodded. "Well, I'll just have to remember what happened with the witch and try and redo that."
"I wish I could help you Ellie."
"I know." I hugged the woman who seemed more like my own twin than someone who had lived 1400 years ago. "It's not like this is exactly in the Phoenix handbook or anything."
Kyra chuckled softly as we just remained there, embracing one another. I could feel a warmth spread through both of us as we hugged, almost as if our souls knew that the other was there, that they were trying to connect themselves back together.
"Kyra?" I pulled away, thoughts running amuck through my head.
"Oh I don't like that look on your face." she shot me a suspicious look. "Should I be sitting down for this?"
"Probably." I nodded, the two of us retaking our spots on the couch. "It's nothing...too big. Okay well that's a lie, but I just need to ask you a question."
"Okay..." Kyra nodded, bracing herself for whatever I was about to say.
I knew I needed to talk to her about this resurrection. Because up until now, I hadn't really thought about her at all. I knew I wanted to do this, despite the pain that I might feel. I wanted Godric and Kyra to be happy, to be together finally. I was given a second chance with Eric, and it seemed like it was going to really stick this time with us. But Godric and Kyra, they hadn't been given a second chance to be together, to love one another and be happy. Not until now that is. I had the power to resurrect this woman beside me.
But how would she feel about it?
What if I brought her back and she despised me for it, hated Godric for letting me do this? I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't bring her back thinking everything would just go back to how they used to be, because that could never happen. So much time had passed, and while I knew their love hadn't faded, things had changed. It was just like with Eric. We could never go back to those few happy days we had before we fought those witches. But we could move forward, take one day at a time, and hopefully have even happier times with one another.
"Just say it." Kyra urged. "You're starting to scare me this time."
"Sorry." I ran a hand through my hair. "I was just...thinking."
"About?"
"Did you...did you ever know that it was possible to..." I tried to think of the right wording. "Did you know that it was possible to resurrect a Phoenix if they're missing a part of their soul?"
"I don't understand." Kyra shook her head. "What do you mean?"
"If a Phoenix offers their soul, instead of giving birth to the next Phoenix, like you did, then part of their soul is missing, and it leaves them not completely dead." I tried to give her a condensed version of what the Reaper had told me. "If that missing piece of their soul is returned, then they can be resurrected."
Kyra didn't say anything at first. She didn't speak, she didn't blink, and I wasn't even sure if she was breathing. Then again, I wasn't sure if she had been breathing all this time if she was technically dead. Or not dead I suppose in this case. I sat there fidgeting with my hands, waiting for her reaction. I remembered just how shocked I had been when I found out she could be resurrected, so I could only imagine how she must be taking it. She had spent the past 1400 years dead, without a hope in the world to return to the human world, to see Godric. And now suddenly the answer was lying in her lap. It wasn't exactly something you could easily process.
After a moment, a very long moment that had started to worry me, Kyra blinked, pulling herself out of her self induced trance.
"I...I don't know what to say." She leaned back on the couch, her face pale, her eyes wide in surprise.
"I know it's a lot to take in, and I wouldn't have brought it up. It's just..." I chewed on my bottom lip. "I was just wondering your reaction is all."
"There have been stories." Kyra did breathe, I noted, as her breaths began to grow unsteady, almost like she was beginning to hyperventilate. I was more like her than I thought. "But I...I thought they had just been that, stories."
"Well surprise." I laid a hand on her shoulder. "Kyra, are you alright?"
"I'm just...surprised is all." her gaze met mine. "This is...a lot to take in."
"Oh I know." I nodded.
"How did you find out?" she wondered.
"It's a long story."
"Too long for right now then." She nodded with a sigh. "Wow."
"I know." I squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sorry to just throw this at you. I was just...if it could happen, which from what I was told, it's completely possible...what would you..."
"What would I think?" Kyra finished for me.
"Yeah." I nodded nervously, hoping she wouldn't dislike the idea. Because I was all ready to go through with this resurrection once Victor was out of the equation. I just needed Kyra's blessing.
"I've spent 1400 years wondering what it would be like to see Godric in the flesh, to be in his arms, to kiss him." Kyra's breathing returned to normal, though her face was still deathly pale. "I should have moved on, I should have gotten over Godric but..."
"You can never forget your soul mate. It's practically impossible." I nodded with a small smile, remembering the lectures Godric had given me during my time apart from Eric.
"I think my love for him grew over time. It was unhealthy, and the Elders of course didn't approve. But...I just couldn't help myself. I guess in a small way, part of me hoped that somehow I would be with Godric again. I didn't wish his death, I had an inkling that the next Phoenix would need a guardian, someone to guide them and protect them, like he had done for me. I never wanted him to die just so I could be with him again. That would be selfish."
"There's a way now." I slipped my hand into hers. "There's a way you can be with him, touch him again, kiss him. You and Godric can have a second chance at love, with one another."
Kyra nodded but didn't say anything.
"Godric always told me that Eric and I had been given a second chance and that we couldn't waste time, that he would have given anything to have a second chance with you. Well here it is. You two can be together again." My excitement began to grow. All I wanted was for everyone to be happy and safe. Godric and Kyra would never truly be happy unless they were together again. And I could do that for them.
"How?" Kyra asked curiously.
"The resurrection itself isn't all that tricky." I lied, hoping she wouldn't notice. She looked suspicious when I wouldn't go into details, but I knew that if I told her my role, she would immediately say no, much like Eric had. But this was my pain to bear. It was a small price to pay to have Kyra back, to resurrect her. "You would be human of course, that's the only drawback. You'll be mortal."
Kyra nodded. "That would have to be so, there can only be one Phoenix."
"You'll probably still have some of your powers, as you do now, you just won't have them completely." I explained. "But other than that, you'll be you, just alive. I mean, there are other ways to be immortal, but that's really your and Godric's decision."
Kyra knew what I meant, and she didn't look appalled at all over the idea. I think we all knew that if Kyra ever returned to the human world, she couldn't live forever, not like before. But she could choose another lifestyle, the same lifestyle as the man she loved. Of course the Elders wouldn't like it at all, having their former Phoenix as a vampire for an eternity, but they didn't get a say in this. This didn't include them at all.
"Oh no." Kyra sighed, her eyes closing for a brief moment. "I must go."
"Already, but..."
"I'm sorry, the elders, they know that I'm here and I have to leave." Kyra opened her eyes, her orbs holding sorrow. "I hope to see you again, Ellie."
I followed as she stood. "What about this resurrection thing? Do you..."
I never had the chance to ask for her blessing however, as she suddenly disappeared before me.
"Damnit." I kicked at the ground.
All I needed was to know if she wanted this, if she wanted me to pull her out of her afterlife so she could have a second chance with Godric. She hadn't said yes, and she hadn't said no. The decision was now up to me, and I wasn't sure what the hell I was going to do. This wasn't exactly as easy as deciding whether I wanted another piece of pie. This would be the biggest decision of not only my life, but of everyone's.
"Oh great." I muttered to myself before I felt a tug at my consciousness. I felt myself waking up before my eyes even fluttered close.
A gasp emitted from my lips as I suddenly awoke, my eyes flying open as I looked around wildly. It took me a minute to realize I was back safe and sound in Sam's trailer, the sun filtering into the small living room from the window.
"Hey, you're awake." Sookie's cheerful voice grabbed my attention.
I slowly drew up into a sitting position, glancing over at the blonde in the kitchen.
"I have to run over to Merlotte's for my shift in a few moments but I thought you might be hungry." she flashed me a smile. "Are you alright, you look like you've seen a ghost."
"More like two ghosts." I mumbled to myself as I slowly drew myself off of the couch, my entire body cracking as I did so. "What time is it?"
"Mid afternoon, almost three." Sookie informed as she slid a delicious looking grilled cheese sandwich on a plate.
"Thanks Sook, I appreciate it." I offered her a small smile as I shuffled the short distance to the kitchen and sat at a bar stool. "You go run off to work, I'll clean up."
"Are you sure you're alright?" a look of worry crossed her usually warm eyes. "After what happened last night, I'm just worried about you."
"I'm fine Sookie, honestly I am." and part of that was true. Because I had a plan now, I knew how I was going to kill Victor. It was a little messy, and I wasn't entirely sure it would even work, but at least I had a plan. And that was better than where I had been a few hours ago. "Last night was...insane and amazingly difficult. But I'll be fine. We all will. Believe me."
She didn't look convinced, and I think part of her knew something was up. But she let it slide for the time being.
"Alright, well if you need anything, Sam and I will just be in the bar." Sookie slipped on a cardigan over her white Merlotte's t-shirt.
"Oh I'll be fine here." I assured her, the wheels turning in my head. "Maybe I'll pop over in a little bit."
"I'll keep an eye out." She hugged me tightly before retreating towards the door. "Don't get yourself into anymore trouble Ellie."
"Believe me, I won't." I waved at her, watching as she nodded and quickly left the trailer to make it in time for her shift.
What she didn't know, was that I had my fingers crossed behind my back the entire time. I loved Sookie, and I hated to lie to her. But I knew she wouldn't understand. Just like I knew no one would understand what I had to do tonight. It was going to be hard; it was going to weaken me beyond anything I had ever experienced in my life. But if I could save all of our lives, then by god I was going to do it. I could handle a few lectures and disappointed looks after I saved our asses. But for now, I had to lie; I had to sneak around, because once tonight hit, that was it.
Victor and the others, they weren't going to make it to dawn.
I was going to make sure of it.
I waited only a few minutes, wolfing down the sandwich Sookie had made for me before I hurriedly cleaned up and grabbed the bag I had left beside the couch when I had fallen asleep that morning. I didn't even bother to change into a fresh pair of clothes as I grabbed my car keys from the top of the coffee table and slid the bag over my shoulder. I peeked out the window, ensuring that no one would be in the parking lot as I snuck away. I didn't need someone running back inside to tell Sookie or Sam what I was doing, or else my plan would never work. Once I saw that the coast was clear, I slipped out of the trailer and as quietly as I could, walked over to my car.
I kept glancing all around, hoping that a werewolf wouldn't suddenly leap out at me, or even worse, Sookie running out of the bar to rip me a new hole for what I was doing. Thankfully, as if luck was finally on my side, I was able to slip the car key into the driver's door of the red corvette without a single ounce of trouble. I sighed in relief the moment I was inside the car, my bag now resting on the passenger seat. I kept my stare firmly on the building in the rear view mirror as I revved up the engine and slowly drew out of the parking spot. I was almost surprised at how easy this was. Maybe someone upstairs was finally helping me out. Maybe praying to god hadn't been completely useless last night.
Because somehow, I was able to drive right on out of the Merlotte's parking lot without anyone or anything stopping me.
I just hoped that this steak of good luck would continue for the rest of the day.
I would certainly need luck on my side for what I had planned tonight.