Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. This is just fanfiction for which I make no money.

Early update due to holidays this isn't going to happen a whole lot.

Chapter 4

Kyo

The window in my room had a really boring view. I looked out of it anyway because it sucked slightly less than looking at nothing. Doctors and nurses came in a lot to check on me. I only spoke to ask the doctor when I'd get out and to respond to questions with as few words as possible. I'd never been hospitalized before; anything that was ever wrong with me wasn't serious enough that Hatori couldn't fix it. Now there was something wrong with me that Hatori couldn't fix.

No one could fix it.

My mind kept wandering to Yuki. It bugged me. I didn't want to think about him at all. There was just nothing to do. I was waiting for someone to visit but it seemed like no one even cared. And why should they? It's not like I'm important. No one wants to visit the monster. No one cares that I'm sick.

I kept thinking that way.

I was still really sleepy. The nurse put medicine in the IV to help with the pain. I didn't ask her to. It didn't hurt that bad but she insisted.

Just when I thought I would be bored to death, the door opened. I sat up. I knew immediately it wasn't a doctor or a nurse because they always knocked. When I saw Yuki standing in the doorway, looking unsure, I sighed. As much as I wanted someone to visit, he was the last, the very last, person I wanted to see… Aside from Kagura, maybe.

Yuki strode over to the stupid little closet thing and placed a backpack in it. "I brought you some clothes," he muttered.

I stared at him. He seemed like he wasn't sure what to do.

"Why did you bring them?" I asked. "Didn't Tohru…"

"She's working today. She spent a lot of time trying to decide if she should go or if she should visit." Yuki walked over and stood by the bed. "In the end, Shigure convinced her to go to work."

"Oh…"

Yuki stood next to my bed all awkwardly for a minute. It was then that I noticed the ugly bruise on the left side of his face and the stitch in his lip. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

Yuki looked startled and he brushed his fingers over his swollen cheek. "You kicked me when you were… when I was helping Hatori bring you to the hospital."

Figures the only time I land a blow would be when I'm not even conscious. "I didn't mean-"

"I know…" Yuki interrupted. He looked away. "What are you so stressed about?"

I pulled my knees up to my chest. "I'm pretty pathetic. Getting sick like this and making Tohru worry."

"You shouldn't worry about Honda-san too much. You can't help being sick. Just… get better."

I was stunned by his sudden show of compassion. I always pictured him as a cold bastard that didn't care about anyone but himself and his own agenda. Even now, rage boiled in my stomach. But it wasn't directed at Yuki; I was angry with myself.

"Kyo," said Yuki. "Don't get upset."

I noticed that I was gripping the sheets really tight and I let them go with difficulty. "Damnit," I muttered mostly to myself.

"I should go."

I wanted to reach out and grab his arm before he could leave. I was so bored; I needed a distraction and talking to Yuki was preferable to staying there alone. "Heh. I guess you've got more important things to do than sit here and talk to a stupid monster."

"Kyo… You're not... like that. You're not a monster."

"You saw what I become!" I objected. I took a deep breath.

"Yes. And it's terrifying and hideous but that isn't… that's just a small part of you." Yuki turned away. "Think about happy things. You'll never get better if you keep worrying. And... that wouldn't be smart." Yuki walked out.

I really wanted him to stay…

Yuki

I stood by the door to Kyo's room for a long time before I could force myself to leave the hospital. I knew that my presence was infuriating him. He kept getting anxious. I assumed that he wanted to tell me to leave. He couldn't even stand to look at me.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, nodding hello to Haru as he passed me in the hallway. Shigure had told me that Haru planned to visit. He didn't acknowledge my presence. He was lost in thought, which wasn't unusual. However, he looked as if he was worrying. It wasn't like him to show his emotions when he was White Haru. He was definitely not Black Haru. He wasn't exuding rage or lust; he just looked…

Sad.

I tried not to think about it. Haru being worried sent a chill down my spine. It only occurred to me later, as I was boarding the tram to take me back to town that Haru was probably upset because Kyo was having the same problem as Rin. He saw firsthand what it was like when a person had ulcers. Obviously, he'd be upset about it. But it didn't explain why he looked upset.

And that bothered me.

Kyo

I felt like I was floating. No, it was more like I was nothing. I was just a thought. I couldn't feel my body, but I wasn't worried about it. I guessed that the painkillers were kicking in.

I had a weird feeling of calm. It was kind of nice. I didn't know how long I stayed that way. It felt like seconds but it also felt like hours. The feeling of a hand closing on mine brought me out of it. My first thought was that Yuki had come back. But he wouldn't hold my hand.

I opened my eyes and blinked several times while a fuzzy black and white blur swam in front of my face. My tongue felt heavy and I didn't bother trying to speak. A few moments later (or maybe it was hours, who knows?) I finally managed to focus my eyes and Hatsuharu came into view.

"Kyo…" he muttered.

He looked sad. Maybe. I couldn't really tell. I was so tired. I felt weightless. The only thing I could feel was his hand on mine. It was like his gentle grip was anchoring me to the world. "Wh- why are you here?" I asked.

"What's bothering you?" he asked. "Why are you in so much pain?"

I wasn't imagining it. His voice was sad too. I looked away. I couldn't look at him. I didn't understand why he was so damn sad. Why was he looking at me like that? I didn't like it.

"Kyo. I…" he trailed off. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I'm too tired for this. He doesn't make any sense.

"I never told you all this time. You're suffering and… you're not alone, Kyo. You're not."

I squinted at him. I felt like my brain was floating in water or jell-o. Nothing he said made sense.

"Why are you in pain, Kyo?"

"I'm not. I'm on so many drugs I can't feel anything."

Haru stared at me. "That's not what I meant."

I shrugged. It took a lot of energy.

"Rin has ulcers." He sighed. "It's kind of a secret that we're dating but… Yuki knows. Rin blames herself for a lot of things. And when she feels really guilty or upset, her stomach bleeds. I wanna know why you're sad. It… it makes me sad that you're in so much pain… because…"

"What?"

He looked down into my eyes. I knew what he was going to say before he said it but I was still surprised to hear the words. "I don't want you to hurt because I love you."

I stared at him, stunned. "What? What does that mean?"

"I love you. I love Rin, I love Yuki and… I love you."

"That doesn't make sense! How can you love three people that way? I-" I started coughing.

"Relax. D-don't get upset. It'll get worse."

My eyelids felt heavy. Haru touched my face and it felt like he was crying. His eyes looked wet. "I'm sorry I never told you. I just… was afraid you'd be upset. I hope that even though you don't love me, you'll still feel better knowing that someone does."

I laughed. It was funny for some reason. Maybe the drugs were making me feel strange. I don't know. "Kagura loves me."

I suddenly felt Haru's breath on my face. "It's not the same."

He pressed his lips gently to mine. It felt nice. I also felt tears. He was crying for me. "Thanks," I muttered. The medicine finally made me fall asleep.

Yuki

The more I thought about how Haru looked when he walked into Kyo's room, the more I worried. Honda-san had gone to visit Kyo but he was loopy and out of it the whole time. She said he apologized to her and then started laughing. She smiled when she told me. "I don't think he could help it," she said. "The pain killers were making him tired." When I asked her what else he said she frowned. "He said to apologize to Haru for him. But he didn't say why."

Haru wasn't at school the day after he visited Kyo. Honda-san didn't make the connection. As I walked her to work, I wondered vaguely if I should ask Kyo. I'd heard that the doctors were weaning him off the painkillers and that the stomach medicine was beginning to heal his ulcers. The plan was to discharge him later next week.

As I was thinking, my feet took me to the train and before I realized what I was doing, I'd boarded and was on the way to the hospital. It was strange, really that I would go visit Kyo. I was disgusted with him. Looking at him revolted me. I was angry with him for being so pathetic. But I felt sorry for him too.

My feet took the familiar path to his floor and I entered his bedroom soundlessly. I was half hoping he'd be asleep or on too much medicine to be coherent. He was sitting up and looked more lucid than I'd hoped.

"What are you doing here, rat-boy?" he snarled.

He's enough himself to be rude. I suppose he's getting better. "What happened between you and Haru?"

Kyo caught my gaze. He looked startled, then sad. "He's… He's an idiot."

"What are you talking about?"

"He's an idiot, alright? He was worried about me. Stupid."

"Of course he was worried. You were spitting up blood. He asked Shigure if you were dying. He cares about you." I was really irritated now. Kyo just kept trampling on things. He didn't even understand half of why Haru worried so much.

"Damnit. Stupid cow."

I shook my head. "You don't understand."

"I understand plenty, damn rat. Now what the hell are you doing here?"

"Upsetting you, obviously. I'll leave."

"Then go!" Kyo stared out the window. "I don't wanna look at you anymore. It makes me sick."

It's not really like that, is it? I thought as I walked out the door. Even so, that hurt me worse than anything else he's said.

Kyo

I only ever say mean things to him… it's just like I was with Tohru all that time…

But why shouldn't I say mean things? I hate him. I hate him with all my heart! People as rotten as him should just die!

That thought made my stomach hurt. I rolled over and clutched at my gut. It felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest felt tight and I started coughing.

A doctor rushed in. Was I coughing that loud?

"The nurse said you coughed up blood again," he said. He sounded tired.

"What? I didn't…" I stopped. There was blood next to me on the sheet. "DAMNIT!"

"Sohma-san, try not to be upset."

I groaned. "Why the hell won't you people leave me be? I'm sick of this place. I'm sick of all these damn people!"

"Sohma-san…" He walked over to my IV. "You need to rest."

"What's in that syringe?" I asked, eyeing the needle in his hand. "Don't give me medicine without telling me what it is."

"It's an anti-anxiety medicine. I can't have you getting upset. Your ulcers are just healing." He injected the medicine in my IV and I immediately felt sleepy.

"Damn… rat…" I muttered as I drifted off.

Haru

I didn't know whether to feel bad about it or not. Kyo thanked me when I kissed him. But maybe he was too tired to get angry. I wanted to talk to Yuki. I couldn't calm down. I was afraid I'd go Black at school that day so I didn't go. When I went the day after, Yuki looked upset. I wondered what was happening.

Yuki always scolded me for worrying about other people. I wondered what he'd do if he knew why I worried so much. It was my selfish way of distracting myself from my own problems.

I didn't get lost on the way to Sensei's house that time. An improvement, I guess. Tohru wasn't there and Sensei was asleep. Yuki was still at the student council meeting so I hung up my coat and walked up to his bedroom. I paused in front of the door to Kyo's room and peeked in. It looked like he hadn't grown out of his habit of keeping things clean as a whistle. That made me feel a little better. Although, it was possible that Tohru had cleaned it for him.

I sank into Yuki's bed and admired the mess. His desk was chronically untidy and crumpled shirts lay on the floor. I imagined him sifting through the junk, scolding himself for letting things be messy but never bothering to clean it.

I heard his footsteps on the stairs and in the hall. I leaned back on my hands and stared at the ceiling. I didn't speak when he walked in and stared at me. He was surprised to see me. Once the shock wore off, he looked relieved. "Haru," he said.

"Yuki," I replied.

He stood in the doorway for a moment before picking carefully through the mess on the floor to sit beside me on his bed. "You look cute," I commented. Yuki blushed. It only made him cuter.

"You shouldn't say these things, Haru."

I shrugged. "Kyo didn't mind. At least… I think he didn't."

Yuki looked puzzled. He tilted his head to one side and I was reminded forcefully of a confused puppy. "What do you mean?"

I blinked. "When I told him I loved him."

Yuki sighed. "You really shouldn't say things like that."

I studied him. "Why not?"

Yuki just shook his head as if he was trying to figure out how to tell me what he was thinking without upsetting me. "It's unfair to say such things to Kyo when he's vulnerable."

That shocked me. "Since when do you worry about when Kyo is vulnerable? You only fight him when he's vulnerable."

Yuki gave me that puzzled look again. "I don't pick the fights; he always does."

I stared at the ceiling again, wondering if Yuki was really that dense or if he was pretending. "He picks fights because he feels vulnerable. I always pick fights with him when I know he isn't."

"Still, you shouldn't say those things to Kyo. I'm surprised you don't have bruises."

"He didn't hit me." I looked at him. "You have a point, though. I guess I shouldn't have kissed him either."

Yuki sputtered incoherently for a moment. It was like he was being adorable on purpose. I grinned. "Y-you… kissed him?" I nodded. "On the lips?"

"I didn't think he'd appreciate it if I kissed him on the-"

"Haru!"

I chuckled. "You get so freaked out by this stuff. I don't get it." I shook my head. He has no idea how adorable he is...

Yuki touched my knee. "I feel like I should tell you something."

I looked at him. "What is it?" I tugged on his tie.

"I feel like you'll understand."

I waited.

"There's something about me that I figured out a long time ago but I never told anyone. I… I wanted to tell you first. I didn't think it would be so complicated."

I touched his hand and nodded.

"I don't… that is to say… I don't… desire… girls." He whispered the last word, but there was no denying that he'd said it.

"You mean you're gay."

Yuki turned bright pink in the face. "H-how do you just… say things so frankly? Don't you have any shame?"

"About that kind of thing? No, that's stupid." I smiled. "And probably not about anything else either."

Yuki shook his head. His expression looked suspiciously sad. I could almost see him fighting back tears. "Th-thank you…" He pulled me into a tight hug and I fought not to stiffen up. I finally allowed myself to relax and nestled my face in the crook of his neck. I had wanted to confide in him but he got there first.

He released me. "You didn't come here just to tell me about Kyo, right?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Is there something else on your mind?"

I nodded. "A lot of things. For example, I have a test tomorrow."

"That's not what I meant."

I blew out a long stream of air. "I know… but it-. It is about Kyo."

"Hm?"

"Try to be nicer to him, okay?"

Yuki furrowed his brow.

"He'll heal from his ulcers but something is making him miserable. If you can't be nice, try to avoid him. I don't want him to hurt anymore. I can't be here to protect him."

"Haru… You always worry about other people to your own detriment."

I smiled. "I can't help it."

Yuki was looking at me funny. It was like he had something on his mind but he wasn't sure how to express it. He leaned in, his hand still resting on my knee. I knew he was going to kiss me. I held still.

His kiss was gentle, but it was also awkward. I didn't kiss back, which was stupid. I should have. How often would I get such an opportunity? But he pulled away before I could change my mind. "I thought so…" he muttered, looking away. "I'm sorry."

"For kissing me?"

"Yes."

"Don't be."

"I'm also sorry that I didn't feel anything. It must hurt to hear but I had to make sure. It would have been easier if I had."

I shook my head. "That kind of thing won't break my heart." I stood. "I don't mind if you don't want me. You can only hurt me by being sad." I pulled my leather jacket closer around me and headed for the door. "Any time you need a no strings make-out session, give me a call."

"Thank you," Yuki said, making me pause with my hand on the doorknob.

"You're welcome," I replied and I left.

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