Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. This is just fanfiction for which I make no money.

Chapter 5

Kyo

I was antsy. The doctors said I was going to be discharged today but I kept worrying that they were going to change their minds. Hatori was in my room for a minute to tell me that I was being discharged on the condition that I take it easy and let him come to Shigure's house and examine me periodically. Being examined was a pain, but I could deal with it. Taking it easy was going to be harder. Hatori said that it was really important that I try to stay calm and not put myself under too much stress. He said that if I started to freak out, I should put one of the pills he gave me under my tongue to calm down.

I didn't like it but I guessed I could do it if it'd keep me out of the hospital.

I practically leaped out of my seat when Hatori entered the room and then groaned when I saw Shigure behind him. "Why is he here?" I growled.

"Well… Let's see…" Shigure muttered.

"Never mind, I don't care." I had a feeling his explanation would just annoy me. I picked up my backpack, brushed off Hatori's offer to carry it for me then walked out of the stuffy room for good.

Hatori and Shigure followed. They weren't talking. That was just fine with me. I didn't give a damn about anything they had to say. Once we got in the car, though, Hatori and Shigure decided they wanted to talk. To me. At length.

"Kyo-kun," Shigure began. "You need to keep a cool head from now on."

I ground my teeth, fighting back the annoyance. "I'll be okay as long as perverted dogs and obnoxious rats'll leave me be."

"I already spoke with Yuki," Hatori said. His voice was low and creepy. I always hated the way he talked. I felt an irrational stab of annoyance at him. I hated his stupid memory erasing power and wondered where he was when my mom should've forgotten all about me. I shut the thought out. I couldn't think about it. I didn't want to go back to that stupid disgusting cubicle where I was prodded and bothered by doctors all the time.

I was so sick of that place that I was even kind of looking forward to seeing Yuki. Ugh, I'm stupid.

"I'd also like you to tell me about what's bothering you when I come for checkups," said Hatori.

"What are you, a therapist?" I asked. "I don't need you to shrink my head."

Hatori glanced at me in his rearview mirror. His expression was unreadable.

Shigure chuckled. "No one would dare dream of shrinking your head, Kyo. Although, your poor brain must feel lonely with all the extra space."

"Someone should shrink yours," said Hatori. He smacked Shigure upside the head without looking away from the road. "I told you to keep your ridiculous comments to yourself. If you upset Kyo needlessly, there could be problems."

"Don't tell people to be weird around me," I said. "It would make me even more annoyed if people started treating me like a damn bomb."

Hatori frowned. I could see his reflection in the windshield. "If you feel that is best, then instruct the others to treat you normally. However, I forbid you from picking fights with Yuki."

I scoffed. "I'm not dumb. Even I know you shouldn't get in fights when your stomach bleeds."

"Also, this goes without saying, but if you start having severe stomach pain, if you cough up blood or if you see blood in your stool-"

"The doctors at the hospital already told me all that. I'll call you if I have to. Now can we stop talking about it?"

Hatori fell silent and there were no more annoying questions or banter. Good.

Yuki

I was having difficulty sitting still. I'd asked Tohru if I could help prepare dinner but after I burned the vegetables we both agreed that it'd be best if I didn't assist. Tohru was making all of Kyo's favorite foods and the smell of cod roe and wonton soup filled the down stairs. I liked the smell. It was a warm smell and it reminded me of Kyo.

I shook that thought away. I didn't need to think about him any more than I already had been. It was exhausting. I worried about him and then scolded myself for worrying. I fretted over how I should act. I'd thought about it and decided not to change my behavior. I had a feeling that it would irritate Kyo more to be treated like he was made of porcelain than if I should continue to instigate and treat him coldly.

In fact, when Kyo walked in the door, growling at Shigure to leave him alone, I didn't spare him a glance. I kept my gaze focused on the table where my math homework sat. I felt a prickling sensation in the back of my neck and it became clear that Kyo was staring at me. After a moment, I sighed. "If you're trying to commit my image to memory, you'd be better off taking a picture."

"Damn, Yuki," Kyo spat.

Hmm… he didn't call me "Rat."

I sighed and cast him my best disdainful look. "You really can't think of anything more original, can you?"

Kyo's face fell and he didn't respond. That hadn't been what I'd expected. He stalked up the stairs and slammed the door to his room.

"Really, Yuki…" Shigure muttered. He made a tsk-ing sound. "We've been forbidden from needlessly upsetting the poor kitty."

I shrugged. "It's not up to me to keep him calm. He should learn better self control."

Shigure plopped himself down next to me on the couch. "There are some things that Kyo will never be able to control."

"What do you mean?"

"The curse, for instance." Shigure tapped his chin with his fingers. "He can't help how he feels about you. It's part of the curse."

"I disagree."

Shigure looked at me, his head tilted to one side like a confused dog. I smirked inwardly at the pun. "What could you possibly mean by that?"

"I don't think that we are obligated to hate each other just because of the curse. I never felt obligated to hate him. I just hate him because I do."

"Hmmm… Such a long time to hold such a silly grudge."

"What are you talking about?"

Shigure glanced at me. "Do you know why the rat tricked the cat?"

I just stared at him.

"Ah! I suppose not. How could you? You've never been informed. Oh well…"

"Why?"

Shigure stood up. "Maybe you should ask Kyo one day. I think he might now."

Shigure walked off into his office before I could ask him anything further.

Kyo

My relief to be home was short-lived. I locked myself in my bedroom and glared at the ceiling, willing my brain to be empty until Tohru came to tell me that dinner was ready. I had a sudden emotional moment when I saw the table set with all of my favorite foods. For some weird reason, I wanted to cry. "Th-thanks, Tohru," I said.

Tohru gave me one of her radiant smiles. For some reason, it didn't fill me with the usual sense of warmth and security but I smiled back. I'd been practicing looking happy when I was alone in the hospital and Tohru seemed fooled by my act. But when I sat at the table, Yuki was giving me an appraising look. I didn't like it. I scowled at him and turned my attention back to my plate.

To her credit, Tohru didn't dote on me too much. I guess she knew better but she acted a nervous for a little bit until I started talking excitedly about going back to the dojo in a week or two. I fooled her completely.

Yuki kept giving me that same look. Every time I smiled, he frowned. I glared at him a few times, almost coming to the point of asking him what the hell his problem was. But every time I thought about insulting him or getting mad, I'd remember when he yelled at me to stop blaming him and couldn't say anything.

After dinner, I helped Tohru wash the dishes. "So, Kyo-kun," she started. She paused, I guess she was thinking about how to phrase what she wanted to say. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm glad to be home," I replied.

She beamed. I liked that she was always genuine and her feelings were written all over her face. Sometimes, I worried that she'd get trampled if she wasn't careful but I knew how strong she was too. "I'm glad you're home too, Kyo-kun." She paused again. "I-if you want to tell me about what's bothering you… I'll listen. I know I'm not the most reliable person-"

"You are the most reliable person. Most reliable person I know."

"Oh, no. I can't be that great!" She flapped her arm up and down the way she does when she's anxious about being complimented. I used to think it was really cute. Now it was just… sorta endearing. "But, if you want to confide in me… I'd be really happy, Kyo-kun."

I sighed. "I'm not really sure what's going on, actually," I said. I felt bad about not telling her what I was feeling. Especially since I used to confide in her all the time. "I guess I've just been really stressed." I dried the plate she handed me and put it away.

"I've… I've noticed that you and Yuki-kun seem to be avoiding each other."

I bristled at that. "I don't wanna deal with him right now."

"Mmhm." Tohru paused. "I can understand needing a break from people sometimes. Not that I ever need a break from you! I just mean that it's only natural, especially if a person hates someone so much that they can't stand it. I just… I wish Kyo-kun could learn to get along with Yuki-kun. You are both so precious to me."

I sighed. "I don't think I can fix it. It's been broken since before we were born."

"I think that the first step to fixing something is realizing that something is wrong."

"Yeah, I've realized that a while ago."

"But… not just that. It's easy to tell that you and Yuki-kun don't get along. If you realize that it isn't right to hate him, you can begin to heal. If you want to… I… I shouldn't make such assumptions. I know that sometimes, hating Yuki-kun makes Kyo-kun feel better. If it's the only way to protect Kyo-kun's heart…" Tohru blushed and continued washing the dishes. "My mom always said that it's better to try to understand people rather than hate them. Sometimes, people dislike others for reasons that aren't even true and if they get to know each other, they might find that they were wrong."

I could only nod in response. Her words felt like a dagger straight into my heart. It was a stabbing, twisting pain. "I'll be okay, though." I smiled but it felt like a grimace. "It's probably just something guys go through when they grow up."

Tohru smiled. I was really getting good at pretending to be okay.

"Looks like we're finished! Thank you so much for helping me with the dishes. I have to get to work… Oh, and I'll be spending the night at Hana-chan's tonight so I won't need to be picked up."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Did you tell Yuki that?"

"I- oh, no! I forgot, but I have to get going. Would you mind telling him for me?"

I tugged on her pigtail and smiled. "Yeah, yeah, I'll tell him."

Tohru thanked me profusely and left. I wandered up the stairs and relayed the message to Yuki through his bedroom door and went to lie down. I wasn't so much anxious as exhausted. I felt depressed, like a crushing black weight had settled on my thoughts. I felt like I was drowning. I curled in on myself and whimpered, the old mantra of "it's my fault, I hate myself" running mercilessly through my mind.

Everyone would be so much better off if I were dead.

Yuki

I sat pondering Kyo's bizarre behavior for a long while before retiring to my bed. I lay awake, however for another hour wondering what he was thinking. Normally, he'd act annoyed when he had to relay messages for Honda-san. However, when he'd come to tell me that I didn't need to pick her up, he'd sounded bored. I was worried. Kyo was an energetic person. He wasn't the type to mope around. I feared that he would give himself another ulcer if he didn't take better care of himself.

I wandered down the hall and paused at Kyo's door. I decided against knocking; Kyo would only turn me away. I slipped as soundlessly as possible into Kyo's room and stared at him for a moment. He was curled into a tight ball, shaking. He looked so pathetic and miserable. I wanted to reach out and comfort him but I crossed my arms instead.

"You're being ridiculous," I said. I couldn't stop myself, the words just tumbled out.

"Damnit…" said Kyo. There was no venom in his voice. He was acting the way he did on rainy days although it was quite sunny out, despite the cold. "What do you want?"

I was stunned into silence. What did I want? I didn't have the slightest idea. "Whatever you're holding in is not worth destroying yourself over."

"You don't know that."

I scoffed. "Get over yourself. It's ridic-"

"Nobody asked you!"

I sighed. "Calm down. If you give yourself another ulcer, it will only cause everyone to worry."

Kyo laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Even you?"

I shrugged. "It's bizarre; unsettling."

"Just do me a favor and don't be nice to me, okay?" Kyo glared out the window.

"Who said anything about being nice?" I turned on my heel and headed for the door.

"If you're nice, I won't be able to handle it."

"Stupid cat," I muttered and I left.

Kyo

It really won't stop hurting, will it? So why do I keep dealing with it?

I sighed and fell backward against my pillows. Because I'm too chicken.

I didn't really feel like things were that bad. Or maybe I just didn't want to think about it, so I told myself that they weren't. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was still horribly wrong. I didn't understand it. My heart was pounding in my chest the whole time Yuki was in my room. I didn't care that he saw me all vulnerable and shaking. I was kind of glad. That's just stupid.

But part of me had hoped that if he saw me like that, he'd try to comfort me. His reaction was exactly what I expected. So that made it better. Tohru's words were running through my head the whole time. It was useless to believe, though. Much as I analyzed Yuki's behavior, he was exactly what I thought he was. It was comforting, in a way. Knowing that he was still the same meant that I could keep thinking of him the way I used to.

Even if I can't blame him, that doesn't mean I can't still hate him, right?

No. It wasn't that I hated him. That wasn't it at all. In fact, I was starting to like him. It was weird. Every time I looked at him, I noticed that he was somehow kind of attractive. I could admit when another guy was attractive without being weird about it, right? Anyone could see that he was good looking. Obviously he was good looking, or else all those damn girls wouldn't be so in love with him.

I scoffed. Their love was stupid. They didn't know what he was really like. They were just all caught up in his looks. If they knew what he was really like, their love would make sense. He really was…

Stop thinking like that. It's weird.

No matter what I told myself, I couldn't fool my heart. Yuki was the kind of person someone could fall in love with.

Okay, but isn't there someone out there for everyone? Isn't it true that there is no one who isn't loveable?

Other than you? A mean voice hissed in the back of my brain. I didn't want to believe its harsh words, but part of me screamed that it must be true. That's why the cat is the most cursed! No one can love a monster.

My curse dictated my fate; I was a person destined to be despised and looked down on. I was a person to be pitied but never treated with sympathy. I wasn't really a person at all.

I might as well just give up now.