A/N : So, I wasn't planning on posting this chapter tonight (or really, this morning, seeing how it's 6:06 am, but I haven't been to bed yet, so...) But I figured the weekend was as a good a time as any.

I haven't worked on this story for some time now - I just happened to have some extra chapters already written - and I've been sinking further in my Gilmore Girls addiction...Jess is perfection...ahem, anyway, I promise to start devoting more time to this fic and start updating better :)

So, please enjoy!

Disclaimer : Not mine...

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Chapter 08 - Dinner talk

Esme thought ahead to my 'food' issues and had already gotten take out from a very nice restaurant in Port Angeles. The smell literally made my mouth water and I skipped over to the table where Esme was unloading the food. It took me a minute to realize that Jasper had wondered in the room, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Hello Jasper," I said nicely with a smile. He nodded back and smiled briefly before turning and leaving the room.

Esme, who seemed to notice everything, leaned over and told me in a 'it's-no-big-deal' way, "he's just a little tense."

I let my fingers follow the pattern on the back of the chair in front of me nervously, my head bent down. "I didn't mean to cause trouble..."

Esme patted my hand instead and offered, "Jasper likes you very much." I couldn't help it when my eyes got wide and my head jerked up. Esme just laughed. "Don't be so surprised."

"I-I'm not," I stammered out, trying to not sound surprised, even though I was. "It's just that he doesn't really talk to me..."

"My son is a complicated being," Esme mused out loud, her hands lingering on the take-out boxes as she spoke. "His power is very emotional; empathy always is. But more times than naught his own feelings can cloud over other things."

Esme smiled again, but this time it was softer. "I'm sure you're well aware of Jasper's special...way of dealing with emotions." When I nodded she continued. "Did you ever stop to wonder how he knows when to use his powers?"

I shrugged and answered, "I just figured he could feel the tension or anger or..."

I trailed off and Esme picked up, adding, "guilt? He has been taming his own demons with that night for quite some time now."

"I don't blame him," I whispered, my eyes frozen to the fingers as they laid across the back of the chair I was standing behind. "I never did."

"You blame yourself. He blames himself. And he feels it all. It's a lot for him to take in," Esme explained. "But he will come around; give it time."

I nodded, making up my mind to make sure that happened; it was about time I came face to face with Edward's leaving - every aspect of it.

With a small laugh, Esme added in a light tone, "plus he feels how much you love Edward." The too-familiar feeling of a blush once more dawned on my cheeks and Esme laughed once more. "My, we are a shy one, aren't we?"

"You have no idea," Edward answered before I could, coming in and sitting down at the table across from where my food had been placed. Esme took the now-empty packages and left the room, leaving me and Edward alone.

"Eat up," he added. "I have plans for latter."

"Plans?" I asked with a smile, pulling out my fork and taking a bite. It used to bother me some when Edward was around when I ate; I always felt like he was staring at me, being disgusted. But now I was very comfortable with the situation and even sighed when the food hit my mouth.

"This is really good," I commented after swallowing, pointing to it with my fork. Edward just smiled without comment and I paused asking him something I had always wanted to. "I know you can eat food, but why don't you? Is it just because of the taste or more?"

Edward shrugged and answered, "there's no real desire to so and you get used to it, so eventually the idea is..."

"Yucky?" I filled in, earning a smile from him.

"Yeah, yucky." His voice was mocking but I just ignored it.

I took another bite and chewed it slowly. After swallowing, I took a sip of the water Esme had also provided. "Ok, I have another question." I was instantly transported back to junior year right then, my rendition of our game of '20 questions' causing a large smile to grace my lips.

Edward too smiled, understanding my little quote, before nodding and I asked, "considering that I do eat food, does it ever disgust you?"

Edward seemed to be hiding a smile when he told me, "no, Bella, you do not disgust me. Quite the opposite actually."

I rolled my eyes playfully before taking another bite.

Edward though, seemed to loose some of his smile and said suddenly, "is it my turn to ask a question of you?"

I nodded since my mouth was still full, though I was unsure of what he wanted to ask me.

His eyes were slightly downcast and hard to read when he went, "considering that I don't eat food, does it ever disgust you?"

My bite caught in my throat and I coughed, making Edward jump up to come over, though I was perfectly fine.

"Here, drink this," he said, handing me my water. I eagerly gulped down some water, coughing a few more times afterwards, causing a slight tear to glisten in my eye from the pressure.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked gently, rubbing my back.

I ignored his question though and looked deep into his eyes and said with emotion, "don't you ever think that."

"Lets be serious here, Bella"

"I am."

Edward just sighed and added, "I'm not human Bella."

I squared my shoulders and demanded harshly, "and do you feed on humans?"

"I have..." Edward whispered softly, not being able to meet my eyes.

The pain and regret in his voice seized my stomach and I reached out, making him look back up at me. "Stop," I ordered gently. "You are such a wonderful and caring person...you should never, ever think any differently."

I could tell our conversation was starting to upset him so I smiled and quickly changed the subject. "So, what are these plans you alluded to earlier?"

-

A half and hour later we were well on our way in the woods, Edward running with full abandonment with me on his back. I used to be terrified of this but now I loved the feel of the air through my hair, the way the world seemed to be spinning all around but I was perfectly safe. It didn't take long for us to reach near our destination and when Edward stopped to put me down I nearly froze in place, but recovered quickly.

Though, I guess it wasn't quickly enough for Edward cause he instantly came to attention and asked, "what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." I flashed him a smile and took his hand, intending on pulling him forward into the meadow, our meadow, and prove nothing was wrong. The idea of ruining this place for us was not something I wanted to come true so I was willing to put my fears aside. Coaxing him with a smile I lured him to the clearing, bracing myself for when we were to cross into it.

The meadow was still as beautiful as it had been before. The sun seemed to be brighter here, though the traces of the days rain was still lingering in the ankle-length grass. I expected to feel fear when I walked among the grass but that wasn't what settled in my stomach; Jacob's wolf face stared at me from deep within my mind instead.

"Bella, are you sure you're alright?"

I smiled up at Edward wanly, for once both glad and terrible-feeling that he couldn't read my mind. Of course I was glad cause I didn't want to hurt him by ruining our trip with Jacob but I felt terrible also because his aversion to my thoughts meant I didn't have to completely honest with him.

"I will be," I settled with telling him, knowing it was true, in some ways. He let me get away with the off-hand answer and pulled me close as we reached the center of the meadow, pulling me down onto his lap as he sat.

We sat together like that for some time, both enjoying the others closeness; him absent-mindly playing with my hair as I ran my fingers over his arms as they held me, tracing imaginary designs. But a nagging thought kept creeping back into my mind, not letting go as I tried to pry it away.

I finally gave in and asked, not looking at him, "Edward..."

"Hmm?" he murmured in reply, tracing a finger down my chin and across my neck.

I hesitated in asking my question, knowing it would ruin our light mood but I just couldn't let it go. The guilt and remorse had been plaguing me ever since it had happened.

"Um, just how much of my dad and mine's conversation did you hear?"

But to my shock he didn't seem to be upset by it; he just leaned in and placed his nose against the hollow of skin under my ear, inhaling gently before saying, "all of it - I said I would be near-by, did I not?"

"Well, yes, you did," I said. I fidgeted with my hands before adding, my voice full of guilt, "I just feel like I should have given you some kind of warning."

He gave a soft chuckle against my skin before answering. "Bella, love, I believe I got a fair enough warning myself when he pulled in."

"You know what I mean."

Edward seemed reluctant as he pulled away to look at me. "It wasn't a surprise. Charlie cares for you very much; of course he would want to protect his only daughter."

I couldn't help but eye him. "You're taking this awfully well."

He shrugged and tossed a smile my way. "The monster is usually hated when he steals away the young damsel."

I sent him an eye roll. "I'm serious."

"So am I, Bella." When I didn't seem to believe him he sighed and added, "I harbor no ill feelings toward your father; in fact, I'm quite awed by how much he loves you. He only wants what's best." But then he reached out and cupped my chin, making sure I was looking him in the eye when he told me, "but I do regret coming between you and him. It hurts you both."

I nodded and gave in, telling him with a slight smile, "but then you got me to take home."

"That I did. I may have to send him a thank-you card," Edward joked.

"Please don't," I quipped quickly.

He just grinned and leaned in, playing with my hair again. "You know, I was quite surprised by how perceptive you father is though," he mused a some time later.

"How do you mean?" I asked lazily, leaning back into his embrace again, now that I had voiced my worries.

I could hear the smirk in his voice as he answered, his breath tickling my neck, "he asked the perfect question about us, given what we had just been doing before he arrived."

I sat there a moment, confused by his comment. But then the answer hit me like a load of bricks and my face instantly flared up, remembering Edward's hands on my bare skin upstairs and then Charlie's embarrassing question a few minutes later. A few seconds later another load of bricks were dumped on my head as I thought back on that morning.

"Is that way you raced us downstairs? Because Charlie thought we had..."

Edward just continued to run his fingers through my hair and hold me close, but I could see his grin was still in place. "He's quite convinced we're being intimate. You should hear some of his enraged theory's on how we broke your desk."

"Oh my god!" I cried, mortified. I moaned with sickness and buried my face in my hands, too horrified to let anyone see my face, let alone Edward.

"It's very hilarious, honestly. He thinks I'm a bad influence."

I peeked an eye out from between two of my fingers and tossed out, "yeah, from your perspective. You don't have a father convinced their significant other is corrupting them!"

"Technically I don't have a father either," Edward offered.

I pulled my hands down and shot him a quick pout. "This is serious Edward! I can never talk to my father ever again - the humiliation is too huge!"

He scoffed and leaned back, bracing himself on his elbows as I continued to set up, perched on his lap. His expression seemed exhausted, like he was tired of our conversation. "It's natural for him to wonder how close we are - he's scared you're growing up too fast. In the end it would probably be better if everything was out in the open."

I shook my head, trying to make him grasp my horror. "Edward, not everyone lives in a house like yours where privacy isn't an issue. We don't all have parents who would be willing to move their teenage son's girlfriend in and allow her to sleep in the same room with him!"

"Esme and Carlisle are well aware that we don't take things too far."

"Exactly!" I stressed. "You guys knows things like that about each other. Me and my dad don't - I can't even think about having a sex talk with Charlie!" A shudder ran through me at that, the image too horrible.

Sitting up some, Edward told me finally, "it's all a moot point either way, isn't it? We aren't having sex."

"I know!" I nearly yelled. "It's not fair - if we were at least I'd feel a little validation for the accusations!"

Edward sat the rest of the way up then, his voice harder. "So let me see if I have this correct - you're not mad that your dad thinks we're being intimate, but instead upset that we aren't?"

"Yes!" Then I quickly re-thought when he had asked me and tried again. "No, I mean, yes, I'm upset that my dad thinks we're having sex."

"And you're opinion on us not having it is..."

Edward trailed off and I instantly clammed up, turning to look away and survey the woods surrounding us. I could feel his patient gaze on me though and I groaned, knowing he wasn't going to give up. I couldn't help but attribute this quality to time, seeing as how when we first meet he easily grew frustrated at not knowing what I was thinking.

"The truth?" I muttered finally.

"Of course." His voice held no room for debate.

I sighed deeply and looked down, staring at my hands. "Sometimes...I get upset with the situation. Especially when I seems like it effects me more than it does you." I didn't dare look at his face as I sat there, turning more red by the second.

I heard a dark, humor-less chuckle come from his direction and I finally peeked an eye over that way, surprised to find him laid down, his eyes closed and his hands up in his hair.

"You really think it doesn't effect me?" he questioned, his eyes now open but staring straight up at the sky. "Do you even realize how hard it was for me to not turn you around in my arms this morning and lay you down across your bed, burying myself in you forever?" His voice was thick and deep by the end and I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.

And then his eyes pierced me and my breathing stopped cold, getting caught in my throat. "Or even how hard it is right now with you just sitting on my lap?"

He slowly sat up, never taking his eyes off of mine and making my heart rate get more erratic the closer he got. His hand slowly reached out and caressed my neck, pulling me closer against him. I leaned in willing, mesmerized with the smoldering look in his eyes.

"The vampire in me may crave your blood but the man in me...he craves so much more," Edward promised, his usually velvet voice hard and gravely now. His hand left my neck and he traced a finger down my back, sending shivers down my spine. "So soft..." he murmured, leaning closer to place a kiss at the crook of my neck.

"So warm..." Edward moved his lips up higher on my neck next, kissing the area right below my chin. "And so willing..." he nearly growled, the sensation vibrating through my body. And then, like always, he pulled away and I found him laying down again.

But this time, like this morning, I noticed the bunched muscles, the tightly clinched jaw, and how his hands seem to be holding his hair, as if to keep them from moving away. I moved very slowly as I laid down flush against him, my body covering his as I placed my head on his chest, knowing deep down that he needed me closer no matter how difficult it was for him to remain in control.

He hands soon re-wove themselves in my hair, gently splaying it across his chest as we laid together, breathing deeply and contentedly. I closed my eyes shortly, peaceful and relaxed as I lazily basked in the little light there was. Sunlight soon turned into twilight and I felt Edward stir, shifting us both into a sitting position as his cell phone started to vibrate.

He looked down and eyed the caller i.d. before opening it, placing it to his ear. I looked up after a beat, wondering why he hadn't said a word when I saw his eyes harden over.

"It's time to leave," he stated suddenly, standing up in one fluent motion, pulling me also. I didn't get the chance to ask what was going on before Edward swung me on his back. I wrapped my arms and legs around his body out of reflex and remained quiet as he ran, getting us back to his vehicle quicker than it had taken for us to reach the meadow. He barely paused as he sat me on the ground and ushered me to the drivers side of the shiny Volvo.

"Edward," I questioned as he opened the door.

"Get in the car Bella," he instructed, not wasting any time as he followed suit. I was still pulling my legs over to the passenger side when he turned the key and swung the vehicle around.

"What's going on?" I demanded, my voice rising. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I don't know."

I stared at him incrediously for a moment, taking in his set jaw and clenched fists around the steering wheel. "What do you mean? You obviously had a reason for leaving the meadow," I pointed out. "So what is it?"

"I don't know," he repeated once more, rasing his voice. I straightened out the expression on my face, trying to cover up my hurt but he saw through it, sighing deeply and loosening his grip on the steering wheel.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," he said softly.

"Who was on the phone?" I asked instead, not acknowledging my freight.

Edward seemed to weigh his options in his head before admitting to me, "Alice."

I could feel my heart speed up at the name. I swallowed deeply and looked away from his face, setting my eyes on the speeding scenery we were passing by. "What did she see?"

"Nothing." I whipped my head back around and opened my mouth to argue that I wanted to know, that he couldn't keep these things away from me when he added, "your future disappeared."

I heard his voice catch slightly on the words and I numbly amended, "she saw me die..."

"No," he insisted, but I wasn't sure if it was directed to himself or me. His eyes were drawn when he looked at me. I felt his arm come around my shoulders and I leaned into him. I placed my cheek on his chest.

"What exactly did Alice say?" I asked him.

I could still hear the tightness in his jaw as he explained, "she just said your future disappeared - you were suddenly invisible to her."

Instantly this morning flashed in my head. I leaned back slowly, my eyes non-focused as I remembered Alice's inability to see Jacob on the porch. I didn't see him coming, she had stated; and even added a second later that my future left for a moment also.

"She didn't see me resurface...come out of the water..."

"Bella?" Edward questioned, his voice alarmed by my soft statement and the look on my face.

The past few days rushed past my mind quickly, unknown aspects falling into place like a puzzle in my head. The reason she had thought I was trying to commit suicide, why Alice never saw me be pulled from the water - the reason was right there, staring me in the eyes this morning on my porch.

"Jacob..." I breathed, my eyes clearing up as everything finally started to make sense.

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While I'm NOT a Jacob fan, he will be in this story much more. Before 'Eclipse' he had a small, soft spot in my heart (I liked him so much better pre-werewolf...) so all you Jacob lovers can stay but don't expect too much - I am pro 'Team Edward' :)

That being said, it is now time for the review lines to open - review often as possible and as much as possible! LoL

Hell, who am I kidding...once is more than enough for me...

Melissa