Yeah, I know…it's been a while. But real life just kinda blew up in my face, so I haven't had any time to finish this chapter…hopefully, things will start to die down soon _
Disclaimer: I own nothing! All references to mental disorders, institutionalizing process, and the medical procedure that persons with said mental disorders go through is made up. Do not take this as a serious psychological process, I did the best with what information that I could find that would fit in the story.
After several weeks of attempts to make Wolfram eat, he was hooked up to an IV that pumped nutrients into his body. Wolfram hated it. Wolfram hated the institution. Wolfram hated. The other Yuuri made no more appearances and as his cheeks hollowed and his eyes grew more sunken, he became more withdrawn from everything.
He no longer cared if the other Yuuri came back. He didn't care if Ms. Julia ever entered his room again. He didn't even care if the real Yuuri visited. Caring was pointless and he saw no end to his imprisonment and he cared not for flowery words about getting better. His eyes grew glossier everyday and he felt as though his entire world had been covered in plastic wrap, clear but fuzzy. He felt dizzy often and if he were able to move, he would guess that his movements would be just as sluggish as his thoughts.
He drifted in and out of true consciousness. Occasionally, he would catch sight of the real Yuuri at his bedside and he would weakly turn his head towards him and plea for sanctuary.
His current position proved that Yuuri hadn't budged.
One time, a month after his imprisonment, his mother visited him.
"Wolfie~" She had called as she burst into the room. "What are you doing in this stuffy place~? Oh please don't tell me that this is because of your little episodes?" She sat primly in the stiff chair at his bedside and brushed aside his blond hair.
Wolfram did not answer. He simply stared blankly at her, his IV attached to his wrist and his wrists attached to the bed.
His gaze had frightened Celi and she had glanced away awkwardly, patting his hand and standing to shuffle around the room, moving the curtains to and fro and adjusting the pictures on the wall even though they didn't need to be fixed. She did this for several moments before Wolfram's hazy thoughts managed to form a coherent sentence.
"Please…Mother…get me out of here…" Wolfram's voice sounded pathetic even to his ears.
"Please…Mother…" His begging continued, voice rising in slight panic.
"I don't belong here…It's me…Wolfram…"
Celi couldn't take much more of her youngest's begging. She lifted her chin, looking down on her son over her nose. In an instant, the skittish mother was gone, replaced with her less forgiving counterpart. "Wolfram. There is nothing I can do for you. You are here to get help, and you will get help." She hid the pain that his dead eyes brought to her. She was doing this for him. For all of them. "You aren't healthy, Wolfram. There's something wrong with you that can't be fixed anywhere else." Celi bit her lip after the last part. She hadn't meant for that sentence to escape in that manner. She longed to grab the words from the air, where they hung with a thickness that a stranger could detect, and shove them back into her head.
Wolfram nearly choked.
"M-Mother…" He sobbed, his voice cracking without his permission. "M-Mother…please, don't leave m-me here…I'll get better, I s-swear!"
"I'm sorry, Wolfram…" Celi murmured regretfully. She had failed her son in many ways: allowing her husband to harm him, turning a blind eye to his troubles, not loving him as she knew she should…it went on and on. After meeting Yuuri Shibuya, she thought that he would get better, but that little piece of happiness had been brief and had only left Wolfram more broken than before. "You know I love you, Wolfram…but you need help…Help that I cannot offer you."
"Liar!" Wolfram shrieked. "You liar!" His body writhed on the bed, restrains rubbing his wrists raw. "You don't love me! No one loves me! Not even Yuuri! Liar! Liar! Liar!" He could feel his voice tearing at his throat, but he didn't care. He ignored the pain in favor of throwing insults in his mother's face. "You lie to me! You always have! Everyone abandoned me! You let that man hurt me because you hate me!"
His breath came out in harsh panting. Inhale. Exhale. Too much. Too fast. Tears ripped out of his eyes like rapid fire and his voice sounded alien even to him. His jaw hurt and his throat ached with the pain that the screaming brought. His heart was pounding in his ears at an unsteady rhythm that was much too loud. His vision was hazy and he couldn't even control what he was saying anymore. He was almost certain that it had just turned into incoherent mumbling.
And through all of this, he could see the other Yuuri smirking in the corner. His eyes inviting and his smirk telling Wolfram that he knew all along that this would happen. That Wolfram would come running back to him.
The sight of those perverse eyes raking on his skin made Wolfram itch all over. His skin felt raw and hurt. His eyes burned. His throat was ripped. His breathing grew even more sharp and escalated.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
In-Ex-Inhale.
Too much.
Too fast.
Wolfram screamed. The scream tore out of his throat with a vengeance, tearing at it even more. This scream embodied all of his pain. His anguish. His wish to be anywhere, anywhere, but where he currently was. His need to have Yuuri with him. His desire to not be alone.
His mother was terrified of him. She had pressed herself against the wall closest to the door. She made no attempts to stop the noise nor reassure her son. She was looking at him with wide, frightened eyes, as if he were an animal. A monster. Not her son. No possible way he was her son.
The scream soon turned into broken sobbing, he stopped fighting the force of the tears, allowing them to pour down his face like a broken faucet.
In this moment, he felt completely and utterly alone. Abandoned. There was no one who loved him. No one who would save him. No one who cared enough to not look at him like some creature of lore. The hole in his heart was so wide that spiders could have laid their cobwebs in its depths, forever marking it as a place not to be explored.
The feeling of abandonment shrouded Wolfram in its cloak with no hope of ever seeing the light again. He would not forget this. Ever. This memory would haunt him for the rest of his life and any trust that he may have held for his family was forever shattered.
Through his broken sobbing, he managed to choke out his name. The one person who he could never stop loving.
"Yuuri…" He mumbled around the choking tightness in his throat. "Yuuri…please." He rolled his head from side to side, the only movement he could make while still restrained. "Help me…please…Yuuri…Yuuri…"
At that moment, Julia burst through the door, taking in the sight before her. Wolfram sobbing on the bed, heart monitor going crazy, wrists raw, breathing uneven. Celi pressed against the wall, eyes wide with fear and regret, clutching her chest in shock.
Julia wanted to turn on Celi and shake her roughly. Demand answers of her. She wanted to throw the distraught mother out of her son's room and offer Wolfram all the love he needed. But it was neither the time nor the place for either action. He plastered a calming smile on her face and glided over to Wolfram and gently took his hand in hers.
"Wolfram. I need you to calm down."
The blond boy continued his helpless sobbing. "Yuuri…Anything but this, Yuuri…"
Julia calmly shushed him. "It's going to be okay, Wolfram…If you calm down, maybe we can talk about this together, okay?"
Wolfram paused at this, breath still frantic, and managed to choke out another sentence. "I need Yuuri. I need him."
"I know, Wolfram…I know…" Julia murmured. "Just calm down…shhh…"
Wolfram refused. "I need Yuuri. He's the only one who loves me. I don't care if my love is different. It's good enough. Get me Yuuri. I need Yuuri."
Julia sighed as Wolfram started up again. "Wolfram, if you don't calm down, we'll have to put you to sleep again…Please, just take some deep breaths and relax."
After what seemed to be an eternity, Wolfram finally calmed down enough for Julia to administer a light sedative into his system. The sedative didn't make Wolfram drowsy, but he felt like there was a thick fog over everything. He only vaguely remembered his mother being ushered out of the room, leaving him alone with the other Yuuri, catlike grin stretching over his features as he took in the vision that Wolfram made on the bed; all matted blond hair and bleary eyes.
Wolfram ignored him.
The hurt was back with a vengeance. So were the memories. Those painful, dreadful memories.
"Wolfie…" A man's voice called to him. "Come here, Wolfie."
"Wolfie, come sit in my lap." The man crooned, Wolfram had no other choice but to comply.
"Don't you want to be a big boy, Wolfie?"
"Wolfie…"
"Wolfram…"
Wolfram was so caught up in his flashbacks that he didn't even notice Julia enter the room once more. She observed his glossy eyes with growing alarm, his slight shaking not escaping her notice. She closed in on him, checking the beeping machines hooked up to him. His IV was fine…his heart monitor was fine…What was wrong?
His eyes had a scary far away look that Julia didn't want to think about. His were the eyes of a victim, someone who had been through hell and high water and had too many scars left behind to simply forget about it. As a doctor, Julia knew that the physical wounds would heal, but as a person, she could recognize the look in his eyes as something that would take more than confinement to a bed to fix.
"Wolfram…why don't you listen anymore?" The man called angrily.
"Why do you disobey me?"
Wolfram could feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks as the man struck him again and again, caring not for his emotional, physical, or mental well being. He risked calling out to him. "Please…stop…"
"You filthy bastard! You're just as bad as your mother!" The man shrieked, the beating growing more severe. "You spread your legs for everyone, don't you? Don't you?"
Wolfram was too young to even understand what the man was talking about. He was too young to realize that it was wrong. Too young to defend himself. Too young to realize what his touches meant.
"Suck it." The man said simply. "Suck it and maybe I'll forgive you."
Wolfram was too young to realize that he had done nothing wrong, that he didn't need to be forgiven. The only thing Wolfram knew was that he was seven and an adult was angry with him.
He was too young to deny him.
"Wolfie…" The man groaned.
"Wolf…"
"Wolfram…"
"Wolfram…"
The man called out his name between groans and grunts, and when he was done, he released Wolfram's head and allowed him to collapse onto the floor in tears. Wolfram didn't know where the shame came from, but it crashed down onto him like a tidal wave.
"You know not to tell your mother, right, Wolfram?"
Wolfram nodded. It was the big rule. The one thing that he was always sure to obey. Whether it was out of pure obedience or fear that his mother would look at him differently, he didn't know.
"You look just like her…Just like your mother…"
Wolfram flushed with shame.
"Good job, Wolfie…You've done a good job…" The man murmured as he petted Wolfram's blond hair.
"Good job…"
"Son…"
In almost an instant, the room returned to Wolfram, as did the concerned eyes of Julia. She inched even closer to him once she recognized awareness in his eyes. Wolfram looked towards her sadly, lips quivering slightly in fear as the last few drops of the memories clung to his mind. The other Yuuri's eyes were even more narrow than usual. Anger radiated from him in pulsing waves.
"That man will burn." He hissed from where he stood. "That man will burn for his transgressions."
Wolfram weakly shook his head, turning it away from the other Yuuri. Julia observed the motion with confusion. She looked behind her shoulder and only saw the plain walls of the room. Nothing else. She couldn't possibly see the other Yuuri who haunted Wolfram almost as much as the memories did.
"I will have revenge." The other Yuuri mentioned off handedly.
"He shall die."
"And justice will be done."
Wolfram tried to ignore him even though the words sounded so good to him. So good. So so good. They rang of no more hurt. Of painless eternity. Of justice.
"Wolfram?" Julia called out quietly, seeing the hysteria creeping into his eyes. "Stay with me, Wolfram."
"I could end all of this." The other Yuuri offered in that seductive voice that made everything harder to ignore. "We could be together forever…you and I."
"Together."
"Forever."
Wolfram was tired. So tired of everything. He was tired of memories and he was tired of hurt and he was tired of other Yuuri's making him dark offers that were growing harder and harder to refuse. He was tired of fear and pain. He was tired of being terrified of emptiness. He was done. Done with everything.
In that instant, he realized that he would not be leaving that hospital bed anytime soon unless he abided by their rules. He would not see Yuuri of his own violation until he got rid of all of this emotional baggage.
Wolfram was better than this. He was so much better than all of this. He was too strong to let himself waste away on a hospital bed for the rest of his life. He could do this. He could.
And when he was better, completely healthy, maybe Yuuri would realize how much he loved him. Maybe they would get engaged. Or even better, maybe Yuuri wouldn't feel too afraid to leave him alone. Maybe they could be normal. Together.
The other Yuuri's words rang in the room once more.
"We could be together. Forever…"
Ignoring Julia's confused look, Wolfram answered him.
"Yes, we could be together…forever…and we will. We will."
Wolfram turned his scorching gaze onto Julia, eyes shining with determination. "I need to get better. I'm tired of not knowing myself. I know I'm stronger than this."
His heart was beating wildly in his chest and the beeping of the machine sped up along with it. Julia's smile was breathtaking.
"I'm so glad that you want to get better, Wolfram." Her voice was so genuine that Wolfram felt a little touched. "I'll be here to help you along the way…In a few weeks, when your bed confinement is over, we can immediately start your therapy sessions! We'll do this together, Wolfram."
Wolfram could tell that the other Yuuri wasn't pleased in the slightest, but for the first time, he didn't care.
"I'm going to get better." Wolfram said, the sentence sounding a bit foreign to his ears, so he said it again. "I'm going to get better."
Julia chuckling joyfully and rose to exit the room and spread the news to Gisela, but before she left, she heard Wolfram's voice once more.
"Oh, and can you take this IV off? I think I'd like to eat something…"
For the first time in what felt like years, Wolfram felt hopeful.
He was going to healthy and he was going to return to the real Yuuri, and there was nothing that could stop him.