Chapter 3: War Clouds
High above the sparkling blue Pacific Ocean, an Irken Voot Cruiser soars above the crystal clear water. This was no ordinary Voot Cruiser however. It had a number of poorly repaired damages, some off which had been hastily patched up by pieces of wood, duct tape and chewing gum. It also swerved and died erratically, though that owed more to the cockpit situation then any technical problems...
"Whose sittin' on Numbah 5's leg?"
"Dib, stop hitting me with your elbows!"
"I'm trying to fly here lady! Maybe if Hoagie moved his arm..."
"Don't get snappy with Numbah 3!"
"Will you all just be quiet!" Numbah 1 shouted. "None of us are comfortable, and I know you're all tired after working non-stop to repair this ship, but Dib is doing his best not to crash us into the ocean. As for the rest of you, I suggest you try to rest. We don't know what's waiting for us, and any form of backup is an hour and a half away."
"You'd think they'd spare more resources for something like alien technology..." Numbah 2 grumbled.
"I... didn't really mention it that to Moonbase." Numbah 1 cautiously admitted. "It's not like anyone would believe me..."
"Welcome to my world." Dib added.
"...and the mental health evaluation would have only slowed us down." Numbah 1 explained. "So for now, all High Command knows about is the stolen C.O.O.L.B.U.S."
"Hey Numbah 1, I've got something on scopes!" Dib shouted. "It seems to be an island, and a pretty heavily fortified one at that."
"Tracer says that's where the C.O.O.L.B.U.S. is." Numbah 2 reported. "Hey Dib, can this thing go underwater?"
"We'd need to periodically surface for air and couldn't go that deep, but it should. Why?" Dib asked.
"I figured since Stewie took all of Zim's files, he must have taken Computer with him as well. If I can hack into whatever computer grid they have on the island, and they'd need a big one to decode all those alien files, I might be able to reach Computer..." Numbah 2 explained,
"And give us a man on the inside!" Numbah 1 exclaimed. "Dib, take us down!"
"You got it captain." Dib replied as he eased the ship under the surface of the water. He then powered down all non-essential functions and pulled his laptop out of his coat pocket.
Dib plugged his laptop into the ship's computer interface as Numbah 2 said, "Get comfortable boys and girls, this could take awhile."
(KND symbol)
Back at the Cul-de-sac, the Chili Con Carnival is in full swing. Everyone is currently gathered around a long table for the Chili cook off. At one end sits Kevin, at the other, Cartman. "Do you like your chili, Kevin?" Cartman asks smugly.
"It isn't actually all that bad, dork." Despite having only arrived yesterday, Cartman had already been labeled a member of the Eds.
"I'm glad you like it Kevin, I made it with a special ingrediant." Cartman continued, supressing a chuckle.
"And what is that, dork?" Kevin asked suspiciously.
"Oh, not much. Some spices, a special salt... your parents." Cartman replied casually in between bites of his own bowl of chili.
Kevin chocked at this, and suddenly coughed up a human finger. He looked at it, and with growing horror, recognized a ring on it as his mother's wedding ring. Tears welled in his eyes as he began to babble. "M...mom?"
"You see Kevin, your bike tire falling off a few days ago was no accident. I had been observing this neighborhood for quite some time before arriving to take control. I needed to make an example of someone. So, after realizing you always ride past the old farm field every Saturday, I loosened your bike screws enough so your wheel would fall off and bounce onto the pasture at just the right time." Cartman explained. "I knew you were busy that weekend, and would send your parents to try and get your wheel back. After warning the farmer that marauding cow killers were in the area, I just stole the bodies and spent a night with a hacksaw, and I was all ready for my Chili Con Carnival."
Kevin was at this point suffering a full on breakdown as everyone else looked on in horror. "So, from now on, I'm running the show in this town. When I tell you what to do, you do it. If not, you end up like Kevin here." All anyone could do was nod yes, too terrified to do anything else. "Good. Now I say... BRING ME MORE CHILI!" As he spoke, banners displaying Eric's likeness unfurled from various structures across the carnival.
Double D was the only one who dared to speak, and it was at a whisper and not directed at anyone. "Good lord... what have I done?"
(KND symbol)
In a foggy, gray, haze, Numbah 3, real name Kuki Sanban, stands alone wearing a flowing white dress. She look around in confusion as the fog begins to lift. Suddenly, a huge rainbow monkey steps forward from the gloom. It is the size of a gorilla, walks on two legs, and seems to shine with every color of the rainbow. Kuki is forced to shield her eyes against its magnificent glow.
"Kuki, I do not have much time, so listen closely." it began to speak in a deep, wise voice. With a wave of its arm, the fog lifted, to reveal a bright, colorful wonderland inhabited by anthropomorphic Rainbow Monkeys of all colors. A rainbow arched across the sky as the creatures danced, sang and played. "The Rainbow Monkeys you known as toys were at one point an actual civilization of peaceful, loving creatures. They called their land the Rainbow Kingdom."
Kuki squeled with delight at the sight of it all. "It's so...so...beautiful."
"Sadly, some did not share your opinion." The Elder Monkey spoke up. Suddenly, a dark shadow enveloped the Rainbow Kingdom. Lighting rained from the sky as fire spread across the land. "In ancient times, an evil being known as Aku covered the world in darkness. In desperation, the Rainbow Princess used Rainbow Magic to seal the land against his evil." A new figure, one who looked like a teenage Kuki, dressed in regal robes appeared. From her hands shot a wave of colors that created a barrier against the darkness.
"Unfortunately, the princess had to sacrifice herself to muster enough power to finish the barrier protect her people." As more and more magic was needed, the Princess herself slowly dissolved into a mix of multi-colored power. "A great warrior eventually defeated Aku, and the barrier faded with time. Without the guidance of our princess, the Rainbow Monkeys slowly digressed into the simple creatures you have met previously."
"But what does this have to do with me?" Kuki asked. "I want to help... but what can I do?" The complete graveness of the situation overode her usual bubbly personality.
"Kuki, don't you see? YOU are the reincarnation of the Rainbow Princess! And now that war threatens to consume the world, only you can unlock the Rainbow Magic and bring peace!" The Rainbow Elder's body suddenly began to flicker out of existence. "Find the Rainbow Temple on Rainbow Monkey Island!" he spoke frantically. "And beware..."
The entire scene vanished as Kuki was awaken from her nap. "Hey Kooks," Numbah 4 whispered. "Numbah 1's explaining the plan."
"Once Dib and Numbah 5 have secured the..." Numbah 1's speech was cut off by a ship rocking explosion.
"Depth charges!" Exclaimed Numbah 2.
The ship's comm crackled to life. "Puny Kids Next Door," spoke Mandark, "did you really think your pathetic submersible would go undetected? Surface and surrender or face total destruction."
"Status report Dib!" Numbah 1 demanded as alarms blared and warning lights flashed.
"No leeks, but strucutral integrity is at 15%. Three cruisers directly above us." Dib reported. "I'd estimate we can stay underwater for about seven minutes assuming we don't get hit again, which is unlikely."
"What about our weapons?" Numbah 1 asked thoughtfully.
"The lasers won't work underwater, but we still have two out of four rockets." Numbah 2 answered.
Numbah 1 grinned at this. "Here's the plan."
On the surface, Mandark stands at the bridge of the lead Cruiser. He has replaced his usual clothing with a jet black, button-up captain's jacket, matching pants and a black cap. "That's it, I'm tired of waiting! Release all..."
"Lord Mandark!" a robot crewman interrupted. "The target is surfacing."
"Excellent!" Mandark cackled, before engaging in his signature laugh. His laughter came to an abrupt stop, however, when a plume of fire erupted from one of the other Cruisers. "What was that!"
"Lord Mandark, the enemy submarine has altered course. It will collide with the underside of L.M.S. Subjugator in five, four, three..."
As the robot counted down, Mandark quickly put together what had happened. The KND submersible had used its remaining weapons to blast a hole in the underside of the ship, and surfaced through that hole and boarded the Cruiser! "All batteries, open fire on Subjugator! Sink it quickly!"
On board the boarded vessel, Sector V and Dib are storming the bridge. Dib's stolen Voot Cruiser had plugged the hole that the rockets had made, giving them time to do this.
Wally punched off a robot's head as Numbah 2 blew another one away with a G.U.M.Z.O.O.K.A. The other KND operative battled the robots as well.
During the fighting, Dib rushed over to a control panel. "Fire control, fire control, where is..." his muttering were interrupted by the robot captain grabbing him by the collar and picking him up.
"Intruder detected. Eliminate." It vocalized as while a small laser blaster rose from its shoulder and aimed at Dib. The ship was suddenly rocked by the cannons on the other two cruisers, causing the captain to drop Dib and shoot into the ceiling. Thinking fast, Dib picked up a robot arm, one of many pieces of metal scattered by the fighting, and shoved it through the still moving bot's eyes, destroying it.
Running back to the control panel, Dib began aiming the cannons while muttering, "Don't need to sink them, just need to knock them out..."
All cannon took aim at the bridges of the other two vessels and opened fire. On board the command ship, a robot tackled Mandark to the ground, narrowly saving him from the blast. The two ships still floated, but sat dead in the water. A sleek red speed boat shot out of the hi-jacked cruiser, carrying our heroes towards the island.
All across the beach, large sand fortifications stand poised to repel any attack. Inside on of them, a radio crackles to life. "Attention beach defense, enemy craft approaching. Open fire!" Mandark ordered. Immediately, a wide variety of cannons, lasers, torpedo launchers and a catapult began firing at the oncoming red craft.
The hi-jacked boat swerved and banked as lasers whizzed by and shells detonated nearby, sending up huge pillars of water. It was not enough however, and one powerful energy beam struck them head on, and the boat was consumed in a huge fireball. Blasted mechanical parts and scorched metal bobbed along the surface of the water, and after a few minutes, the jet black sunglasses of Numbah 1, Commander of the KND, Sector V, joined them on the surface.
(KND symbol)
Meanwhile, back at the Cul-Da-Sac, Cartman has gathered all the kids at the junkyard, and stood over them on a platform of scrap metal and junk, flanked by his fellow villains. "My fellow children." he began, "I would first like to thank you for making me your Supreme Leader." he spoke with a hint a mockery as everyone rolled their eyes. Cartman is able to do whatever he wants since everyone is afraid of him after what he did to Kevin.
"In my glorious and totally awesome cool smartness, I have decided that is time to expand this tiny Cul-Da-Sac into a mighty power! And while you'll be doing all the heavy work, I've created grand machine army to defeat our enemies, both from within and without." Cartman went on as the sound of rolling approached, coming from behind one of the many towers of refuse. "Built for comedy, rebuilt for war, I give you, what was once known as a Funnybot, but now is way more awesome..."
A group of dark, mechanical monsters rounded the corner. They stood at five and a half feet, and had the shape of a salt shaker body with a night black sphere mounted as a head, with a single eye stalk extending outward. On the front of its body, a plunger like appendage and a grasping arm extended.
"THE CARTMANBOT!" Eric exclaimed before nodding to Jimmy, who pressed a button disguised as a cuff link. Suddenly, several cardboard cutouts bearing the likeness of Eric's neighbor and enemy Kyle sprang up across the junkyard. The Cartmanbots instantly swerved to face them, and their sides split open to reveal two massive chain guns beneath their steel shoulders.
"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" they shrieked in unison before unleashing a hail of bullets. When they finally stopped firing, nothing was left of the caricatures, and the Cartmanbots silently returned their weapons to their waiting places beneath the armor.
"I'm sure none of you have any objections?" Cartman asks, and everyone quickly nods known. Fear grips everyone's mind. Everyone except Double D, that is. For beneath his meek demeanor, a plan is hatching to bring down this tyrant. Somehow, he will free these people. Somehow...
A/N: Things are looking dark again. Did Sector V (and Dib) survive? Can Double D really stop Cartman? And what's all this then about a Rainbow Princess? Stay tuned to find out!
I'm also interested in hearing what people think of the new South Park episodes. As a dedicated Doctor Who fan, I genuinely enjoyed Funnybot, enough that I used them as the killing machines they were inspired by.
Read and Review!