Holding On
January 8th
Day 2
I woke up to the dim, warming rays of sunlight seeping in through the kitchen window. With tired eyes, I looked around and noticed she was sitting at the kitchen table. Sighing, I sat up in the solid Oak wood chair and brushed my silky black hair out of my face. As I lowered my pale hand, I noticed that it was covered in chocolate cream cheese icing.
"Crap." I muttered under my breath. I realized I had, like a moron, rubbed the icing in my hair and on my pale forehead, making it sticky and gooey. I heaved a sigh and glanced at the shining black stove clock.
"My gosh; really? It's 8:03 a.m." I whispered to myself and stood up with a large stretch. I recalled last night and how it had taken an hour just to get Nana to bed.
I shut the door behind us and locked it.
"Alright Nana, I'll finish all this up. You need to go and lay down to rest." I spoke quietly and clearly. Nana turned to me, her shoulder-length silver hair swaying with her movement.
"I'm not helpless Selene." She stated. I sighed and looked at her.
"I never said you were Nana, but you've been up since five o'clock this morning. Just lie down for a little while." I begged, worried about her. Last time she stayed up late, she went to bed and I went in to wake her up; except when I shook her gently, she didn't wake up. I had been worried about her and started shaking her harder. It took a few minutes, but she finally woke her up.
"Now Selene, cut me some slack. I may be older than you, but I can keep going." Nana told me sternly and walked away towards the kitchen doorway. I sighed and followed her.
"Nana, I know you can keep going, but please, spare me some worry and go lay down." I pleaded. She just picked up her old cookbook and started reading a recipe. I could see the red cover of the book and the bold cursive letters saying "Generation Recipes "and the black border. I sighed and walked away from the maroon kitchen doorway and up the carpeted stairs and hallway until I arrived at my door. I walked in, turned my light on, shut the door, and started shedding my cloths, leaving them scattered on my floor. I dug through my Maple dresser drawers and found a pair of black cotton Aeropostale shorts and my black Goonies T-shirt. I threw them on and picked up my clothes I had been wearing earlier and tossed them into my clothes hamper. With a sigh, I walked out of my room and turned the light out. I walked into the bathroom and turned the light on. I dug through my basket in the bathroom and found a white scrunchie. Quickly tossing my hair in a messy pony tail and washed my hands with our Cherry Blossom scented soap, I gave a final sigh and walked down stairs.
"If you won't take a break, then the least I can do is help you." I spoke clearly as I walked over to her and leaned against the maroon marble counters. She turned her head to me and threw me a devious and victorious smile.
"I knew you'd eventually see it my way." She said with a snicker. "Alright Selene, make yourself useful and get the Blue Bonnet, cream cheese and the cherry pie filling." Nana ordered. Like an obedient granddaughter, I obeyed and opened our black double sided refrigerator to get what she asked for.
"Okay Nana, here it is." I told her as I shut the refrigerator door with my left foot and walked over to her.
"Thank you sweetheart." Nana smiled and took out a stick of butter. I nodded and sat rest of the stuff on the counter.
After about half an hour later, I was still standing in the kitchen checking the cherry pie. Nana started to lean on the counter and close her eyes. I smiled a little and shut the oven door; the pie was still a little doughy.
"Nana, for the umpteenth time, go to bed." I said calmly and sternly. She looked at me, but without a word, she walked over to me and kissed my forehead.
"I won this." She whispered. I chuckled as she pulled away.
"Always Nana." I gave her a smile and a hug.
"Good night my angel." She looked at me with the utmost love and started towards the doorway.
"Good night Nana. I'll see you in the morning." I called. She held up her hand and veered left; the way towards the stairs. I smiled a little cockily and checked the pie again with a toothpick. It wasn't quite done, but was getting pretty brown around the edges, so I got the pot holders, slipped them on, opened the oven door, and took the pie out. Carefully, I put strips of aluminum foil on the rim of the pie and put it back in the oven. After about ten more minutes, I checked the pie once more with a toothpick, and found relief when it was done. I took it out, sat it on the table, and started on another dish.
Now as I looked at the table, I saw the pie, peanut butter cookies, chocolate fudge, two trays of peanut butter fudge, a strawberry cheesecake and some no-bake cookies. I must've been up all night! I realized drowsily. With a sense of accomplishment, I walked upstairs and down the hallway to Nana's room. I cracked the door and peered inside giving a weak smile. Nana was lying in her four post bed, underneath her violet comforter. With a small sigh, I shut the door and walked into my room, grabbed a pear of holey blue jeans and my red"Who Killed Roger Rabbit?" T-shirt, some clean underwear, and a pair of black ankle socks. Carrying my cloths in one hand, I walked out of my room and opened the linen closet to grab a towel. With that, I walked into the bathroom, closed the door and turned the light and vented fan on, ready for a soothing, yet wakening shower.
After my shower, I opened the steamy door and walked downstairs. I drug my feet across the carpet and into the kitchen to find Nana standing beside the table, holding what looked like a peanut butter cookie. I laughed internally and started tapping my foot on the cream colored tiles. Nana spun around guiltily.
"Nana, are you eating my peanut butter cookies?" I asked her, my eyes gleaming with amusement. Nana huffed as she held the half eaten cookie up.
"I had to make sure they were good!" she defended herself.
"Are they good then?" I asked as I stopped tapping my foot.
"Nope. We'll have to keep them here. I will sacrifice myself for the better of the church." Nana teased as she finished the cookie. I laughed and reached towards a cookie. I took one and bit into it.
"Nana, I must say, I did good, though I think we will have to keep them." I nodded as I took another bite. She reached for another cookie, but I tapped her hand. She looked at me with sad eyes.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" I asked, forcing back the bought of laughter that threatened to fill the room. She shook her head and hung it sadly.
"Hey Nana, will you fix some biscuits and gravy?" I asked with a pouty face. She looked at me with gleaming eyes and nodded.
"Coming right up." she said happily and twirled around. I smiled and finished my cookie. I went into the living room, took the Comcast TV remote in my hand and turned the television on to the news.
"Breaking news. A seventeen year old girl was found dead by the side of the road in the 36th Street and Harbor Avenue intersection. Her name is Crystal Rose Hawkins." the female news reporter said as a picture of a tan female appeared. She had long, wavy, brown hair and sky blue eyes.
"Crystal was a cheerleader at Lincoln High School. She made straight A's and was an excellent student. She was loved by everyone's life she touched and will be greatly missed." the girls' principle was speaking. The screen switched back to the news reporters.
"Investigators have verified that she was drained of most of her blood and then strangled." the male news reporter spoke.
"If you have any information on Crystal's death, call 1-800-FOX-NEWS. That is 1-800-FOX-NEWS." The female reporter spoke again.
"It is such a shame when things like this happen." the female was saying, her brown eyes clouded.
"It is a real shame. I know what it feels like to lose a child. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on another parent." Nana's voice sounded behind me.
She means Mom. I thought sadly.
"Selene, breakfast is ready." Nana said quietly.
She's remembering her too. I thought. With a sigh, I turned the TV off and walked into the kitchen behind Nana. She already had the plates made and two spots cleared on the table where the white plates sat, steam rising off the food.
"It smells amazing Nana." I complemented as I sat down. She sat down across from me and smiled weakly.
"I love you Selene." Nana said, her face serious. I looked at her and smiled.
"I love you too." I said as I ate.
"I miss her." Nana murmured. I knew who she was talking about.
"I miss her too." I said as I remembered her. I could remember her dirty blonde hair with black lowlights. I could still picture her beautiful brown eyes staring at me while we played. We would put crayons between our toes and color that way and she would laugh with me. I could still hear her contagious laugh, but then the happy memories dissolved as I remembered my father. He was the one that made her go away. He was the one that sent her and my brother, Kris, away.
I only have Nana now. I said to myself. Though, with the thought of my beautiful mother, I couldn't help but want to hear her laugh one more time; to sit in the floor and color and have her tuck me into bed at night. I was three when she died, but I could still see her; but with seeing her, I could still see that face. I could see her dying before me. My sweet thoughts came crashing down and it felt like my heart was shattering into a million pieces.
"You know Selene, your father isn't all bad." she whispered slowly. Her hazel eyes were sad, but serious as she took an unsteady bite of our breakfast.
"How can you say that? You know what he did!" I was instantly infuriated as the memories of my past flooded back.
"I know what he did, but he is a little messed up." Nana replied.
"Are you kidding me? He's a little messed up? Try a lot messed up! He's the reason I'm here. He's the reason Kyle and Mom aren't! Why are you trying to defend him?" I screamed as I dropped my silver fork on my food and stood up angrily, kicking the chair back. I could hear it 'thud' on the floor, but I was too angry to care.
"Selene, I'm not defending him. I'm simply saying you should go see him." Nana said as she took a bite of her biscuits.
"I will never go see him! I honestly don't know where he is now and to tell you the truth, I. Don't. Care! He is not my father! I have no father!" I screamed and stormed out of the kitchen and out of the front door, slamming it behind me. I ran down the street and veered right as I started sprinting across a few yards as the smell of newly cut grass filled my senses. I tipped and fell, but quickly got up and kept running, accidentally slamming into a firm body, but I kept going. I bounded into the woods until I was out of breath. Crying, I flopped down on a fallen log as tears streamed down my face. My hair was still wet where I hadn't dried it.
"What was she thinking? I don't care where he is! A little messed up? He screwed up my life! He did this to me! He hurt me in ways beyond belief and she wants me to try and talk to him!" I screamed into the endless sky as warm tears kept falling onto my face.
"Selene?" a voice sounded behind me. I turned around to see a pair of familiar grass green eyes looking at me. His shaggy brown hair blew in the faint breeze and I wiped my eyes. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked me and stepped forward. He sat down beside me on the log and looked at me.
"I couldn't be better." I murmured sarcastically, tears still falling. I knew my face was going to be red and splotchy; it got like that every time I cried.
"Alright Selene, what's wrong?" he asked me gently.
"It seems like every time my life starts getting better, it all falls apart. What am I suppose to do Cliff?" I asked. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. He felt cold, but I didn't mind.
"What do you mean Selene? How is your life falling apart?" Cliff asked. I could feel him talking. As he spoke, his chest vibrated.
"It's just-" I started and sighed. I pulled away from him and looked him straight in the eye. "It's my . . . never mind. Just forget I said anything." I sighed. Cliff looked at me, his eyes clouded in worry.
"Should I call Jade?" he asked quietly, his deep voice filled with concern. I shook my head slowly.
"No, I think I'm just going to take a long walk." I told him as I drug out the word 'long'. He nodded wearily. My tears had slowed.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Cliff asked. I shrugged and wiped away my last few tears.
"If you want to, but you're not obligated to." I said as I stood up shakily. He quickly rose to his feet and steadied me.
"Haven't you figured out that I'm not obligated to do anything?" He gave a small smile. I smiled back weakly and together, we walked through the woods back towards humanity and away from freedom.
We walked in silence as we passed the last few trees and onto a sidewalk. Just then, I heard Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. I looked at Cliff and saw him take out his cellphone and answer it.
"Hey babe." he said.
That must be his ringtone for Jade. I thought. I looked past him as he spoke with Jade to the people walking on the street. I saw a man riding a neon green bike was coming our way, while cars slowly passed us. From my spot on the sidewalk, I could see someone riding a skateboard that looked like it had purple flames on the bottom. I was trying to focus on it when the biker passed in front of me. Just then, I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Cliff standing in front of me.
"I hope you don't mind, but Jade was asking why I sounded worried and stuff, so I told her how I ran into you and you were crying. She's all worried now, so she asked if we could meet her at Taco Bell down the road." Cliff said as he tossed his head to the left. I slowly nodded and started walking down the sidewalk.
"You know Selene, I knew there was something I liked about you." Cliff said with a smirk. I looked at him questioningly. "You always throw some sort of drama slash excitement into my life." He gave a small smile. I smiled back and walked down the sidewalk not feeling so alone.
Cliff and I approached Taco Bell and Jade was already in view. She was wearing white jogging pants, I white tank top, black Nikes and her golden cross necklace. She had been pacing until she saw us, and that was when she sprinted forward. I knew that was why she was the star runner in Track.
"Selene, oh my goodness sweetie. Are you okay?" She asked me as she engulfed me in a tight hug.
"Yeah, I'm okay Jade." I muttered as I hugged her back. We stood like that for a while until she finally loosened her grip and stood back, her tan hands still resting on my pale shoulders.
"Cliff told me you were crying. You never cry." Jade looked at me with her jade green eyes.
"I know, it's just me and Nana got in a fight." I said like it didn't bother me. Jade looked at me in surprise, but didn't ask anymore questions.
"Hey girls, would you like a taco or a drink or something?" Cliff asked us.
"Can you get us a large nacho tray?" Jade asked. Every time we came here, that was what we got.
"Yeah babe, no problem." Cliff nodded and started towards the glass door.
"Cliff, can you get no tomato extra sour cream? " Jade called after him. He held up his muscular arm and stuck his thumb up. Jade and I didn't say a word until Cliff was gone.
"Are you sure you're okay Selene? Maybe you can stay at my house for the night. You can cool off and then go back tomorrow." Jade spoke quietly. I looked at her and nodded. Just then, her phone started made a little 'chime'. She sighed, reached in her pocket and pulled out her Red Blackberry.
"It's RJ." She said. She showed me the screen and I read the text.
Hey Jade! I tried to call Selene, but she didn't answer. She with you? Jade looked at me and I nodded.
Hey RJ, she's rite beside me. It only took a few seconds for her phone to chime again.
She is! Holy crap, I was worried! Can I talk to her? Jade looked at me again and I shrugged. She handed me the phone and I wrote back.
Hey RJ, it's me.
Hey, are you okay? I've never known you to leave with out ur phone. . .
Yeah, I'm OK. I got in a fight with Nana and just kinda ran out. I replied. With that, I glanced down at my feet and realized I never put any shoes on. I was just in my socks. With a heavy sigh, I sat down on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. Where are you?
Taco Bell on Seder Lake Circle . . . you gonna come down?
If you want me 2
Alright, I'll see ya soon ;) I sent the massage and gave the phone back.
"Is he on his way?" Jade asked me. I nodded and looked at the Taco Bell door. Cliff came outside with a bag and three cups. He walked over to us and sat down. Jade sat down beside him, her legs spread to the side.
"Alright, here is the nacho platter. I got you a sweet tea Jade." Cliff said and then turned to me.
"I didn't know what to get you to drink Selene, but I've noticed you and Jade have the same taste, so I got you a sweet tea too. Is that okay?" Cliff asked as he handed me a white plastic cup.
"Yeah, that's great Cliff." I smiled weakly.
"Whenever Selene and I came to Taco Bell, we got the nacho platter, no tomatoes, extra sour cream and two sweet teas, no ice." Jade smiled as she took a drink of tea. I nodded and a look of relief swept over Cliff's face. I couldn't help but smile stronger.
I'll always have them. No matter what, I'll always have Jade, Cliff and RJ. I thought happily. Jade must've seen me smile to myself, because she poked me.
"You're so awesome!" she smiled and bit into a nacho.
"You're awesome too!" I smiled and poked her as I took a sip of tea.
"I'm awesome too!" Cliff chimed in, a dorky smile spread over his face. We all burst out laughing. Just then, I saw a Convertible pull into the parking lot and familiar faces appeared behind the tinted windshield. The door opened and RJ stepped out. He was wearing a black Nirvana T-shirt and a pair of jeans and a shiny black pair of Air Jordans. He bounded past a few cars and onto the sidewalk, bending down and wrapping me in a hug.
"I forbid you to leave without your phone. Ever. Again." He whispered to me. I could hear Cliff and Jade snicker, but I ignored them. I just hugged RJ back. Eventually, he pulled away and even though he had sounded stern, his eyes gleamed. I nodded and he sat down beside me. We all started in a random conversation about Ice Age and Shrek and about which one was best. We continued it for awhile, and then the guys started talking about the basketball game last night. Jade and I however, started talking about tonight and how we were going to stay up all night. That moment was priceless. All me fears and worries melted away and was pushed to the back of my mind. I forgot about my fight with Nana. I forgot the pain of loosing Mom and Kyle leaving. I forgot about my father and simply relished in this moment, because moments like these, well, they were about to end.