Finn watched as Rachel stood up to begin her opening argument. Thank God she'd agreed to be his lawyer. He'd totally have been screwed if she didn't since Kurt seemed determine to bring him and his vests down. His mind traveled back to two days ago, right after they'd decided to hold this trial at dinner...
Finn stood outside Rachel's home, rocking on his heels, wearing his green and brown vest. After he'd broken up with Quinn, he was ready to win Rachel back, but right now that wasn't important. What was important was the fact that she was his best friend and extremely smart; and he needed someone smart to help him save his puffy vests from Kurt's bonfire of doom.
After a few more minutes of giving himself a pep talk, Finn knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. Knocking a second time, the door opened to reveal Rachel in her cute polka dot sundress and yellow cardigan. Finn couldn't help but smile and get lost in her eyes, not really hearing her until he felt her stomp on his foot.
"Huh? Sorry Rachel. What did you say?"
Rachel blew at her bangs in frustration, "I asked why you were here? Not that I'm not happy you want to visit me, but I have a lot to do to get ready for Nationals and my time is precious, so what do you need Finn?"
"My best friend." Finn blurted out without thinking. He was glad he did because she gave him the dazzling smile he had missed so much. "Um…I really need your help. Kurt and I got into an argument about me taking my vests to New York, and it kinda got out of hand and now he's putting my vests on trial in front of the glee club. If he wins, he's gonna make a bonfire out of them, and if I win, I get to keep my vests and can take them to New York. I'm not good with words or arguments and you, Rach; you're really smart and are good with arguments. Can you be my lawyer and keep my vests from going up in flames?"
"I'm honored you want me to be your lawyer. I love your vests. They're what make you, you Finn. You are an all-American boy and what is more All-American than a rugged outdoor vest. Come on upstairs and we can get started with our witness list and our opening argument, come on." Rachel grabbed Finn's hand and guided him up to her bedroom, both of them with smiles on their faces.
When Finn entered Rachel's bedroom, his eyes bugged out a little. Just like Kurt, Rachel had all of her clothes laid out on her bed in outfits. "Uh Rach….what are you doing with all of your clothes?"
"I'm putting together my outfits for New York. Who knows when a talent agent or producer may discover me and my talent and I have to be prepared to look my best and show my personality through my clothes."
Finn groaned and face palmed. "Not you too! Doesn't anyone just pack clothes to go somewhere? Try to be comfortable?"
"Finn one must always look their best, but still be themselves. I love you in your vests and you always look nice in them, except when you wear them with a polo. That's just wrong. Anyway, the vests and hoodies and polos are who you are, and you should be able to express yourself with your clothes," Rachel said as she grabbed a chair and pulled it next to hers at her computer. Signaling Finn to sit down, she pulled up a blank document and typed, "Witnesses."
"All right Finn, who do you think will be good witnesses for you to continue wearing your vests?"
Finn thought for a few minutes. No one ever really talked about what Finn wore, unlike how they talked about Rachel. He started going through all the glee club members until his eyes brightened when he came up with his witnesses.
"Okay, Mr. Schue, because he always wear vests. Artie because he has his own sense of style. Brittany too, for the same reason. Puck because he can tell everyone how my family always wears vests, my mom did until Kurt got his claws into her. You too, if you can. Can a lawyer be called as a witness?"
"I don't know, but this is glee club, so why not? Alright, for our witnesses we have Artie, Brittany, Puck, me and you. You'll have to defend your vests Finn in your own words."
As Rachel was naming off the witnesses, Finn got another brilliant idea, whispering into Rachel's ear with a smile on his face, he watched a devilish spark form in her eye, and after she typed the name they fist bumped, knowing there was no way they were going to lose.
"Kurt, I'm here! I got your text! What's going on? Why did I have to come over immediately?" Mercedes cried, bursting into Kurt's room. When she'd received a text from Kurt that said '911 Crisis! Get here now!' she'd immediately run over, expecting to have to help Kurt get Finn's head unstuck from between the rungs of the banister on the staircase or something.
Instead, she'd been greeted at the door by a calm Mrs. Hudson-Hummel, who told her Kurt was in his room waiting for her, an amused look on her face. Mercedes had walked into Kurt's room, only to find Kurt pacing the room, muttering about inspiration boards and witnesses, while Blaine lounged on the bed.
Kurt stopped pacing immediately. "Oh Mercedes, Thank God you're here! We have a fashion crisis of epic proportions on our hands. I'm talking Project Runway Finale Epic."
Mercedes shoved aside some fabric and settled herself on Kurt's bed next to Blaine, watching as Kurt began pacing again. "Whoa, Boy, you need to chill. I have no idea what's going on, but you're stressing me out." She turned to Blaine appealingly. "You have any idea what this is about?"
Blaine shook his head, laughing. "Unfortunately, I do. Wait till you hear this one."
"Really, Blaine? I have to opportunity to vanquish one of the worst items ever introduced to fashion and you're mocking me?" Kurt stopped pacing to raise an eyebrow at Blaine.
"Look, I don't like them either, but I think you're being a little dramatic."
"I'm sorry; I believe you're looking for the Defense War Room next door," Kurt said theatrically.
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Mercedes interjected before Blaine could open his mouth to retort.
"Mercedes, did you happen to notice the sign on the door?" Kurt began, adjusting the fedora on his head to just the right angle.
"Sign?" Mercedes questioned, looking at Blaine, who simply rolled his eyes. She watched as Kurt stalked over to the door, flinging it open and tearing something off the door. He walked back over to the bed, handing the poster he'd ripped off his door to Mercedes.
Mercedes examined the poster critically. The simple white poster had a picture of the kind of vest Finn always wore in the center of it, a big red circle with a line going through it superimposed over it, reminding Mercedes of the no smoking signs. Underneath the picture were the words "Vest Free Zone." She raised her eyes back up to Kurt. "Vest Free Zone?"
"Exactly. And who do we know who always wears a vest?" Kurt prodded.
"Finn." Mercedes replied immediately. "That green and brown one he wears makes me want to gouge my eyes out."
Kurt shuddered at the mention of the green and brown vest, which was the one he particularly hated the most. Finn had left a little while ago, purposely coming into Kurt's room and putting on that vest in front of him, which was the reason for creation of the sign. "I knew I could count on you Mercedes. That's why I picked you as my juror. If this is going to trial, I need to make sure I have people in the Jury box who understand fashion."
"What the hell is he talking about?" Mercedes asked Blaine as Kurt resumed pacing.
"He and Finn got into an argument about Finn wearing puffy vests after Kurt threw them out the window." Blaine explained. Mercedes burst out laughing, picturing Kurt tossing them out the window. "So now they're holding a trial to see who's right about the vests. If Kurt wins, he gets to burn them, and if Finn wins, he can wear them in New York, but isn't allowed to stand near Kurt or let people know they're related." Mercedes howled with laughter at the absurdity of the terms.
"I assure you it's not funny, Mercedes. Finn fails to see why they are so bad, so we're taking it to trial in Glee." Kurt said in a deadly serious voice. "We each need to pick one juror to go with a third impartial juror. You are my juror."
"So let me get this straight. You two are having a trial about puffy vests?" Mercedes questioned, looking from Kurt to Blaine.
"Yes. Now are you in or out?" Kurt demanded. "I've got to prepare my defense and finish making a list of witnessess. I can't waste time trying to find a juror."
"Oh I'm in. Justin Timberlake wears those vests so much that I want to slushie him just so he'll have to take it off and then I don't have to see it," Mercedes replied, doing her special handshake with Kurt.
'All the single ladies! All the single ladies!'
Kurt grabbed his cell phone, checking to see who was sending him a text message. He read it quickly, gasping as he threw the phone down on the bed. "I don't believe it!"
"What? Who sent you a text?" Mercedes asked as she grabbed the phone to read the message. "You're going down, Kurt. I've got a lawyer," she read aloud. "Whoa, white boy's getting serious. I wonder who it is?"
"When Finn left before, I just assumed he was going over to Puckerman's to kill some brain cells. Who would have thought he'd go and get a lawyer? It can't be Quinn, she hates him at the moment. "
'All the single ladies! All the single ladies!'
All three lunged for the phone, anxious to see the next text. Kurt won the scuffle, emerging from the pile with the phone held triumphantly in his hand. He read the text, a smirk breaking out on his face.
"Well?" Mercedes demanded.
"Who's the only person who dresses worse than Finn? The only one who would think Finn is fashionable for wearing his puffy vests?"
Mercedes gasped. "Rachel? She's his lawyer?"
"The one and only."
"You better be well prepared Kurt. Rachel loves nothing more than preparing for something, she's gonna pull out all the stops. I bet she'll even have a courtroom duet for her and Finn to sing," Blaine said thoughtfully.
"Oh, don't worry about that. My list of witnesses is a who's who of people who hate Finn and the fashionable set of McKinley." He slid a list of names over to Mercedes, who quickly scanned it.
"Damn. Kurt. This is good. You sure about that last name though?"
"Oh, yes. Trust me."
Finn and Rachel had sat for awhile going over argument points and calling or texting everyone they wanted as witnesses. Rachel even set up an immediate witness coaching session for the next afternoon, so that everyone would be very believable in their answers.
"Now we have the witnesses. Do you know who the judge is and the jurors Finn? That's crucial knowledge to properly prepare our arguments and witnesses." Rachel asked looking for Finn to answer as she went over their points, scribbling down notes.
"Um…well…not sure who the judge is yet. I gotta talk to Kurt about that. I think Puck would be good since he's actually had to be in front of a judge before. Kurt has chosen Mercedes as his juror and I think at dinner we decided that the Bieste would be good for the one that doesn't take sides."
"You mean impartial?"
"Yea, impartial. The Bieste is our impartial juror. I've been thinking about who would understand my side and I think Sam would be a good choice."
"Sam…the same Sam that you stole his girlfriend from? The same Sam that you accused of cheating on with said girlfriend? Finn he'd probably like to see just how non-flame resistant your vests are!" Rachel couldn't understand Finn's thought process for picking Sam.
Rachel could have sworn she heard Finn mumble, "Ex-girlfriend."
"Sam is an honorable guy, and he's never said anything against my vests like everyone else has. And I think he can relate to the arguments as to why I should get to keep my puffy vests. These vests are more than just a way to stay warm for me Rachel, and I think Sam will understand that."
"Ok, do you want me to call him or you?"
"Can you please? He still wants to punch me."
Smiling, Rachel dialed Sam's number and talked to him briefly about what was going on, when she hung up, her dazzling smile was back. "He said he would be honored to be your juror Finn. He was touched that even though you two haven't been best of friends lately, that you had faith in him to do what was right meant a lot, and he would be your juror."
Finn's smile grew as he realized that he had the best, soon-to-be girlfriend (he prayed) in the world and that people could look past his douchieness and help him out to keep his vests.
"You're good for Puckzilla. Go."
Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's ridiculous cell phone greeting. "Hello, Puck. Kurt Hummel speaking."
"S'up Hummel?"
"Can I ask for a favor Puck?"
This gonna be quick? Cause Santana's coming over for a slice of Puckerone."
Disgusted, Kurt quickly explained about the argument between him and Finn.
"You turning Finn into Finnessa, Hummel? I've never heard him worry about clothing before. Makes sense though. He's not a stud like me, I can wear whatever I want and the ladies still go wild. But what does this have to do with me?"
"We need you to be the judge. You're the only one with courtroom experience," Kurt explained.
"I get to throw anyone in jail?"
"No."
"Can I handcuff anyone?"
"No."
"Can I go commando under my judge robe?"
"No to the robe and definitely no to going commando."
"You know you'd like it."
"Again, no."
"So what can I do?"
"You can listen to the case."
"Where's the fun in that?"
"Fine. I'll let you have a gavel."
"Now, you're talking Hummel. I'll do it. Puckerone Out."
Kurt sighed, mentally exhausted from the conversation. This trial was starting to turn into a Kangaroo Court. Pinching his nose, he turned to Blaine and Mercedes. "He's in."
The Trial of the Century was set to commence.
Kurt smirked as Rachel stood up to begin her Opening Argument. His opposition was currently wearing a sweater with a picture of a large owl on it. This was going to be too easy. Maybe when he won, he could add the animal sweaters to his bonfire.
A/N: This is too much fun to write!