Yay people liked the sex scene XD I feel super pervy but also special haha. Anyway this chapter gets more depressing, but I mean it couldn't just be completely plotless sex all the time if it's going to have chapters. So yeah this is kind of random, but I think it makes them more adorable. I like when stories are all angsty and then they fix it and then angsty again and so on so I hope you do too. Oh and this definitely should have been how it happened in the show...

Anyway sorry for my rambling here's the story...

Chapter 4

"Hey Suzaku we should definitely have angry sex some time seeing as you wouldn't have angry sex with me this time," Lelouch whispered snuggled up against Suzaku.

Suzaku gave him a strange look at first, then burst out laughing. "I'm sure you'll piss me off again sometime don't worry."

"What's that supposed to mean? And it's not like I make you as mad as Zero does!" he said and pulled away from Suzaku to pout, which just made him look more adorable.

"Well that's true, you're not that bad," he replied reassuringly.

"What if I was Zero! I could be you know…" Lelouch said before thinking it through.

Suzaku instantly burst out laughing. "Ha Lelouch you are too funny! How could you possibly be that horrible, murdering man." Lelouch looked down, getting more nervous by the second. Suzaku's expression changed from amusement to concern. "Lelouch, what's wrong?" said his comforting voice and wrapped an arm around him. "You know you can tell me anything right? You don't need to hide anything from me."

Lelouch looked up but couldn't meet his gaze. "I…I might be Zero…"

He got a surprised and confused look in return. "Lelouch that's not funny anymore, don't joke like that." Lelouch looked down again, which disturbed Suzaku further. "Lelouch tell me the truth!" He couldn't believe this moment could be ruined, he didn't want to believe it. Could the boy he loved also be the man he despised? He shook his shoulders trying to get something out of him.

He finally looked up into Suzaku's eyes with tears now streaming down his face. Seeing him cry only made this whole situation worse. "I wouldn't have done it if I knew you were still alive! I wanted to help the world!" he practically screamed at Suzaku before covering his face with his hands.

Suzaku let go of his shoulders and just sat there, mouth open in surprise. Was this true? How could it be true and why now of all times!

"Lelouch please, please tell me you're lying!" he was practically begging. This couldn't be happening, not now. He had just gotten Lelouch, only to have him admit that he was the person behind all of these killings. Suzaku wanted to believe that Lelouch was lying to him but he just knew that he wasn't and that hurt the most.

"I'm sorry Suzaku I really am. I never wanted to hurt you!"

"How could you not hurt me? You're killing innocent people Lelouch!"

Didn't Suzaku understand what he was trying to do? He had wanted to give him his Japan back, and if that meant he had to kill some people then so be it, but the brunette didn't have to freak out like this. He needed to figure something out so that Suzaku wouldn't leave him again. Lelouch didn't know if he could handle losing Suzaku one more time.

"You said I could tell you anything and that I didn't have to hide from you! Please don't leave me like this Suzaku," Lelouch pleaded whispering at the end, "I…I l..love you… I couldn't bare the pain of losing you again."

"This is different, I didn't think you would tell me you were a mass murderer," Suzaku screamed jumping out of the bed. He quickly grabbed his clothes yanking them on. This was crazy, he had to get out of here before that boy told him anymore painful things.

"And don't tell me you love me! How could I believe you anyways? Everything else you've told me has been a lie."

"I would never lie about my feelings to you! Please don't leave like this,"

Lelouch was starting to panic as he watched Suzaku head towards his door. If he left now then he would never get to hear the reasons Lelouch had. He climbed out of bed intending to stop the brunette but it was to late. Suzaku had already ripped open his door and was sprinting down the hallway. At this rate Lelouch would never catch up and he knew it, but he still had to try.

"Suzaku wait! You don't understand, I did all of this for you. I wanted to bring back the Japan you lived in not some pawn to be used by Britannia," Lelouch screamed pulling on his boxers as he dashed out of his room.

"Shut up! Just shut up Lelouch! I never asked for this and what would make you think I would want any of this?" Suzaku said trembling. He couldn't believe what was coming out of Lelouch's mouth.

"I'm leaving and I don't want to see you again do you understand? I can't stay here with you knowing what you've done and I'm sorry but you know I will have to reveal you to everyone. You've really hurt me Lelouch I hope you're happy," he sighed and turned around to walk away tears starting to slip down his cheeks.

"Suzaku please!" Lelouch ran after him, the adrenaline finally kicking in to help him catch up once he followed him outside. He managed to grab hold of Suzaku's arm firmly, almost painfully. It took him a moment to realize it was pouring rain, but he didn't care.

"Lelouch let go of me!" yelled Suzaku, trying to wriggle free of the grasp. He didn't know Lelouch was so strong.

"Just listen to me! I thought you were dead! I couldn't just leave the world such a horrible place. And can't you see how much you mean to me? I trust you more than anyone, I told you my deepest secret! I thought you would be able to find it in your heart to forgive me because I love you Suzaku!" he clung to Suzaku's arm as he fell to his knees sobbing and breathing heavily.

Suzaku couldn't hold it in any longer. He too fell to the ground, not caring that he had his head on Lelouch's shoulder, he was staining it with tears anyway. "I trusted you Lelouch…I loved you."

Lelouch's watery eyes widened at this statement. He let go of Suzaku's arm to wrap his arms around him, praying he wouldn't run off. A tiny smile crept onto his face. "Say that again Suzaku."

He continued weeping onto the boy's shoulder, not caring about the arms wrapped around him or the rain that had now soaked them both. "I can't…I don't know anymore Zero!"

Those words hurt Lelouch and he pushed on Suzaku's shoulders to get him to look at him. "Don't call me that I'm still Lelouch! I promise I'll give it all up if you only stay with me…please, tell me you love me." He gently wiped the tears from Suzaku's face and squeezed him close again.

"Lelouch…I don't know what to do. This is all too much. How could you have done this!" he whimpered into Lelouch's shoulder. He pushed him away enough to look into those evil, yet loving violet eyes. "I don't know whether to love or hate you."

"I wouldn't blame you for hating me." He pushed him away, and started to get up. "I'm only making things worse, I'll just go," he said wiping the tears from his face only to have it drenched with the rain again and began to walk back toward the door.

"Lelouch wait!"

His heart jumped at the urgent sound of his voice. He turned back to face Suzaku, who was now far from him. He looked hopelessly depressed but somewhat hopeful, standing there with the rain dripping from his sopping hair.

"…Can I trust you?" he asked a little hesitantly.

"Of course, I'll never lie to you again I promise and I'll do anything for you to forgive me! I love you Suzaku what more can I do to fix this?" He ran back over to Suzaku, but didn't try to hold him just yet, he couldn't mess this up any more.

Suzaku looked up at him, his watery red eyes killing Lelouch. He bit his lip trying to decide what to do. Then he whispered, barely audible, "…kiss me."

I like ending the chapters with cliffhangers. I hate when authors do that...but now that I can do that I understand them X). I hope this one isn't too short, I just thought that was a perfect place to end it. So keep reviewing if you like it! To all of the people that have reviewed and favorited or just anyone else who is spying on this I am virtually hugging you as you read this no matter how creepy that sounds! hehe...