As Emmett hopped into my car I felt it shake. He was strong. I started the engine and started driving. I felt awkward, yes I wanted to talk to Emmett more but not the day after I broke up with his best friend and certainly not after I babbled on about why. I could feel my face going red by the minute. I heard him laugh.
"Bella you're so funny." He laughed. "What could possibly be making you go red while driving? Are you afraid you're not holding the steering wheel properly." That made me laugh. How could he be so oblivious? Maybe he hadn't heard the conversation. But that seemed highly unlikely. "So... How are you and Edward doing?" He asked. I raised my eyebrow to him. I was sure he knew about that. "What?" He asked looking at me in mock innocence.
"Haha." I said sarcastically. I looked for any desperate attempt to change the subject. Crash the car? Maybe that was a bit too drastic, but I was so close to doing it. Anything was better than what was to come.
"He's really cut up Bella." He said seriously now.I kept my eyes on the road. How was I meant to respond to that. So am I, I made a mistake? I still didn't know what I wanted. Yes, at the moment I was sure I wanted Edward again but I was sure of that yesterday. I was just too confused and leading Edward into any false pretences wouldn't help anyone.
"Well then can you please tell him this," Ok here was the explanation, the explanation that could ruin our friendship or keep what was left standing. "I really, really like him. I just don't know what t do right now. I'm not ready for... anything at the moment and even though I want to, I don't think getting back with Edward would be such a good idea. I don't know if I could handle it and I don't want to do what I did last night again." Phew. I think that was the best I could do. "Tell him I want to be friends though. I really do."
Emmett sat in silence. I was making a lot of people quiet today. "Cool." He said finally without looking up. Then he bounced back to his former self. "So what's this project on?" He asked laughing, he knew I was lying.
"How long it takes for an ex-boyfriend's best friend to start interrogating me. You lasted five minutes." I said keeping my eyes forward, I still felt awkward. He laughed though and I sighed in relief. Topic officially avoided, for now. "Do you want to just go back to Alice's? We can all go out together?" I asked. I think it could be more fun that way. And I did want to see Edward. I still really liked him and I wanted to test myself. I wanted to see if I could handle being just friends. It would have to work for now. I had listened to Alice's advice, and she was right, but right now it wasn't worth hurting Edward or myself again. I wanted to test the friendship, see how we could get on as best friends.
"Sounds cool." Emmett said smiling a little too brightly. He was looking forward to seeing Rosalie again. Everyone had matched up perfectly. Trust me to complicate things. Everything seemed so much simpler when I was small and if I needed to be bigger and stronger Charlie's shoulders were the only thing I needed. It seemed so hard knowing I couldn't do that now.
I turned the corner back into the Cullen's driveway. Emmett and I entered the house and Emmett and Alice started arranging what we should do. I sat down on the couch and waited to be told where to go. I was too tired to engage myself in anything. After a few minutes of staring mindlessly at the T.V. I heard Alice call everyone else. This was it. I stood up and went to Alice's side, took a deep breath and waited until he came down. He was there within a matter of seconds.
"Hey." He said and smiled. He wanted to be friends too. I could tell. I couldn't tell if more than friends had been completely knocked of the table or not for him. For me it didn't take much deciding. He flashed his crooked smile and that was it. What else could I do? How was he so perfectly breath taking? And more importantly how could he have possibly been effected by me. I knew I loved him, and it took every bit of strength I had not to tell him that.
"Hey." I said, and suddenly it felt like that first night all over again. I felt like I was being unwillingly swept off my feet and all I kept doing was trying to glue my feet to the ground. The rest of the world seemed invisible and I couldn't hear what anyone else was saying. It was only when he started walking that I noticed we were leaving. He looked back at me slightly and nodded his head in a gesture to follow them. I just walked. I tried to decide what to do in my head before we got to the car. Should I just give in and tell him how I feel, or stick to my instincts? How could anyone stick to their instincts when all he did was smile at me. I wanted to tell him everything. It was hard to imagine anything could matter more.