First up due to popular demand. (would have been up sooner if I hadn't been reading The Oath by Frank Peretti. It has a dragon! And then there was that other book, and those fanfics, read Captain Deadpool's stuff! And I updated that Avatar thingy.) Dedicated to rhodopis97 who gave me the idea. Oh, one more thing: Let's keep in mind that comic verse, Logan is five foot three inches. Here we go.

"No. Nien. Non. Nyet. Ain't happenin', little girl," Wade had his arms crossed over his broad chest. He matched Rogue glare for glare who stood with a gloved fist planted on her hip.

"That ain't your call, Uncle Wade. And I'm not a little girl," she argued back. The two were in the living room of the rented, three-bedroom, two-story house in uptown Seattle.

"Yes, you are! You're only four-friggin'-teen! And besides, Jimmy's totally going to back me up on this anyway," he told her, doing a head bob.

"Back you up on what?" Logan stood in the hall at the door way, taking in the scene.

"Jimmy!"

"Hi, Daddy," Rogue smiled at him.

Logan arched a brow.

'Daddy. What did she want?'

"So glad you're here. You need to talk to your daughter."

"About what?"

"Go ahead, Sunshine. Tell him," he told her smugly as he seated himself on the edge of the leather couch, crossed his legs, and leaned forward.

She shot him a look that clearly said 'Bite me' and turned back to Logan with a smile.

"'S nothin' big. I'm just goin' to the movies Friday."

"Tell him who you're going with," he waved a hand at her, urging her to continue. "Don't leave out any details now."

"I'm gonna go with Tracy."

"Who is a boy," Wade added.

Logan's brows went up.

"A date?" he clarified and leaned on the wall.

"If you wanna call it that. It's more of a get-together with a friend."

"A 'friend' who is a boy."

"Would you come off that already? It's not like we can do stuff like that."

He shrugged.

"You're right. He doesn't know and I doubt the punk is creative enough to figure anything out. But it doesn't matter. 'Cause, you know. You're not going," he sounded really happy about that, too.

"Wade," Anna started, "would you just –"

"Okay," Logan said.

"Okay what?" Wade asked him, smile frozen in place. Anna looked at him hopefully.

"You can go."

She gasped.

"Really? Are you serious?"

"Wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, darlin'."

"Are you kidding me?" Wade yelled at the same time Anna threw her arms around Logan. "You know, Jimmy, crazy is supposed to be my thing," he muttered.

"Of course," Logan had his arms loosely around Anna, "I wanna meet the boy first."

Anna jerked back and looked at his smirking face with horror dawning on hers, and there was a thud from when Wade fell to the floor laughing.

"What?"

"Oh, Jimmy, I never should have doubted you," Wade wiped a tear from his eye.

"You can't do that," Anna told him, stepping back fully from him.

"I can't meet the boy who is takin' my baby girl on her first date?" he shrugged. "Well, in that case, I guess you're not goin'," he turned, went down the hall, through the small dining room, and into the kitchen.

"I win either way," Wade beamed at her.

She scowled at him. Wade was suitably impressed by the force of animosity behind the look. If he were anyone else, i.e. someone sane, he might have scared. Seeing that she wasn't getting the desired affect, she stalked down the hall to the kitchen and Wade immediately followed, not wanting to miss a thing. Wade stood in the doorway.

Anna stood just inside the door with one hand on hip, the other twisting her hair. Logan continued to eat a slice of leftover pizza as he leaned against the center island and stare at her as she twisted her hair, working out what she wanted to say. His mouth twitched in an almost-smile.

"Do you promise to behave when he comes by?"

"Nope."

"Daddy!"

"Huh. I won't kill him unless he gives me a reason. Tell me 'bout this boy."

Anna sighed deeply.

"He's sixteen, on the football team, has a really nice car, and he's a sweetheart so please be nice. Especially you, Wade."

"Oh, I'll be nice," Wade nodded. "I'll be as nice as Screwy the Squirrel," no one who smiles that wide can be trusted. Exhibit A: the Joker. I rest my case.

Rouge groaned and put her head in her hands, the white streak falling in front of her face.

Wade smiled and looked at Logan over the top of Rogue's head. Logan looked back. Then he grinned. This…was gonna be fun.

Friday Night

Ding Dong

Rogue stormed out of her room, down the hall and the stairs towards the front door. Wade stood smiling at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded behind his back, effectively blocking her way. She stopped in front of him.

"You'd best move."

He put on his best innocent expression.

"Roguey, you're going to go out with your hair looking like that?"

"There's nothin' wrong with my hair."

That's what she was going to say. But Wade had whipped two aerosol cans from behind his back and covered a shocked Rogue with pink and green silly string.

"Hehehe."

Rogue raised one hand and removed a few strands that were blocking her immediate vision, and they stuck to her glove. She gave Wade a blank stare.

"At this moment, I hate you more than Monday," she told him calmly and went back upstairs.

"I totally love and adore you, too, Buttercup" he called after her, very pleased with himself. Ordinarily, silly string wouldn't take that long to remove. But it wasn't normal silly string. This was Deadpool silly string. It had his logo on it and everything.

SLAM

He put the almost empty cans in one of the many pockets of his black cargo pants before going into the den and situating himself in his big, ratty chair in front of the big screen TV that had a 'reality' show going. There was a dart board with kunai knives in it, a couch, Logan's chair with a small table between his and Wade's, a bar with stools, and Wade's Pac-Man machine situated throughout the room.

Logan came out of the kitchen with two beers and went to answer the door. On the other side was a baby face, blonde headed, green eyed boy wearing khakis and a polo shirt who stood a few inches taller than Logan.

"Uh, hello, sir."

Logan looked the kid up and down, drew in a breath and snorted. He turned around and walked in.

"Get in here and shut the door, bub."

Tracy stepped into the house, shutting the door behind him. Looking around, it appeared to be an ordinary suburban type house. In fact, there was nothing wrong with the house. The people who lived there, well…what's your definition of wrong?

Tracy followed Logan past the living room, dining room and the stairs into the den. Wade had been sprawled back in his chair flipping through the channels but stopped on Animal Planet as soon as Tracy stepped into the room he turned full attention on him. He turned his chair so that he faced Logan's across from his, he could see the TV if he looked left and he could see the couch if he looked right.

"Hey."

Wade nodded and continued to stare him down.

On the TV, a lion was eating a poor, naïve baby deer. Poor, naïve little fool.

"Sit down," Logan told him as he sat in his own chair. Tracy sat on the couch, faced Logan, but kept glancing at Wade nervously.

Logan noticed and the corners of his mouth twitched in an almost-smile. He tossed one bottle to Wade who caught it without looking. Eyes trained on Tracy, he reached down to his steeled-toed combat boot and pulled a wicked-looking knife out. Tracy's mouth dropped open and his pretty boy green eyes widened. Wade held it up a moment, making a show of studying the blade, then swiftly removed the top from the bottle. Without looking away, he chugged more than half the bottle while spinning the knife around his hand. He moved the bottle, slammed the knife tip first into the table, and Tracy flinched. Badly.

Logan let out a huff of air, his equivalent of a chuckle. Taking a swig of his own drink, he could smell the fear coming from the boy. If it wasn't so funny, he might have felt pity for the punk, maybe.

"Where are you takin' my daughter?" he asked the kid.

"We were going to go see that new movie with Hugh Jackman at the Oceanfront Theatre."

"When did you think you were bringin' her home?"

"Twelve, sir."

"Ten, boy," his voice growled the second word.

"Or ten. Yes, sir," he agreed quickly.

Logan looked him square in the eye.

"Do not screw around with my daughter. I am not above killin' teenaged boys."

Tracy couldn't find the words.

Then Wade smiled.

"I like knives."

Tracy wasn't sure how he was supposed to answer so he just nodded jerkily.

"Do you like knives?"

"I…guess?"

"That's good. Tell me, how would you like to die?"

"What?" Logan almost choked on his beer. The boy's voice actually just squeaked! They needed to ease up a bit if he was that skittish.

"What?" Wade raised his brows.

"What did you just say?" Tracy clarified.

"I asked if you would like pie," Wade said in the same tone that one says 'duh'.

Tracy looked to Logan who nodded his head.

"Uh," Tracy started. "I don't –"

"It's Boston crème."

"Oh, well," he did like Boston crème pie, "A small piece would be nice."

"Great," Wade stood up and walked out of the room. Then his head popped back in. "I'm not bringing it to you if that's what you're thinking."

"Oh, sorry," he stood to follow him. He nodded to Logan on his way out who just grunted in return. Wade went around a corner into the dining room. Tracy lost sight of him for a moment and when he got to the kitchen threshold, he stopped. Wade stood at the island wearing an apron blue apron with white polka dots with red stains on it and a shining cleaver in his hand. There was a picture perfect pie in the center.

"So how much am I cuttin' off?" Wade asked as he ran a thumb over the edge of the blade.

"Actually, I think I'll pass," Tracy scurried away, back into the hall. Fortunately for him, Rogue was coming down the stairs in a completely different outfit: a purple long-sleeve shirt with a dark grey vest, black skinny jeans, and purple baby doll shoes. And her gloves, of course. She saw him coming out of the dining room.

"Tracy."

He turned and saw her, smiling widely.

"Hi."

"Hey," she smiled back.

"You look really pretty."

"Thanks," she looked down and was about to open her mouth to speak when Wade came out of the dining room with the cleaver still in hand. He hid it behind his back when he saw Rogue's narrowed gaze.

"Aw, don't you look cute?"

Tracy backed away from him and towards the stairs, Rogue, and the door.

"Don't she look cute, Jimmy?"

"Adorable," he replied shortly.

Tracy jumped and spun around. Logan was leaning on the door with his arms crossed over his chest. When had he gotten there? Rogue rolled her eyes at their antics. She walked towards Tracy.

"Come on. Let's go before we miss the movie," she took his hand and went in front of her father. "Excuse us," she said sweetly.

Logan looked her in the eye and his expression softened from the glare he'd been sending the boy. He stepped aside and opened the door for her.

She smiled at him.

"Thank you, Daddy," she stepped outside. "See y'all later," she called over her shoulder.

Logan stepped out, as did Wade. Tracy glanced back. Wade held up the cleaver and made a slashing motion with it across his throat then pointed at him. Logan resumed his death glare, letting a heavy amount of killer intent slip behind the gaze. Tracy gulped. He opened the door of his Ford Mustang for Rogue.

"You two have fun!" Wade waved. "Don't talk to strangers."

Tracy got in the driver's side and started to back out of the driveway. When Tracy turned, Rogue waved and blew them a kiss.

"Look at her, all excited and happy about her first date," Wade commented as the car drove away. "Her first taste of freedom and the beginning of her exploration of the opposite sex. A monumental occasion."

Logan just looked at him. Then he blinked.

"I didn't hear a word you said other than 'sex'."

"Really? 'Cause that's all I heard me say too. We're following them, right?"

"Of course," Logan was already walking to the garage.

Wade drove the cleaver into the wall next to the door, took off the apron, hung it on the handle, and shut the door behind him. He went to the garage for his own biking whistling 'Bella Notte'.

Usually, two street bikes would make a lot of noise, thus drawing attention. But when the owners knew that stealth would be necessary, they'd modified the muffler to run as quiet as could be. The two followed the red –"Speeding! Logan, he is speeding. He's endangering her life! And he's not even doing it right!"- Mustang until it parked at the theatre near the door. They parked side by side clear across the lot. The two teens in the car walked inside hand in hand. Wade looked at Logan.

"Don't you dare try and hold my hand," Wade told him.

Logan rolled his eyes and walked away from him.

Rogue couldn't remember the last time she'd been this excited! Well, no, firing her first gun had been pretty cool, and that thing with the bike, but this was better by a little. Okay, she could remember the last time she'd been this excited, but that didn't make it any less fun.

They'd gotten their tickets and snacks and were now sitting five rows away from the back since those seats were taken. Settling in, they restarted the conversation about whether or not Miss Chiles really practiced witchcraft and exactly how one goes about killing a witch.

"Maybe the bucket of water Dorothy dumped on her witch was really acid."

"Well, where do we get acid?"

"I know a guy who knows a guy."

Rogue laughed at something he said. She liked this boy, she really did. Wasn't love, more like teen like. But at that age, it's all the same. The lights dimmed and the screen came alive with previews of up and coming movies. As they played, Tracy and Rogue rated the movies.

"Ooh, explosions! We gotta see that one."

"Bet ever' one dies in that movie but the dog."

"That is so cliché. She likes him but is in denial, he likes her and perseveres 'til he wears her down and she has no choice but to love him. Yeah, right."

And then one more before the movie. Someone yelled behind them,

"Scarlett Johannsen! She's my wifey!"

Rogue turned in her seat to scan the people behind her. She thought that guy sounded like Wade. She didn't see him but that didn't mean he wasn't there. But Logan wouldn't let him out unless… unless they were both here! Why did she think they would actually let her go out on her own with a boy? She turned back around, frowning at her own stupidity and their…theirness.

"Are you okay?" Tracy asked.

She looked at him and gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine. Now hush, the movie's startin'."

They faced forward. Two minutes in, Tracy stretched his arm over the back of her seat. Rogue rolled her eyes that people actually did that but didn't object. She leaned further on the armrest that separated them, smiling in the dark.

"Can you believe that little puke?" Wade whispered in Logan's ear. No, he was literally two inches away from Logan's ear, frantically pointing out the two teens. Logan pushed him away and continued to watch. Not the movie, but the them. Wade continued to mutter to himself.

They were seated on the back row though the seats had all been full when they came up. Two people had graciously decided to let them have their seats. Bless their hearts. As it was, they had a perfect view of his daughter and the little puke, as Wade had dubbed him. Logan saw his arm and made note of his hands, and Rogue's reaction. She leaned closer, and the boy didn't actually touch her. Well, goody for him. He got to keep his hands.

Then from his right, popcorn went flew with expert precision to land on the boy's head. He reached up and removed the bit of food and glanced over his shoulder. The guy directly behind him shrugged. Wade slunk down a bit, not wanting to be seen. If they scared her date off, she'd probably never speak to either one of them again. And if Rogue told you she was never going to speak to you, she had every intention of keeping her word. Puke turned back around. Rogue hadn't even noticed, she was so caught up in the drama unfolding on screen.

Logan smiled in the dark. Sometime later, Puke's hand dropped down to Rogue's shoulder. In that time, Wade had eaten all of his 'donated' popcorn. So he threw three chocolate covered raisins at him in quick succession. Head, neck, shoulder. He whipped around but once again, didn't see the culprit. He turned around and put his hand back on the chair.

"That's right, Puke, better watch those hands."

And then, Rogue leaned her head on his shoulder. Wade had nachos on the way to his mouth and just held them there with his mouth hanging open. When he recovered, he stood, reared his arm back, and was about to let nachos fly when Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.

"But Jimmy!" he whisper shouted and pointed violently at the couple. The people who'd been sitting on either side of them had moved. The people who'd been seated two seats over from them moved. The people who were seated three seats over from them were thinking about moving.

"He didn't do it. She did. Leave him be, at the moment."

The puke, erm, Tracy turned to Rogue and said something to her. They could hear her laugh from where they were. Wade leaned back and pouted.

"Little puke better treat her right," he muttered.

The movie ended. Wade didn't throw anything else at him because he ran out of food and only had assorted knives on him. He'd held up one and pointed at the kid. Logan had squashed that. Now they were following the couple to a diner style restaurant. Since they couldn't go in without being seen, they stopped across the street outside of a car dealership that was closed for the night. They leaned forward as they watched the two at the window seat they'd taken.

They could see Rogue smiling, laughing. See her being happy.

"She's not that giggly anymore unless you load her full of caffeine," Wade said as he sat on the bed of a truck.

"Hn," Logan leaned on the hood of a sports car.

She reached over and touched his hand.

"She doesn't touch people anymore either, since her powers."

Logan grunted again.

"You're right. I think he might be good for her, too."

Wade sighed.

"So we can't kill him then, can we?"

"What do you think?"

Wade thought about it for a good five minutes.

"Probably no?"

"Not today anyway," Logan straightened and went to his bike and started it.

"What are you doing?"

" It's almost ten. Gotta be there before they get back. You comin'?"

Wade took one last look at Rogue's smiling face and hopped off the truck, going to his own bike.

"I'm going to ride for a while, maybe get in a fight or two."

"Later."

Logan went one way, Wade the other.

Rogue glanced out the window and smiled triumphantly. She moved her hand from Tracy's and folded them under her chin.

"So what kinda pie they got here?"

Later that night, Rogue walked through the unlocked front door and went directly to the den. Logan was in his chair, the TV was on mute, the lights were off, and there was a cigar hanging from his mouth. She leaned on the door way and looked at her father. He looked back.

"Y'all were followin' me," she stated this.

He didn't confirm or deny it as he blew hazy blue smoke in the air.

"I'm not gonna waste time tryin' to tell you what to do or yell at you 'bout privacy and trust 'cause I already know that ain't gonna do diddly."

He inhaled.

"But it'd be nice if you could keep Wade from throwing food at my date."

Smoke flowed from his nose as he answered,

"Be glad I stopped him from throwin' the knife."

Rogue arched a brow and shook her head,

"Wow."

"He ask you out again?"

She smiled.

"Told him I'd think about it. I had to ask my daddy."

"You tell him to watch his hands or I'm gonna put them in a pickle jar."

"Is that a yes?"

"Go to bed."

She stepped forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his hair.

"He was too scared of you and Wade to be anything other than a gentleman."

"Imagine that," he replied dryly, patting her on the back.

"Where is Wade anyway?"

"No clue."

In a private room in smoky bar in the seedy part of Seattle, a very rough group of men sat around a bar drinking. What a plot twist! Then the door was kicked open. The men turned and saw a man standing six feet two inches tall grinning like the madman he is.

"Hello, boys."

"Who's this clown?" asked a heavily tattooed man with a shaved head and heavy chains.

"No, not a clown. Sometimes a fool, but never a clown. They're evil."

He stepped forward.

"Name's Wade Wilson. You're Tsyon, the gang lord, right?"

Tyson grinned.

"Why you ask?"
"Are you or aren't you?"

"Yeah, that's me. Why?"

"Somebody wants your hide dead or alive," he told him in a sing-song voice. "There's a bounty for the first guy who brings you to your former boss."

Tyson laughed.

"You're a bounty hunter?"

"I prefer merc, but I'm mostly retired sort of. Very interesting story. You see –"

"I don't care. Kill him."

Tyson's men pulled out their guns.

"This will hurt," Wade muttered.

Once they'd emptied their clips, Tyson laughed.

"If that's the best they got, I'm gonna be living a long life. Get that trash outta here."

Two of the men stepped forward, one at Wade's head the other at his feet. The one at his head reached down to lift him but yelped when Wade grabbed his arm and pointed a gun at his head. The other hand had a gun pointed at a shocked Tyson.

"My turn," everyone in the room could see his wounds starting to heal.

Author' Note (read rambling) : xXWingedWerefoxXx: From now on, I will refer to you as xXWWXx. If it's cool wit' you. Pay attention, people. Credit for the stare down goes to him/her(?). I thank you. And the aproned, cleaver-wielding Wade was sharky237's idea as well as the 'let's throw random things at poor, naïve boy' game. I was already gonna have them follow them. Because the boys are paranoid. With a reason though.

So I figured that Rogue had that crush on Scott(GAG ME!) she might have had a cleaner cut tastes in guys in her early life. And Tracy was that, a well-behaved, sweet, smart, funny boy. The poor dear. I almost named him Peter….hehehehe….Again, I have nothing against Peter, but my sister does and it's fun(Peter torture, that is), but he's nice, he shares M&M's.

Oh, and let it be known I have never been on a date. So if the date sucked, well, oh, well, I'm not romantically inclined in the head.

You know what someone with decidedly more talent than me should do? A Deadpool in Wonderland fic. That would be awesome. I, personally, don't think I could handle something that would truly be that epic. But you might want to take some of his weapons first. But then he could still kill them with a leaf…

Can you believe Microsoft tried to correct 'bub'? What is a 'bub' anyway? At some point, I should probably do a story for Rogue's powers manifesting. Probably.

Have any of you ever watched a Screwy the Squirrel cartoon? He's very mean. When Bugs Bunny does stuff to people, they started it. Screwy just does it to, well, screw with their heads. He's very mean.

Review me if you have the time. But since you're on the computer reading this, then you probably do. Least I do. Unless maybe one of you is an incarcerated felon who burrows out of his cell to get to the warden's office to read this stuff…I speak as a fool…or do I? Seriously need to stop channeling Wade now.

You guys are rockin' awesome people! Whoo-hoo!