A/N: ...Okay, sorry for the delay guys. I blame my writer's block... Anyway, we're back. So...
Let the madness ensue!
Gr: Hey wonderful people of the world. Welcome to another chapter of KH Truth and Dare.
Everyone: *bored* hmm? *applauds*
Gr: Thank you for your undying love and support *eye twitches* And here we have some dares from The Lexicon of Zexion. They say:
My turn to torture! Muah ha ha ha ha! And I have a couple of guests to me introduce, Ettolrahc and Caasi (from New Adventure)! Ready? Now, for the torture...
Xemnas: Preform a ballet in the Marketplace in Radiant Garden.
Xigbar: Pin Xion to the wall with your guns.
Xaldin: Stab yourself with all your lances at the same time.
Vexen: Destroy your lab and break you shield, thing, whatever it is.
Lexaeus: Say more than 50 words in every chapter.
Zexion: Give me a proper copy of the Lexicon then enjoy a £5,000,000,000,000 book voucher.
Saix: Jump off Kingdom Hearts and do not use any powers or your weapon.
Axel: Snog Roxas in a room filled with AkuRoku fangirls.
Demyx: Break your sitar and get a proper weapon.
Luxord: Burn all your alcoholic drinks and cards and drink only water until you die of old age.
Marluxia: Summon millions of your favourite types of flowers ready for a later dare.
Larxene: Give me your knives then use Xaldin's lances to commit suicide.
Roxas: Have a holiday after your previous torture.
Xion: Fight Ettolrahc. Trust me, it will not be nice.
Sora: Kiss Tidus.
Riku: Cut your hair and die it pale green.
Kairi: Get a half decent Keyblade then kill yourself. Your current one would not be Potassium.
Cloud: Snog Leon.
Leon: Snog Cloud.
Aerith: Wear an outfit that isn't pink or a dress.
Yuffie: Wear clothing that doesn't need censorship.
Merlin: Burn all Marluxia's flowers.
Tidus: Take Caasi on a date.
Selphie: Get a new voice! Or die.
Wakka: Get a proper haircut, outfit, weapon and personality. Also, learn to talk.
Gr: Consider me as another co-host!
T.J: Wear Aerith's dress for the next three chapters. He he.
That's it. And all of you remember, you'll have to deal with Ettolrahc and Caasi if you do anything bad! Like cheat. You have to follow the instructions to the letter.
Gr: ...And begin.
Mansex: *eye twitches* Now I have to dance? What sort of cruel world was I taken into? Kingdom Hearts!
Gr: Move it, Xemmy! *opens portal to Radiant Garden*
Mansex: If I must... *walks into Town Square and starts dancing 'Swan Lake'*
Gr: *smirks* ...and you thought I wouldn't film it... *records with a camcorder*
T.J: Xigbar!
Xigbar: Happily. *shoots four laser bullets that pin Xion to the wall by the coat*
Xion: ...This feels very uncomfortable.
Xaldin: ...Why do you hate me?
Gr: They don't need a reason, Fuzzball. Just do it!
Xaldin: *glares at Gr* Fine. *Summons all lances and stabs self* OW! No wonder Sora had a hard time beating me. It frickin' hurts!
Gr: That's right. Next?
Vexen: ...But Axel destroyed it yesterday, remember?
Axel: Destroyed what?
Vexen: *walks over to lab door* My lab. You des... destroy? *stares at lab which is the way it is: creepy* i don't get it.
Gr: Hey, the author wills it, it happens.
Vexen: ...I hate you. *summons Frozen Pride and throws it inside lab, making a giant explosion* Happy?
Gr: Nope...oh, wait for it.
Vexen: ...huh? *a giant piece of burnt metal falls on his head and he faints*
Gr: Yup, now I'm happy.
Lexaeus: ...What do you want me to say?
Gr: Anything works, bro. Just say 43 more words.
Lexaeus: ...about what?
Gr: 41. Come on, big guy.
Lexaeus: ...Does it count if I only talk to Zexion?
Gr: Yeah, so long as you reach 50. And only 32 to go.
Lexaeus: ...Please stop counting. It's annoying.
Gr: 27...
Lexaeus: ...It's not funny, Rain. Shut up.
Gr: ...21.
Lexaeus: ...T.J? Is it okay if I beat him up?
T.J: I don't know. I'm not his mom. Oh, and you've got 12 more words to say.
Lexaeus: ...You are not helping.
T.J: I know. You've got 8 more.
Lexaus: Can you both please stop?
Gr: Nope, sorry big guy. You have only-
Lexaeus: DON'T MOCK ME!
Gr: Wow, exactly 50 words. It's a record, Lexaeus.
Lexaeus: ...*sighs and walks off*
Gr: Oh, and I think this means you have to say at least 50 words every chapter. Emphasis on the ~every~.
Lexaeus: ...*eye twitches*
Zexion: Hate to break it to you...whatever your name is...but my original Lexicon was flushed down the toilet by...someone. *glares at Demyx*
Demyx: I told you, itwasn'...dammit! Please don't hurt me...?
Zexion: Yeah, whatever. You can have my favourite one *hands LoZ a copy of the Lexicon with red paint splattered on the cover*
LoZ: ...wow.
Saix: I have to WHAT!
Gr: Dude, you have a brain. You understand.
Saix: Fine...whatever. *makes dark corridor to the top of Kingdom Hearts and chokes* Crap, I forgot - *wheeze* - that this was - *wheeze* - in space! *falls off Kingdom Hearts...and floats in space...*
Gr: ...Okay, that went...so much better than I extected! Next!
Axel: *reads dare and frowns* Do that to my buddy Roxas?
Roxas: A dare's a dare buddy. I'm ready to embrace it. Call in the...*shudders*...fanfirls...
Axel: Okay. *summons fangirls and snogs Roxas in a room full of them*
Roxas: Oh no you don't... *pull Axel's coat and drags him into the room with him*
Axel: Rain! This wasn't the plan!
Gr: ...Meh. Next?
Demyx: *reads dare and looks crestfallen* But..but..but- my baby! *hugs Arpeggio and starts crying*
Gr: The Hydras are always-
Demyx: Fine! *breaks sitar on Luxord's pool table and starts bawling*
Luxord: *drunk*Hey, that's my- *hic* -pool table!
Demyx: *still crying*...Where do I get another weapon...?
T.J: ...Aww, I can't take it any more. I love you Demyx! *glomps crying Demyx*
Demyx: *still crying* Wha-?
T.J: *summons an electric Fender 2G guitar and gives it to Demyx* Here, have this.
Demyx: *stops crying* ...she's beautiful... *cries again*
T.J: Aww, I love you! You really mean it?
Demyx: What? No, I meant the guitar.
T.J: Ah...ok. *steps away* Next!
Luxord: *drunk* hubbaloo baloo the bear!
Gr: ...huh? Anyway,do your dare, Luxord.
Luxord: *reads dare; drunk* I gotta give up mah booze! I'd rather eat Axel's hair!
Axel: What's wrong with my hair?
Luxord: *drunk* It's *hic* ugly!
Axel: ...*eye twitches* Say what...?
Luxord: *drunk I ain't giving up my booze! Rain, summon the Hy- *hic*
Gr: On it. *opens portal to Hydra's dimension and pushes Luxord in*
Marluxia: ...Okay? *summons a million kinds of different flowers*
Gr: We're gonna need a bigger room...
Xigbar: No problem! *messes with the fabrics of space and turns the room 3 times bigger*
Gr: Gotta hand it to ya, You're good.
Xigbar: *smirks*
Larxene: ...Why do you fxxxing bitches hate me so much! *screams then commits suicide with Xaldin's lances*
T.J: Meh, I'll bring her back anyway...eventually.
Roxas: ...Uhm, Okay. *opens dark corridor to Sunset Beach and has fun*
Xion: ...Who?
Ettolrahc: *comes in dramatically through window* Me.
Xion: ...Ok...
(One epic battle later...)
Ettolrahc: Too easy...
Xion: ...*faints*
Gr: ...Aw, that's mean. Next!
Sora: *reads dare and frowns* Say what now?
Tidus: Just do it, dude. I'm gay in LoZ's fic and so are you. So...just do it for his sake.
Sora: ...Okay. *gulps and sweatdrops*
Everyone: *gasps* :O
Sora and Tidus; *lips touch for a second and they spit on the floor*
Tidus: ...LoZ said you'd taste like candy...
Sora: ...I'm never doing that again. Rain, remind me to choose the Hydra next time...
Gr: Will do.
Riku: I have to cut my hair...Great.
Gr: *hands him scissors reluctantly* Here ya go...
Riku: I hate you all...*cuts hair then dyes hair green with instant hair dyer*
Gr: Wow, you suddenly look more attrative than before...I don't like it.
Kairi: Why does everyone want me dead! *steals Metal Chocobo from Sora and stabs self*
Cloud and Leon: *looks at each other bewildered* ...What?
Gr: Hydras, Hydras. One, two, three...
Cloud and Leon: *nervously snog each other* ...Sorry.
Gr: ...Ooh, and Aerith' next!
Aerith: Okay... *goes into changing room and changes into a biker's jacket and jeans*...Okay?
All boys in room: *stares*...Damn!
All girls in room: *stares jealously at Aerith* Hmph!
Yuffie: *My clothings do not need censorship! *raises chest and immidiately...*
All boys in room: *...get a nosebleed*
Yuffie: Oh, fine. *takes Mansex's Zebra-print coat and puts it on*
Mansex: Hey, where did you- That's mine!
Yuffie: I like it, so shut up. *summons her giant Shuriken*
Mansex: ...*shuts up*
Merlin: *comes in through portal* I believe I was summoned here?
Gr: Yes, Sir, you were. You see, we have a dare for you. *hands him dare*
Merlin: *reads dare* ...Oh dear...Very well, who is this Marluxia person?
Marluxia: *proudly stands up* Me, Sir.
Merlin: i believe I'm told to burn your flowers..or else, oh, I'm goin to be fed to the Hydras?
Marluxia: ...But...But Sir, my...my beautiful flowers...my babies...you...you...*sobs*
Marlin: What's to be done must be done! *casts Firaga on all flowers in room*
Marluxia: ...*screams and faints*
Gr: ...Wait, all the flowers? Crap, we gotta evacuate the area!
T.J: Why?
Gr: Because we're in a closed room and with a fire this huge...we're all pretty much gonna die.
T.J: Oh, in that case...Everybody panic!
Gr: *opens portal to another room* Hyrry up, everyone!
Everyone: *goes through before the room burns down*
T.J: *stares at LoZ* You...
LoZ: ...What?
Gr: *glares at LoZ* This is your fault.
LoZ: ...Meh, just move on.
Gr: Right, next?
Tidus: Great, another homosexual dare. Fine, but don't expect him to come back alive if he molests me. Come on Caasi...*takes Caasi on a date*
Selphie: What do you want me to do? Get a vocal cord transplant?
Gr: ...Not a bad idea...Vexen?
T.J: *revives Vexen*
Vexen: Yes?
Gr: Selphie, here, need a vocal transplant and-
Vexen: I'm on it. *takes Selphie to the next room*
(minutes later...)
Selphie: *comes back looking shy...and with bandages wrapped around her neck*
Gr: Can you talk now?
Selphie: *talks like Haley Williams* ...Yes. Wow, I sound awesome!
Gr: Yes. She, I mean Haley Williams, should totally do your voice in te games. You sound...good.
Selphie: Thanks.
Wakka: Ar you sayin I can't talk brah?
Gr: Just do it, Wakka.
Wakka: *changes clothes, gets a haircut, and tries to act cool* Hello, my name is Wakka. How are you today, ya?
Gr: Good enough. Now, go play with Roxas or something...
Wakka: ...*goes to beach with Roxas*
Gr: Okay next is me?...Okay, sure.
LoZ: *fist pumps with Gr* Yeah! In your face T.J!
T.j: *glares at him* ...And I wear Aerith's clothes...?
Gr: ...Well, a dare's a dare.
T.J: *goes to Aerith's room and wears her dress* Happy?
F.K: ...Sis, is that you?
T.J: ...*starts beating the crap out of Gr*
Gr: ...Ouch!
T.J: Due to technical issues, this chapter now has to come to an end.
Gr: But-
T.J: Can it! *kicks his nuts*
Gr: ...You're mean...wanna make a deal?
T.J: *lets Gr go* ...I'm listening.
Gr: You let the chapter go on and I make you...say, a pro co-author supreme?
T.J: That's better that co-author, right?
Gr: Well, yes, but there are a few side-effects...
T.J: Don't care! Let's go.
Gr: Just sign this paper that details all your requirements, pros and cons, personality details, soul level, the deal with the devil, the 100 year sleep...that's all.
T.J: ...*takes the parer and signs* I'll do it.
Gr: Cool. So, upon insistence from dear GoldPhantom and z-eion, we present to you his dares:
hello Gold phantom here
Xemnas- you are xhenort's nobody summon his keyblade NOW
Roxas- become the leader of the organization leader
Namine- here are some custom keyblades(Kingdom hearts,a keyblade that utilizes kingdom hearts true power, destiny light) go beat siax marluxia and mansex up oh and kiss Roxas on the lips and admit you love him and i will give the two of you hearts*holds up hearts*
Zexion- here is my custom lexion,book of redemption, it is the most powerful lexicon ever!
Kari- kiss sora
Larxene- who is your somebody
GR-do not let anyone hurt Roxas or Namine...Or else i will get my nobody and have him kill you.
Riku, i challenge you to a keyblade fight. Not Anselm seeker of darkness! You use soul eater and i will use my strongest keyblade, TRI-BLADE, which is about 10 times stronger than the X-blade.
Xemnas- make me a member of the organization and replace Xigbar with me.
Gr: Oh, nice. Mansex?
Mansex: This is ridiculous! I can't summon Keyblades!
Gr: Too bad.
Mansex: No, no, no no no no-
Gr: *opens Hydra portal and pushes Mansex in*
Roxas: Sweet, I always wanted this. Axel, you're second in command!
Axel: *fist pumps* Ch-yeah!
Namine: ...Oh, ok. *takes the keyblades (of course gives one to Roxas) and kisses Roxas* I love...you.
Roxas: ...Hummana *faints from kiss*
Namine: Oh, dear. *uses Water (yes, it's a spell! llok up FFwikia/KHwikia) to wake Roxas up*
Roxas: Sweet...*takes a heart and gives the other to Namine*
GoldPhantom: ...Don't forget to kiss again near the end.
Roxas and Namine: *completely ignore GP and kisses each other passionately*
Gr: ...Right. Zexion?
Zexion: ...You totally stole that from the Book of Retribution, the Book of Revelation, and the Book of Remembrance...But, sure, I'll take it. Thanks.
T.J: *revives Kairi* ...Wait, why do I feel so weak after using magic?
Gr: *quietly smirks and grins evilly* Kairi...?
Kairi: *blushes*...ummm
Sora: ...I hate you darers...but...I love you Kairi. *kisses her*
Kairi: *kisses back*
(monutes later...)
Kairi and Sora: *passionately exchanging kisses*
Gr: ...Okay, now I'm getting sick. As for my dare, don't worry about it. I don't particuarly like any pairings (really, romance isn't my thing...) but Roxas and Namine are safe...I like blondes. Although...Even if I do end up hurting them, and in turn you killing me, you'll have to deal with my family of lawyers and their lawyers.
GoldPhantom: ...I see.
Larxene: I don't have any memories of me being me in any other life, so I don't know. Lots of people like to believe it's either Arlene, Relena, Nerela... etc.
GoldPhantom: ...I see...
Gr: Riku?
Riku: ...I hate my hair...Oh, my turn again?
Gr: Yep...*hands him dare*
Riku: ...*reads dare* Oh, come on! That is such an overexaggeration of a weapon!
GoldPhantom: *summons massive TRI-BLADE* You chicken?
Riku: Against you with just Souleater? Yes.
GoldPhantom: Rain. Hydras.
Gr: *gets ready to summon Hydra when...*
Riku: *...summons Souleater and attacks GP*
(One epic battle later...)
Riku: *dead; mutilated*
Gr: Eurgh...that's brutal...
GoldPhantom: ...Meh. *withdraws TRI-BLADE*
Gr: T.J?
T.J: *revives Mansex*
Mansex: ...Oh...that fells good. Do I have a dare again?
Gr: Yesh. *hands him dare*
Mansex: ...Yeah, sure, welcome aboard. I, Superior of The In-Between, dub thee Number II...
Xigbar: Hey!
Mansex: ...*smiles*
T.J: And...I think that's all we have time for.
Gr: Aww, I was having fun. *grins evilly*
T.J: I feel...weird. Are you sure that contract...was a good idea?
Gr: You signed it dudette. Why blame me?
T.J: Anyway, cya guys.
-x- curtains fall -x-