If you like this...this, I take credit for it. If you don't, it's all Kazoo's fault. I don't know if it could be a crack fic since this could actually happen for real with them.

The Howlett family never really did much for Christmas. Logan found all the activity to be highly annoying. The parents running around trying to find gifts for their brats was just stupid. It wasn't like their life was over because they didn't get the stupid Barbie that they were going to forget about in ten days.

A part of him was ashamed that he even knew what a Barbie was.

At ten years of age, Anna had pretty much grown out of the need to make a big deal out of Christmas, one reason being the influence of her father, the other reason being she was spoiled the other three-hundred and sixty-four days out of the year. Between her father, her new 'Uncle' Wade, her godparents, and her 'big brother' Rhodey, she could have anything she wanted for the asking.

As for Wade…after the events of last year, Wade was no longer allowed to 'celebrate' Christmas, as cited by the C.I.A, the F.B.I and several other letters. It was one of the very few things agreed upon unanimously in years. Information beyond that is strictly classified on a need to know basis. However, a Catholic priest, a German shepherd named Mary, and an Asian man named Rudolph were involved.

This year was not going to be anything special. Pepper had tried to convince them to come to Malibu for the holiday, but Logan had declined for them, despite Anna's wishes. His logic was that they were clear on the East coast in Virginia and there was no way they would make it in time for Christmas all the way in California. She didn't see why they just couldn't fly or take a train. Two words: metal skeleton. There was no way he could get through security without a full cavity search. Besides him, Wade never went anywhere without his small armory unless sufficiently bribed. So they stayed in their little town of River Port, Virginia in their house just outside of city limits without a tree or a string of garland in sight. However, if Anna had insisted even a little then they would have gone all-out. If she didn't want to make a big fuss about it, neither were going to try and convince her otherwise.

On this eve before Christmas, Anna was being entertained by her adopted uncle Wade who was showing her how to play poker. They had been using cash for stakes because then she'd 'be aware of the real consequences and not want to do it for real. Because gambling is wrong and stuff'. Logan had then back-handed him and ordered him to give the girl her money back. Now they were playing with various junk foods of cookies, cake, and brownies. Surprisingly, Anna did better when it came to the sugary treats, and Wade suspected that he'd just been hustled. After accumulating a large stack and leaving Wade with one lone cookie, she was sent to bed with Logan promising to have her stomach pumped if she ate even one of the sugar loaded snacks. With a few more whines, curses, and mumbles than he wanted to hear, Anna pouted down the hall.

After making sure that the little imp was actually going to bed to sleep and not read, Logan walked back down the hall. Glancing in the kitchen, he could see Wade eating a cake. Like a whole, two-layered, red velvet cake. He looked at him with begrudging awe at the speed with which he shoveled it in his face. As if sensing the eyes on him, Wade paused with the serving spoon halfway to his mouth and one cheek bulging like a chipmunk and turned to look at Logan. He glanced at the cake speculatively and back at Logan. Then he shoved the spoon out to him and blinked up with wide eyes.

"Wan' sum?" he asked around the cake in his mouth.

Logan merely blinked at him then walked past to the fridge and pulled out something distinctly alcoholic. Wade shrugged then continued to see how much cake he could eat before he overloaded his healing factor and was forced to throw it up. Because it was either this or go watch holiday specials which is how that 'classified Christmas' had gotten started. Logan left him to his business and went to his own room.

Wade merely shrugged.

"Mo' fo' ma!"

At some time past one, the Howlett home was quiet. Not one creak of a board or a squeak of a mouse. (Wade had a very interesting way to get rid of them.) Outside, the soft falling of the snow muffled even the sound of the occasional, passing car. With the two elder men of the house having heightened senses, it was a matter-of-course that they would hear the steps of several armed men surrounding their house.

The men had had enough sense to forgo the traditional skulk wear of black, seeing as that would be a dead give-away against the snowy ground. However, they seemed to have forgotten that creeping up to this particular house inhabited by these certain people would just be a death-wish.

A team of four was approaching from the west side, coming out from the trees. The full moon illuminated their way, even without the help of their night-vision goggles. One thing about those goggles: sight is limited.

They moved spread out with one out front, two behind just to either side of him, and one in the rear, forming a sort of a generalized diamond formation. None of the others noticed when the man in the back wasn't following them anymore. The one on right center didn't have enough time to react when left center went down, a spray of red preceding his fall. He was met with a similar end. The lead didn't know he was alone until he made it to one of the windows. He happened to glance behind him and was met with the sight of three blades coming at his face. Then he knew no more.

The others, a total of twenty-four men, were similarly dealt with in short order. Deadpool had come down from his treetop perch, rifle held at rest against his shoulder, and was examining his kills.

"Headshot. Headshot. Head. Aw, missed! Got him in the jugular. Whatever, close enough," he glanced over at Logan. "So Santa brought me what I wanted for Christmas! How 'bout you?"

Wolverine stared down dispassionately at the bloodied body at his feet.

"Wade?"

"Yup?"

"Why are ninjas coming here?"

"Psh, heck if I know. Although it might have to do with a small, unimportant scroll or…a temple nun. It's hard to say really. Those guys are just so hyper-sensitive."

"Do I even want to know?"

"No. No, ya don't! Trust me on this one," he waved on hand airily. "I mean 'cause I'd really have to kill you. And you're almost as hard to kill as me," a hand went to his chin. "Then you'd fight back, and it'd be really suck for Anna if she had to be an orphan because those scenarios never end well. Then Ravey would come to kill me 'cause she's the only one who's allowed to kill her ex-lovers or something. You know, I really don't like that word. Lovers. It's just…ick!"he shuddered then snapped his fingers. "Ooh! Can you swim? Because it would be so much easier to just drop your adamantium butt in a river or something."

The smile on his face dropped away into a lost look as he glanced around for his... genetically engineered brother. He was met with the sight of his back, the feral man already working to get rid of the bodies and find some way to remove the red-stained snow.

"Jimmy!" he whined.

Logan glanced back to see Deadpool right behind him.

"Don't run off like that!"

He sent him a level, blank stare and said slowly for the feeble-minded,

"I didn't run; I walked away, ever so slowly. Now git to work."

"'Kay!"

Deadpool then had the idea to take a page from one of those Disney movies Anna made him watch completely against his will because no way did a deranged mercenary actually enjoy them, and started to whistle while he worked.

"I swear, if you don't shut up, Wade!"

"All right, all right! You're such a buzz kill, dude. Like seriously.

From where he was standing with one body slung over his shoulder and another secured in his hand by his belt, Wade could see in Logan's stance that he was irritated.

"I don't know, do ya think I should?" he seemingly asked the corpses. Then he glanced at either one and laughed. "Yeah, right! Stupid question. You're kinda dead after all!"

"So," Wade called out "…when are we gonna open presents?"

The feral man's head jerked involuntarily. He slowly turned to look at the taller man. It was never good when he did things slowly. That meant he was already tensed up to kill you and was keeping back the impulse to whip around and slash a new hole for whoever was stupid enough to stand there to breathe through. But Wade was bored now. Wade needed to get his entertainment somehow. If he had to poke a temperamental wolverine with a stick for his kicks and giggles, so be it.

"Presents?" the Wolverine growled through clenched teeth. "Is that what you said? Presents?"

Deadpool nodded enthusiastically.

"I'll tell you what. As soon as we get back, we're gonna open the presents. Matter of fact, I'll tell ya. I'll save you the trouble. Your present is a giant, freakin' cannon, all right? And when we get back, you're gonna crawl into it. Then I'm gonna load two pounds of gunpowder in it, and I'm gonna light it up and shoot you right out into friggin' Jersey, okay? And then I'm gonna steal a car and drive to Jersey and pick up all the little stupid pieces of your body, put 'em in a big plastic bag, bring it back to my house, put 'em in the fireplace, light 'em on fire. I'm gonna sit there with a glass of whiskey and watch the Charlie Brown special with my kid with your ashes heatin' my damn house! Gah!"

Wade took in the animalistic rage contorting his features, teeth bared in a silent growl, and a puff of white air for every heated breath he took. Wade saw all of this, yet he still said,

"You're an angry, angry little man, you know that?"

SNIKT

"Oh, I'll show you angry!"

Wade was already running the other way before the bodies had hit the ground. The mad man actually giggled when Logan caught him, unsheathing his twin katana. He was certain that after they'd pull whatever pieces of themselves they were about to cut off back together, they'd finish the clean up in good spirits, wake the kid, and surprise her with her gifts they'd gotten her anyway. Then they'd sit back, watch the parade or something while sipping hot cocoa and hot cocoa mixed with something way stronger. It'd be nice; it'd be peaceful. It'd be one of the first Christmases he could remember being happy, instead of on contract to someone or alone or strapped down to a table for all the wrong reasons.

Yes, sir, he thought as Logan made a swipe that was entirely too close to the belt. This was a merry Christmas indeed!

A/N: Merry Christmas!

Oh, I've heard that Deadpool attracts ninjas. Something to do with killing his sensei or something…I don't really know.

Also Logan's rant came from the movie 'The Ref'.