A/N from JannP: I've been kind of the silent partner here, adding bits and pieces (mostly just bits) up until this part because Jen just ran with this amazing idea. This was the first part I really dug into and I hope the story benefits from my touches here, even though it would literally be nothing without my fabulous partner. I know it isn't exactly fun reading, but I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed helping write it. Please take a moment and make our day by letting us know what you think and how to make it better-reviews make us update faster. We are grateful for the support (and maybe just a little blown away!)

A/N from wants2beawriter: Quick response to my partner here. She may have been silent letting me post away, but she has been anything but not involved. I came to her with this idea and tried really really hard not to be a bull dozer with it (hopefully I haven't been too bad lol), but without her work this story wouldn't be possible. Her insights into Finn's mindset truly set her apart from any writer I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. Thank you so much for embarking on this roller coaster of a story with me! Now to all of our readers; thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the comments and support. This story is definitely not an easy read, so thanks for sticking with it. Hope you enjoy our collaboration.

A special thank you to joshsgrl for taking the time to edit when she could be out partying! 11 days!

Rated: T

Disclaimer: We do not, nor have we ever owned Glee.

Finn was unwilling to give her the name of the restaurant they were going to and it gave her pause, but she wasn't interested in small talk of any kind. She glanced over at her husband, who was reading through the NY Times, before letting her eyes flutter shut. She was so exhausted she honestly felt she had barely closed her eyes before he was rubbing her arm to wake her up.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked groggily stretching her arms and legs out as much as the back seat of his private car would allow.

"About 30 minutes or so; I had honestly forgotten what a sound sleeper you are…and how you talk in your sleep."

Rachel froze at the thought of what he might have heard. When she did talk in her sleep it was usually about whatever was weighing heavily on her and Caleb was her main focus (besides this ludicrous situation.)

"Oh, well….I'm sure it wasn't anything eventful," she said as casually as possible before stepping out of the car.

She wasn't sure what his new angle was or what he was truly trying to accomplish, but if it meant she didn't have to endure being intimate with her soon to be ex-husband for a myriad of reasons she was going to take advantage of it while she could.

"Actually, I found it quite entertaining."

Without glancing at the restaurant, Rachel spun almost bumping into him. "I…I see and what may I ask was so entertaining?" Rachel asked taking a step back, uncomfortable with his proximity, especially after she initially gave into his physical advances so easily. She couldn't let her feelings cloud her judgment any more than they already had.

His face was a mixture of curiosity, anger, and… well, she wouldn't allow herself to think about the other component. "Well, my name did cross those beautiful lips on more than one occasion," he said with a smug grin—flustering her in the process.

"I certainly did not say your name in my sleep and even if I were to have accidentally said it, it must have been because I was thinking about what a horribly vile man you are for bringing me to this point," she ranted.

"Whoa, relax. Don't get pissed at me because you can't handle that you still want me. If anything I should be the one angry because apparently you're already dating someone besides my ex-best friend. Does he know about our little bargain or did you decide to keep him in the dark as well?" Finn asked, his cool façade of indifference quickly crumbling.

Rachel felt the tears prick the back of her eyes. "I…I don't know who you're talking about and I am all done justifying my relationship with Noah," she whispered before turning toward the restaurant for the first time. Oh God. She assumed when he wouldn't tell her it was simply another form of a power trip for him. She figured he would take her to some offensive strip club or seedy bar. She never in a million years expected him to…

He watched her react, watched her deliberately slow her breathing as she flickered through a quick change of confusion, anger, and disbelief. He could still read her that well; he wished he couldn't. She'd uttered more than one dude's name in her sleep and he wished he didn't know someone like that as well as he knew her. He'd never thought her capable of something so… he licked his lips and felt his resolve strengthen. For the first time since he'd slipped the address to his driver, he knew he'd made the right decision bringing her here; and he was more certain than ever this was the way to get what he wanted. It was easy to slip back and forth from seemingly doting husband to pissed-off stranger when she gave him so much to work with.

"Surprised?" He breathed against her ear and neck, causing her to literally cringe.

"Why? Why would you do this?" She asked in a broken whisper.

Because I want you know how I feel? How I have felt every day for five years? Because this is just one of a dozen things I used to love that have been absolutely ruined for me? Because you ruined me, period?

He couldn't actually say any of that.

"Well, I remembered how much you liked this place given you follow that ridiculous vegan diet, so I figured…" He said with a shrug, casually walking in front of her. Once upon a time, he would've held a door or insisted she go ahead, maybe taken her hand if it was a case of leading her. But now…in the case of leading her on he just wanted her to follow him, and he knew the only way to get her walking was for him to seem like he was free. He'd gotten used to shrugging off a lot; it only took him a moment to remember how. Even if seeing somewhere that had been such a favorite place of theirs was enough to steal it for a second, he could snap back into character. She taught him how.

"Well, you figured wrong. How…did…did our marriage mean so little to you? How can you bring me to the place where we spent the first year and a half of our life toge…." She said loudly, knowing that most of the city block could probably hear her; when she really realized how loud she was, she stopped speaking and trailed suddenly.

His eyes followed her hand as it fluttered on her throat and he rolled his eyes. He started to argue back, immediately angry; he was jealous she had mentioned two guys—not only Puck but some guy named Caleb as well—and definitely not liking how this whole thing seemed to be backfiring on him by sending all her defenses right back up again.

"God, you have always been this dramatic? It is just a damned restaurant and I thought you would enjoy coming back. Besides I'm sure that—"

He was interrupted by an older woman calling out as she approached them. "Rachel? Sweetheart, is that really you? And...Oh my God, Doug…"

"You bastard," Rachel whispered through her tears. "You…"

"I didn't know they would be here on a Friday night," he shot back, hoping she didn't see the look of regret on his face. His voice was just as venomous and he was trying to swallow down the swift feelings that came up from the interruption: the warmth, the urge to hug the woman who was actually a lot like his mother and had been…whatever. What had been didn't matter now as much as what had to be, h. He needed to focus.

"Oh, sweetie…I can't believe you're here and you two…" the woman gushed and stopped herself; she sighed, looking between them. "You two are here together. I was so worried when you stopped coming by every week for dinner once you moved…are you…" Rachel couldn't speak, could only shake her head as the older woman pulled her into an embrace. "Well, never mind that, I am so happy to see you. Come inside…"

Rachel looked over her shoulder at Finn as she was led inside by the hand and, just for a second, she thought she saw pure and utter sadness plaguing his beautiful face.

He saw her looking and knew he had to rein it in. This was more of a kick to the 'nads than he had expected. He needed a minute to catch his breath. He tried to snap himself back together before she looked again. He could work with this; he could. Maybe he just needed to excuse himself for a minute to "go to the bathroom" or something. They had lived here, or just upstairs, so he knew his way around. He could find somewhere to go for a minute.

"Finn Hudson, now aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Doug said jovially as he moved to Finn's side behind the two ladies who were walking with their hands clasped. He patted Finn on the back and frowned lightly. "A little tense there?"

Finn sighed and lowered his shoulders with a deep exhale. "You have no idea."

"So, what the hell have you been up to? Haven't seen you for what…two years?" Finn nodded as they followed Rachel towards a back table. He tried not to remember how many times they had followed this exact path before; the carpet had been replaced with a hardwood floor and the pictures on the walls were framed with a lighter colored wood, but it really wasn't that different. The feelings were no different. Well…he was fighting them every step of the way this time so that wasn't the same.

"Working and shit…nothing new."

Doug stopped short at a side table, restraining Finn with a gentle hand on the elbow and dropping his voice down. "Nothing new?" The man repeated, his volume nothing more than a disbelieving hiss. "Last time I saw you, you came in here asking if Angie or I had heard anything from Rachel and then nothing; nothing from either of you for years. Now you two walk in together and look anything but happy. What gives?"

"We split up, all right? We're finally getting a divorce and just trying to work out the details."

Doug eyed him curiously then gestured his head in Rachel and Angie's direction. "I might just have been your landlord and Rachel's boss so maybe I'm overstepping my bounds here; but you two were almost sickening and lovey and then…what, it's just over? I just don't get it—because you really loved each other."

Finn sighed and offered his old friend a tight smile. "Some things just…things don't last, they change, all right? So…look, I need…"

Doug could see the younger man leaning toward where the ladies were standing in front of an achingly familiar table. He could see Finn needing to get over there and to be let out of his conversation. "Yea, go over and rescue her from Angie and I'll go make you both something. The usual?" Finn raised his eyebrows but didn't open his mouth and Doug continued. "You don't think I remember? You two ate here almost every night for a year and half."

Finn nodded and gave a smile they both knew was fake before he slapped Doug on the back. He headed back to the table, stopping when he heard Rachel laughing with Angie. He closed his eyes and allowed a long, steady breath to help as he forced himself not to get sucked in by such a sweet sound. He didn't want want to hear her laugh or see her eyes light up when she smiled. This wasn't about wanting a future with her. It was about closing the door to the past, so he could finally…finally feel something other than numbness or...well, all that other stuff. He didn't want to feel any of it anymore. He needed to shed her like he would any other bad habit.

After his breath was done, he cleared his throat to interrupt the two women. He offered Angie a warm smile when she looked behind her and Rachel thought it might have been the first true emotion he'd actually expressed since she had the displeasure of going to him for help. She looked away, not wanting to actually see a hint of who he used to be; it was easier not to. After all, neither of them were the same people and neither of them could go back.

"It's great to see you," he said softly as Angie pulled him into a motherly embrace.

"It is wonderful to see you. I missed you…" She paused and looked over at Rachel, who was wiping the tears from her own cheeks with the back of her hand. "…Bboth of you." Rachel smiled as new tears began to trickle down her already soaked cheeks.

"I missed you, too…you have no idea how much," Rachel whispered, her voice faltering to almost a squeak.

Angie released Finn from their embrace and wiped her own eyes. "Enough or I'll cry again. Did Doug start dinner for you?" Finn swallowed hard; Rachel could see his eyes and thought he was fighting his own tears from falling. When he spoke, his voice confirmed her suspicions.

"Yeah, he ummm…he said he remembered what we used to eat so…"

"Of course he does. Now, Rachel, are you sure you don't want something else since you aren't vegan anymore? We have some amazing new dishes you can try."

Rachel shook her head no and smiled.

"Okay then…dinner will be out shortly and when you two are done, we can catch up some more. I can't wait to hear how you are."

They both kind of nodded absently and she left, so they took their seats on the opposite side of the private booth. Rachel let out a shaky breath as Finn sat down across from her, buying time until Angie was out of ear shot.

"What kind of game are you trying to play here?" She growled, leaning across the table so he could hear her.

He swallowed a drink from the small water glass in front of him on the table and looked at her blankly, tying together all the stupid feelings he just didn't even want, let alone want her to see. Once he felt like he was put back together, he spoke in an easy tone.

"I have no clue what you're talking about. I had no idea they would be here when I decided to bring you here."

Rachel looked around to make sure no one was around them. "It doesn't matter if they were supposed to be here or not. You knew how much this place meant to me and how it would hurt me to come back here with you."

"Don't be ridiculous! I said we were going to go out as a married couple again. That was my only intention."

"Bullshit, Finn! You wanted to humiliate me! God…having sex with you would have been less torture than this," Rachel replied heatedly.

"Trust me; you set the bar on humiliation. You set it so high I couldn't ever reach and when the hell did you start to curse?" He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling a tension headache starting to creep up through his shoulders where they were hunched while he watched her. His voice dropped back to a more pleasant curious tone before he continued. "...And why aren't you vegan anymore?"

He didn't know which he was angrier about—the fact that she seemed to forget what she did to him or that fact that he didn't feel like he knew her at all anymore. It was a miracle he could choke his voice back down to a normal volume at all. He covered his frustration with another drink of water.

"God Finn, when are you going to get it through your thick skull that I never cheated on you? I loved you…I…God, you are so stupid." She cried as she tossed her napkin on the table. She clawed her way out of the booth and jumped to her feet, but then paused before running to the restrooms, stooping down to issue a hurried explanation in all her annoyance. "And for your information I had to give up veganism because my life was no longer conducive to it nor was I financially able to maintain such an expensive diet. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Once she disappeared, he rested his forehead on the table. It was shaping up to be a very long night; and he already had a headache coming on.

Fifteen minutes later, Rachel returned to the table and he could easily see she had been crying. He should have been happy about that as the goal was to make her hurt, but instead he felt a familiar knot in the pit of his stomach, just like he had whenever she cried. The same knot got even more painful when she refused to look at him.

"Rach…" he said in more of a breath than a voice, and more begging than anything else he'd done so far.

"Don't," she replied softly as she wiped away fresh tears. He had to catch himself from reaching across the table and wiping them tears away himself—and as his hand shook in denial on his lap, he wondered if those kinds of habits were the hardest to break; because he sure still had a lot of them and he didn't want them anymore.

"Don't what?"

"Don't call me that," she said clearly, her voice almost distant and foreign. He still remembered what her voice used to sound like when she would emotionally shut down. It was a voice he did not like; not in the slightest—probably the only voice of hers he actually hated. But then again, once he could find something he hated, he could hold onto it. It would be good, wouldn't it? It would help him focus again, should help him…but instead he just felt awful and tried his hardest to keep that feeling in the pit of his stomach away from his face where she would see it and she would know.

"What? I didn't call you…" he protested and her motion cut him off.

Rachel shook her head and finally looked up at him, her eyes full of pain and regret. He suddenly felt like there wasn't enough air in the room. For the first time, he was almost certain he couldn't actually do what he had been trying to do. It would kill whatever was left of him, if there was anything. He hadn't used these parts in a while, and the ache was roaring through him like it did through his muscles when he punched the bag a little too hard.

Where was that anger now? Was it all punched out? He needed some of it back because he felt like he was drowning in her eyes.

"Rach…you called me Rach and…"

"That's your name. I always called you…" he said hoarsely.

"No, you…you can't have it both ways here. You…you can't try to torture me with memories but hate me at the same time," she said, once again on the brink of tears. "If you truly want to make amends and get to know me, then you have to respect me and my feelings."

He sat for a moment, her words echoing in his head. On one hand, he wanted to fix his heart; to make it whole so it could feel something instead of just ache. On the other hand, she was the one who made him like this. She was the one who leveled him to nothing. So, he wouldn't take the chance. He couldn't take the chance because he couldn't feel anything, let alone respect feelings.

No; regardless of how sincere her intentions might seem, he couldn't risk getting to know her or falling in love with her again. Especially when she was still unable to admit what she did or the fact she was seeing two men. She just had trouble and heartbreak written all over her. He needed to be more careful with what was left of his heart; the tiny fragments were too much to risk.

"Fine, I…I won't call you that," he said solemnly.

She nodded and let out a sigh. Doug had sent out a server with their meal, and they both assumed it was to avoid interrupting their reunion. However, after over twenty minutes of strained silence, neither could take it anymore.

"So…?" They started in unison, laughing nervously as they realized what had happened.

"You first," Finn said with a weak smile.

"No, no, I'm sure your life has been far more exciting than mine…please." Rachel said, almost pleadingly. She didn't want to talk about her life as much as she thought he needed her to talk about it.

He put his fork down and let out a deep breath. "Well, ummm…after you left, I started working a lot."

"More than before?" Rachel interrupted. He nodded and her face hardened a little but her voice turned to steel. "I find that hard to believe given how much you worked during the last few months…" She sighed and just like that, her voice was soft again. "I mean…I never saw you."

"Yea, well I didn't really want to be at our house once you weren't there, so…" He admitted, a little sadly. When she looked at him with pity in her eyes, he wished he hadn't lost control that way. He had to get it back. "That didn't end up mattering too much, though. The hard work paid off, I made a name for myself as a sports agent. I managed to land several big names all at once then it just grew from there. So now I have money to burn, but you already knew that or…well, you wouldn't have come to me in the first place, right?"

Her eyes widened at the swift change in him. The sadness, the doubt… it was gone. The man she knew had been replaced with his sharp candor as he picked up his fork again and played with the mountain of broccoli still left on his plate.

Still, she had to be honest. "No, I wouldn't have—not after the way you threw me out." She choked on her words and on the sharp taste of bile in her throat. She thought she might know how he had switched on a dime, but unlike him she knew she would never be able to keep it up. "But you seem happy. I mean, I see your picture in the papers all the time. Different woman on your arm…I…" She added, her voice faltering when the reminder of those images became too painful.

"It's easy," he replied quickly for both their sakes.

"What's easy? Money, power…"

"Different women," he muttered, still not looking at her. He was afraid he would blurt out the unfortunate truth that easy women were easier to be around than his wife…or soon-to-be-ex-wife.

Rachel nodded then bit her lip. "Well as long as you're happy," she said with a fake smile, but he could see the tears pooling again in her eyes. He hoped he hid his emotions better. He held his napkin out to her blankly; he knew he wasn't going to cry because that usually wasn't his thing—but hiding emotions was more than biting back tears and he knew it. She accepted the offered linen without moving her mouth out of a flat line; she was a little better than he'd given her credit for.

"Yea, I…I mean who wouldn't be right?" He replied, almost choking on the words, letting them trip over each other a little in his hurry to get them out before his voice could give him away. He needed to change the subject. Like, now. "So, ummm, what about you? I figured you were a big name on Broadway, but… "

"No, well, goals change and so did mine, so…" she kept her voice and her head down, unable to meet his gaze and sparking his curiosity.

"I don't believe that. Did…did…Puck convince you to give up on your dreams because I…"

"NO!" She shouted, immediately and defensively, drawing the attention of a few patrons as well as prodding Finn's anger back to the surface.

"No? Well excuse me for assuming since you didn't make anything of your life…I thought it would be because that loser dragged you down with him."

"Stop!" She said. "He…he has been nothing but wonderful to me and Ca—" she shut her mouth quickly. He didn't need to learn about Caleb, especially in the heat of an argument. If she had her way, he just wouldn't learn at all.

"Oh I am sure he's been wonderful," Finn retorted sharply, acid eating through his entire tone.

"He has. If you knew half of the things he has done for me and…well, you would be singing his praises rather than condemning him," she surmised.

"Praising him? You…you've got to be fucking kidding me. I…he…you…" Finn stammered as his anger continued to boil, simmering dangerously close to exploding now. "You can't be serious."

"Yes, I'm more than serious. He has been my lifeline since…" she pulled her dwindling glass of water to her lips and spoke just before drinking. "I don't want to talk about him anymore…I..I won't."

"Fine. You don't want to talk about him anymore? What about the other guy?" Finn spat, finally remembering his goal of punishment. He was back in control and he was getting more certain by the second. This is what he needed. This is what he could do.

"What…what other guy?" She stammered; he could see fear in her eyes. He was winning. He was on the right track. There was someone else. Someone she was hiding.

"Come on…you can tell me. I won't tell Puck you're having an affair…at least not yet."

"I don't know what you're talking about but I think this evening is over." Rachel spat, standing up from the table.

Time to pull it back a little; she had escalated her defense so quickly he had to get it back under his control. This would move at his pace, end of story. They hadn't gotten here on his terms, but they would sure as shit end on them.

He shook his head and gripped her wrist, letting his thumb run over her racing pulse.

"Rach…I mean Rachel. I'm sorry. Look, I don't want to discuss Puck or any other guy you are with just as much as you obviously don't want to, so let's agree to drop it and have dessert. I know you aren't vegan anymore, but they do have the cheesecake you loved. Please?"

Rachel swallowed hard and hesitantly slid back into her seat. His sudden switch had thrown her back off balance and she wasn't entirely sure what to do with that. But it didn't seem like he was going to pull out any more sharp weapons…at least not right away. They could retreat a little and lick their wounds without losing ground.

"I…I do love their cheesecake. I've really missed it," she said, pulling her hand away from his hold.

But she gave him a small smile anyway. This wasn't over, not by a long shot, but it sure seemed like at least a brief truce.