Author's note: It was difficult trying to incorporate stuff from this episode to parents and it didn't turn out the way I was hoping.

My apologies.

I should be prom queen at this school. If I were queen I could get Brittany to drop the four-eyed loser and go for the real queen. She's so gullible I could convince her that by royal decree I made her being with me the law of the land. But that's never going to happen. I don't have the votes. Unless I could get the jock block. And god knows Sam has not got the heat at this school yet. Hold on, there's someone at this school who just might have the juice. Dave Karofsky. Holy crap! I'm a closet lesbian and a judgmental bitch which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar.

"I told him I would be all for it if it weren't for Karofsky," Blaine said as he took Kurt's hand in his at the Lima Bean later that afternoon.

"Wait, what did you just say?" Santana asked as she was pulled back to reality from daydreaming about Brittany.

"Kurt needs to be safe," Blaine said.

"Okay, will you please change the subject?"

That's it! Kurt's the trick to winning prom queen and getting Britt, not to mention totally boosting our chances at Nationals. If I could get Kurt back, I'd be a hero. Even Quinn and Finn would vote for me. The key? Karofsky.

"I've gotta gay. Go. I've gotta go."

Santana strut down the hallway to Karofsky's locker the next morning, determined.

"You, me, Lima Bean afterschool," she demanded once she reached him.

She turned to walk away before he could even respond.

"I knew you'd ask me out eventually, I'm kind of a duke stud at McKinley," Karofsky said when they had both gotten their coffee.

"Give it up, I know," Santana replied.

"Know what?"

"The truth," she said. "You're gay."

"What? Who told you that?" he spit out as he started to get defensive.

"No one had to tell me. First of all, I saw you checking out Sam's ass the other day, you know, you really need to be more careful with your leering."

"I didn't. I was just seeing what jeans he was wearing."

"Like that's any less gay. Second of all, I know about you and Kurt. Remember last week before the benefit? About you worried about the 'truth getting out'? Guess what? It's out," Santana said as she leaned back in her chair.

"Whatever they told you is a lie to mess with me. I'll kick their asses," Karofsky said as his anger continued to build.

"Okay, you know what, why don't you just settle down. Let Auntie Tannie here tell you a little story. It's about you. You're what we call a "late in life gay". You're going to stay in the closet, get married, get drunk to have relations with your wife, have a couple kids, maybe become a state senator or a deacon, then get caught in the men's room tapping your foot with some page. And you know what? I accept that about you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I need you. And you need me."

Santana did a quick look around before she quietly said, "We play on the same team."

As his realization kicks he starts to say, "you're-"

"Look I'm not ready to start eating jicama or get a flattop yet either," she interjected. "Maybe in junior college."

"This is garbage. I'm not gay."

"I'm trying to help you out here. Have you ever heard of the term 'beards'? It's when a gay man and woman date each other to hide the fact that they're gay. Like the Roosevelts. So you and I are going to be each others' beards. Then we're going to win prom king and queen and rule the school."

"What if I say no?"

"Then I'm going to tell everyone about you and your life will be over. The only straight I am is straight up bitch. You in or not?"

Karofsky just glared at her. She took that as a yes.

"Good. Meet me at my house at 5. We need to work on your apology."

"Hopefully we can get this thing done before mom, mama, and dad get home," Santana thought as she opened the door for Karofsky.

"Why do I need to apologize?" he asked as he walked through the doorway.

"Because we need to get Kurt back. He's the key to us winning prom queen and king," she told him, leaving out the part about the Glee club and Nationals. She didn't figure that would help her cause.

"Here's what you're going to say," she said as she handed him a sheet of paper. "Memorize it, but when you actually do apologize, make it real."

Karofsky sat down on the couch and went over what she had written for him to say.

"What's the Bully Whips?" he asked her. "It's mentioned here, but I've never heard of that before."

"It's our new club," she said with a smile.

"Sofia, are you home yet?" Callie's voice came from the kitchen.

Shit.

Santana grimaced as she told her mama that she was in the living room.

"Who's this?" Callie asked when she entered the room.

Karofsky stood up to shake her hand (he was raised with some manners).

"Dave Karofsky, ma'am."

Callie took his hand and gave Santana a hard look.

"We can finish this up at school tomorrow, okay?" Santana said as she turned to Karofsky.

"Sure. Later," he said as he left.

"Sofia, why was that bully here?" Callie asked after Karofsky left.

"I'm making him apologize to the Glee club, and to Kurt," she said, hoping she wouldn't push further.

"And how are you doing that?" she asked with her arms crossed giving Santana one of those looks.

"'sgay," she said quickly.

"You know that's not right. How would you like that if someone did that to you?" Callie asked her, her anger rising.

"Not very good."

"Think about it before you go through with this. What even brought this about?"

"I want to be prom queen so Brittany will be with me."

"Oh sweetie, I don't think Brittany will care if you're prom queen or not. Just give her some time."

Clearly you don't love you as much as I do or you would put this shirt on and dance with me.

"Thanks a lot Mr. Schue," Santana thought as she sat in the auditorium with Karofsky watching the rest of the Glee club perform Born This Way. If it weren't for this stupid assignment, I'd be one step closer to being with Brittany rather than one step back.

"Well, hopefully this prom queen plan turns out better," she thought.