A/N: Okay, guys, are you ready? Here's Chapter 5: Two Girly Men. Sorry it's been a few days, but I've been working on one shots, unofficially beta-ing my friend's awesome story and oh, that little thing called "reality" got in the way too. So overrated. :P I might not be able to update for a little while because of crazy parents and siblings and family get-togethers. Ugh. Don't they know I have better things to do than clean? Like, I don't know, write more fanfiction! By the way, I know that Kigira is not actually a "registered planet" in the 'Verse. Yes, I made it up. If you know particulars about Firefly geography, let's just say its somewhere around the Red Sun system. It's sandwiched between Harvest and Triumph and Silverhold. And let's pretend that Jayne is from another made up planet in the same area called Iaceli. Cause I want him to be and it's never actually mentioned. And this is an updated version, so if you're reading this for the second time, you'll notice a few changes. Thank you, RevDorothyL, for your awesome review and pointing out my numerous flaws. Critiques are always appreciated.
P.S. If I'm rambling on and making no sense, it's cause I'm writing this at 2:17 AM. That's how much I love you guys! 3
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the controller of this series, the most amazing arc of X-men ever, and my mind.
Chapter 5: Two Girly Men
"We ain't got that kinda time, Jayne." Mal insisted, ducking his head as he entered the mess hall for dinner.
"C'mon, Mal. I haven't been back in years. Ma's startin' to think I've got some kinda ty-rant Captain or somethin'." Jayne whined, following behind Mal from the bridge. Both men sat in their usual chairs around the crowded table as Kaylee dished food to everyone.
"I'll take that "or somethin'" part cause there ain't no way you're visitin' this time around." Mal announced, wearing his 'I'm-the-Captain-hear-me-roar' face. "We need yah here for the job. You can go back home some other day. Why're you so set on going home all of a sudden, anyways?"
Shoveling purple protein in his mouth, Jayne mumbled. "Mah brother's sick. Gotta go see 'im. May not make it til some other day." He never once looked up from the repulsing dinner, not liking revealing his personal life, but he knew it was the only way Mal would ever let him go.
He was right. Mal shut up for a minute, a rare occurrence, before sighing and relenting. "Fine. I'll drop yah in yer hometown the day before the job. Don't really need yah anyways. I'll just take the doc instead. It's about time he learned how to use a gun."
Jayne sighed with relief, chuckling at Simon's objections to Mal's new plan. He was so happy that when River stole a biscuit off of his plate, he barely managed a half-hearted "Gorram it, Crazy!" before quickly devouring the rest of the soupy paste in his bowl.
"Yah can go on one condition, Jayne." Mal announced, turning back to the suddenly still merc.
"Wha's that?"
"Yah gotta watch li'l Albatross here fer the day while we're out on the job." He pointed to River as he spoke and she looked up as she guiltily pulled apart the biscuit she had stolen from Jayne. She smiled innocently at him, and he gave a small smile back before returning his gaze to his hired gun.
"What? Mal!" Simon and Jayne shouted at the same time, before looking at each other in a mix of bewilderment and disgust. Simon was the first to recover.
"Mal, you can't be serious! I mean, given their…history…do you really think it would be a good idea to leave them alone together?" The doctor objected loudly, gesturing furiously with his hands as he spoke.
"Mal!" Jayne joined in, partly for show, but partly in pure concern. His hometown wasn't any Core-bred luxury like River was used to, like River deserved. Fact was, women like his girl didn't even step within the planet's orbit. Not that she couldn't defend herself. Jien tah-duh guay, she'd proved she could defend herself. "C'mon, Mal! Don't stick me with Crazy! She'll jus' get in the way an' try to slice me up agen. 'Sides, I doubt the folks on Iaceli would take kindly to havin' some moonbrain rub soup in ther hair. Don't yah need 'er on the job, anyways?"
"Bizui! One at a time! Now doc, Ariel was a long time ago, and I think Jayne knows what'll happen to 'im iffen he tries somethin' like that again, dong ma? And Jayne, Lil Albatross has been getting more'n a mite better since Miranda an' iffen you keep an eye on her then she won't have the time to rub soup or slice, now will she. 'Sides, job's not particularly dangerous. Wasn't planning on usin' her skills anyways. Simon an' Zoё'll handle our protection, I'll make the deal, Kaylee's flyin' Serenity and 'Nara's gonna get us inside that community on Kigira with her reputation. No one else has the time ta watch River."
"Mal!" Simon and Jayne shouted again. They both had to try one more time.
"Doc! Yer part a this crew, which means yah hold yer own. On the battlefield and in the infirmary. Time you learned. Jayne! Yah'll either take 'Tross with yah, or yah won't be goin' at all."
"Get us to Kigira, Kaylee." Mal ordered through the comm from the cargo bay as he shut the airlock doors.
"Shiny, Cap'n."
Down below them, watching Serenity sail away, Jayne stood with River tucked under his arm, quickly surveying the area with one hand on Vera. Turning, he trudged toward a tiny town of grubby houses at the top of a sandy hill. Home sweet home, he thought, approaching the town.
"Geographically unstable. High pressure altitude causes changes in atmosphere, makes the ground move." River mumbled behind him, staring at the village. Jayne paused to look at her, confusion clearly written on his face before he made sense of her words. "Yeh. Winds carries th' sand. Gotta rebuild every few years. We jus' gotta stop there for a few minutes ta rent a mule out ta th' house."
"Moving houses!" She nearly screamed, giggling and throwing her arms around him. "So beautiful!" For the first time since they'd arrived on this sorry, dirty excuse for a planet, he smiled down at her.
"Yah really think so?"
"Your worries are unnecessary. She didn't like Core planets. Ran away from them. She—I like sorry, dirty excuses for planets. More character, more freedom." She gave him one of those big smiles that she saved only for him.
"Glad ya like it, darlin'." He snickered, leading her up the rest of the hill, the duffel bag containing their stuff slung over his shoulder.
"I'll take a two-person mule fer two days." He ordered the woman behind the train station-esque desk from Earth-that-was, slapping an adequate stack of credits on the counter. River smiled as the blonde, curvy woman obviously tried to flirt with Jayne, and he continually ignored her, staring the back the way they had come with a look of vague familiarity. She wandered a few feet to a supply store, looking through the window at the shop's supply of guns. She was there, her nose pressed up against the glass when a looming man exited the store.
All Jayne heard was River's voice whispering, "There's two of them." From somewhere behind him. Spinning around, he was greeted by the sight of River latched on to some slightly smaller man's arm, grinning up at him. Jayne could only see his back.
Before the other man even had a chance to react, Jayne had ripped River from his arm, swung him around and punched him in the face so hard that he dropped the bag he was holding and fell to the ground. Stopping for a second to check any broken bones, and finding a bloody nose, the stranger quickly rebounded, taking a swipe at Jayne's legs that he just barely dodged. Jayne grabbed River's arm, gently but forcefully pushing her behind him, out of the line of fire. Meanwhile, the man had regained his footing and was swinging an arm in the merc's direction. Jayne caught his fist and was about to kick the other man painfully in the ribcage when he heard him gasp, "Jayne!"
"Erinn? Erinn!" Serenity's hired gun shouted, releasing the other man and embracing him quickly in a brotherly hug.
"What the guay are yah doin' here?" The other man asked, returning the embrace before breaking apart and looking the bigger man up and down.
"Mah Cap'n had some work on Kigira an' Ma sent me a wave about Matty a few days ago. Thought I'd stop by." He explained, giving the smaller man a similar look-over.
A small voice said from behind him, "There's two of them." Reaching blindly behind his back, he caught a hold of River's wrist and gently brought her to his side. "River, this here's mah brother, Erinn. Erinn, this is my girl, River."
"Sibling relation explains uncanny illusion of two." Erinn just stared, his mouth open slightly and a quizzical look on his face.
"She means we look alike." Jayne explained, wrapping an arm around her waist. "She talks fancy-like sometimes. Yah'll get used to it."
"Pleasure to meet yah, ma'am." Erinn smiled, recovering quickly and stretching out his hand to shake.
"She's pleased to meet you, too. Girly man doesn't say much about his family." She shook his hand awkwardly, not used to such polite contact.
Erinn was confused again.
Jayne just groaned. "Are we back to that agen, Moonbrain? What'd I tell you?"
"Jayne is a girl's name." She insisted.
"And Jayne's not a girl." Erinn looked positively clueless. Jayne just mouthed "I'll explain it to yah later."
"Come to think of it," River suddenly said, a pondering look on her face. "The name Erinn has certain effeminate connotations as well."
"What?" both men burst.
River gave them her patented you're-being-a-boob face before answering.
"Erinn is also a girl's name."
Chinese Translations
Jien tah-duh guay = Like hell!
Bizui = Shut up!
Guay = hell