Fainting Spells by HaidarEyra

Chapter 9: The Dreaded Airlock

Disclaimer: I WISH I profited from this. I owe it all to Joss!

A/N: I must warn you that this is the last chapter I have planned. I COULD perhaps be persuaded into an epilogue, but I'm not sold on the idea and need a second opinion. (Hint, hint!) I really want to thank everyone who reviewed or favorited or added me to their alerts. You guys kept me going and I'm sorry I didn't reply to your reviews. They made me really happy! I really hope you enjoy the ending. I loved writing it and I hope it turned out as good as it was in my head. So here goes nothing…

Jayne wasn't quite sure what happened. Thinking back on it, he remembered…dinner. Simon trying to force River to eat. An argument. He had to remember to beat that pi gu up later for talking to his girl like that.

And then River had told them she was pregnant.

And then he'd asked her to marry him.

And then…it all went black. He remembered pain, blinding pain on the back of his skull, but that was it.

Where was he?

His head hurt like hell, and whatever he was laying on was gorram uncomfortable. Metal. Metal gridwork, like the kind in the cargo bay.

Like the kind in the airlock.

His eyes snapped open.

"Gao yang zhong de gui yang." He was in the gorram airlock.

"Thought yah might wanna take a minute tah explain somethin' tah me." Mal's voice crackled over a portable comm. unit on the floor a few feet away. "Yah wanna explain tah me how come my pilot's knocked up an' yah seem tah be the father?"

Jayne struggled to stand, fighting the sickening headache. He held the comm. unit and met Mal's eyes through the window. "Cause I am the father, Mal."

"Da-xiang bao-zha shi de la du-zi!" Mal cursed, his face stone cold. "Thought I made it clear that I wouldn' stand fer anyone takin' advantage of the women on my boat. Somethin' about that fact yah missed, Jayne?"

"Didn' take advantage, Mal! What kinda hun dan d'ya think I am?"

"The kind who would impregnate a 23 year old girl whose judgment is clearly faulted." A new voice said from behind Mal, and Simon appeared in the window, eyes blazing.

"She was willin'! Jus' ask her!"

"I can't. She needed to be sedated."

"Yah sedated a pregnant woman?"

"It was perfectly safe. Unlike what you did to her."

"I didn't rape her! Who says yah get tah speak fer her anyways?"

"She's my sister!"

"And she's above the legal consentin' age. Even Core planets say 18! She ain't been 18 for three whole years!" Mal gave him a funny look. "Wha'? I ain't a piece of go se, Mal. I made sure it was legal."

None of them spoke for a minute.

"Sides, iffen I'm not mistaken, yah've both got pregnant girls somewheres on this ship, so don' even start!"

"She's my sister!" Simon repeated.

"An' yah might 's well 'ave knocked up mah sister too!" Jayne winced, not being able to stop the words before they were out of his mouth.

Simon blinked rapidly. Mal finally managed, "What?"

"Yah said it yerself, Mal, crew's family. Kaylee an' I 're from the same planet. She's been damn close tah a little sister tah me fer a long time."

Simon couldn't say anything. He just stared.

"Inara's countenance and general manner are in accordance with that of Jayne's oldest biological sibling, Lily." A voice said from behind them. River was leaning against the doorway of the infirmary, resting her weight on the doorframe as she fought the sedation.

"Mei mei—"

"Bao bei—"

Jayne and Simon started at the same time. Simon glared at Jayne, but the older man continued. "Bao bei, yah shouldn' be up. Go an' lay back down, darlin'."

River took a few labored steps. "Inara's countenance and general manner are in accordance with that of Jayne's oldest biological sibling, Lily." She repeated.

"What, 'Tross?" Mal asked, voicing the confusion written plainly on his and Simon's faces.

"She means that Inara looks like mah sister, Lily." Jayne said from behind them, sighing.

"So?"

"Crew's family, Mal. Yah knocked up Inara, might as well 'ave knocked up Lily. Feels the same."

For perhaps the first time in his life, Mal was speechless.

"That doesn't give you the right to take advantage of my sister!" Simon finally exploded, emphasizing the 'my sister' part.

"Didn't take advantage, Simon. I consented, insisted, in fact. It wasn't the ravaging you imagine. He courted me. Gave gifts, ate dinner, made happy."

She paused.

"Made love."

"What are you saying, River?" Simon squeaked desperately.

"I'm saying," she reached the window, looking into Jayne's eyes. "I love you, Jayne Cobb. I couldn't say it before, but I do. And I will marry you."

The airlock opened. They all turned.

"Something wrong, sir?" Zoё asked from the stairs above the controls. One hand was still on the button, the other held a gun pointed directly at Mal. Four pairs of eyes watched as she grabbed another gun and pointed it at Simon. "Something wrong, Simon?"

Mal caved first. "No, Zoё, I reckon we're done here." He began to walk away.

"W—u—Mal!" Simon called after him.

"Jayne's right," Mal said, slowly turning to meet the Doc's eyes. "This crew's family. Yah don't get special treatment just cause yah share blood. She says he didn' take advantage, and I'm like to believe her."

"Oh, and Jayne?" Mal called, right before he left the room. "Yah hurt my pilot or that kid? I will space you."

"Same tah you, Mal." Jayne answered, smiling slightly as he referenced Inara and their unborn child.

"Fine!" Simon screamed, throwing his hands up in the air and stomping out of the room.

River sighed. "Kaylee will talk sense and sunshine into him. He will be fine."

"Shiny." Jayne answered, "And Zoё? Thanks."

Only when they were alone did he allow himself to wrap his arms around her, holding her as close as he possibly could.

"We're gonna have a baby." It was halfway between a question and a statement.

River pulled back to smile up at him. "Two, actually." Jayne looked confused. "The man-with-the-girl's-name's superior sperm has produced twins."

He smiled, tears gathering in his eyes and crushing her to him.

…

…

He pulled back suddenly. "Does this mean no sex fer nine months?"

"Jian ta-de gui." River replied, jumping up to wrap her legs around his waist. He caught her gently, pulling her in for a kiss and smiling lecherously. "Hell no."

To no one in particular, he announced.

"We'll be in our bunk."