Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, nor enough One Piece items. I need a pen and a towel... skipping the puzzle.
Summary: Luffy finally gets a pet... or does he? What does the crew think?
Warnings: It's ZoLu somewhat verging on slavery. Don't worry though, it's funny. A little FraRo.
KittyLuffy: Here is the last of the Luffy Wants a Pet Edited Version.
Robin: That is good, right?
KittyLuffy: Yup. Now I can say the fic as a whole is all patched up.
Robin: *whispering* Watch more mistakes pop up later.
KittyLuffy: What was that? Anyway, Robin helped me with this story, which is why it is filled with ZoLu.
Robin: Got to love ZoLu. Also, I connected some things to the first chapter, so if you skipped it, you are missing a few implied comments.
KittyLuffy: In this version, I changed mostly grammar. Seriously, I have to fix that or something. Literally, there were around ten "or something"s!
Robin: That sounds terrible or something. Ha ha, please get to reading my lovely tale of Luffy and his loving pet.
KittyLuffy: Hey! I wrote it too!
Luffy Wants a Pet Edited Version
Luffy grinned as he snuck up on Zoro, who was quietly snoring with a weight on his lap from earlier mid-morning training. Sticking his tongue out in great concentration, the captain of the ship slipped an item around the swordsman's neck and listened to it click softly. But the small noise was loud enough to wake up Zoro anyway.
"Luffy?" Zoro asked with a yawn, "is it lunch?" His eyes widened at Luffy's goofy grin. It looked almost sweetly evil.
"Have a nice nap, Zoro?" The black-haired boy patted Zoro's head.
"Huh? What the hell are you doing?"
"Now, now Zoro," Luffy cooed, "don't be so mean." There was a thump and Luffy giggled as he was pinned to the ground, Zoro on top of him.
"What's so… ooooooooh no. No, no, no. NO."
"C'mon Zoro, let's go onto the deck."
"No way. You didn't. I… you… argh!" Solemnly, Zoro got up and let Luffy lead him out of the crow's nest, down the ladder, down the ropes, and onto the grass. Usopp, who was chasing Chopper in a game of tag, froze and let his jaw drop onto the lawn.
"Usopp?" Chopper asked, turning around to see what was happening. He screamed in shock and ran faster than he had before. "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Chopper?" three voices called, doors slamming open. When Nami saw the sight, she fell to her knees and started laughing uncontrollably. When Sanji saw the sight, he dropped the pitcher of lemonade he was holding and guffawed. When Brooke saw the sight, he quickly closed and opened the door, only to close it again.
"Luffy, you –!" Sanji howled.
"Zoro, you –!" Nami was able to start.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Chopper continued until he tripped on his own hoof.
"Oh my," Robin said calmly, observing the changes of the crew, "I believe our swordsman has been demoted from first mate to –"
"Luffy's PET!" Nami and Sanji yelled together, their next fits of giggles ringing out across the sea. Zoro reached for his swords, but they weren't where they should have been.
"No, Zoro," Luffy shook his head, the sheathed blades in his arms, "you shouldn't have weapons."
Zoro paled, "Why not? I have to kill Swirly Eyebrow." Dropping the weapons unceremoniously, Luffy nodded as the older man made no movement to take them. The captain would have punished his pet if he had tried to even touch the swords.
"Well, now that you're my pet, I don't think you would know how to use them anyway." Zoro tugged on the red collar with a grim look.
"Just because I have a collar on, DOESN'T MEAN MY BRAIN HAS SOMEHOW BECOME THAT OF A STUPID ANIMAL!" Luffy then got his next idea.
"Down, Zoro."
"Huh?" Luffy, holding the handle of the leash in his mouth, used both hands to force Zoro onto his knees. Taking his hands away, the captain then hit the older man forward with a fist to the head. To keep from face planting, Zoro caught himself with his arms out in front of him. Luffy nodded again, admiring his work.
"There. That's better." Zoro growled as he realized what Luffy had done.
"How humiliating," Sanji snickered, grinning like the Cheshire cat. Zoro fought the rage that bubbled inside of him. He really wanted to rip the cook to shreds, even just a bite would do.
"Luffy," Nami called from the library of the ship, finally stifling her giggles, "where in the world did you find that cute collar?"
"The Ossan a few towns ago gave it to me for saving his pet shop. Doesn't it make Zoro look cool?"
"Very much so," Robin said with a smile.
"Robin," Zoro mumbled, "don't help those three."
"I am not," was the innocent sounding reply, "I do think it fits you perfectly." She chuckled behind a hand as Luffy dragged Zoro to the kitchen, where Sanji was waiting with obvious torturous intentions.
"Stop, Luffy," the blonde said with a stern look, "What are you thinking?"
"Hmm?" Luffy looked up at his cook with confused eyes.
"I won't allow such monstrous beasts in my kitchen, or anywhere near it." Sanji pointed at Zoro who felt shameful being at the cook's mercy in such a way.
"But Sanjiiiiii," Luffy whined, "we're both hungry (because I say sooooo)."
"No food for you until your pet is tied up out here."
"What?" Luffy looked at Zoro who had decided to sit down comfortably and wait until the captain took the collar off and ended the game. Food versus anything and the anything would quickly be left for a meal. Feeling a slight tug on the leash, Zoro found himself haphazardly tied to the railing.
"Oi! What are you thinking, Luffy!"
"Sorry, Zoro," was a sad reply, "I want to eat lunch. Wait out here until I come back, 'kay?" Luffy bounced into the kitchen and pounced on the food Franky had already started eating.
"I was…"
"It's okay, Zoro," Chopper sighed, patting the swordsman's green head of hair, "I'll bring something out for you. Will table scraps be fine?" Zoro snapped.
"Stupid cook, what is Chopper, huh?" Sanji came back out to the doorway and smiled.
"I have a spot at the table for one brave man of the sea," the blonde grinned, motioning with a friendly hand towards the kitchen dining room. Chopper, with sparkles in his eyes, raised a hoof and started jumping up and down.
"Oh, oh! Me, me, me! I'm a brave man of the sea!"
"Well then, come right on in, Chopper." The reindeer, totally forgetting Zoro, rushed into the fray and grabbed what he could.
"Hey," Usopp huffed, "I'm the brave warrior of the sea, so he has to be something else." Sanji frowned, blowing a puff of smoke into the long-nose's face. Usopp coughed as the blonde thought of an answer.
"I only know a brave man of the sea, no brave warrior of the sea. Oh, I know Chopper was running around with a certain liar and coward of the puddle, but still no warrior."
"Hey! What are you calling me?"
"Human. C'mon before Luffy eats all the food." Usopp bolted in and dived for the remainder of the meal. Actually, there was quite a bit left because some crewmembers had yet to arrive.
"What do we have here?" Nami smiled smugly at Zoro tethered to the railing, "Someone's pet? Sanji, it's in my way." Sanji, his eye turning into the usual pink heart, moved the swordsman in the easiest way possible. Stupid Luffy, Zoro gasped as he tried one last struggle to get the collar, or just the leash, off his neck, he tied it too well!
Zoro's eyes fluttered open when he felt something touch his cheek. Luffy had stretched a hand up to check if his pet was still alive.
"Zoro," he pouted, "I told you to wait until I came back, not to hang around on the other side of the railing."
"Yohohoho, Zoro-san is definitely hanging," Brooke breathed, "but I do not think we would call your words a Skull Joke, Luffy-san. Maybe a Skull Pun?" Zoro groaned at the thought of a new annoyance the skeleton man had thought up. Like Nami and Sanji, the green-haired swordsman quickly tired of the Skull Jokes.
"Zoro, come down right now," Luffy commanded, pointing at a spot on the grass now reserved for the man. Zoro didn't move. "Zoroooo." Tug. Tug.
"Luffy," the swordsman rasped as he tried to draw air into his lungs, "I can't. I'm stuck. Get this collar off. And don't continuuuuuu!" Luffy yanked as hard as he could, only succeeding in pulling off Zoro's boots… and pants. Brooke stared at Zoro's boxers with slight interest.
"My, what a lovely shade of green."
Sanji came to the rescue a split second later, knife in his hand, as he quickly sliced through the leash tied to the railing. The blonde hoped that the ladies of the crew had not seen such a mind-scarring sight of the Marimo's underwear. Robin went back to reading her book as Nami went to go barf off the side of the ship.
"Luffy," Zoro panted, wiping away the froth that had formed from almost slipping into another dead faint, "never EVER, do that again."
"I'm sorry," Luffy said bluntly, a wild blush on his face, "I didn't know you weren't wearing a belt."
"I WAS WEARING A BELT!" the older man screeched, picking up his pants to show off the said black belt. Luffy's cheeks calmed down as he stared at it and registered a different point.
"At least your pants didn't rip." Zoro sighed as he slipped back into his pants, making sure they were more secure than they had been. While he was putting on his shoes, Luffy went to pick up the leash that was lying on the ground. With a pout, he saw that the thing had been cut at the handle, making the whole thing look like a 'y' with a very long tail. Looking over at Nami, who was trying to erase the memory seared into her mind, he called out to her. "Nami, fix Zoro's leash."
"Heeeh? Why me? Get Usopp to do it or something."
"But you know how to use a needle and thread the best." The redhead puffed up in pride.
"I do, don't I? With the amount of times I've sewn your hat back up, I should be the best seamstress on this ship – no, in the world! Sure, I'll stitch that leash back together."
"Stupid money miser. Don't do it."
"Now Zoro," Luffy chided, "don't be mean to Nami or I'll punish you."
"Good Luffy, show your pet who's boss."
"You witch!"
"Now, now, you're at my mercy. I'm being a great person fixing up your leash."
"I don't want it fixed."
"Why not, Zoro? If it isn't fixed, I can't take you on a walk around the ship."
"I don't want a walk around the ship. I want to train or take a nap."
"Well, while I sew up the leash, why don't you two play fetch?" Nami broke in, the idea popping into her head. Zoro still hadn't been classified as a specific animal, so maybe he was a dog? Nami mused that she'd find the right beast sooner or later.
Luffy unlatched the black leash and handed it off, calling out to Franky who was steering the ship as usual, "Franky, we need a really cool stick I can throw Zoro!"
"Huh? A SUPER stick to throw Zoro-bro? What is he, a mutt or something?" Franky regretted what he said when he noticed the swordsman getting an unwanted belly rub (sorta a haramaki rub…). The blue-haired cyborg held in a chuckle as he saw the strange sight, also noticing the collar around Zoro's neck. Then Franky blushed. Maybe if he put on a SUPER collar and offered himself to Robin – no, bad idea. Pushing away the thought, Franky went down to his shop to quickly whip up a toy for Luffy and his pet.
"Here we go," Luffy laughed, waving the boomerang in Zoro's ashamed face, "I throw it and you go get it. Oh, and bring it back."
"Whatever."
"Here we go!" Luffy threw it and heard a scream.
"That's an easy find," Zoro mumbled, walking on all fours through the open door to the men's dorm and finding a passed out Usopp on the floor, the boomerang lodged comically in his head. Pulling it out, the pet was going to carry it back when he saw Luffy's eyes staring menacingly at him from the doorway.
"Zoro, you can't use your hands." The sword-less swordsman cowered a little, dropping the boomerang in an attempt to make the scary face go away and bring back the happy-go-lucky Luffy he knew and absolutely loved. In a flash there was a grinning captain who picked up the toy and pressed it against Zoro's closed lips. "Here." Slowly, Zoro accepted the boomerang in between his teeth and followed Luffy back onto the lawn.
"In my mouth?"
"Yeah, isn't that how all pets play fetch? And then you have to wipe off their icky spit and throw the toy again." Zoro cocked an eyebrow and gave a sly grin.
"I thought you liked my saliva." Luffy exploded in a blush and had no comeback. Zoro laughed and waited, basking in the light of the awkward situation he had created.
"You gonna throw it?"
"Y-yeah. Here we go." Luffy hurled the boomerang far enough to drag his embarrassment with it. As soon as it left their sight, Luffy frowned, realizing he had thrown in too far.
"I knew that would happen if you played fetch," Usopp laughed, stepping out of the men's room while still rubbing his head, "you'd throw the stick too far and the poor animal would die trying to retrieve it." Luffy looked down at Zoro.
"You're not gonna die getting it, are you?" Zoro shook his head, a smile creeping across his visage again. Being a boomerang, the fetch toy did a one-eighty turn and headed back for the Thousand Sunny Go. Only, it didn't land back in Luffy's hand. The unsuspecting Usopp was hit in the back of the cranium by the boomerang.
"Again?" he panted, crawling over to put the thing in Zoro's mouth, "I was sure I would avoid it if I came out here." Suddenly, Chopper was taking the toy from Zoro, eyes glittering.
"Can I throw it? Can I?"
"Sure, Chopper," Luffy smiled, "go ahead."
"Aeh!" Chopper squealed, chucking the thing with his hoof. It slammed downwards and right into Usopp's head, making the poor long-nosed sniper lose consciousness.
"You needed to let go," Zoro advised as Chopper turned as white as a sheet.
"DOCTOR! SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR FOR USOPP!"
"You're the doctor, Reindeer Gorilla," Franky sighed, hefting Usopp over his shoulder to take him to the infirmary. Chopper followed, sniffling apologies that obviously weren't being accepted.
"I think we should switch to something different." Luffy nodded. Fetch was getting boring anyway.
There was a list of things Luffy had always wanted to do when he had a pet. Digging it out from the back of his brain, Zoro was subjected to many different oddities. Basic command training and bone biting. Juggling and banana eating. Digging holes and burying small amounts of Nami's treasure. Trying to balance a ball on his nose while giving Chopper a horseback ride. Finally, dinnertime arrived.
"Dinner, Ladies!" Sanji called from the kitchen. Nami, who was just finishing up stitching the leash, secured her work and cut the thread before taking it with her to the meal. Robin and Franky paused in their chatting and moved to the kitchen table before resuming. Chopper, Brooke, and Usopp slowly got to their seats, many injuries from the pet activities of the afternoon.
"I won't tie you up again," Luffy told Zoro, petting his head, "but I need you to stay." Zoro nodded, stomach growling. He had missed lunch too, but he had learned through trial and error that Luffy's punishments were of the scary and brutal sort.
"Bring me out at least a bottle of beer."
"Chopper, can Zoro have beer?"
"Um… yes!" the little reindeer answered, feeling guilty for not getting Zoro any lunch. So pets weren't allowed to have beer, but it made sense for a Zoro pet to have some. Zoro thankfully gulped it down as everyone inside laughed and talked about the crazy antics of their captain and his swordsman.
"And so," Usopp was saying, "they brutally attacked me with that boomerang! I took fifty hits, but then I fell when Zoro bit my leg like a rabid raccoon."
"That didn't happen," Sanji sighed, putting down another platter of food, "you should have seen the way Zoro was failing at juggling. Now that was funny!"
"Luffy, slow down," Nami scolded, watching another bowl of noodles disappear in a flash, "Zoro will be just fine if you leave him outside for a few minutes."
"But," Luffy countered, "he wasn't there when I went back out after lunch." Nami, the cause for that, gazed in a different direction before remembering the leash at her hip. Passing it over the table, Luffy took it and saw how nicely it was now like a 'p' shape with a long tail. Gulping down what he had in his mouth, he thanked his navigator.
"Thanks, Nami, it looks like new!"
"Of course it does, idiot," Sanji growled, "anything Nami-san touches becomes pure golden work under her delicate fingers." Luffy nodded and crammed the last twenty bread rolls into his mouth before rising from his seat.
"I'm done. Thanks for the meal!" Rushing out, he found Zoro rolling an empty bottle across the wooden deck. Looking up, Zoro watched Luffy swallow before noticing the leash.
"Did the money miser fix it?"
"Yeah, it's almost like new. Do you…" The Straw Hat captain blushed and gazed upwards towards the orange sky.
"Sure, I'll go on a walk around the ship." Luffy's face lit up in a wide smile as he hooked the leash to Zoro's collar and they traveled right and down the slide.
It was actually a calm walk, the calmest thing all day. They went all around the ship, up ladders, down stairs, and through lots of doors. It was a fun event for Zoro because he finally got to lead in something, Luffy getting lightly tugged around. Now, the sky was close to a cherry red that made the black-haired boy remember something important.
"Zoro," Luffy said, pulling hard on the leash to make the swordsman stop, "we need to go this way."
"No need to yank so violentlyyyyyy!" Zoro grumbled and then yelled as he was hauled to the back of the ship (where the fish tank opening is). He collapsed into gasping when he was finally let go. Luffy pointed out past the sea excitedly and looked down at Zoro.
"Look! Isn't that the coolest sunset you've ever seen?" Shielding his eyes slightly, Zoro did have to agree that this sunset was pretty awesome. A light cloud covering, the color of pink cotton candy, blocked out a little of the red-orange sun's radiance. There was no land obstructing the ball of fire from seeming like it was sinking down into the water. The two stared until the sky turned a pastel purple and most of the sun was out of sight.
"I guess this ends the day," Zoro said, picking himself off the ground for a well-needed stretch. Luffy peered at his pet before punching the green-haired man back onto the ground.
"Nu-uh, no getting up."
"But," Zoro coughed, paling as he realized what Luffy was getting at, "I thought after today we were done with this." Luffy shook his head fiercely, holding onto his hat in case it was to be flung off.
"Nu-uh! Didn't we have a lot of fun today? I wanna have just as much fun tomorrow!" Zoro sighed helplessly, not seeing how he could win. Then, an idea crept into his brain. Springing into action, the swordsman got on all fours and began to walk around Luffy. Around and around he went, much to his captain's protests. Slowly getting up, still going in circles, Zoro had Luffy fully secured by the time he was standing. Wrapping his arms around the younger boy, Zoro planted a small kiss on pouting lips.
"As an animal, I have the right to tie you up in my leash," the green-haired man grinned, watching Luffy's face turn pink.
"You could have given me a warning," came a huffed answer, "now I can't move."
"Oh, you can't? How fortunate for me…"
Usopp walked through the infirmary and opened the door that led out to the rear of the ship. If the two weren't somewhere in front of the big boat, they'd be at the back, right?
"Luffy, Zoro?" he called out, looking first to the left and then to the right, "Dessert is… never mind." Slowly, he shut the door and tottered stiffly back into the kitchen where everyone was being served pumpkin pie.
"Not there either?" Nami asked, taking a fork and choosing to start at the tip of her slice.
"Oh, they're there," Usopp answered, sitting down as a plate of pie slid his way.
"And they're not coming because?" Sanji questioned, a little insulted that someone wouldn't want his scrumptious dessert.
"I think Luffy's pet was hiding a few tricks up his sleeve." Everyone ate their pie loudly, trying to block out the feral noises coming from the back of the Thousand Sunny Go.
Robin: Comment on how much you loved my story!
KittyLuffy: It's so funny and ZoLu filled. Yay for the last sentence...
Robin: And if Franky were to be my pet, I wonder what I would have him do. *giggles behind a hand*
KittyLuffy: I don't wanna know. Everyone, did you enjoy this chapter? Please tell me through commenting!
Robin: Oh, and now we get to the chapter that was supposed to finish the fiction and make this the first one you ever completed.
KittyLuffy: And because Usopp backed out and I was (stuck) with you, it is no longer the end. *sobs comically*
Robin: Well, let us get to the long-awaited chapter four of Luffy Wants a Pet - or something.