A/N: I'm sorry I've taken so long to post this chapter! The last quarter was insane as crap, but I did manage to do some writing and hopefully I can do some more posting soon.
All the world's a fanfic, and all the humans and demons merely characters.
Disclaimer: I got this idea in math class and Ryouko and I refined it on the bus on the way home from a hard day at school. It was fun. We got a little weird after a while, but no surprises there, right? We do not own the characters, just the idea.
Inside the Computer
Kurama, Hiei, and Mitari were running for their lives. Kurama was running because Karasu was after him again. Mitari was running because Elder Toguro was out to kill him for being a traitor to Sensui. Hiei was running because he felt like running and this was an interesting chase… plus Kurama was dragging him along. The three boys were quite breathless and somewhat lost. They looked around frantically, Kurama and Hiei trying to find the energy of Ryouko or Himizu, knowing that the two girls hated Karasu and Elder Toguro with a ferocity and would do anything to beat them up. Suddenly, Hiei realized where they were, having been in the vicinity several times.
"Kurama…" he said. "You know that House of the Nutcases?"
"Sure. Why?" Kurama replied.
"It's near Himizu's house."
Kurama looked around sharply. Sure enough, he could see the House looming in the distance like a prophet of doom. "You're kidding!" he cried.
Hiei shook his head gloomily. "I wish I was."
"Miss Himizu will be able to help us, won't she?" asked Mitari nervously.
"Well, I'm sure she'll get rid of those pests… Other than that, she's of no use," Hiei replied.
"Somehow, she'll find out you said that, and then she'll kill you," Kurama reminded his friend.
"It'll be worth it," Hiei replied. He was hit on the head by a falling anvil. "BAKA ONNA!" he screamed.
Mitari's eyes widened. "Miss Himizu is very powerful."
"When she wants to be," Kurama laughed. "Let's go see if she's at home. And let's hurry; I think I hear our pursuers."
This was a good incentive, so the trio dashed up to the doors. Hiei's Jagon eye told him that the house was completely empty. "She's not here!" he exclaimed.
"She must be at Ryouko's… Do you know how to get to her house from here?" asked Mitari nervously.
"Well, I've done it once, but I was trying to kill Himizu at the time, so I really didn't pay too much attention to how to get there…" Hiei muttered under his breath. (A/N: See 'The Beginning' for that story) Kurama and Mitari exchanged annoyed glances.
"Let's just go in. Maybe we can lose them if we hide in Himizu's house," Kurama suggested. "And even if we can't lose them, I'm sure she has some nice weapons or explosive items that we can use on Karasu and Elder Toguro."
So the three boys entered Himizu's house. As they explored, they saw her computer, its screen dark, but humming slightly as it waited for Himizu to return and wear her fingers to the bone typing the insane randomness of her twisted brain. Next to it sat a printer plus scanner. Hiei looked at it curiously and started pressing buttons and tapping it. Next to the printer sat several drawings made by Himizu and Ryouko. Hiei then began to wiggle the mouse. The computer buzzed to life and the three boys saw the pictures displayed on the monitor. Himizu's email was open and in the History folder sat a message with all the pictures and a short note saying 'Here's something for us to do when I come over today. See you in a bit!' Hiei quickly became bored and started playing with the printer again. Kurama turned and saw what Hiei was doing.
"Hiei, leave that alone!" he cried. But even as the words left his mouth, Hiei pressed the 'scan' button. An eerie green light filled the room and the three boys threw up their hands to shield their eyes. Then they felt a strong pull. Resistance was useless, like a black hole the scanner sucked them into Himizu's computer. They walked slowly around the screen, completely stunned by the twist of fate that had shoved them into the world of the computer. Kurama began to study the surrounding area with care, Mitari started flipping idly through Himizu's collection of music, and Hiei slipped into Himizu's pictures. Knowing how carefully and meticulously she organized them, it gave him great pleasure to shuffle the pictures and move them from one folder to another until the careful filing system was in ruins. Kurama was about to reprimand the fire demon when he saw a horrible sight staring into the computer screen at him. It was Karasu. And Elder Toguro was with him.
Kurama gave a yelp of panic and hid in Himizu's mailbox. Mitari paused only to turn off the music, then he followed suit. Hiei followed also, because he was evil and wanted to read Himizu's emails. Then they all saw a pointed arrow bearing down on them. All three jumped out of the way, but the arrow kept coming. Elder Toguro, with an expression of fiendish delight on his face, was moving the mouse, trying to poke the three boys. As they ran, Kurama accidentally hit the 'Send' button on the email. Suddenly they were sucked into a hole in cyberspace and were flying through a tunnel. All around them was a humming noise and a multitude of computer codes carrying information all over the world.
"Where the hell are we going?" yelled Hiei.
"How am I supposed to know?" Kurama screamed back.
"Well, you're the one that hit the button!" Hiei shouted.
Mitari covered his ears miserably. "Are all demons as noisy as you two?" he wondered. The two said demons glared at the human, but the realization that they were traveling down an Internet superhighway was slightly distracting. They veered off down several tunnels, finally focusing in on one particular tunnel. The invisible force that had been sucking them along suddenly stopped as though they had run into a wall. A tiny pixie-like character swooped up to them and held up an odd little scanning device.
"What is this?" asked Hiei.
"Standard procedure. It's a simple scan to make sure you three aren't viruses. Of course, if you are, this will deal with you effectively." The pixie gestured to a giant Doberman that was snarling and straining at a chain nearby. Luckily for our three heroes, they passed the test and were ushered into another mailbox. Kurama pressed at the sides of the box, but they were confined within an unopened message. All around them, a creepy voice echoed.
"You've got mail! You've got mail!"
Hiei attempted to use his Jagon eye to see outside the computer, but it was proving ineffective. So the trio sat silent and tense, waiting and listening. Then they heard voices talking and laughing outside the computer. Two distinct female voices were laughing and chattering nearby.
"And then we should paint Karasu pink and pin him to a wall and throw stuff at him!"
"Yeah, and while we're at it, we could tie Hiei's hair into pigtails!"
Hiei twitched and the two female voices began to laugh hysterically. Then the one that had suggested the pigtails gave a squeal of pain.
"Ow! What was that for?" she cried.
"Baka! You leave my Hiei-chan's hair alone! How would you like it if I did that to your Mitari?"
"NOOO! Mitari-kun! Don't you dare!"
"Then keep your paws away from my Hiei. Grr…"
"Make me!"
"I will! Catfight!"
Sounds of combat floated in to reach the ears of the three boys. Kurama sweatdropped.
"Well, somehow or other, we ended up in Ryouko's computer…"
"Great. Now we just have to wait for Miss Ryouko to check her email and then we'll be free!" exclaimed Mitari optimistically.
Hiei shook his head in pity. "Those knuckleheads? It could be hours before they even notice that there's an email for Ryouko. We're sitting ducks if Karasu or Elder Toguro shows up."
As he spoke, the computer suddenly screamed, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL YOU STUPID BAKA!"
Kurama, Hiei, and Mitari all winced in pain as the echoes reverberated through their ears. They all heard Ryouko's reply.
"STUPID BAKA COMPUTER! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M FIGHTING HERE?"
"WHO CARES! YOU'VE GOT MAIL, DAMNIT!" the computer replied.
"Grr… Fine. Shut the hell up. I'm coming."
The little pointy arrow came swooping in, and hit the Open button. A text message appeared. Ryouko and Himizu read it, completely stunned. It read: "Help! Let us out of this damn computer!"
"What the heck?" exclaimed Ryouko. "Must be junk mail."
"It says there are some attachments," Himizu pointed out as Ryouko's arrow moved dangerously close to the Delete button. "Look, one's labeled 'Kurama', one's labeled 'Mitari', and one's labeled 'Hiei'. Open them!"
"Sure, why not…" muttered Ryouko. She clicked the button to open the attachments.
The three boys appeared on the screen. As soon as they realized that the girls could now see them, they started jumping around and waving their arms frantically and yelling at the top of their lungs. The girls stared at the jumping figures with interest. They couldn't hear what was being yelled and made a logical assumption.
"Aw, look, it's some cute little animated gifs! They're so kawii!" cried Himizu. "Ryouko, can you forward them to me?"
Ryouko was now examining the message. "Himizu, this message came from you," she told her friend. Himizu was surprised.
"What do you mean, it came from me? How could it? I've been here for a couple hours and the message just came now. I couldn't have sent it. Maybe someone got a hold of my email address and sent you this. I dunno. But surely you agree that I couldn't have sent this?"
"That's a good point. Are you sure you've never seen these before? Maybe your brother sent this as a joke."
"My brother is with the rest of my family in Kentucky. There shouldn't be anyone at my house right now."
Hiei's eye twitched. "They should both go to hell…"
"On the other hand," Kurama said, "at least we're out of that email. There must be some way to communicate with them."
The three boys split up and started combing the computer, trying to find an escape route. The girls seemed to have forgotten all about them and pulled up Microsoft Word. They were now chattering away and typing their latest fanfiction, most likely involving torture. The boys, still exploring, found themselves scooped up by the Word document and suddenly stood on a sheet of white paper with a multitude of black letters sitting above them, balanced dangerously like black spikes. Then the girls started typing and the letters came racing down the page towards the three boys. Since they didn't want to get crushed or impaled by typed letters, they fled for their lives. This amused the girls very much, so they kept typing and watched them run. This went on for a while before Hiei got the bright idea to climb the letters like a ladder and he started climbing. Mitari and Kurama followed him and they perched perilously at the top of the document. As they considered their next move, a loud voice shrieked out,
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
"Again?" asked Ryouko. "Oh well, screw that." She kept right on typing.
"Unopened mail in mailbox… Initiating self-destruct…"
O.O "WTF?" cried Ryouko as Himizu fell over laughing.
"Self-destruct initiated… Five… Four… Three…"
"WAH!" shrieked Ryouko, falling over in a desperate scramble to open the mail message before her computer spontaneously combusted. But she managed it.
"Self-destruct aborted. You finally opened your email. Congratulations, you have a brain."
-.-# "I don't know why I let you live…" growled Ryouko, glaring daggers at her computer. Himizu snickered.
"Your computer has an attitude."
"Tell me about it," growled Ryouko, still glaring at her computer and making noises like an angry dog. "Oh look, Karasu and Elder Toguro gifs. Ugly! Himizu, these came from your computer too!"
"What the crap?" yelped Himizu, falling off the bean bag chair she'd been sitting in. "My computer has been contaminated! Must run home and disinfect it!" she shrieked, running around Ryouko's room, waving her arms and yelling like a mad woman. Meanwhile, Karasu and Elder Toguro had spotted their victims and were now climbing the letters of the word document, trying to reach the three boys. Kurama, Hiei, and Mitari fled for their lives.
Why didn't Ryouko do anything about this? Well, she was being entertained by Himizu running around her bedroom screaming about evil immortal mummy monkeys and psychopathic gay crows. Hiei rolled his eyes at Kurama.
"Yeah, they're being a REALLY big help."
Kurama didn't waste breath to reply. Then, luckily for everyone, Ryouko tripped Himizu, whose still-flailing arms were whirling like an out-of-control helicopter. One hand smacked down on the printer, which instantly whirled to life. In a moment, five pieces of paper, each featuring a different YYH character, was lying on the printer tray. After Ryouko beat up Himizu for almost hitting her computer and Himizu beat up Ryouko for tripping her, they finally examined the pictures. The ones featuring Kurama, Hiei, and Mitari looked surprised, but very kawaii; the ones featuring Karasu and Elder Toguro looked surprised and extremely ugly. The girls examined the pictures for several moments, then suddenly grinned evilly at each other. They took the papers featuring Hiei, Kurama, and Mitari and shook them hard three times. Hiei, Kurama and Mitari slid off the piece of paper and appeared in full-sized 3-D glory in front of the two girls.
"Konnichiwa minna!" the girls chirped.
Hiei glared at them. "How did you know that that would work?" he demanded.
"Because we are all-powerful and all-knowing," Ryouko said, nodding wisely.
"Actually, it's because we're highly random and thought it would be hilarious if you guys popped out of a piece of paper with your picture on it and we decided to try it even though we knew it wouldn't work, but this time it actually did work, which is really weird! How did we do that?" Himizu wondered, sounding thrilled. Hiei slapped his forehead. Kurama quickly explained the whole situation to the girls, who seemed to understand perfectly.
"Yeah, my scanner is kinda possessed… never buy anything from random demonic salesmen that pop out of random glowing green portals that say 'The Twilight Zone' on them…" Himizu said, a grin hovering on her face. Mitari and Kurama twitched. Hiei looked like he wanted to kill something. The girls then pinned the pictures of Karasu and Elder Toguro to the wall and proceeded to throw darts, knives, nails, rocks, and other hard or sharp objects at them. Then they cut the paper to shreds with scissors and set the paper on fire while dancing around it chanting in some weird language. The door to Ryouko's room opened.
"What is all this noise? What are you doing?" cried Ryouko's mother. Ryouko smiled cutely at her mother.
"It's Lag B' Omer, so we have a bonfire!" she said happily. Her mom screamed in horror and fainted. "Kurama, if you would please…" Kurama made a potion for Ryouko's mother and they dragged her up to the couch upstairs so she wouldn't remember the incident when she woke up and would think she had just fallen asleep on the couch. Then the three boys left and the two girls went back to Ryouko's room to burn effigies of people they hated, even moving from Anime characters to Shakespeare and Hitler.
END!
A/N: Lag B' Omer is some holiday that Ryouko celebrates in Israel, I don't know much about it except that you have a really big bonfire. (Shrug) And Karasu and Elder Toguro aren't dead; they're immortal and evil and will of course be brought back to be tortured even more at a later date. The part with Hiei reorganizing my pictures, I swear he does that in real life because my pictures always seem to be messed up. Curse you Hiei! Please review and remind me to post more stuff!