A/N: Wow it has been a while since I've been back... don't really know what to say anymore, but whatever... I do still write, I have 3 or 4 fics that I'm seriously working on and a couple others that I'm playing with a bit... I'm hoping to have at least one of them ready to post by the end of summer but who knows... anyways, I'll try to post this more frequently than I have been considering that it's pretty much done already...
All the world's a fanfic, and all the humans and demons merely characters
Vacation In Lake Titicaca
Disclaimer:
We do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of its characters. We don't own a lot of things. But we act like we do. Just for the halibut. *Salutes the halibut. The halibut blinks.* He approves! The mighty halibut approves! All worship the mighty halibut!
(**If you don't get that, say 'just for the halibut' out loud, slowly. If you still don't get it, sucks for you. You're not special. :P **)
"SPIRIT GUN!" Yusuke hollered. A flash of blue light flew through the air and the demons that he was battling fell to the ground, dead. He looked around. Kuwabara had just sliced through his demon with his spirit sword. Kurama was tucking away his rosewhip, surrounded by chunks of demon. Hiei was sitting on a box wiping his sword and looking bored. Slices of demon lay scattered around him like very gruesome confetti.
Yusuke sat down with his back to a wall. "Man," he muttered, looking around the cluttered warehouse. "This is our fifth raid today and it's only noon."
"Actually, it's quarter after twelve," Kurama said, checking his watch.
"What's the point?" asked Kuwabara. "All we're doing is breaking into stupid warehouses."
"Because they could possibly hold illegal weapons," answered Kurama at the same time that Hiei replied,
"Because Koenma doesn't have anything better to do with us." All four boys sighed, feeling very bored.
"You know what we need?" Yusuke asked abruptly.
"A martini?" Kuwabara asked hopefully.
"It's not Miller Time yet, Kuwabara," Yusuke retorted sarcastically. "What we need is a vacation!"
"But Koenma is never going to give us permission to take some time off," Kurama argued."
"That would be true… if we were asking him," Yusuke replied.
"But we can't just run off!" Kurama protested.
"We can all choose a vacation spot," Yusuke continued, plainly not listening. "First stop, the shore of a lake with groups of bikini-clad babes there for the catching!" Kurama and Hiei sweatdropped.
Kuwabara jumped to his feet. "What are we waiting for? Let's get packed and go!"
"To Lake Titicaca!" shouted Yusuke. He and Kuwabara raced out of the warehouse at top speed. Hiei and Kurama followed at a slower pace. Kurama privately felt that no good could come from this plan.
"What the…?" gasped Yusuke. "Holy cow! Where the hell did you get that car?"
Hiei had just pulled up driving a black Mercedes convertible. Kurama, Kuwabara, and Yusuke stared in shock at the sleek and shimmering vehicle.
"Did you steal that?" demanded Kuwabara.
"… That's Kurama's job," said Hiei.
"How did you get the money then?" demanded Yusuke.
"… All I said was that I didn't steal the car!" exclaimed Hiei.
-.-;;; "Forget I asked," muttered Yusuke as he, Kuwabara, and Kurama climbed in. The first thing they noticed was that Hiei was sitting on a pile of pillows and his feet were dangling above the pedals.
"How the heck do you drive this thing? You can't even reach the pedals!" exclaimed Kuwabara. "I don't want to die before I see some babes at the lake!"
"Don't worry ningen. I'm not suicidal. I won't kill you in a car crash. Now my black dragon…" Hiei grinned, sending a shiver down everyone's spine.
"But how do you drive?" demanded Yusuke.
"This is the latest model. It's equipped with all the latest features, including switches on the dashboard for gas and brakes," Hiei answered.
"AWESOME!" yelled Yusuke and Kuwabara together. The boys all buckled up and Hiei flicked a switch. The car shot off down the street.
"I hope you have a driver's license, Hiei!" Kurama yelled, trying to make himself heard over the squeal of the tires and the rush of the wind. Hiei didn't even blink. Kurama sank lower in his seat. "I hope you're driving so fast that the cops won't even see you," he muttered, mentally debating whether or not he could raise his life insurance.
"Lake Titicaca! Land of sunshine, water, and beautiful chicks!" yelled Yusuke, vaulting over the door of the car and landing in front of the newly rented lakeside cabin. The lake sparkled a brilliant blue and the sun shone down on the soft white sand. The boys raced into the cabin with their bags slung over their shoulders. Eventually, all four of them were wearing their swimsuits, were carrying towels, and were walking down to the beach.
Pretty girls lay on towels, sunbathing. Young children and families played in the shallow waters. Boys and girls rowed or sailed across the lake in small boats while others scuba-dived or snorkeled in deep water. Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei were virtually unnoticed until a little brunette looked up. Her eyes widened until they resembled saucers and, as Kurama walked by, she called,
"Hi cutie! Do you and your friends want to sit over here with me?"
Other girls looked up and soon the air became thick with shrill voices, very much like magpies. Tossing their hair and fluttering their eyelashes, girls surrounded Kurama and Hiei, begging them to sit here or there, asking if they could buy them a soda or an ice cream cone, or just plain flirting with them. Kurama kept a polite smile on his face as he gently refused them. Hiei's face grew more and more set and his eyes grew more and more red and narrow. Yusuke and Kuwabara stared at their friends and their admirers. Finally Yusuke spoke up.
"Hey, come on girls. Don't stoop down to those two when you could have two much stronger, braver, and far more handsome boys such as ourselves!"
"Yeah ladies. Don't you want to have a handsome hunk that you can really count on, not like those two?"
The girls all looked over at Yusuke and Kuwabara, who were striking poses and flexing their muscles. There was a moment of silence, then the girls began to scream and they grabbed their towels and fled, feet churning up the sand. In moments, the boys' section of the beach was deserted. So the boys settled in to swim (Yusuke and Kuwabara), read (Kurama), or just sit (Hiei).
It didn't take long for Yusuke and Kuwabara to become bored. As luck would have it, there was an arcade nearby and the boys eagerly ran to play games and gamble. They took all the money that had been saved for the trip (by all four boys, not just the two vagabonds) and within the hour, had successfully lost about $200 apiece. Then they went on to lose all $6,000 that they had brought to pay for their traveling expenses. When they realized this, the two boys exchanged guilty looks.
"Oh crap. Now what do we do? We haven't even gone scuba-diving yet!" Yusuke exclaimed.
"Yeah, we were going to dive for treasure! How are we going to get money now?" wondered Kuwabara as the two boys started walking back to confess their crimes to Kurama and Hiei. As they walked, Yusuke spotted some rope and two wooden posts. He nudged Kuwabara and they both sprouted identical evil grins as they looked from the posts to the rope to Kurama and Hiei.
"Yusuke, why the heck are you doing this? There are better ways to earn money… that don't involve tying us to posts like dogs," Kurama said patiently. Yusuke ignored him and checked the knots. Somehow, he and Kuwabara had persuaded Kurama and Hiei to come to the posts. Now Kurama and Hiei were bound to the posts by a length of rope. Kuwabara was trying to tighten the knots binding Hiei, but the fire demon was struggling furiously, blood-colored eyes flashing mercilessly, promising death as soon as he was loose. Now Yusuke was carefully painting a sign.
"What are you up to now?" asked Kurama. Yusuke grinned and turned the side around. It read:
TODAY ONLY!
Kurama and Hiei on display.
Signs of affection bestowed at reasonable prices.
Handshakes: $5
Small hugs: $10
Big hugs: $15
You kissing hand: $25
Him kissing hand: $30
You kissing cheek: $40
Him kissing cheek: $45
Kiss on the lips: $50
Photographs of him: $60
Autographed photograph of him: $70
Photograph of you with him: $90
Autographed photograph of you with him: $100
Lock of his hair: $200
Kurama sweatdropped. "And… um… where are you getting these locks of hair?" he asked nervously. Yusuke grinned and held up a pair of scissors.
"But what if no one wants the hair?" protested Kurama.
"Well, then you two got free haircuts I guess," Yusuke answered. And he advanced, scissors in hand.
An hour later, Kurama and Hiei still had all their normal hair. Quick talking by Kurama and a very persuasive argument from the black dragon convinced Yusuke and Kuwabara to go buy wigs that looked like Kurama and Hiei's hair and chop those up. Now they were open for business. Yusuke and Kuwabara nailed up the sign, put on top hats, pulled out canes, and began to read the sign at the top of their lungs.
"You know, no one in their right minds would pay your inflated prices for simple things like handshakes, hugs, or photos," said Kurama. Even as he spoke, the word was spreading and soon, girls of all shapes and sizes were waving 20-, 50-, and 100-dollar bills in the air and squealing happily. "I… stand corrected," said Kurama slowly.
"No you don't. They're not in their right minds. They're all insane," Hiei muttered.
Kuwabara and Yusuke looked at each other and grinned. Their moneymaking scheme looked like it was going to be a success. Already, girls were squabbling over the photos and locks of hair, or they were pushing and shoving to be the first to kiss Kurama or Hiei. And a constant flow of money streamed into the boys' hands. It looked like they were going to have enough money to last them the rest of their lives, never mind this vacation.
Of course, they hadn't counted on Kurama and Hiei's resistance. As Kurama's rosewhip thorns bit into the rope binding him, Hiei sent small amounts of fire to consume the ropes that bound him. As several girls scampered forward squealing about how they were going to kiss Hiei or Kurama, the two demons made their escape. They ran off along the beach, heading back to the cabin. The girls all began to scream and chase after them, while Yusuke and Kuwabara ran as fast as they could in the opposite direction, clutching their money. When the girls realized what was happening, they were furious. Half of them ran to capture Kurama and Hiei so they could receive their kisses and hugs, while the rest of them ran after Yusuke and Kuwabara to get their money back.
Half an hour later, the four boys met on a pier. All of them were carrying scuba gear. Kurama and Hiei glared murderously at Yusuke and Kuwabara, who looked very sheepish.
"Man, guys, we are so sorry that that's how it turned out, we had no idea…" Yusuke stammered.
"That's perfectly all right. We are very glad that the girls didn't catch you because now we can have the pleasure of killing you ourselves," Kurama replied, glaring at them rather icily.
"Hey, hey, guys! Can't you take a joke?" Yusuke pleaded. Hiei had pulled out his katana and was obviously planning a delinquent shish kabob, but Yusuke slipped on his scuba mask, turned on the tank, and jumped backwards off the pier, closely followed by Kuwabara. Kurama and Hiei followed without hesitation. At the bottom of the lake, they found Kuwabara, who was slowly turning blue. Then a soft crackle sounded in the two youkai's ears.
Kuwabara's unmistakable voice rasped out, "Can't breathe… Passing out…" And Kuwabara fell onto the lakebed with a thud. Kurama, Hiei, and Yusuke (who had come swimming over) all burst into hysterical laughter. Then Yusuke swam over and turned on Kuwabara's air tank. The flow of oxygen quickly revived the orange-haired baka.
"How," demanded Hiei, "can you be so foolish as to not realize that you have no oxygen and your tank must not be working?"
"It's a fair question. Why didn't you just turn your tank on?" asked Kurama.
"I… well… ya see… er… because… well… the reason is… er… …"
"The reason is that there is no reason except that you are nothing but a great big baka," Hiei growled. Yusuke laughed uncontrollably.
A wonderful argument was promising to start, but the authoress is too lazy to write out an argument, so she decides to insert a distraction. This distraction comes in the form of a loud bubbly chirp. Everyone turned in the direction it had come from. Standing on the sandy bottom of the lake stood a small brown bird. It stared at them, chirped again, and walked away in the direction of several waving pondweeds. Kurama stared after the little bird in amazement. Moments later, a small parade of the same little brown birds came flying along in a row… Yes, flying through the water. Hiei twitched. Yusuke and Kuwabara screamed and swam away as fast as they could. Kurama, on the other hand, was fascinated. From a pocket of his diving suit, he pulled out a tape measurer, a speedometer, and a sharp knife.
"Are you going to kill one?" Hiei asked.
"NO! I need to study these birds! Why would I kill them?" cried Kurama, looking outraged.
"Then what's the knife for?" asked Hiei, licking his lips. Kurama glared at him.
"For notes," he snapped. "I will carve notes onto some wood." Hiei did a classic face-fault.
"Notes! What the $% do you need notes for?" he demanded. Kurama gave him a withering glare.
"I should think it would be obvious. These birds are known as Cinclus cinclus, or more commonly as dippers or water ouzels. They are known for their ability to walk and fly underwater. They use the water pressure on their outstretched wings and tail to stay under the water while they search for insect larvae or other small animals."
"… … … I didn't ask for a biology lesson, fox," Hiei informed the kitsune. Then he turned and swam away to amuse himself by trying to chop up random fish. Kurama seized a piece of wood from the lakebed and carved a series of shorthand notes. With his head full of drafts for his latest paper in a renowned science journal concerning these birds, he swam off to find the others. They were all gathered in an open space with Yusuke combing the bottom searching for hidden treasures, Hiei was still attacking fish, and Kuwabara was swimming in circles… *-_-?*
"Now what should we do?" asked Yusuke. "We're running out of air and I'm bored." Everyone shrugged. "Well, we have a bunch of money now…" Yusuke gulped as Kurama and Hiei shot him murderous glares. "Let's go blow some of our cash on a fine seafood dinner!" he suggested. There were no objections, so the four boys swam back to the dock to return their gear.
Sneaking along the lakeshore to avoid the insane fangirls, the boys finally entered an elegant restaurant. They ordered a chic five-course dinner and settled in to rip apart the flavorful fish in a manner that sent food flying through the restaurant and other diners flying out with screams of horror.
As darkness settled, a tall slender cloaked figure could be seen walking along the lakeshore. He stopped abruptly to stare at the restaurant. Elegantly garbed diners in tuxedos and evening gowns were fleeing, screaming about savages. The figure's mouth curved into a slight smile behind his light blue pacifier and he changed courses, heading in the direction of the restaurant.
Inside, food splattered the walls and floor, several waitresses had fainted, and Kurama and Hiei were wearing raincoats to protect themselves from flying food as Yusuke and Kuwabara gorged themselves. The four boys ate ravenously for over an hour before pushing their chairs back from the table and leaning back with sighs of contentment and loud belches from Yusuke and Kuwabara. As they rested, an ominous shadow fell over the table. The four boys looked up in shock as the figure glared down at them.
"You're supposed to be on a mission," the figure said coldly, stepping forward and glaring down at them with angry brown eyes.
"Oh shit… It's Koenma…" moaned Yusuke. The other boys winced. "RUN!" Yusuke bellowed. The foursome jumped up and fled, although Kurama had the presence of mind to throw some money on the table to pay for their meal. Then they ran outside along the shore of the lake with Koenma hard on their heels, screaming at them and telling them that they had to go back to work.
"Somebody had better come up with a plan really fast or we're all dead!" Yusuke exclaimed.
"By someone, you mean me, don't you?" grumbled Kurama.
"Well, yeah, you're the only one who can come up with a good plan," Yusuke replied. Kurama glared furiously, annoyed that he had to do all the thinking. Then he put his fingers to his mouth and let loose a piercing whistle.
"What didja do that for?" cried Kuwabara. "You almost broke my eardrums! I bet everyone within three miles heard that!"
"That was the idea, Kuwabara..." Kurama explained.
"But why…?" Kuwabara stopped talking as a thunder-like rumble met their ears. The sand began to bounce and the water began to froth. Over the crest of a hill came a mass of rabid fangirls carrying large posters of Kurama and Hiei, with a few pictures of Yusuke and teenage Koenma.
"Now we really are dead!" cried Yusuke, but Kurama had jumped into the lake and was swimming away. Hiei, Kuwabara, and Yusuke followed his lead. Koenma, still searching for them, kept running and was trampled by the masses of insane fangirls searching for the whistler. How they knew it was a bishounen that whistled and why they trampled teenage Koenma, we will never know. Don't question the insane fangirls!
The four boys reached their cabin, gathered their things, and jumped into Hiei's Mercedes, fleeing down the road. As they drove, they saw a giant, dark, shapeless mass of fangirls trampling the whole shoreline. They also saw Koenma dragging his battered form towards to the road, looking very much like Kuwabara after Shizuru had beaten him up. Koenma bellowed insults and threats at them as they drove past, but everyone ignored him, except Yusuke. Yusuke lifted his arm and made as though to fire his spirit gun. Hiei whipped out his katana and held it against Yusuke's arm.
"Do you want to bring that mob of fangirls down upon us again?" exclaimed Hiei, looking furious and scared at the same time. Yusuke laughed in his face.
"I know you're not going to chop my arm off, Hiei. You've had tons of chances to hurt me, now is the exact same thing, you're not going to carry out your threat," he said with a snort.
"You're right, I'm not going to chop off any body parts. However, if you persist in firing that spirit gun, I will personally kick you out of this car and leave you at the mercy of Koenma and the fangirls."
Yusuke slowly lowered his arm, eyebrow twitching slightly. Hiei nodded, pleased.
"Much better," he declared, grinning wickedly.
"I do hate to interrupt this pleasant conversation, but… WE'RE HEADING RIGHT OFF THE SIDE OF A BRIDGE HERE!" Kurama screamed. Hiei blinked and turned the steering wheel slightly to the left barely avoiding the perilous drop that would most likely have resulted in all their deaths. He looked completely unconcerned and even bored. Kurama twitched.
"I hate driving with you, Hiei."
"Thank you."
They drove in silence for several minutes. (Amazing!)
"Soooo… Now where to?" asked Yusuke.
"How about a bar?" asked Kuwabara. Yusuke whacked him on the head and he fell in an unconscious heap on the floor of the car.
"Anyone ELSE have an idea?" Yusuke asked, glaring at the baka and wondering what was up with him and alcohol.
Kurama's eyes sparkled as he pictured his dream vacation place. "I have a suggestion…"
The End!
A/N: This was supposed to be a whole series, with each guy picking a vacation spot, but I lost interest in the whole thing and scrapped it. But this was already written so I thought I might as well post it here.