All the world's a fanfic, and all the humans and demons merely characters.
A/N: This is a really short thing Ryouko and I were working on that we thought would be funny, but it wasn't translating as well into a fic as we hoped, so we got rid of it.
Fire Barrel
Kurama: This is a fire barrel. This is Karasu.
Karasu: What did I do?
Kurama: (Not listening) This is Karasu in the fire barrel.
Karasu: I knew he loved me!
Kurama: Hiei?
Hiei: This is a dark dragon flame. (Lets flame go into barrel)
BOOM! (Explosion of flame)
Karasu: (Jumps out) HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!
Koenma: This is a fire barrel. This is my assistant, the blue ogre.
George: Hello :-) (smiles and waves)
Koenma: OGRE! STOP MUGGING FOR THE CAMERA!
George: Sorry Koenma sir! (bows repeatedly)
Koenma: He is holding all of my papers that I am forever stamping, as well as the stamps that I stamp the papers with.
George: Yes sir, I have them right here sir! Are you finally going to catch up on all your paperwork sir?
Koenma: JUST SHUT UP AND WAIT FOR MY INSTRUCTIONS, YOU IDIOT!
George: Sorry Koenma sir! (bows repeatedly)
Koenma: Anyways… Ogre, put them in this barrel.
George: Okey-dokey! Am I going to carry the papers around in here? That will be much easier than trying to carry them in my arms. I drop them all the time!
Koenma: Right… Shizuru, may I borrow a lighter?
Shizuru: Sure (hands Koenma her lighter)
George: What do you plan to do with that lighter Koenma sir?
Koenma: Oh, nothing really… (turns on lighter and "accidentally" stumbles and trips and catches the papers in the barrel on fire) Oooppss… Hehe…
George: (majorly freaking out) Koenma sir! Your papers! And your stamps!
Koenma: Yes, burn you wretched things, burn!
George: Oh this is terrible! This is awful! This is… Koenma sir, your father is going to be furious!
Koenma: (goes white) My father? Augh you're right! Quick, rescue the papers! Rescue them, I say! My father is going to kill me!
(George empties the fire barrel and the two of them try to put out the fire)
Shizuru: This is my stupid little brother.
Kuwabara: What's up?
Shizuru: This is a fire barrel. This is my brother in a fire barrel. This (one last puff) is my cigarette. (Drops cigarette into fire barrel)
Kuwabara: (Sniffs eagerly) Mmm… what's cooking? It's gonna burn soon. AAAHHH! IT'S ME!
Keiko: This is a fire barrel.
Genkai: This is an effigy of my useless dimwit student, who is apparently an equally useless boyfriend to this sweet young lady.
Yusuke: HEY!
Genkai: SHUT UP, DIMWIT!
Yusuke: MAKE ME, GRANDMA!
Keiko: YUSUKE, JUST SHUT UP AND LET US FILM THIS ALREADY!
Yusuke: Alright, alright, jeeze…
Genkai: That was impressive. Anyways, this is an effigy of my dimwit student and her dimwit boyfriend in a fire barrel.
Yusuke: HEY YOU BETTER NOT DO WHAT I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH THAT!
Genkai: SHUT UP YOU USELESS DIMWITTED FOOL!
Keiko: Anyways… This is a lighted match. (drops match into fire barrel and watches it burn the Yusuke effigy)
Yusuke: Jeeze Keiko, that's a hell of a way to break up with a guy…
Keiko: Oh Yusuke, I don't want to break up with you.
(They hug and kiss)
Keiko: This is just a representation of all the times you have royally pissed me off.
Yusuke: Yikes…
Keiko: Yeah, so watch yourself, you hear me?
Yusuke: Yes ma'am!
Genkai: You're lucky she likes you so much, I was in favor of putting you in the fire barrel instead of that silly effigy.
Yusuke: Bite me, Grandma!
Yukina: I don't understand what the purpose of this fire barrel thing is supposed to be.
Botan: Well Yukina dear, you're supposed to put into the fire barrel something, or someone, that annoys you or makes you angry. For example… um… hm… I suppose I would put people that have smart mouths and think they know everything into the fire barrel. Those people just make me… oooh! (gets a huge tic mark and clenches fist)
Yukina: … … …
Botan: But this is very impractical, so we're not doing mine. (cat face) Anyways, what would you like to put in the fire barrel?
Yukina: …It seems so painful to be put in there. Fire is so unpleasant.
Hiei: …
Botan: Well that's sort of the point. You put something in there that you don't like.
Yukina: But… I like almost everything. And even the things I don't like, I still don't want to hurt them.
Shizuru: You're way too sweet and innocent to be around the rest of us… (glares at Kuwabara) You better stay away from her! I don't want my baby brother to be responsible for corrupting this innocent girl! Got it?
Kuwabara: But… sis…
Hiei (muttering): I knew there was a reason I hadn't killed her yet.
Yusuke: (After burning his school uniform and getting slapped for it by Keiko) I don't care! It was still worth it! (sits down next to Hiei) So what are you going to put in the fire barrel?
Hiei: Hn.
Yusuke: Oh come on, I'm going to find out sooner or later, you may as well tell me.
Hiei: Pathetic.
Yusuke: Huh?
Hiei: It's pathetic that you ningens need a fire barrel.
Yusuke: Well sorry for us not having fire powers! (rolls eyes)
Hiei: And it's also pathetic that you want me to put something in the fire barrel. What do I need a fire barrel for? Anytime something makes me mad, all I have to do is use my powers to set it on fire.
Yusuke: But the point is that this is all symbolic and junk.
Hiei: Maybe I should put YOU in the fire barrel if you don't LEAVE ME ALONE! Stupid detective, stupid fire barrel, stupid symbolism… (continues muttering to himself)
Kuwabara: This is my mean and nasty and bad-tempered teammate Hiei.
Hiei: …
Kuwabara: This is a fire barrel. This is Hiei in the fire barrel.
Hiei: You have got to be kidding me.
Kuwabara: Just get in the fire barrel, shrimp! You have to do it cuz that's the point of this fire barrel thing!
Hiei: …Whatever… (rolls eyes and gets into the fire barrel)
Kuwabara: This is… hang on… anyone have a match or a lighter or something?
Hiei: Idiot…
(Someone finally gives Kuwabara a pack of matches and he spends ten minutes trying to light one while Hiei stands in the fire barrel looking totally bored)
Kuwabara: Finally! I mean… this is a lighted match! (tosses match into fire barrel)
(Flames appear but Hiei doesn't jump out or even look perturbed at all. He just stands in the fire)
Kuwabara: Hey what the heck? Why isn't the shrimp burning or screaming or hurting or something?
Hiei: (climbs out of the fire barrel completely unharmed) I'm a FIRE DEMON, you retard! You saw me fight Zeru. Fire doesn't hurt me. It hurts you though, correct?
Kuwabara: (runs away screaming) MOMMY!
Hiei: (rolls eyes) Baka…
A/N: See? Short. Probably a little repetitive too. I got tired of it and I ran out of ideas and I didn't like the way it was coming together so I junked it but I couldn't bring myself to delete the scenes I'd already written, so here they are! Hope you liked them!