All the world's a fanfic, and all the humans and demons merely characters.
A/N: This marks the last appearence of Kitsune. Since she helped write this stuff, I felt it would be unkind to change the character names like I have in some of my other fics (plus some of the stuff she says is so outragously Kitsune there is no way I could have adapted it to my other OCs. So enjoy, then say goodbye.
Anyways, this was going to be this nice long fic that Ryouko, Kitsune, and I were writing together, but we kept getting distracted and having random conversations and typing those up and soon we had pages and pages of random conversations, but very little plot. Then Kitsune and Ryouko had a fight, then Ryouko moved away, then Kitsune and I had a fight... and it became painfully obvious that this fic would never be finished. So I deleted all of the content (a surprisingly small amount) except for what little was required to make the jokes make sense, and then left the conversations. All you really need to know is that in the fic, Kurama has a crush on Yukina, sees her get kidnapped, goes to save her, etc. Meanwhile Hiei, Yuske, Kuwabara, and Botan are also trying to find her. Also, Botan has a crush on Kurama and has been harassing him. And... that's basically as far as we got. Thus, it was scrapped. But here are the conversations in all their "glory"
An Incredibly Old "Fic" Made Up Entirely of Random Conversations
Disclaimer: we do not own YYH, so don't sue us (yes, there are three people writing this, so don't… don't… I don't know! I forgot what I was going to say…-.-:)
Kitsune: Hello world!
Ryouko: Goodbye world!
Himizu: Good-bye? We haven't even started yet!
Kitsune: Please Ryouko; you're scaring away the customers!
Ryouko: WE DON'T HAVE ANY CUSTOMERS, YOU IDIOT! OH, LETS JUST START WRITING SOME FICS BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER!
Himizu: (whispering to Kitsune) If this is before she loses her temper, Hiei might have a serious rival here!
Ryouko & Hiei: WHAT did you say? (Glare menacingly while raising their fists and katanas)
Himizu: (looking petrified) Nothing, nothing… (grabs the nearest person, who happens to be Kurama, and pulls him in front of her)
Kurama: (sweatdrops) WHAT DID I DO?
Kitsune: Ryouko, Hiei don't kill Kurama! He's the star of the show!
Kurama: I am?
YYH Cast: He is?
Kitsune: Yep, he is and if you two (glares at the co-authors) don't stop fighting and come to help me; I'll start writing myself!
Ryouko & Himizu: Ok, ok we're coming… But he's not really the star, you know.
Kitsune: I know. (sniff sniff)
Ryouko: Nuts! The girl is nuts! Along with Himizu.
Himizu: Dimwit.
Ryouko: Freak.
Together: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
YYH Cast: (laughs hysterically)
Kitsune: CHILDREN STOP!
Himizu: Children indeed! You're one of the youngest here!
Kitsune: Let's just get moving. Where is Ryouko?
Kurama: And where is Hiei?
Everyone hears clicking noises and turn to the computer to find Ryouko busily typing with Hiei leaning over her shoulder.
Yusuke: Hiei's hitting on Ryouko! (he and Kuwabara laugh hysterically, and are stopped with two swift punches each from Hiei and Ryouko)
Meanwhile, everyone dashes to the computer. The authors reach it first and surround themselves with a barrier (and throwing out Hiei in the process).
The Authors: Let the typing (FINALLY) begin!
Kurama was afraid of Hiei's reaction.
Himizu: I mean, hello, we're talking the shortest sadistic fire youkai ever to walk the planet here!
Hiei: (eyes narrowing threateningly and starts jabbing his sword at the barrier) When you come out of there I'll…
Kitsune: Hiei stop! The electricity is ruining our hair!
Himizu: (trying desperately to flatten her hair) I don't care! As long as he doesn't get in here.
Ryouko: (with her braided hair above her head and still typing away) Himizu, stop being such an "I'm-so-scared-of-Hiei" little crybaby! And Hiei, thank you so much for getting my hair off my back, it gets hot in an electric barrier with these two after a while.
Himizu: Stop jabbing the barrier you stupid idiot midget shrimp! (Uses her author power to force Hiei into a shrimp costume)
The costume dissolves in a burst of flame. Kitsune and Ryouko burst into hysterical laughter.
Together: (shrieking) Hiei's lost his shirt again!
Ryouko: My, Hiei, you look much better now without your shirt off then the last time I saw you, and that was about, what, 5 seconds ago…
Hiei's skin turns green (to hide his red flushed face) and his hair fluffs, splitting into two points. His eyes narrow menacingly as he is surrounded by black flames while swirls of more black flames rise around the room. Scary, isn't it?
Himizu: (eyes wide with horror at the result of her jest) OH MY GOD! IT'S THE BLACK DRAGON! OH MY GOD!
Kitsune: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hiei, she may be annoying, but she's still our friend.
Ryouko: Yeah, if anyone should get to kill her, it should be me.
Hiei: Your friend, not mine. By the way (turns to Ryouko) I'm so sorry I have to take this pleasurable experience away from you, but I must do it for the sake of humans, demons, and emotionless, sadistic dictionaries!
Ryouko: (nods head understandingly) Yes! Go Hiei! And do what you must to finally do something helpful for this world! (says so very professionally)
Himizu: (going absolutely ballistic) WHAT? FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I BRING PLEASURE TO SOME HUMANS AND YOUKAIS… (pauses) …well, actually, I just fight with demons, but… FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION, I DO! AND FURTHURMORE…though I hate to admit it…I BELONG IN THE CATEGORY OF EMOTIONLESS, SADISTIC DICTIONARIES!
Hiei: (not paying the slightest attention to anything Himizu is saying) NOW COME OUT AND DIE!
Himizu: MAKE ME! (laughs her head off)
Ryouko: I'll help you Hiei!(tries to push Himizu out of the barrier and succeeds)
Himizu: I AM SOOOOOOO GOING TO KILL YOU, RYOUKO!
Ryouko: Go on and face your darkest fears!
Himizu: How did you know my darkest fear?
Ryouko: The same way I know what your deepest desire is!
Himizu: Oh yeah? And what's that?
Ryouko: RICK NASH, NO DA!
Himizu: (now flushed from both anger and embarrassment) Well, so you do know it… SO WHAT?
Hiei: So you can stop this good-for-nothing argument now because you aren't even going to go back into that freaking barrier!
Kitsune: (sighs wearily) I'm so sorry Hiei, but this is for the sake of the fic and for your own good. (she disables Hiei's dark dragon attack, just as he is about to perform it)
(Himizu faints)
Hiei: (glares menacingly at Kitsune, but after a while settles down and returns to normal) You could have at least let me hit her.
Ryouko: Yeah, Kitsune, you ruined the best part of the argument!
Kitsune: (ticked to the bone) CAN WE JUST GET BACK TO THE FIC?
He was afraid of Kuwabara's rage. He could only picture it in his mind and shudder with horror.
Himizu: (recovered) Ha, Kurama scared of that idiot, impossible!
Kuwabara: (raging) WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Ryouko and Kitsune: SHUT UP! IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, WE'RE TRYING TO WRITE A FIC HERE!
Himizu and Kuwabara: (pissed) SO WHAT?
Ryouko, Kitsune and YYH cast: SO SHUT UP!
Himizu: (totally pissed) MAKE ME! YOU KNOW I'LL NEVER LISTEN! (starts laughing evilly)
Kitsune: STOP, YOU'RE SCARING THE CHILDREN!
Himizu: (as pissed as you can possibly get) WHAT FREAKING CHILDREN ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Kitsune: (points at YYH cast) THESE CHILDREN!
Kurama: (pissed as well as insulted) Hey, I'm not a child, they are! And may we please continue with the fic?
Hiei: (now pissed as well) I know I'm under a hundred, but I'm no kid, woman!
Kitsune: Well, at least I'm not 3ft., you midget!
Hiei: (even more pissed than before) WELL, NEITHER AM I!
Yusuke and Kuwabara: (just as pissed as everyone else) Hey, we're 14, you know. You're younger.
Ryouko: WILL ALL YOU PISSED FREAKS JUST SHUT-UP ALREADY? I'M TRYING TO WRITE A FIC HERE! And by the way, all of you aren't children, YOU'RE BABIES! (except for Kitsune)
Himizu sticks out tongue and Ryouko sticks hers back!
Yusuke: (staring angrily at Kuwabara) HEY, YOU TOLD ME YOU KNEW WHERE THEY TOOK HER!
Kuwabara: NO, I SAID HIEI WAS LOOKING FOR IT!
Yusuke: Oh, well Hiei, how did you find it?
Hiei: WILL YOU TO SHUT UP? WE NEED TO REACH KURAMA ASAP! Plus, it said the address on the envelope…
They reached Kurama's house only to find that he was nowhere to be found.
Kuwabara: (desperately anxious) AT A TIME LIKE THIS, HE DECIDES TO DISAPPEAR!
Botan: I talked to him; he said he had other things to do. He's only human, you know.
Kuwabara: NO, HE'S NOT HUMAN! But where did you come from, anyway? HUH, HUH, HUH?
Botan: I came to help you, of course. Why else would I be here?
Kuwabara: (sweat drop) Oh, I'm sure you don't want to know…
Botan smacks him hard on the head with her oar, while the other two start searching the area for anything unusual. Finally, after a search that took about ten long minutes, the found the evidence of a portal. The real trouble was to open it.
Yusuke: Well Botan, do your job and crack this jackpot.
Botan: (annoyed) EXCUSE ME? What do I look like to you, a freaking LOCKSMITH?
Kuwabara: (confused) Do you really need a locksmith to open a portal?
Yusuke: (eyeing Botan) Yeah Botan, I know you're old, but do you really come from that far back?
Botan (ticked as can possibly get, smacks both Yusuke and Kuwabara on the head with her oar) HOW DARE YOU BE SO RUDE TO ME, YOU EVIL, DEMENTED, UNBEARABLE TWO! WHY, I'LL RIP YOUR HEADS OFF THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU, YOU…
Hiei: (already opened the portal and is about to go through it) You will kill or annoy everyone around you if you don't shut-up soon, and if you don't shut-up now…I WILL KILL YOU WITHOUT MERCY! NOW GET YOUR BUTTS IN GEAR AND LET'S GO THROUGH THE FREAKING PORTAL ALREADY!
They all climbed into the portal, unaware at all of what lay ahead…
Now, we must not forget that our hero (AKA: Kurama) has also gone inside the portal to rescue his beloved (yet secret) crush. He mounts his noble, white horse, desperately searching for his beloved, kidnapped princess…
Ryouko: HEY, HOW DID ALL THIS MUSHY-GUSHY CRAP GET INTO THE DAILOGUE? KITSUNE…(turns to Kitsune, who is covered with a dreamy look on her face)
Kitsune: (now with starry eyes) Well, isn't it obvious? Kurama, in a dreamy armor on a white horse! That is every girl's dream hottie!
Ryouko: (-.-;) Well, you can be sure it ain't my dream hottie. I like them simple, no da…
Himizu: (staring nervously in all directions) Can we just continue with the fic, for crying out loud? We don't want Kurama to hear this conversation, you know…
Kurama: (scaring the wits out of Himizu) Well, that's too bad, because I already heard. By the way, I hope I look good in shining armor…
Kitsune: (trying to get out of barrier to glomp Kurama) YOU'LL LOOK WONDERFUL AS ALWAYS! I LOVE YOU!
Kurama: (sweat drops) Yes Kitsune, I really like you too…
Ryouko: (devastated) Jeeze Kurama, you don't have to be so kind, Kitsune can handle any insult (except from a hottie). By the way, (turns to Himizu) how come you're so paranoid now, huh?
Himizu twitches and fidgets constantly
Kitsune: Himizu, stop twitching! What's the matter with you?
Himizu: I can't help it! It's that crazy fire demon!
Kitsune: (sweat drop) He's just standing there…
Himizu: EXACTLY!
Hiei: Oh give it a rest, you paranoid nutcase. As strange as it may sound, I am not planning your death.
Himizu: JUST BECAUSE I'M PARANOID DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T WATCHING ME! (glares at Hiei's Jagon)
Kuwabara: Who knows what that midget could be looking at with that freaky thing of his.
Yukina: (stares innocently) Like what?
Kuwabara: Nothing tulip. (coughs while saying "porn", but Hiei catches)
Hiei: (really ticked) WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU SICK FREAK, THAT I LIKE WHATCHING NAKED WOMEN LIKE YOU?
Kuwabara: No, but I think you're satisfied with Ryouko.
Ryouko gets out of the barrier and glares at Kuwabara while raising her katana.
Ryouko: (glares evilly) WOULD YOU RATHER BE CUT IN HALF OR TORTURED UNTIL YOU DIE? I CAN EASILY PICK, NO DA!
Himizu: Whoa, she's worse than Hiei!
Kitsune: Maybe, but I think you and Hiei are much more sadistic.
Himizu: (pissed) ME? SADISTIC?
Kitsune: Of course, you crazy person who loves watching people get beat up!
Himizu: And how does that make me sadistic?
Kitsune: You find it fascinating when people beat the crap out of each other, when blood and guts and teeth are everywhere, and when people are on fire.
Ryouko: (turns to the two arguers) And don't forget when purple blood falls everywhere! (turns back to Kuwabara) ANSWER ALREADY!
Kitsune: Oh, right. (The extremely pissed Himizu opens her mouth to protest, but Kitsune holds up her hand.) Shut up, Kuwabara's about to tell Ryouko how he wants to be killed.
Kuwabara: Well, I'd rather be cut in half but…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!
Ryouko raises her katana to strike when a black blur runs in front of her, blocking Kuwabara.
Hiei: NO! (everyone stares at him. Suddenly, an evil grin appears on his face.) I want to do it.
Ryouko: Well, you can't! HE'S MINE!
Hiei: MINE!
Ryouko: MINE!
Hiei: MINE!
Ryouko: MINE!
Hiei: MINE!
Ryouko: MINE!
Both their voices are about 50 octaves higher than normal and veins can be seen standing out of their necks. Kitsune finally decides to step in.
Kitsune: People, please, for the sake of the fic, we need Kuwabara.
Ryouko: For the sake of this argument, we do not. Now move, Hiei, so that I can kill him.
Hiei: For the last time, HE IS MINE WOMAN!
Ryouko: HE'S MINE!
Hiei: MINE!
Ryouko: MINE!
Hiei: MINE!
Ryouko: MINE!
Ryouko pulls out a baseball bat and tries to hit Hiei with it, but he jumps on it. Ryouko swings the bat upwards, causing Hiei to fall from it and hitting Yusuke on the head.
Ryouko: (turns to Yusuke) Sorry Yusuke. (accidentally hits Kuwabara on the head.) Whoops. (turns to Kuwabara and accidentally hits Yusuke on the head again.) Sorry Yusuke. (turns to Yusuke and hits Kuwabara on the head again)
Ryouko: (turns to Kuwabara and scowls fiercely) Hey, I'm supposed to cut you in half. (drops bat and picks up katana, but finds herself facing Hiei again.) DARN IT HIEI! WILL YOU MOVE?
Hiei: (shakes his head firmly) NO!
Ryouko hits him in the side of the head with the baseball bat and sends him flying. All the while, Himizu sits inside the barrier laughing, plainly enjoying the sight of the argument that she has helped start. Truly the title of sadistic suited her well.
Ryouko: (EXTREMELY ticked) Alright, let's make a deal.
Kuwabara: (pleading look) SO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KILL ME?
Ryouko: (glaring at him) I NEVER SAID THAT! AND I WAS TALKING TO THE YOUKAI IN FRONT OF YOU!
Hiei: I'm listening…
Ryouko: Alright, since (and I'm sorry to say this) we need Kuwabara for the fic, we shouldn't kill him until the fic is finished…
Kitsune: THANK YOU RYOUKO!
Ryouko: WILL YOU SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO CONVERSE WITH THIS PERSON HERE! For crying out loud, freak…
Kitsune: Dim-wit.
Together: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
Himizu: (mad) Hey, that's not your line…
Kitsune and Ryouko: SHUT-UP AND STAY OUT OF THIS!
Himizu: (inching hurriedly towards the corner) Ok, ok, I heard you…
Ryouko: Well, anyway (turning back to Hiei) when the fic is done, you and I can both torture and eliminate Himizu and Kuwabara, riding the world of two very annoying dim-wits! Well, what do you say?" (holding out her hand)
Hiei: (taking her hand heartily) THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL PLAN! I AGREE!
Himizu: (shrugs) Who cares? I can just disable the shrimp's black dragon and I won't have a care in the world!
Ryouko: (shrugs playfully back) Yes, you won't have a care in the world except me and my returning Hiei's black dragon. But other than that, you'll be carefree!
Himizu: (shocked beyond words) YOU WOULDN'T DARE! DIM-WIT!
Ryouko: WANT TO BET? FREAK!
Together: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
YYH cast: LET'S GET BACK TO THE FIC ALREADY!
All 3 authors sigh in resignation: Fine, fine, keep your shirts on!
Kitsune and Ryouko: EXCEPT KURAMA AND HIEI!
Hiei and Kurama: -.-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Himizu: (rolls her eyes) Oh please….
Ryouko: What if Rick Nash comes?
Himizu: (happy beyond words) RICK NASH, WHERE, WHERE?
Ryouko: Oh please, the first time I touch a hockey player, you'll know it's the end of the world!
Himizu: (charging at Ryouko) YOU SHALL PAY FOR THAT REMARK, SAVAGE!
Ryouko: (already safe and snug in barrier with Kitsune) Me, savage? When she and a hockey player get together, we'll see savageness, no da. I mean, we're talking mass destruction people!
And the fic is, once again, underway, WITH NO DEMENTED MUSHY-GUSHY STUFF!
Kurama (on foot, with his normal pink uniform) goes about searching for his crush.
When Kurama is trying battle the demon, he reaches for his rosewhip and grabs a hockey stick.
Kurama: A hockey stick? Where did this come from?
Kitsune and Ryouko: HIMIZU!
Himizu: (Innocently) What?
Ryouko: This is not one of your stupid hockey stories!
Himizu: Well, what's he supposed to have?
(Kitsune gives a cry of horror and despair and runs to a corner of the barrier where she crouches, head in hands, muttering to herself.)
Ryouko: (ballistic) WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO HAVE? ARE YOU CRAZY? HIS ROSEWHIP OF COURSE!
Himizu: (Softly) Oh.
Ryouko: (If possible even more ballistic) OH? OH? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY, IS OH?
Himizu: Uh, sorry?
Ryouko: (buries her head in her hands) Tsk, tsk, this generation of teenage Americans, jeeze.
Himizu: Oh and I suppose you Israelis are absolute geniuses.
Ryouko: Actually we are!
Himizu: Yeah, right, whatever.
A/N: Yeah… hope you enjoyed, and now my old ideas and half-finished ideas have been collected and turned into an actual fic and I hope this was an enjoyable experience for everyone. And I hope that I've made everyone sufficiently happy while I worked on the other fanfics that I've actually had to work hard at and think about seriously.