chapter seven

the next morning i woke up before evan and just look out of the hospital window as the sun was coming up. two hours later i get a text from both john, christian, ted, cody, alex,eve, and a few others good morning. i replied all back and said morning. a little while later evan woke up and said" good morning" i replied" morning" evan said" look i know you are scared to be alone, we are scared to leave you alone but listen we are all just phone calls away and planes away and well today a few hours away but listen we are here for you and the kids no matter what" i sigh thinking that makes me feel a little better.

a hour later evan had to leave to head toward the next town with the guys. i look at my phone and then set it down. my life was complicated right now did i really want to add more to my plate with ted in the mix. i decide to go see the twins and i walk in and see them and said" hey babies mommy loves you guys mommy wishes she could make you guys better and take you guys away from here" i realize at that moment either when we will the hospital we were going to have to find a place, stay at my dads or live on the road and with their health as bad as it was now i was thinking it would have to be find a place or live with dad.

four months later

the twins werehealth at five pounds four ounces. the guys called me every day to check on me and on them. me and ted talk or text all the time but i was not still sure if i should jump or not. i knew right now sam was seven months pregnant with her and randy little boy. john had told me well he accidently sent me the text that told me. i look at my daughter who has her father eyes and his tan skin an i look at my son and saw the smile, the skin and the hair, they look like their father. how can when they are older i look them in their eyes and said" daddy is not here daddy did not want you." in the moment right now in my head the words sound bad and make me want to vomit. it was august 29 which meant tonight was raw and tomorrow night was super smackdown seeing randy going against christian in a cage again in my head i knew it was bad to wish something bad happen to their father but at the same time i was thinking if something bad did happen maybe he would understand. i was in the nursery where they came the babies and then all of a sudden codes were going off and they were pushing me out of the room and i knew who it was kandall since he had more problems then miracle. i felt scared and sad and i did not even notice someone walking over and wrap their arms around me. i just crumble in the person arms and cried as he just held me to his body. no one knew this during the four months i had been working on walking again and i was doing good for the most part. then i heard the voice and it was southern and i look up to see blond hair blue eyes and it was ted. he just rub my back and said" he is fighting he fought four months he fight this long he know you love him, he will be fine" they rush him to incu and they told me i could go back in and they would come get me when they knew something about kandall since they were just nurses. i get up and grab ted hand and said" come on there is a little angel you have to meet" . ted nod his head and walks in with me as i gentle pick up miracle and said" this is miracle and miracle this is ted, do not worry he might have muscles and look scary but he is just a soft teddy bear, i know cute nick name huh" ted smiles and laugh as he just stares at me and i was not pay attention to him but to my little girl in my arms as small as a little baby doll. ted sits down and said" angelica i have been thinking we could go out tonight" i replied" i can't i promise the guys i would watch raw you know spirt support" ted nod his head and said" ok then look tomorrow night i am going to be on super smackdown, i need ok i do not need i want you to be there please" i replied" ted i can't face him, i have not talk to him in four months what do i say or what do i do" ted kneel down and said" you do not have to say or do anything look you can come in my locker room you know me and cody share, please i promise i will bring you back here afterward i will get take out food from where ever and we can sit out side in the hospital park" i nod my head and said" ok" ted smiles and took a picture on his phone and puts my girls under the picture. i did not notice that he did this as i look back at miracle and her grayish blue eyes like mine and felt a pull at my heart. her brother had to be ok they were a set they were my kids and i do not know what i would do if anything bad happen to them. i put miracle down when she fall a sleep and me and ted walk out of the room and walk back toward my room which was not in the hospital but it was where family stayed if they had a paitent in a coma it was like a mini apartment just no rent. i was worried about kandall so worried that i was not pay attention and ted grab me before i fall. i look up at him and he look at me and said" stairs" i look down and notice i almost walk off the stairs not pay attention. we went back to my room and we laid down looking up at the ceiling. i knew ted had to go soon but at the moment having someone there with me for the first time in the past four months felt nice. i currled up next to him as he rub my back and head softly and i fall a sleep in that position.

a few hours later i woke up and saw ted holding miracle and smile as i slowly sit up. ted said" you are so cute baby girl, i do not see how your dad could hurt your mom, or you or your brother but i promise i am not going to you or your mom or your brother, i have like her since the first moment i saw her i was just to much of a chicken and married to do anything about it, but i am thankful your mommy is giving me a chance i am going show her not all southern guys are donkeys" i try not to make a noise but it was so cute and i giggle softly. ted was the only one beside me that consider missouri still southern. i get up slowly and grab my camera and took a picture of ted and miracle and saved it on my phone. i walk over and said" well isn't this just priceless." i giggle and ted laughs and smile when he see me and said" sorry you were a sleep and the nurse brought her by and she was crying and" i giggle and replied "it is ok how is kandall" ted said" the nurse said he is fine he just had a fever and they have back on the breathe machine for a while but he will be ok" ted hands me miracle and said" look i realize that supersmackdown is not anywhere near here and i know u are worried about kandall so you do not have to go but i promise when i get back i am all yours, i told hunter i need some time off to see if me and kristen could work on our problems but i am not going home, me and kristen are getting separated, so i will be here for you, miracle and kandall" i nod my head as the phone vibrate in my pocket and i pull it out and said" hello no because i do not want to see her and i do not wnat her to meet them no dad i swear if you dad darn it dad why never mind ok bye" i hang up the phone and just toss it to the bed. ted said" let me guess your dearest mother is coming" i nod my head and ted sigh and kiss my forehead and said" it will be ok"

two hours later i heard her voice i swear i heard dogs barking and babies crying. ted went to go get us something to eat and the nurse had came to get miracle, so at the moment it was just me and her. i did not ever call her mother after the age of 13 it was always my guardian. mom love their kids, mom support their kids but she did not do that for me. she just put me down and made me lose my confident and self worth. she look at me and everyone told me that we were twins or that we could not be mother and sister since we look so much alike that we had to be sisters, i swear if i hear that one more time i am going puke. she said" i knew you would not tell me that you had kids" i thought had it is have they are live not dead. i replied" they are alive mother, they are miracles and they are mine" she said" they are four months early it is your fault they are early you should not had children in your condition" i want to slap her, punch her run her over with my wheelchair that i was not in anymore but still these were most of the thoughts going through my head. i look at her and said" i have them, i love them, my condition you do not know my condition, you left me the moment i decide wrestling was something i wanted to make a career out of, i am not the prefect little 5"9 red hair green eyes pale freckle skin thin tooth pick model looking chick like faith, i am not the husky chubby lazy ass -thirteen year old little boy name landon, this is my life, you can't control me anymore" i look at her and she walk over and slap me and said" how dare you talk to me like that, do you know when you had a broken bone who was there every night and day in the hospital with you, me. who was the one taking you to doctors and everything me, not your father, not the damn wrestlers but me" i touch my face and said" yeah but my kids will know love and affection, they will know that if they make a mistake i am always going to be here for them, you never let me learn anything on my own it had to be your way or it was wrong, you never showed me love or affection" she push me down and start kicking me and hitting me. i was not strong enough to fight her back. then i heard ted voice said" stop it leave her alone i will call security" she kick me again and look at him and said" i am done with her tell security dont forgot to take out the trash" she walks out and ted walks over toward me and kneel down beside me and said" angelica" i replied" i am fine" i slowly get up and it hurt so bad to move but i had to. ted went to get a first aid kit and a nurse to check on me. i just sat in the room and cried. i was not really surprise that she beat me but i was her first born child. she act like she never loved me at all. ted comes back and cleans my cuts and the nurse saw me and look me over and told me i need to get check out and i told her that i would. me and ted ate and did not say much

later that night ted left because he had to be at the supershow for tomorrow. i just lock the door when he left and just walk over and lay on my bed and look up at the ceiling as tears roll down my face. randy did not love me or our kids it seem since he had not seen them since four months ago. my mom just beat me and it seem like she did not give a damn. i felt so alone and unloved that i just curled up in bed and cried my self to sleep. the next morning i woke up and i showered and i get dressed. i decide to go on my facebook and i notice i had a few messages from" people" they were fake names john and everyone came up with for themsleves. randy was the only one who decide to be real meaning real name real pic real everything. i go to randy status and it said"

have you ever miss someone so much it was killing you inside, nine months two weeks and a few hours ago i woke up next to the most beautiful girl in the world after spending the night with her and i just left her in her home confused upset and alone, five months ago i found out she was pregnant with my twins and two days later i get to see them and they were so tiny that it scared me that i could actually lose them, i already lost their mother because of my stupidity i did not think she desreve to lose them as well because i know she is a good mother and i know she is a great person, it is four months i do not know if my twins are ok, i hear pieces and bits from my friends who are also her friends so you know that i hear that i am a jackass all the time".

i felt tears in my eyes this was personal note randy wrote on his face book and he was never really personal on facebook about anything going on in his life beside wrestling. i look back at the note

" this morning my wife eight months pregnant and we just had our little boy liam Nathaniel orton as i held him, i wonder how my son with the beautiful women is, i wonder does he look like me, i wonder does he even know my name, i wonder alot of things. angelica i love you i know you hate me for what i did but please just talk to me, i told you me and alanna wanted to come see them and you hang up on me so please reply to me, text me, call me, something please."

i thought he does not know why i am mad he said he pities the night we slept together and the accident and me, he does not know why i am mad.

i click on my page and went to my status my twins are doing good thanks for keeping them in your prayers everyone to their father you said you pitied me that is why we were together and you said other hurtful things congrates on your little boy, the prefect family one of each and married big house. i just post it and sign off. ten mitunes later my cell phone ring i knew who it was. i lean over and press talk and said" hello" the voice sound calm just like it gets out side before a storm comes and that freak me out. i look at the called i.d and it was randy so him being calm was scary. randy said" when?" it was one word but it sent chills down my spine and goosebumps over my arms. i replied" when what?" randy growl and said" do not playing fing stupid with me, when did i say what you said i said on facebook"i replied "the day you call me and said you want to come up with alanna you text me a hour or so before that and said all that crap, i was honest with you randy about my feelings how i felt about you, and you had the balls to throw the accident in my face, i never did that to you not one damn time but you throw it is in my face like it some card that gets to be throw and played when you feel like throwing it and playing it in my face that is why i needed the space, you hurt me i had no walls protecting my heart after i was honest with you and you hurt me" i felt tears in my eyes and my voice start to sound cracky and i was begging that he did not hear my voice. randy said" i never ever throw that in your face, angelica i never once thought that in your face do realize everytime for six months or so after that accident how bad i felt, i did not want to tell you how i felt about you, because i hated my self so much for putting you in that chair, you loved wrestling you loved the traveling you loved everything and i took it away from you, you told me never to pity you and i could not help but pity you sometimes but i never ever said what you just said"

i was getting mad and said" go to hell you are such a lair" i hang up and i found the messages and i sent him what i said and what he said and put at the end of it and said" do you remember now" i hit sent.

i felt sick to my stomach because all of the crying i had been doing so i grab my jacket and head out the apartment just to get some fresh air. i promise my boys i would watch supersmack down. i mean i had to see christian and randy in a john cena and wade were the first match. my phone was buzzing in my pocket which means someone message me from my yahoo. i was not in the mood to talk to anyone at this point, i was to upset and mad. i just had alot on my mind with randy, the kids, ted, my mom and just everything else. the buzzing did not stop and it was start to annoy me. i pul it out and notice it was my friend whitney and sigh softly since she was telling me about her and her boyfriend. this is how weird our friendship is when she is happy i get depression or i am in the depression state of mine when i am happy then she is in the depression state of mind.

whitney: hey girl

me: hey

whitney: i saw on facebook the twins are ok that is great so when are they going to get to go home

me: a month or so i am not really sure at this moment

whitney: so you?

i roll my eyes and sigh softly knowing exactly what she was asking but at the moment i did not really want to talk about my guy problems or any of my problems.

me: me? well i am single, i am a mother of twins, the father is i do not know the deal with him anymore, i do not want to talk about it

whitney: me and sean are great.

i roll my eyes and just touch the screen and sign out of yahoo because at the moment i just not sure i could talk to her without snapping of all my angry that was in me. a hour later i walk upstairs to my apartment and lay on the couch. i pull my laptop from under my bed and sigh softly and i check my mail and i get a message from a dating website. i knew i had tons of guy issues at the moment but there was no harm in just reading the message that was sent to me. i click on the link and it want to his profile. he was ok looking guy with blue eyes. but i decide just to read the message so i go over to the log in area.

the message said you have a beautiful smile. i am a kind sweet guy and i am kind of shy because i never talk to such a beautiful women before. i smile and blush softly but i just read the message and the end of the message said his name was michael. he was on so i click on the chat buttom and we start talking and then we move it over to yahoo and talk until it was time for me to get off to go watch supersmack down.

i watch supersmackdown and i was happy seeing my boys since i have not seeing john in a while or christian. the supersmackdown main event randy and christian. i was literally at the edge of my seat. it was a great match and then randy won and then i see mark henry and i knew things were about to get really bad and there was nothing i could do. when it was over i knew i was mad at him hell i was furious at him but i still had to know if he was ok or not. i called john and he pick up and said" hey i was just about to call you" i replied "is he ok"john said " i do not know i mean he get pretty banged up, but he is randy come on now you know he is tough and he is ok" i said " john all that stuff he text do you think he is the one that text me?" i had doubts in my heads but i did not know who else would have done this. john said" baby girl i know randy for almost 12 years, i know his character on tv sometimes is a butt hole i know his personality on tv is evil but you and i both know that is not him off camera, off camera he is a nice amazing would not let his friends down kind of guy so do i think he sent all that shit no, i honestly think it was sam, she was always jealous of you two and the accident just made her jealous worse so tell me do you still love him?" i sat there for a moment and replied" the truth part of me still get butterfly when he calls or text me even through i am so pissed at him but the other part of me does not want him the other part thinks i should move on i do not know what to do john help me" john said " remember what my mom, randy mom, your dad, my dad randy dad use to say all the time" i laugh and said" follow your heart the heart never leads you the wrong way" john said" exactly, my heart leaded to me liz and i love her we had our problems but now we are back together and things are great, now randy heart right now i am not sure what he is thinking but i know everytime me, evan, christian, ted or cody say your name the boy lights up like it is christmas morning" i laugh softly and said " thanks john um i have to go i am going to go see the twins before i go to bed" i hang up the phone with alot on my mind.