chapter 14
a week from the kids birthday and julian now going to school and alanna at day care and randy on the road i was at home thinking about my wedding. mickie, ashley, maria, jessica and whitney and john wife liz were all at my house and we were looking at dresses. i had told them after i have the baby i was getting married now while i look like a whale. i was very thankful my dad was going to walk me down the aisle. mickie said" have you thought of names" i replied" some i mean i like the name grace, i like the name andria, i like the name leanna and rihanna and just alot of names" after we talk about names for a while i heard a little boy crying and said" that is kendall i will get him" kendall was still a little scared of me but he did not really cry anymore he just look scared. i walk in and said" hey sweet boy" i pick him up and notice his diaper had wet all the through his shorts and on his bed. i told the girls that i might be a little longer then a little while but that i would be right back down there. i give kendall a bath and i put a dry diaper on him and a shirt. i turn to grab the shorts and he was crawling away. i giggle wishing he would walk and i was glad we were downstairs so he would not go to the stairs and try to crawl down there so i had a moment to clean up his room and put everything in the washer. then i heard ashley said" angelica he is walking" i replied" what" i walk in to the kitchen and see kendall pushing the foot stool but he was walking. i grab my camera and took a picture and put it in his baby book and put a year and a week old kendall start walking. i pick him up and put him in his bouncer and then i heard miracle and said" twins they act like i will be back again" i go to miracle room and smile and pick her up and said" hey angel oh you smelly" i notice it happen again had gone all the way through the diaper on to the sheets of her crib. i give her a bath and dressed her as well and put dirty sheets in the washer with dirty clothes and then put her in her bouncer as well. i sat down and the girls were looking at maid of honor and bridesmaids dresses. my friend whitney said" we should have like the 27 dresses you know at the end where the girl has her bridesmaid in different color and style dresses you should do that" i replied" no i do not want to do that this is not a circus whitney this is my wedding, ok" i sigh softly knowing this might have been a bad idea getting whitney involve in anything of mine since she loves to make things about her, and especial when it came to me. the phone rings and i knew who it was and told the girls that i would be back. i walk outside in the back yard and press talk and said" hey baby" his husky voice replied" hey beautiful" the dogs were barking and randy heard them. randy said" are you outside" i replied" randy i am in the backyard she is in jail and if i talk on the phone in there i am most likely going to kill someone" randy laugh and said" i think my character viperness is rubbing off on you, let me guess your friend whitney" i replied" baby she just i do not know she thinks this wedding is about her, if she throw out one more stupid idea or one more suggestion i am going to snap, i am already in a bad mood i am tired, i do not feel good and the past two days the babies diaper have leap through and i am washing their blankets yet again" randy said" baby do not kill anyone i love you and i do not think you look good in a orange jumpsuit look just tell the girls you need to rest for a while and just tell them to warm up bottles or something and take a nap" i roll my eyes when he said he does not think i would look good in a orange jumpsuit i knew he was trying to make me laugh but at this moment he was making me more annoyed.
i sigh softly and sat down and said" i just miss you and i guess what happen at my mom place is having more of affect on me then i thought and that sound like a good idea baby, i love you" randy replied" i love you to look i have to go i was just checking on you, give the kids a hug and kiss for me and i will call you later" i said" ok tell the boys to be careful" randy replied" i will" we hang up the phone and i walk back into the house. i saw whitney holding my daughter calling her bella. i sigh softly i knew i need to calm down but for some reason i could not seem to find my calm happy place. i walk over and pick up miracle from whitney and said" whitney her name is miracle not bella i am sorry your daughter died a day after she was born but darn it not every little baby is bella or leif jr, i am sorry your lost your kids" whitney replied" they are with me right now" the other girls were looking at us all weird and i did not know how to explain it to them or let alone did i think i could try to explain it to them. i put miracle back in her bouncer and kiss her forehead and said" let just look at dresses ok" i knew randy idea for me to get a nap was a good one but after walking back in on whitney break down moment i was not sure it was the best idea with her there. a hour later whitney boyfriend called and she left without saying much to anyone about her leaving. the moment she left everyone look at me. i said" i can't explain her mind but she seriously thinks they are here but not here i do not know how to explain it." i sigh softly and figure since she was gone i could go take a nap. i told the girls i was going to go lay down and could they watch the kids for me. they did not care and they just nod their heads and they decide to stay to watch the kids.
a hour and a half later i woke up and i felt a little bit better but not much but i guess a little bit was better then nothing. i come downstairs and see miracle rocking and moving her arms like she was dancing. i giggle softly since she was dancing to mickie james songs. kendall was sitting on the couch drinking juice. i walk over toward him and sat down and he smile and climb into my lap and rest his head on my chest. i smile and rub his back and said" hi my sweet boy" ashely walks in and said" miracle come here" miracle walks over and ashley hands her, her sip cup and she smiles and plopped down on the floor and drinks her juice. ashley said" jessca and liz and maria went to get movies and pizza and they wil pick up julian and alanna" i nod my head and replied" cool" ashley said" how was the nap" i replied" it was ok for the most part" i had not really told anyone what happened at my mom house. i mean randy knew some but he did not know everything and i know you cant start a marriage off hiding secrets but at this moment it was scary for me to think about and it would be scary to talk about because it would be like re living it and i did not want to relive it. mickie james smile and look at kendall and said" you know how we girls have guys walking us down the aisle" i nod my head and said" yeah i do why" mickie replied" i pick kendall" i giggle softly and said" mickie he is just one he just start walking" mickie replied" see i knew you were going to say that so i have a surprise" i heard a knock at the door and i knew it was not the girls because they would have just walk in with the kids. mickie walk over toward the window and giggles and jumps up and down and i could not help but fall over laughing and ashley start laughing as well. mickie said" your surprise is here?" i replied" what or should i say who is here?" mickie said" go open the door and find out" ashley takes kendall and i get up.
i open the door and i froze in my spot and said" skittles?" i smile and look at mickie james and said" oh my god" jeff hardy laugh and replied" hey angel, mickie and i are on tna together and she was talking about the wedding and wanting to have someone walk with her and i wanted to see everyone again and see you again so i decide i would" i smile and hug him and said" that is prefect come in" jeff comes in and i introduce him to my kids and i could not wait until julian came home because jeff hardy was one of his favorites because randy orton and john cena and evan bourne and a.j styles. jeff was holding miracle who seem very interested in his hair. then i heard voices coming and then i see julian and alanna and everyone. i smile this was going to be good my friend jessica was in love with the hardy boys in middle school and i knew she would be excited to see jeff just like julian would be excited.
julian and jessica face were priceless i took a picture of it and then i took pictures of them with jeff hardy. then we start eating and julian and jeff went to julian room to play video games. me and the girls watch movies. later that night everyone stayed at my house and i just went to mine and randy room and i miss him so much. he would a few days off but that was from wrestling that was not from promotion his dvd and meeting fans and sign stuff. i pull out my smartphone and went to my pandora app which is a radio thing and i look at all my playlist i had on there since i could not sleep i was hopping that music would at least help me a little bit. i look out the window and saw the full moon and just lay there hugging one of randy's shirt close to my chest because it smell just like him. i knew it was late and that i should sleep but i was afraid if i closed my eyes i would be back in that room with that man and i was helpless then and i was not helpless now but in my dreams i was helpless all over again. i get up and walk into julian room and see him a sleep and i just gentle tuck him with his blanket. i walk into alanna room and she was a sleep holding her teddy bear close to her chest. i walk into miracle room and she was a sleep and so was kendall.
eight hours later i woke up from the smell of pancakes and i knew it was jeff. i get up and walk downstairs and i walk into the kitchen and it was jeff and mickie. they notice me and said" miracle and kendall are in their play pens, jessica took julian to school and alanna to day care and ashley and maria and jessica left to go to work so you are stick with us two" i giggle and said "cool that is fine with me" mickie replied" a package came for you in the morning it is over here" she pointed to the front door and i walk over toward it and it was addressed to me from randy, which made me more excited since i miss him so much i wonder what he get me. i open it and the first thing i saw was a letter and i unfold it.
hey baby
i was just sitting in rooming with john you know the rapper who snores and talks in his sleep wishing i was holding you in my arms. i was thinking about -what my vows should say and i realize i have no clue at the moment because everything i want to say how much you mean to me, you are already know i can't wait until we are married, i love you, you are the most amazingly beautiful, talent, smart, nice, great mother and the kids and i are very luck to have you and we do not regret having you in our lives, you made my life better just by being in it, so i was thinking something special i could write well i have it using your name in a special way, like a. mazingly beautiful, n. ice kind heart naughty (private wink face) g. oofy good looking. talented, l. ovely. . c. reative, caring and i cant see my self without you. and forever love you.
at this point i had happy tears rolling down my cheek and whipping them away and i was not even done reading the letter or seeing what he had gotten or sent me. i laugh at some of the stuff in the letter
i was just laying here in the room lonely in my bed missing my home feeling i get everytime i am around you. i hold the pillow and i fall a sleep and dream of your face. i love you and i love our kids. i love the fact that you took julian and brought him home with you, i know he is your nephew and you know everything he has been through and you brought him into our love him, he is a great kid and you are the greatest aunt i know taking on all that you are. john just throw a pillow telling me to go to bed so i better before he get huffy and puffy even through he is puffy he calls himself fluffy. i love you more then words could say and i can't wait until our wedding day. love you sign your future husband.
i smile softly as i get up and walk toward the box and open it more to see what he had sent me. the first look like a very old box which had me confused and then i open it and froze. it was my grandma custom made bracelet with different things on it. i had remember being a little girl and see this and trying it on. then i saw a note it was my dad hand writing
randy told me what happen with your mother angel i am sorry i know you miss your grandma and i found this in her box of stuff i had in my shop and i know she would want you to have had the bracelet i love you. dad
i smile softly as i put the box beside me and went looking through the other stuff. there was boxs from buildabear and i giggle softly since i knew and i had a strong feeling the smaller animals were for the kids and bigger two were for me. the first box of mine that i open was a panda bear and i press the stomach. i heard husky voice and almost felt weak in the knee. randy said" hey baby i know you like pandas and i saw this and get it for you, i love u and miss you just know that i am counting down the days until you and i are together again and i am so glad that you wait for me, i love you" i froze and thought he is going to sing the song. part of me was happy if he was going to sing and the other part did not really know if he could sing. then i heard his husky voice saying or try to sing this
"Wait For Me"
You are not alone tonight
Imagine me there by your side
It's so hard to be here so far away from you
I'm counting the days till
I'm finally done
I'm counting them down, yeah, one by one
It feels like forever till I return to you
But it helps me on those lonely nights
It's that one thing that keeps me alive
[Chorus:]
Knowing that you wait for me
Ever so patiently
No one else knows the feeling inside
We hang up the phone without saying goodnight
Because it's the sound of your voice that brings me home
It's never been easy to say
But it's easier when I've gone away
[Chorus:]
Knowing that you wait for me
Ever so patiently
Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and
It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me
[Bridge:]
What I'd give
What I'd do
Knowing I'm not there for you
Makes it so hard to leave
What I'd give
What I'd do
Anything to get me home to you
And this time I'll stay
And you wait for me
Ever so patiently
Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and
It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me
then i heard the voice" baby i love you" i smile and sat there and i was so happy just to hear his voice and have something to hold against me at night when he was not home. the next box i open was a hedgehog. then i press the button and heard the voice again and said" ok baby i know you think i am crazy and probably confused why i pick a hedgehog, most people like the cute animals, but this is different and special just like you, from the moment i saw you i knew you could be something special in my life and i have been right ever since you walk into my life" i smile and blush softly so glad he could not see me blushing. the little gift he get the kids alanna was a hello kitty and miracle was a hello kitty. the boys were wolve looking dogs call fence wolf. i put the kids presents in their rooms and i put my stuff in my room. i walk over and grab my phone and i figure he was in a match or at the gym or at a fan thing or a promotion thing. so i text him
hey i get the package today thank you so much baby i do not know what i did to desreve such amazing guy but i love you and i can't wait to see you. i sent it and then i head back downstairs when mickie called my name. me and mickie and jeff ate.
jeff had to leave since he had to be on tna tonight since it was going to be his first night back on there me and mickie told him that we would watch. then mickie realize she had to go as well since eric from tna just called her and told her that she had to be there since she was the women champion so her and jeff left at the same time which left me home alone for the first time in a week. i look at the clock there is four hours until alanna and julian would be home. the twins were with randy orton parents who had came to get them after mickie james and jeff left.
i did not know what to do because sleeping was not a choose at this moment since the nightmares were so bad that i would woke up in a pool of sweat or wake up with my heart racing and my body shaking. i just wish someone was here with me so i could relax and not be scared. i was strong most of the time but ever since i get back from my mom place it was like i lost my strength that i use to have. so i pull out my lap top trying to find something to get my mind off of the horrible thing my mind was playing over and over in my head like a bad movie. i play a few games and then i decide i had to find a song for me and randy to dance to at the wedding. i already had the father and daughter song. i did not want it to be to cheesy like taylor swift "you belong with me" i love the song but i think it was a little to cheesy. so i decide to look up wedding songs. i decide to look up ten top country wedding songs since i love country music. the first site i want to had good songs. they had the songs and who song them and why they were on the list and i love all the songs so i wrote down the ones that i like. after looking up the country songs i decide to go to see if pop artists had any good songs that were not cheesy.