chapter 18
i spent the next three hours in the bathroom not really talking to anyone and yes that includes the boys do not ask me how they get into a girl bathroom with out getting called out by security or out of the hospital for doing that. i was thinking he had slept with whitney since i just thought she strike again and she just ruin my life once again. i slowly get up and splash water on my face and look up in the bathroom mirror and i was so mad at my self and upset and alot of emotions in me. i just punch the glass and felt tears roll down my face as i felt the glass cutting my skin. i felt numb and empty and just hollow. i come out of the bathroom but i did not go to anyone i just slip my back against the brick wall out side of the bathroom and like a reaction i just start hitting the back of my head against the wall. i did not know what time it was and at the moment i did not care i wanted randy and me to be where ever his special was not in a hospital and him fighting for his life. i did not notice anyone coming and sitting by me. then i felt someone picking me up and then i saw a female nurse picking the glass out of my hand. i was so numb feeling that i did not feel the pain that i knew was there. then i look up and notice that it was john matthews and he just shook his head not saying a word. i do not know why but him being disappoint in me hurting me more then anything but for the fact that my husband was in a hospital operation room. because he and i have been through alot together in the three years that we have known each other. the nurse wraps my hand up and told me to clean it and everything but that i should be ok in a few days or so to use it. i just nod my head surprise th-at she did not ask what happen or anything.
the moment she walks out john matthews look at me and said" he needs you and you go off and do something as stupid as this are you out of your mind?" i hated this he was mad at me. i felt numb and emotionless and he was yelling at me and that was the last thing i need and at the same time it was like the one thing i need to feel like someone give a damn. i replied" she tried to kill me john, ME i am her fucking daughter and she tried to kill me and SHE might have killed randy, do you know how bad this is killing me? then on top of everything i find out the day before my wedding and the night of my wedding my husband cheated, so i have the right to act THE HELL I SEE FIT" i get up and walks out of the hospital and the moment the cold air hit me. i just sigh softly as i step out side and i felt all the girls running and hugging me. i hug them and just lost it and they just told me like i knew they would that everything would be ok. then they saw my hand and start asking me what happen. the only person that kind of figure it out was jessica and she just look at me and shook her head as she told everyone that i had a problem with depression and they understand and they just hug me and we just talk.
a little while later we go back into the hospital and i froze when i saw the doctor and john look at me and mouth" he is in a room and coma baby girl" i felt like my world just crashed and the wind was just knock out of me. i thought how am i going to tell the kids? how am i going to tell alanna? how was i going to tell julian and the twins? they better catch her or she better hope to god i do not find her because if i do god have mercy on my soul. i walk over and said" is he going to be ok" the doctor replied" he is like that it did not hit any of the organs i mean i heard she was so close i do not see how she miss but he has lost alot of blood we won't know until he wakes up" i did not know what to say and just nod my head.
a month later
randy was still in a coma and i had told the kids what happen and i hardly left the hospital unless it was to go home to see the kids for a little while and that was hard because i was scared that if i left him that it would be the last time that i saw him. i had start cutting but no one really knew that i did it because i hide it so well and i knew how to hide it because my friend whitney who i have not heard from use to do it and she told me how she hide it. i come back to the hospital after putting the kids to bed which was when i left them with my dad and my step mom who were staying at randy and mine house. i could not sleep in our bed since he was not home and it just felt empty in that house. it was already past the twins birthday and randy birthday and the twins missed their daddy and so did alanna. they have not caught my mother yet which was pissing me off. i pull back up to the hospital and just sat there in my car and i grab the i-pod that beth had put mine and randy songs on. i knew i was getting a little one tree hilly but music had to help me i mean it help lucas yes i know he is a character but come on girl can dream. i turn off the car and just sat there for a moment and finally get out and head back into the hospital and i saw john cena and liz sitting there in randy room but i did not want to go in just yet. john cena said" man wake up, the kids needs you, angelica needs you, she might think we do not know but we do know she has been cutting her self and she hardly eats anymore, she knows that you well you know what happen at your party anyways she loves you man woke up" i heard john and felt worse then anything. liz said" come on randy alanna lost sam, she can't lose you to she is only a little girl needs her daddy every little girl needs their daddy and you have two others that needs you as well so wake up"
i walk in and put the i=pod down and everything i had in my hands down. john look at me and said" no before you even sit down you come with me" i replied" john i am not in the mood i am tired, i am not feel good just leave me alone" john said" you need to eat something he needs you and you are letting yourself go what kind of wife are you?" i look up at him and replied" excuse you, john go to hell ok, i am in hell right now, he is laying in that hospital bed because of me, she wanted ME dead, you know better then anyone beside randy how miserable she made my life, so dont you question my love or feelings for randy, i hate my self for this" i sigh softly and whip away my tears and said" part of me wants just to lock my self in a room and yell and scream and let everything out so it is not build up in me, the other part of me wants him to wake up so i can be mad at him and he can just tell me everything will be ok that we can face this together, i can't get what he said out of my head" john look at me and said" what do you mean" i replied" he qoute that guardian angel song and he said i protect you and the kids it might sent me to heaven but at least the kids will always have you, they will have me who will i have i need randy" john walks over and hugs me and said" i am sorry i did not mean to say what i said it just honey, the cutting and the not eating and everything you do has to stop, he needs you well ands the kids need you to be ok, they are little and you are the strong mother" i just nod my head and john said" come on lets go get something to eat he would kill me if he knew i did not get you to eat" i giggle softly and whip tears away as me and john went to go get something to eat. we get into the lunch room and i eat alot because most of the time i just ate crackers or cracker and peanut butter. after i ate and john ate, we just sat there for a little while. john said" honey why are you mad at him, you said you need him to wake up and say we can face this together and so you could yell at him" i replied" you know why what did ted say a month ago, whitney told me the morning of the rehearsal dinner and ted told me that night and then ted tells me the night randy is in the hospital and i ask you guys to tell him to shut up and all of you were quiet, i mad because he cheated, heck he cheated on sam with me, me with whitney maybe we shouldnt be married" john look at me and said" who said it was whitney?" i look up at him and replied" excuse me? what did you just say?" i start to feel sick again like the first night and then it hit me it was not whitney it was my sister.
we head back to the room and john and liz left and i just sat there curled up in a ball on the chair by his bed and put head phones on his ears and found the song i was looking for and said" please come back for me and the kids, they need their father and i need my best friend" and press play.
Every now and then
I get a little lost
The strings all get tangled
The wires all get crossed
Every now and then
I'm right upon the edge
Danglin' my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here
(Chorus)
['Cause] when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
['Cause] when I'm a firecracker comin' undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run
All wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me
It's hard lovin' a man
That's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it
I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
To save me from myself
You're the angel that believes in me
Like nobody else
And I thank God you do
(Chorus)
Well I know I don't tell you nearly enough
I couldn't live one day without your love
When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a high wire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby, you,
Baby you save me
i press stop for a moment since i had the volume where he and i could hear it. i kiss his forehead and said" baby you are always here for me, like the car accident we were in you save me from my depression because you talk to me every day and you and everyone made me feel like i was normal when i knew i wasn't, you save me by giving me the beautiful family we have, you save me with all the drama we had for nine months, i guess you save me because i realize you always cares about me" i felt tears in my eyes and said " so woke up i am always going to be here for you and the kids always and forever"
after a while i fall a sleep right beside him where i knew i belong with him. the idea of me wanting to hunt my mother and step father down like they were deer was still rolling around in my brain, but my kids and my husband need me more and me not to be in jail. i just look up at randy as he was just laying there and i just closed my eyes and hope when i woke up. his ice cystral grayish blue eyes would look at me with a smile on his face saying" hey beautiful". i was hopping when i woke up that it would be my reality. two hours later i woke up when i felt someone grip getting tighter. i hope it was not one of the boys or girls pulling me away from my husband, because if it was one of them i would bitch slap them. i was having a good dream at the moment and if they ruin it. i was not going to be one happy camper and then i felt someone caress my cheek with their fingers. i was scared to wake up feeling like this was part of my dream and if i open my eyes he would still be in a coma and i would still be lonely with four scared children asking for their daddy and the fifth one being six months old not having a clue what was going on. i just place my hand on his chest as i was laying on my other arm. i knew i would have to open my eyes eventually it just at the moment being in my dream state was pretty amazing. i felt the person softly kissing my forehead and cheeks and again i am still thinking this is part of my dream. because i have the same dream for a month now and in the beginning is what happen at the church we get married and everything then in the middle turns into the nightmare where he gets shot and then it is like a month or so later he is wake and every time really open my eyes and i realize it was all just a i felt the person touching my finger and slip it off and read" my angel" he slips it back on and kiss my lip softly. i kiss back softly and we slowly and i still kept my eyes closed and then i heard his husky voice singing.
"Stare At You"
I still get lost, caught in a daze,
Tongue tied, just like the very first day...
I saw you and I'm so amazed
Cause the look that got me twisted still hasn't changed
Your sexy eyes never lie,
Baby, I lose myself (when they open)
Girl, forget about goin' out
Baby, I'd rather not (so, I'm hoping)
[Chorus:]
I can just stare at you forever (oh, baby)
I can be here with you doing whatever (my lady)
It's not the way you look that brings me to my knees,
It's the way you look at me
I could just stare at you forever
If forever you were staring at me
What do you see? I can't figure it out
You're talking to my heart withought making a sound
I can't lose when I'm caught in your eyes
(I feel like superman) Got me up in the sky
Your sexy eyes never lie
Baby, I lose my ground... (you're so gorgeous, oh...)
Girl, forget about goin' out
Baby, I want you now...
[Chorus]
Baby, keep the lights on
I'm gonna stare at you all night long
And we'll keep rocking 'til the sun shines
Waiting 'till the moonlight to do it again
[Chorus]
i smile softly and flick my eyes open and see randy and he smile and said" there my beautiful baby blue eyes that i could stare at you for ever" i did not know what to say. i was so happy to hear his voice again and to see his blue eyes and to know he was actually there. i slowly get up and i just thought i would get a nurse and tell her that he was up.
the nurses and doctors check on randy and while they were doing that i called or text everyone and told them the good news that randy was wake and right now that was all i knew and that i would keep them update when i found out more information. everyone really happy that he was up and i was really happy that i did not lose him but in the back of my mind i was extremely mad at him. i was thankful that i was laying on the hand that had all the cuts and stuff that were mostly healed. the only thing is i heard john telling randy in his coma state that i cut my self and i was not sure if he had heard that or not and part of me was scared to death that he had and the other part was hopping that he hadn't. the doctor comes otu and i snap back into reality and the doctor said" he is very luck that he will only be sore for a while but the pain will be gone and he will be good as new" the nurse comes out and they told me that i could go back in there. randy was sitting up and smile and said" baby, i am so glad that you are ok, the last time i remember was being shot and then everything kind of fuzzy" i replied" baby i was so scared i was going to lose you" randy look at me and pat the bed and i walk over and sit by him and he wraps arm around me and kiss the top of my head and said" i am not going anywhere you are stuck with me" i giggle softly and replied" i would not have it any other way" randy said" i heard john ok some of what he said i know you know i cheated honey i am sorry, i do not remember what happen really, one moment john matthews and whitney fighting and then the next your sister is all over me and the guys could not get to me because whintey was helping your sister honey i am so sorry the only person i love and has my heart is you and only you, no other divas, no other girls but you and my daughters and my sister and my mom have my heart" i smile and kiss him softly and said" i love you and no one else, but if you cheat again i will personality make sure you cant have anymore kids" randy laughs and kiss me softly. later on everyone came to visit randy all of our friends were first and then two at a time left. john matthews and jessica were the last two and i was hopping since randy did not hear john talk about me cutting that they would not say anything about it. i was out with the kids in the hallway with his mom and dad. a voice said" why? he cheated on you and you forgive him? i could treat you better then he would and i would never cheat on you, i would treat you like a priceless princess" i look up and i walk away from the kids since i did not want to agrue or cuss in front of them and said" ted drop it, right now because if you do not me and you won't be friends" i walk away but then i felt someone grabbing my arm and pulling me toward them and kiss me. i push him and slap him and said" stay away from me and my family" i walk back to the kids and said" ok who wants to see daddy" alanna and the twins jump up and down and i pick up andrie. julian just walks with us and i knew that he did not jump because he did not know what to call randy or how to act about randy. jessica help alanna and miracle on the bed. i notice john was not in the room and either was kendall and he was just in front of me. jessica notice me looking around and said" kendall had to potty and you told me you were potty training them" i nod my head and just left it alone. i said" girls be careful" they both nod their heads and hug their daddy and randy hugs them and kiss their forehead. randy see andire and said" hey cutie" andrie reaches for her daddy and i giggle and walks closer to the bed and randy just hugs her and said" oh my you gotten bigger all of you have" the kids just giggle and then kendall comes out of the bathroom and said" i big boy" i giggle softly and replied" you use potty like big boy" kendall nod his head and i smile an give him a high five and then help him on the bed and randy give him a hug as well and said" wow i have a big boy now" kendall smile and said" i wuve you daddy" randy said" i love you to buddy and your mommy and your sisters and julian"
a week later
we go on our surprise honeymoon which was a cruise. the first night we were there we just stay in the room. the second day we just lay by the pool all day which the end result was both of us sun burn well me sun burn my legs and some of my chest. my arms were covered by a 3/4 quarter inch sleeve shirt cover for the bathsuit. later that night the one thing i hope he did not ask me. he look at me and said" honey, i did not say anything in front of anyone but i hear john about you hurting your self and you have had your arms cover and your right hand cover in bandages, so tell me" i replied" honey i was scared and i felt alone so i thought i do not know that my pain if i was in pain that i could handle you being in the hospital" he gentle caress my cheek and said" baby do not do that ever again, i can't lose you, the kids can't lose you" i nod my head softly and gentle wrap my arms around his neck. i gentle took off my top and he run his fingers over the scars and then he gentle raised my left arm and kiss each scar and then lightly kiss my neck and i giggle softly since i am ticklish in my neck and he does the same thing to the right side. we end up making love twice and i fall a sleep in his arms.
we get back five days later and our kids were happy to see us. then randy mom tells us that they found my mom and step dad heading to mexico but a cop stop them since they were in a stole car. i was happy and i just jump up and down and jump into randy arms and he spin me around.
the end
author note i do not own any of the songs or any one from wwe. i know this chapter is kind of a weird end but i could not think of must else. i will be working on another story.