Aches

Part of me wishes that the last few days were nothing but a dream, but deep down I know that Stefan is gone. He has sacrificed himself for his brother. He gave in to the hunger that transformed him into a monster. He was a monster, wasn't he? I saw, last time, with my own two eyes as he almost ripped apart Amber. I saw that, if Bonnie didn't stop him, he would have killed her.

...But that wasn't Stefan. That was the ripper, the monster, that took over and replaced the sweet and kind vampire that was Stefan Salvatore. This wasn't him, no. No. It wasn't. I had to find him. We, Damon and I, had to find him. Oh God...what was he doing now? Katherine's words consumed my head. He just sacrificed everything to save his brother, including you.

Her words were like knives being stabbed and twisted into my heart so deep that I couldn't pull them out. They burned, and I found myself wrapping my arms around my chest. It was hard for me to accept the fact that Stefan chose Damon over me.. and yet, it wasn't at the same time. I would chose Jeremy over Stefan. I would chose Jeremy over anybody because Jeremy was my brother. And Damon was Stefan's brother. So why did it hurt so badly?

I heard Katherine again in that same tone and in the same breath, It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company. That was another thing entirely; Damon. He was the light in my darkness, that little strand of hope that Stefan would return to normal and come back to me. Back to his brother. I trusted Damon to find him and cure him of this awful new ripper personality. To snatch him away from the clutch of Klaus and bring him back to my safe, loving embrace.

Thinking about Stefan hurt.

Thinking about Katherine hurt.

It's OK to love them both. I did.

Thinking about Damon hurt. I couldn't deny it any longer that watching Damon slowly die was probably the most painful thing I've ever had to witness. Cradling him against my chest, and then resting my head on him... the memory is fresh and I find myself clutching my chest even harder. Hearing his awful confession, I deserve to die. I couldn't even think when he gasped the words from his lips. Actually all I could think was "No, you don't." and I think that's what I said, too. Damon didn't deserve to die. He certainly had done more than enough damage to my heart and mind – but he didn't deserve to die. I knew Damon. I knew Damon better than he knew himself.

He cared. He felt something for me. That night, on his death bed, he had admitted it. In a way I suppose I had known all along. He had done so much to protect me that, in my mind, overshadowed what he had done to hurt me.

Even now, he still protected me. Damon had become my shoulder to cry on. It has been 6 days since Katherine brought the cure and I find myself wanting to rest my face on Damon's chest and simply cry. I wanted Stefan here. I needed him, here. Damon understood that, too, which made it so easy for me to cry to him. Although he never hugged me in an embrace, or told me everything would be OK, he simply listened when I told him how I felt. I whined, begged, shouted, and bitched and he would just sit there and watch me. He was an incredible listener and it actually worked, too. I vented a lot to him and he's always been willing to listen.

But I can't help but fear the day when he won't listen anymore. When he tells me that Stefan is gone off of the deep end and I should give up. But I won't give up. I can't.

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts that I barely hear the knock at the door. Nonetheless, I DO hear it and whisper a soft, "Come in."

I'm sprawled out across Stefan's bed. I always sleep in here, every night. Yes, I've moved into the Salvatore house. It's easier this way. Easier for everyone.

Except Damon, who hopelessly loves me and has to watch me cry over his baby brother.

He enters the room now looking stunning, like always. "It's late," he says and walks over to join me on Stefan's bed. I sit upright, nodding my head once.

"I know. I just can't sleep tonight. Too much thinking."

"Well, don't think." He suggests with a simple shrug and a cocky smirk. I roll my eyes.

"That's hard to do..." my eyes trail around the room. "I miss him, Damon."

"I know, Elena."

"Don't you?"

"Yes... but I'm not wallowing in pity. I'm living and doing the best I can to find him." Damon insists.

"Where do you think he could be? He hasn't called or texted or anything. " I say, my eyes blinking slowly. I would think, even as the ripper, he would have some class to call in.

"It's been almost a week. I have no clue." Damon admits. "As for the call thing...I think that he might be too busy to start punching in phone numbers."

I nod. "Right.. Damon, how bad is it?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"Stefan is pretty much screwed."

"So why doesn't he just resist?" I ask eagerly, leaning forward and moving closer to my comforting friend. I was overly aware that my body was inches from touching him. I don't mean to sound attracted to Damon, but his touch was addicting. From the moment I held him waiting for him to take his last breath to now, I couldn't help but crave both his company and his skin. It made me feel safe.

His eyes find mind, searching for something and seemingly finding what he's looking for. "He doesn't want to resist."

Doesn't want to resist? How absurb. "No, Damon...he's resisted human blood. I've seen him do it and he's done it for..what, all these years now? He just needs some sense talked into him. If only he would call-"

He interrupted me. "No, Elena. He doesn't want to resist. He enjoys it. When Stefan gets the taste of human blood, it drives him wild. Then he starts feeding off of people. Killing people, and laughing as he does it."

There must have been pain in my eyes, because Damon's eyes filled with pain as well. "What if he doesn't come back, Damon? What will we do? What if he stays this way?"

"I don't know." He admitted.

We sat in silence for a very long time, just gazing at each other and feeding off of the other's pain. Damon, generally, did not show his extreme concern for Stefan but deep down I knew he wanted his brother back more than anything. Damon realized that Stefan had saved his life. Now it was his turn to save Stefan's.

But in this mess where did I fit in? I just wanted my boyfriend back. But sitting here these days, talking with Damon, made me wonder if my boyfriend even existed anymore. He might never be the Stefan that I loved. If Stefan came back and wouldn't change, I wouldn't be able to do it.

"What are you thinking about?" Damon murmured, watching me.

I blinked at him and sighed, reaching out to lightly place my hand on his. The touch was eletricfying and at once I felt comforted. His skin was so soft, so smooth, I absolutely needed to feel his presence. Damon definitely was the only thing keeping me sane.
"Right now I'm thinking about how you keep me sane. How I can't lose you." I admitted, looking at him innocently. He breathed out through his nose and nodded lightly.

"You won't lose me, Elena. I'm here, Stefan or no Stefan."

His words took me back to that night – 6 days ago where I had placed a kiss upon Damon's lips. We did not discuss my action and I was dead set on not bringing it up if he didn't. Maybe Damon realized it was a sorrowful goodbye and it was most definitely not me returning the feelings back to him.

I smiled. "Thank you, Damon. I.. I don't think I could do this without you."

He returned a charming smile back to me. "I know. Now," he stood and patted the bed. "Get some rest. You need your energy. Try not to think too much."

I crawled beneath the covers and turned onto my side, watching him begin to descend out the door. Right before he left, I said, "Damon?"

He turned, "Yes, Miss Elena?"

"Sweet dreams."

He watched me for a second before giving me that small smile and a nod. "Good night."

I shut my eyes, trying to forget about Stefan and forget about everything in this cruel world. Escaping reality, even for a few hours, will be blissful. Just slowly fall asleep...drift away...c'mon Elena...fall asleep...

I am..in a house? A room? No, not just any room. Damon's room. I see the gold bed in the corner and for a split second think about getting in it. Something stops me – someone's voice. "Elena?"

As soon as I heard his voice my knees almost gave out. "Stefan!" I cried, watching him as he stood in the doorway. He looked extremely tired and there was something off about him. Something that was hard to miss...oh, the blood. He was smeared in blood. His lips, his hands, his shirt: all soiled with the red frosting. I tried to go to him but something wasn't allowing me. My feet would not move. I could not get to Stefan. "No! Stefan, come here."

He looked at me and growled, "No, Elena. I will not go to you. Not after what you did."

"Stefan? .. What did I do? Stefan, just please. Come here. Come to me Stefan. We can get through this. This isn't you! I know it isn't! Please!" I shouted, desperate for him to put his arms around my body.

"Why do you feel for him, Elena?"

"Stefan, I love you. Please. Come here."

"I saved him and he took you from me." Stefan whined, face crumbling in pain. "He took you and you feel for him. Don't you want me anymore? Save me, Elena."

I cried his name, trying to get him to come to me, but he w ouldn't. I still could not move. Desperate, I shrieked out loud and within a moment Stefan was gone. He left. He didn't want to come back.

Damon...where's Damon? Damon! I started cying his name now. I needed Damon to listen to me. To hear this; to see this. Please, Damon, where are you?

"I'm right here, Elena."

A voice broke through my unconsciousness. A name fell from my lips, but I couldn't tell which name it was. I was being shaken. Why? Who would rattle me like this?

"Open your eyes, Elena."

I did as I was told but it was still dark. "I can't! It won't work! My eyes..they won't open!" I cried, sobbing tears and crying out, "Damon!" Arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace. I hoped that whoever this person was didn't mind me staining their clothes with my tears.

"Shh," the husky voice cooed. "It's dark. I'm here. You are awake, but it is dark and you can't see." Realization set in that I was now awake and pitifully crying over something that hadn't happened. A dream, I suppose.

But yet I continued to cry. "He doesn't want me. He doesn't want to come back for me."

Damon embraced me tighter. "Don't give up, Elena."

"No," I insisted. "I'm not giving up. But he doesn't want to come back for me...what can I do?"

He did not reply for a long time, and if it weren't for his arms around me, I would have not known that he was even here. Finally, his voice broke through the silence. "You have to accept the fact that Stefan has changed.. that everything has changed."

I took a deep, shaky breath and considered telling Damon not to leave me. But I couldn't do that.

"Everything has changed," I agreed.

"Maybe for the better."

If I could see his face, and he mine, I would have looked at him in disgust. What could be better about losing Stefan and having him become the ripper? Before I could protest, I remember that Damon and I have gotten closer beacause of Stefan.

I didn't say anything for a long time.

"Are you okay now?" Damon asked. "You're not going to scream out at three in the morning?"

It's three in the morning? "I'm okay."

"Well, I'm glad." I felt his arms slipping off of me. Panicked, I grabbed them. He was very still, wondering why I grabbed him.

"Damon?"

"...Yes, Elena?"

"Thank you."

"For?"

"For being here for me. You didn't ask for any of this. You don't have to deal with me and my horrible outbursts and cries...but you do." I whispered.

"You should know by now that I'll always be here for you." He stated simply. I nodded.

"I know that. And I know that Stefan is your brother. It's hurting you, too, thinking of him being with Klaus. You don't have to admit it to me, but I can tell. I know you, Damon, better than anyone. Don't give up, Damon. I won't if you won't."
Damon did not say anything for a few moments, and I wondered if he had passed out by accident or if he simply didn't know what to say. "Damon?"

"Hm?" He mumbled.

"Oh. Just checking to see if you were..you know, awake." I admitted sheepishly.

He laughed. "I'm quite awake, but I'm pretty pissed you woke me up with your screaming." He was teasing me and I knew it. "What was happening ?"

"Bad dream... about Stefan. I was trying to go to him but my feet wouldn't move. He wouldn't come to me. " I explained.

"Dreams suck," He said matter-of-factly.

"Sometimes." I retorted. His arms pulled out from underneath me and this time I did not try to stop them. He disappeared now; I couldn't sense him at all.

"Good night Elena." His voice whispered through the darkness.

I whispered, "G'night." even though he might have already headed back to his bedroom. Somehow I managed to drift back to sleep – this time with no bad dreams, I hoped.

Ah, first chapter done! I thought it was rather a great start. Thanks for reading! I tried to include some Delena without jumping into any waters too soon. :-) Right now Elena just needs him as a friend...but will that change? Please review!

- Otter