Hey i am on a roll, 3rd update in one day, i hope it proves i am back
saddest chapter and longest that you will read.
i own nothing
Rosa POV:
Edward came running into the room from Bella closet, "Hey look i found something, its a CD with the words 'Bella Diary' on it. Jasper looked up and stretched his hands out, silently asking for the CD. Edward handed it over and Jasper walked out the room. We all got up and followed him towards his room. He open the door and stood by it letting us all in. He looked me dead in the eyes "GO HOME ROSA", he yelled in my face. "Look I just want to help". He didn't argue just motioned for me to come inside. He walked to the CD played and put the CD in. We all got silent when we heard Bella's voice come through the speaker.
"Today is March 3, 2009", (meaning one year from today). "Jasper is still ignoring me, and I don't know what to do. I tried getting him to go the movies with me, but he wouldn't. He told me he has stuff to do, then I find out from James, that he was at the movies, on a date with his girlfriend Alice, I have never met her, but she has met Charlie, I see I am not that important to meet, so I don't really feel that bad, I am nothing special anyways."
I heard Jasper and Edward groaned at that. "She never see herself clearly", Edward said when we all looked at him. Alice looked down ashamed, "I made her feel like that". she muttered to herself. Jasper wrapped his arms around her. "No, we both did, I never took the time to introduce you to her". Everyone got quiet listening to her talk again.
"I haven't been eating as much lately, or sleeping, yesterday there was a thunderstorm and I was hoping Jasper would come in and stay with me like he use to, but he didn't, so I had to stay up all night. I have a secret to tell you, nobody knows this, I have been hiding it very well, actually no ones pay attention to me to see it but I went to the doctor the other day and he told me I have depression, he give me some pills to take, but whats the point."
Emmett paused the Cd and looked at Jasper. "You couldn't even see your sister was depressed, depression is such a hard thing to miss". Jasper looked sad, " I spent so much time with Alice, I didn't even notice her.". I couldn't help but whisper "From your everything to your nothing". Jasper turned around to glare at me. "If you are going to be in here making me feel bad then just leave". I didn't say anything I just pressed play at the machine.
"I have been cutting myself, I guess that's part of the depression, but it helps take the pain away from other things, James asked me to join his group today, again I might add but I declined, I wouldn't want to hurt jasper, anymore then I already am, I am such a disappointed to everyone I know. Rosa left me, My dad left me, and now Jasper left me. No body cares about me anymore, I should just end my life."
I had tears in my eyes by the end of that sentence, we all lead her to suicide. I looked around the room to see everyone was crying. Emmett walked over and started to comfort me. "Its okay babe". I shook my head no, it wasn't okay, I started all this"
"Today is March 8, 2009, I have been trying to kill myself for the last 5 days, but nothing is working, so I am giving up, I suck so bad that I cant even kill myself right, ahhhh, why does my life suck so bad, James asked me again today, and I told him the same answer, hold on Jasper is home.". You could hear the happiness when she mentioned Jasper name, it overtook her voice. Jasper started to smile.
you could still hear them talking in the background, "Hey jasper", Bella said excited.
"Whats up Bella, i don't have enough time to talk right now, I have to meet up with Alice soon"
Everyone turn to look at those two. They looked down not wanting to meet anyone's eyes in the room. You could practically feel how bad they were feeling.
"Oh", Bella said detached, "I thought we could hang out, we haven't been together in like forever"
"You make it seem like we are dating"
Bella's laugh filled the room. "I didn't mean like that silly, just like brother and sister, watch a movie, since you blew me off last time"
"Look, not now, Alice is waiting on me"
"You know I never met her"
"you have seen her at school"
"yea"
"so there, you don't need to meet her, look I gotta go, find something to do, bye Bella"
"Wait jasper"
"What Bella", he yelled at her. I felt myself become more angrier the more I heard. "Did you have to be so mean", Emmett said looking at him. Jasper didn't answer, but you saw the tears coming out of his eyes. I shook my head, he didn't deserve sympathy. Nobody in the room did.
"I love you Jasper, have fun"
We didn't hear him reply to 'i love you'. we heard some shuffle before we heard Bella come into the room. I don't think she knew the tape was still on. "I cant take this anymore, he promised me, he said we will stay together forever. where is that at.". We heard something crash into the wall. "I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE". We all jumped when we heard her yell. We heard running then the CD cut off.
"All we did was bring her to depression", Edward said while wiping tears away from his eyes. "Is there anymore CD in her closet?", Alice asked. He shook his head no. "Well what do we do", Emmett asked.
"Has anyone tried texting or calling her".
We all shook our head no, and took out our phones. I sent her a text and waited.
I heard Edwards phone beep and we all looked at him. He opened his phone slowly and then read it aloud.
you are not to blame and I am sorry I left, but things have come and its my time to leave, bye Edward i will miss u-xoxo .
Then we heard Emmett phone beep. He did the same thing Edward did,
I am actually sorry, I judged you before I got to know you, and I am sorry I never took the time to get to know you...so yea..sorry bye.
We heard Alice phone beep and she looked scared about reading her text.
I don't know how you got my fuckin number, but let me tell you something, let me catch you alone, ur ass is mine bitch-xoxo your favorite person :)
My phone beep next, and I was more scared than Alice, i didn't want to read so I gave my phone to Emmett and he read it.
don't act like you care Rosalie because I know you don't, you don't care about me, you are probably follow the crowd like always, be your own person for once, please, break away from the crowd, and be an individual.
the last phone to beep was Jasper, he opened he phone and started to read.
Don't look for me, cause you won't find me, have fun with Alice, you guys are made for each other, I don't mean that out of spite either I am being truthful, so I guess we are only childs now...yea.. its true..everything you ever give me is in the top drawer of my room, it would be a miracle it you find me, and a bigger miracle if I ever forgive you. I won't say I love you anymore, cause I am tied of not hearing it back, do you know the last time you said you love me...was when we started high school together. I always knew I was right...I know you found out about my depression, I guess you should find out that my cancer came back, but I am not taking the treatment anymore, whats the point, there is nothing to live for anyways. I am dying at the age of 17 and alone..hope you are happy Jasper. Bye forever.
"When did she have cancer?", Edward asked. "When she was 11", Jasper voice sounded distant. "I am sorry", I said as I fell on the floor crying my eyes out. "What have I done", I yelled. Emmett pulled me into his arms rocking me back in forth. "I'm sorry" I kept repeat over and over again
Jasper got up fast, " I know where she is, I cant believe I didn't think of this before". Alice got up with him. "Alice, darlin, I think it would be better if me and Rosa just went". She nodded her head in understanding. I got up and walked to jasper, he grabbed me hand and led me to his car.
When we were in, he turned around and said "This is our last chance to say sorry, so lets not fuck up". I nodded my head, and me and him took of to Arizona.
So i hope you like it, i would love for you guys to review, so i know it you hated or loved the way the story is going..any comments or suggestion let me know...
bye