Welcome To My Messed Up Life

Chapter 8

Love messed it all up

Love.

Its a funny thing. You don't know what it feels like, but when you do you can't get enough of it. Its just that simple right? Yea right sure it is. Its not though.

Its not for me. I wish it was that easy for me. I wish I had it like all these people everywhere else have it. Where everything comes to me and I don't have to work for anything. It would be real easy.

Who wants easy though? I would rather know I earned every penny I got then to just have it handed to me. What's the point in living and learning when its handed to you? Not my style.

"Clare? Hello? We have to get to English like now or were gonna be late." Eli said getting me out of my thoughts. It was now Monday and we had English next. My favorite class at that.

"Yea come on I'm coming." I said moving up to him as he put his arm around me. I smiled wishing this part of us would never end. I new before long this would all end for me. It always does. I don't think I'll ever get my happy ever after.

"Okay, so do we have to read this out loud in class?" He ask me and I had to laugh. He hardly ever listened in class. It didn't surprise me any.

"Yes we do. Are you still on for my house after class?" I ask him and he smiled at me. I took that as a yes. I smiled at this. I had to smile.

"Yea, I'm still on unless anything comes up or something." He said and I just had to smile. He was to nice to me sometimes. Just then the bell rang and class started.

We were all tuned out til she said something about the assignments being read now. She called a few people up and I just tuned her out yet again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I stopped when I heard her call Eli's name. I listened since he wouldn't let me read it the moment he wrote it. He just finished it right before this class.

"This is called 'The Story of a Girl'." He said while I listened to him read on about his story. I knew he had wrote about me after a couple of lines and I smiled just listening.

You see her sitting there. A frown on her face. She sees you staring so she starts to smile. You ask her if something is wrong but she tells you she's fine. You don't believe her, but know no one can get answers from her.

She just acts like everything is fine and nothing could go wrong. On the outside she has all smiles. On the inside she's at her breaking point. She doesn't know what to do. She has trouble trusting so she can't go anywhere. She's stuck inside her own little world. With no way out.

Running from her past. She has tired so hard. Every time she gets far enough it taps her on the shoulder. No matter where she goes it seems to follow. She trys so hard, yet it just stares her in the face. She keeps running and never looking back, yet it just doesn't work.

She doesn't talk to anybody scared of getting too close. She knows getting to close means reliving her past. She won't talk to keep everyone away. She can't get hurt knowing getting to close means losing everything later on. She's just saving herself from hurt later on.

Her heart is guarded for dear life not letting anyone in. She just takes care of her family distracting herself from the world. She get's home and read stories with the happy ending she knows, or thinks, she'll never get. She would rather stay in the world of peoples happy lives then deal with her own sucky reality. Its not sucky though cause, its made her strong. Which is all that matters.

You may see her as quiet, maybe even shy. She's none of these things if you took the chance to know her. She has the brightest smile you'll ever see. She won't ever cry in front of you. Her baby blue eyes hold back so much. There's more to her then she'll ever show you. You would see all this if only you took your time to get to know her like I have. Cause, in my opinion, you'll never meet anyone else like her. Don't judge a book by its cover. You may miss out on someone wonderful.

"That was lovely Eli." Mrs. Dawes said once Eli was done. Just then the bell rang. "We'll do the rest of yours some other time. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. Who knows with me. No homework tonight." She said as we all went to lunch. We walked into the lunch room and did are usual stuff before sitting down and eating.

"Guess who's got a date with Alli?" Adam ask me as I sat down at the table. I gave Eli a look and he gave me one back before we both shrugged our shoulders. We didn't really care.

"Umm, a space alien?" I ask in more of a question and Fiona started laughing at me. After a few seconds we all started laughing in on what I had said. "I'm sorry Adam but who?" I ask still laughing a little.

"My step brother Drew." He said and my eyes went big. Alli has liked him since I got here. That was a while back. We were now in October. My smile grew wide. "He's liked her since the beginning of school. He finally got the balls to ask her out. Now I don't have to hear about him whining how much he'd love to go out with her."

"Alli has liked him that long too." I said and we all started laughing a little. Just then Jenna and K.C came up to us and sat down with us. "Can I help you find your way back to your table?" I ask them. "What do you want anyway?" I ask stealing a grape from Eli's trey. I started forgetting to get them on purpose.

"You need to have a talk with your sister about her calling me a skank." Jenna said and I started laughing. So that was the nickname she picked out for her. "You shouldn't be laughing. If she keeps doing that I'd hate to see what kind of mom you'll be when you grow up." She said making me mad. Fiona sat there shocked too. She was the only one who new about my home life being there and everything.

"Um, Jenna you might want to look down at yourself for a while. At least I'm not pregnant at 15. Your gonna talk about me going to be a bad mother. To be honest as of right now I really don't care about that part of my future just yet." I told her and then smirked. "Oh and K.C was the one who taught her about blonde girls being skanks. And your screwed cause everytime she sees you that's gonna be your new nickname from her."

"K.C how dare you teach a little kid something like that. I don't think your ready to be a father if your teaching little kids that kinda stuff." And with that Jenna was storming off. K.C gave me a death glare.

"You just had to say that. Thanks you've got her mad at me now." K.C said and I smiled at him.

"Your welcome K.C now have a nice day." I said with a huge smile on my face. Today couldn't get any better. Or worse.

"Whatever." He muttered then walked off to, I guessed, find Jenna. Once he was gone we all started laughing. We just couldn't help it. Then I smacked Eli.

"Ow what was that for?" He ask me and I just gave him a glare.

"Your the one who said she was a skank for having a baby this early in her age. Brianna was there the day you said that with Jenna's name in that sentence. Its the entire reason she did that to her. You didn't like her so she doesn't either." I told him and his mouth formed an 'o' shape.

"So did he really teach her that when you two were together?" Fiona ask me trying to change the subject. I just smiled while laughing and nodding my head. "Why does that not surprise me any." She said and we both laughed.

"Are we still on for our double date this Saturday?" I ask Fiona while the boys groaned. We laughed but she just nodded her head to me. I smiled. "Great I can get my mind off things." I said and she gave me a weak smile knowing what I was talking about.

"Clare is there anyway you and Eli can pick up the little two from school today? I gotta go home and pack." Darcy told me and I gave her a confused look.

"Yea we can but why do you have to pack?" I ask her and she gave me a small smile.

"They need me in Kenya like now. I'm leaving today or tomorrow. I'm sorry but do you think you can manage the house and those two without me?" She ask and I put on a fake smile and nodded my head. "Thanks. Love you Clare Bear." She said and I smiled.

"Love you too Darce. Just be careful up there in Kenya." I told her and she nodded. With that she walked off. I slumped in my seat. "I'm not hungry anymore." I said and didn't even wanna eat at all.

"Come on cheer up." Eli said and with that I walked out of the lunch room. I didn't need all this. Why did God hate me so freaking much right now? "Hey are you okay?" Eli ask me as I sat on the steps of the school.

"No. I can't do this anymore Eli. I'm losing everyone in my family. I've done lost mom and Madison. I just lost Darcy and before you know it I'll lose Bria. I'm losing everyone I love. I can't take it anymore. For right now I just need my space Eli. I hope you can understand." I said and his eyes got big like they were gonna cry. This was breaking my heart.

"A-a-are y-y-you break-k-k-king up with me?" He ask me with a little stutter. I just put my head down so he couldn't see me crying. I didn't want to see his face.

"For right now I am. My relationships don't ever last anyway. Before I know it you'll be like all the other guys I date anyway. Goodbye for now Eli." I said and with that went and got Madison and Brianna up early from school. We could walk home for right now anyway.

Degrassi

"Why did you do that?" I heard a voice ask me. We were in a dark black room. It was again me, Grandma, Grandpa, and Dad in the room. My Dad was talking. "I told you I liked him and you just go and break up with him? He was the one you need to open up too. I hate seeing my baby girl upset like this." He said and I started crying.

"Daddy I was getting to close to him. Tell him Grandpa. You've always been on my side." I said yelling and had tears in my eyes coming down my face.

"I can't help you with this one Tator Bug. Your on your own. We all told you he was going to do some good for you. It been two weeks. You've done nothing but mope around. Get back with him." Grandpa said making me want to cry. No not here. Not with them.

"There right Clare." It was my grandmother now. "Listen to yourself. You can't live by yourself all your life. Your gonna have to open up to someone before you break." She told me and that's when I lost it. I started crying.

"Fix it before its to late." Dad said and I gave him a confused look. "He's done nothing wrong to you but try and understand. You know how things go with your life. Don't shut him out when you need him most."

"But I don't need him. I don't need anyone. I was doing fine on my own and can do fine on my own. I don't need help with anything or anyone's self pity." I said with a mad look in my eyes. They gave me a sigh.

"You need someone to talk to." Grandma said with a little sad look.

"Listen to your Grandmother." Grandpa told me. "She's knows what she's talking about. Just follow your heart. Get back with him. Its what its telling you." He told me. "Its driving everyone nuts. Even Brianna has been effected by it." And with that they were gone again.

I woke up in sweats again. I can't take this dreams I've been having for the past two weeks. It not good. I looked at my clock and saw that it was eight in the morning. I needed to give medicine to kids then I could go back to bed. Darcy had done left and Mom still wasn't back.

I sighed.

Life was easier back then. Back before anything bad could happen to me that I new of.

I walked into Brianna room after giving medicine. She was up and crying. I sighed yet again. She had been doing this for over two weeks now.

"What's wrong Bria?" I ask her and she gave me an evil glare.

"You broke up with Eli and now I'm mad at you. Why do that to the one person who's ever been nice to you like that?" She ask me and I sighed. She was right.

"Your right okay? I screwed up big time but he would never want me now. Nobody ever wants me." I said with a huge sigh and her eyes softened a little bit.

"That's not true. You just get scared and start shuting people out before they even have a chance. Give him a chance. Share your past with him little by little. Okay?" She ask me and I smiled loving the talks I have with this seven, almost eight in two weeks, year old I called my sister.

"Yes ma'am. Thank you Bria. Your the best." I told her with a huge smile on my face. I was gonna take her advice and do as she told me.

"Your welcome and hey its what I'm here for." She told me and I laughed loving the sister moments we shared a lot. It was nice knowing I had someone to count on.

I sighed took out my phone and sent him a text message. I just hoped he would agree and meet me at the Dot later on today like I had ask him in the text.

It was worth the shot of asking.

Okay so what did you think of this one? Its not my best one! I hope its okay! =( I'm too tired to go and look back over it so if there are any mistakes I am so sorry! Just ignore it best you can!

Guys my life has been weird! I've, in the last week, got a boyfriend and broke up with him yesterday just to have him go and get another girl today! I think he may have been cheating on me but I'm not gonna swear up and down to it! It wouldn't surprise me none!

Parents think I'm just scared! Last time I had a clingy boyfriend, like he was, he said he loved me in the first two weeks and I ran for the hills! I don't want to be in love but love reading and writing about it! You know the stuff we wish would happen but know will never happen?

Yea, that kinda stuff! Hope you like this chapter and tell me what you think! I got like four or five reviews last time which made me smile! Don't worry they won't be broken up much longer! They either get back together next chapter or the one after that! So don't hate me to much! There will be drama coming up though!

Bye for now! =)

P.S. Katy Perry songs rock! ;)